A Long and Winding Road
by Delano
Summary: Marauder Era fic, detailing the lives of our beloved Marauders and the respective women in their lives ie Lily, and OCs from year five to the aftermath of Lily and James's demise.
1. Prologue

**an:** Hey, look you guys, I'm back! lol. it is the middle of august, like I promised, right? good. I'm a bit later than I expected, but I kind of forgot about the paper I had to write over the summer for one of my classes. But I'm back now, so its ok.

**summary:** alrighty, this is basically my interpretation of the marauder's years at Hogwarts, and they're lives after school, and whatnot. i'm starting with year five, and going up until Lily and James's death. There'll be some romance, and comedy, and action, and all that jazz. So this is just a melting pot of genres.something for everyone!lol.

**spoilers:** slight HBP spoilers...nothing about the plot though, just some characters. Also, there are some spoilers from my previous fic "Shadowed Veil". But technically, all this happened before shadowed veil did, so those who have read that will know a little bit more than the rest of you, I suppose. Go and check it out if you would like, however

**disclaimer:** its been a couple months, but I'm still not Jo...I don't think that I ever will be either. i'm just taking some of her characters out for a brisk jog.

**dedication:** ok. This story is dedicated to two people who are very special to me. Jordan and Kris (you know who you are). They are two of my dearest friends, and they both recently moved away. This story is dedicated to them and to what they have brought into my life. I love you guys!

**real quick note on the rating:**right now, the rating is k+ (stupid new ratings...they're rather confusing), but throughout the story it is likely to turn into a T rating...at some point, I might altogether just change the rating, but until then, I'll let you know in the beginning if its a "T chapter". lol. Just remember,throughout this story, the main characters are teenagers and young adults. There might be some issues with language and some crude humor. Also, towards the end of this story, there is kind of this war going on, so be prepared for some violence.

**ok...enough of an author's ramblings...ENJOI**

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Remus and Athena stood amongst the wreckage of the house. It was the second, maybe third, time he had been to the small home in Godric's Hallow since . . . since the murders. The majority of the house was still intact, but most of furniture had been destroyed, windows were shattered, it looked as though an interior wall had been blown out, the staircase looked like it wouldn't support anyone's weight, and most of the personal possessions of Lily and James Potter had been destroyed. Athena was already walking around, taking it all in one last time, but Remus couldn't seem to move. He had been very reluctant when Athena had approached him after the funeral, and asked him to accompany her back to the house, just one last time. He didn't want to, but the pleading look in Athena's eyes had convinced him too. 

He didn't want to be back here. If anyone but Athena had asked him to, he would have refused point-blank. But Athena was going through the same thing he was, and he knew that he wouldn't want to be alone in this house if it had been his wish to come back one last time. His heart tore as he looked around the room, but, by now, he was almost used to the feeling. This was Lily and James's sitting room. He had spent last Christmas in here, with Athena, and Lily and James, and their son Harry, the sole survivor from the attack, and Peter, and . . . Sirius. Yes, Sirius, the one who had betrayed his best friends, had been present. Christmas had been a moment of happiness in the midst of a war that was full of death and destruction. No one could have imagined what was going to happen in only ten months. No one could have imagined that Sirius would betray James to his death, then kill Peter. No one could have imagined that only two members of that Christmas party would be able to walk free. No one could have imagined . . .

Athena had somehow gotten upstairs when Remus brought himself to walk around the house. The broken remnants of the house only served to remind Remus of what had happened. As he walked through the wreckage, he could see James fighting, in one last desperate attempt to save his wife and son, only to finally fall. He refused to go upstairs. He didn't want to see the haunting image of Lily sacrificing herself for her child. He ran his hand along the mantle over the fireplace. His hand ran over a picture frame that he picked up. The glass on the frame had been shattered, but the photograph remained intact. Remus's heart tore once more as he looked at a picture of James and Lily on their wedding day, Sirius standing next to James, looking, for all the world to see, like an innocent man. He dropped the picture as if it had burned him. If someone had told him, even two weeks ago, that Sirius would be responsible for the death of James and Lily, and that he would then murder, in cold blood, Peter and twelve other muggles, he would have laughed. Nothing could have seemed more preposterous. He blinked past the tears that had flooded his eyes and moved into another part of the house.

He refused to go in the kitchen. It was the one part of the house that remained completely intact. He didn't want to go in that room, only to be flooded with memories of nights he spent in there, playing card games with James and the rest of his friends. He didn't want to be reminded of the times when the war outside didn't seem to touch them. He wouldn't be able to take it. He stood at the base of the stairs, looking up into the hallway above. Why had he let Athena take him back here? Hadn't the funeral service an hour ago been painful enough? Hadn't watching James and Lily's bodies being brought out from the house been enough to scar him for life? Hadn't watching Sirius laugh as mangled bodies lay dead around him been enough? Couldn't he just leave this all behind him, and try to move on? It seemed so wrong to him, that, as the rest of the wizarding world was rejoicing the destruction of Lord Voldemort, he had only pain and sorrow. Yes, the darkest wizard of the time had been destroyed, but at what cost? The cost of the lives of his friends. James, one of the few people who had never turned his back on him, was dead. Lily, who had helped him through times of despair and helplessness, was dead. Peter, who had always shed a humorous light on the darkest of situations, who had seemed so innocent and naive, was dead. Sirius, one of the people who Remus had considered a true friend, who, despite being reckless and often tactless, had never ceased to stick up for those he was loyal too, who had, on multiple occasions, given him advice, had treated him like family, had helped make the darkest times in his life bearable, was a traitor. A murderer. A criminal, who was now locked up in Azkaban for life.

Remus sat down on one of the steps, his head cradled in his arms. In one night, he had lost virtually everything. He and Athena both. In the back of his mind, the part that he often tried to ignore, he was reminded though, that Athena was able to escape this. She had a job, a home, friends who were still alive. She would be able to move on. Remus, on the other hand, had lost everything. True, he had a house, not that it meant much, and he would possibly get a job a sooner or later, but he had lost his friends. His friends who had been like family to him. His friends who had never turned on him. His friends had meant everything to him since he met them when he was 11 years old. He had been petrified that they would one day abandon him, and that he would be alone again, like he had been as a child. And here he was. His friends had abandoned him, but only because one had made the choice to betray them. For the first time in over 10 years, Remus Lupin felt alone.

Athena came down and sat next to Remus, running her hand up and down his back comfortingly. In her other hand, she held a picture album that had not been destroyed, and a few other items that help personal value to her. "Are you going to be okay, Remus?" she asked quietly.

Remus turned and looked at her. She looked about as bad as he felt. Her eyes were bloodshot. Her skin pale. Her overall appearance was disheveled. It looked as though one good gust of wind would knock her over. He couldn't bring himself to say that he doubted if he would ever be okay again. So, instead he nodded.

"I've got to go now, okay?"

"Yeah."

"Be sure to write, okay?" she requested.

"Of course."

"We can get together again at Christmas, okay? You can come over to my place," she said.

"Yeah."

"Are you going to be okay here, or would you like me to wait til you're done to leave?"

"I'll be fine," he said hoarsley. His voice sounded dead to his ears. "You can go. I just want to look around for a bit longer."

Athena nodded. "I'll write," she promised, and disapparated.

Remus was left alone in the house. Still fighting back tears that threatened to overcome him, he walked into James's study. The room had been one of James's favorites, and it had been decorated in a way that seemed to reflect him. This was the room where they found his body. Remus thought it fitting, in a very odd way, that James died in this room. He ran his hand over the mahogany desk, and looked around sadly at the pictures that hung on the wall. He choked back a sob as he looked at a rather pointless picture of a rubber duck. A small caption under the photo read "The Killer Rubber Ducky, as photographed by Sirius Orion Black". He could almost see James standing in the room, laughing and cursing the duck for his bad luck.

There were several books that had fell on the floor, after the bookshelf had been hit with a mis-aimed curse, Remus supposed. He wasn't sure why, but he felt drawn to put the books back on the shelf. Once again, he almost heard James laugh at him, telling him teasingly that he was much too organized for his own good. He knelt down on the ground, and started putting the books on the shelf. His hand grasped a thin, leather-bound volume. There was a hole on the back; It looked as though someone had held it over an open flame. It was obvious that a good chunk of the pages were missing. He flipped the book over, to see what it was, when a sharp voice behind him said, "Sir, I'm afraid you can't be in here."

Remus turned around and stood up, the book still clutched in his hand. A woman, a muggle by her attire, stood in the doorway. "Excuse me?" he said, his voice very quiet.

"This house belongs to the village of Godric's Hallow," the woman said. "You're trespassing right now, unless you wish to buy this house, that is." Remus identified the skeptical look in her eye. She doubted if he had enough money to buy this house.

"I'm afraid you must be mistaken," Remus said, his voice trembling ever so slightly. "This house belongs to James Potter and his wife, who happened to be good friends of mine. I think I have every right to be here."

The expression on the woman's face changed slightly. It was pity. Remus knew the look well. "I'm terribly sorry for you loss, sir," the woman said kindly. "But I still cannot permit you to be in here. It belongs to–"

"Oh, for Pete's sake!" Remus flinched as he cried the words. Pete. The Pete he knew was dead now. "Just give me a moment, will you? Just give me a goddamned moment!"

The woman paused and looked at the man who stood across from her. He couldn't be any older that 25, but he seemed much older than that. Bits of grey flecked his hair, and there were bags under his eyes. He was thin, and he looked very distressed. The woman doubted if the man was in his right mind at the moment. She decided to give the man his space, for fear that she might provoke him to do something stupid if she continued. "I'll be back in five minutes, sir," she said. "I expect you to be gone by then."

Remus watched the woman leave, then turned his attention back to the book in his hand. His eyes went wide as he looked at the cover in the book. Embellished across the front in a gold script were the words: _The Marauder Memoirs: The Life and Times of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. _Remus's jaw dropped. He took several steps backwards and sank into the desk chair. He flipped the book open. Almost every page was defected, but the first one, it was whole.

_James, Remus, and Peter wanted me to write this, and I can't for the life of me figure out why. James said it was because I failed to come up with a Best Man speech at his wedding reception earlier today. But I swear the man has ulterior motives. They decided, without me, that there should be an introduction to our Memoirs, so that future generations know what they're getting themselves into when they open this book. So, here I am, writing an introduction. And, Merlin, I have no clue what to write._

_You see, this book you hold in your hands is aptly named The Marauder Memoirs: The Life and Times of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. It is an account of our lives, our trials, our failures, our triumphs, our exploits, our successes, and most importantly, our friendship. I remain convinced that friendship's like ours are extremely rare. That they only happen once in a century. I think it is so deep, so pure, that the threat of Lord Voldemort seems insignificant compared to it. While Voldemort and his Death Eaters are wreaking havoc, and tearing lives, families, and friendships apart, I declare that ours will only grow closer together._

_On the rare chance that whoever might be reading this doesn't know who we are, I shall elaborate. We are the Marauders. A bunch of misfits who banned together at school, and who rarely leave each other alone now that we are out of school. There are four of us, and we sign all of our work under our nicknames: Prongs, Moony, Wormtail, and Padfoot. That's me. Padfoot. My real name isn't Padfoot (praise the heavens), and my friends' real names aren't those either. That's why we call them nicknames, you see. My real name is Sirius Orion Black. Likewise, my friends' names are James Kael Potter, Remus John Lupin, and Peter Paul Pettigrew._

_James's nickname is Prongs because he is an illegal animagus, and his form is that of a stag. James, despite what some may say, is an extraordinary person. He's immensely brave, and can be quite intelligent, when he wants to be, at least. James is a lot of things in general, and a small paragraph about him can hardly sum it all up. He's dedicated to what matters to him, and he's bloody persistent (his dear new wife will tell you that if you ask). James is passionate, understanding as hell, and he gives off this, I don't know, air that he is in control of himself. Now, some may question whether being able to control yourself is all that big of a deal, but if your James Kael Potter it is. I swear, he has so many crazy and absurd ideas running through his head, constantly, it's a wonder that he can manage at all. If your mind were constantly as jumbled as his, you'd be proud if you were in control of yourself too. But, you know, along with that is the simple fact that James knows who he is. He always had. He has never doubted who he is, or what he wanted to become. He knew right from the get-go, and has gone after it ever since. He sets goals, and then he reaches them. And when he reaches them, he keeps going passed them. He's absobloodylutely determined to live life the way he wants to, he won't let anything stop him. He chooses to just run through all the rough stuff in life, and keep going. If that isn't an admirable quality, I don't know what is. James isn't perfect. Far from it. He likes to pretend he is, occasionally, but he's not. He's got fears and insecurities just like the rest of us. The one thing, I think, that bugs most people about him is the way he can get carried away with himself at times. It's improved a lot, now that we're older, but I assure you, in our, uh, youth, we were both a right pain in the arse. James, you see, was always taught to be self-confident. To walk tall, and look the world in the eye. To be proud of who he was. Somewhere along the line, I think that was misinterpreted as being arrogant for a good 5 or 6 years. He still does have his arrogant streak If you look hard enough, you can find it. And don't tell him I said this, but he can be a bit over-zealous at times. It's hard to keep up with._

_Moony is really Remus John Lupin (also known as 'Lupin John Remus', 'Reemy' (he hates that one, so don't try calling him it), 'Loony Lupin', and occasionally 'that stark-raving-mad lunatic, Lupin'). We call him Moony because he is a werewolf. Has been since he was about four. And if you can't figure out why we call him Moony, now, then go kill yourself and rid the world of your stupidity. I also have to say that Remus is immensely brave. Every month, Remus turns into a, well, a monster. Don't get me wrong, the rest of the time he's completely normal (or as normal as he's getting, leastways). But he turns into this beast, and often wreaks havoc upon himself. He knows very well that he could be a potential murderer, and there's not much he can do about it. Yet, in spite of all of this, Remus wakes up every morning, determined to be a good person. He's a better person than most, you'll find. He knows what pain feels like, and he is empathetic because of it. He's compassionate and I'm convinced he can read minds. He's forgiving. I mean, seriously, the number of times I've screwed up, it's amazing he still talks to me. But he does, because he's willing to forgive me, even when he shouldn't. Remus has been through a lot, and he still has the courage to stand tall, and proud. How many werewolves do you know that can do that? Still, Remus does have a bad side. He can be incredibly . . . well, he can be incredibly a lot of things. Stubborn. Private. Shy. Annoying. Violent. Paranoid. You take your pick. There's nothing more annoying than when you can tell something is bugging him, and he refuses to tell you what's wrong. Its annoying when you want to help him, but he won't let you. He can also be a bit, oh, what's the term? Know-it-all-ish, at times. But Remus comes in one big package, so you take it, or leave. I'd suggest taking it._

_Peter Pettigrew is Wormtail. He's a rat. Not literally, genius. That's his animagus form. The tail looks like a worm, you know. Pete is an interesting fellow. I think that he may be an unintentional genius. Almost all our breakthroughs as kids (ie, Remus is a werewolf . . . I still can't believe he tried to hide that one from us), some how originate from Pete. He was the first one to notice that Remus always disappeared when the moon was full. He was the one to realize that werewolf-Remus couldn't hurt us if we could turn into animals. It may be that he realizes all this on accident, I don't know. I mean (and I mean no offence, Peter) but he is rather bumbling in everyday situations. You all know what I mean, don't you? He's often shy, and has a tendency to be a bit tongue-tied at times. But he's great for a lot of things. He has an excellent memory, and a keen eye for detail. He can also be really smart when he wants to be. I mean, how many people (other than James and I) can become an illegal animagus at the young age of 15? Very few, that's how many. You know, I guess I'm a bit harder on Pete than I am on most people, but he's always there when we need him. He also has this really cool way of making things not seem so bad. And he always talks without thinking, first. Some people may call that stupidity or tactlessness. I call it honesty._

_Last of the group is me. Padfoot. My animagus form is this great, black dog. I'm quite fond of it, really. But that's about all I can really say about myself. I don't know what they were thinking when they told me they wanted me to write something about all of us, including me. I'm horrid at talking about myself._

_We never expected you to write about yourself, Padfoot. (Sorry, mates. This is James speaking. I had to steal this from him for a minute). He's right. He is rather dismal when it comes to talking about himself. (I personally blame it on his parents. They really screwed him up as a child. They pretty much taught him that his feelings, thoughts, and emotions were unimportant, and that they should be ignored. It's no wonder that he doesn't like talking about himself, if he had that drilled into his head as a kid). Anyway, I'm here to talk about him for him. _

_Sirius Orion Black (his initials are S.O.B. Did anyone else realize that? Son. Of a. B . . .well, I'll let you fill that one in. I've always thought it was rather amusing.) is my best friend. Always has been, always will be. I know that now that I'm married (it's been a whole glorious 5 hours) I should say my wife is my best friend, but that would be lying, and we all know it. So what makes Sirius such a good friend? Everything. For crying out loud, he's more like a brother to me. Sirius is astonishingly loyal. I mean it. I've done some pretty terrible stuff in my time, and he's never left my side. Ever. Even for a moment. Not even to go to the bathroom(ha ha . . . I'm not being "sirius" you guys . . .that was a joke). He told me it was because he thinks I can't manage on my own. Glory, I love the bloke. Sirius loves to have fun, and it makes him a bit reckless, but it's a riot having him around. He's very random, but it keeps you aware of what's going on. Sirius has had a rough life, to say the least. His family was never all that supportive of him, to say the least. It took him sixteen years, but eventually he got fed up and ran away to my place, where we sort of illegally adopted him. His biological parents have yet to be informed. Sirius would do anything for any of us. He will put his life out on the line, if he likes you enough. There have been times when someone would say something offensive to someone he cares about, and Sirius would pretty much hex them into next year. Sirius does have a tendency to be a bit over the top. After living with his family for so long, I think that he kept everything locked inside of him for too long, and it all just sort of falls out at times. It's sort of like a nervous breakdown, only a bit more controlled. Sirius is a rebel, no doubt about it. He likes rebelling against everything, even if he shouldn't. He tries things just to be able to say he has, and it gets him in trouble. A lot. My parents think that it might get him killed one day. But I love him. My parents love him. My wife loves him (just not as much as me, I hope). His girlfriend loves him. We all love him. And that, my dear friends, is the complexity of Sirius Black in a nut shell._

_Ok, it's me, Sirius, again. James has forbidden me to read what he wrote, but I will later. Now that you know who we are, this book should make a bit more sense to you. We have taken the great pleasure in chronicling virtually everything that has happened to us since we were thirteen, when we started the Memoirs. We have written things that we never had courage to say out loud. We have written things about ourselves that I hope no one but us knows. We've written about the good and the bad. And we will continue writing, because I swear, our lives are far from over. We're writing this so that, in the end, our names will last longer than our lives. We're writing this so that people can understand what real friendship is, because I don't think enough people understand. I want people to be able to read this, and walk away knowing who we are, and what we stand for. This is no mere book you hold in your hands. This is the story of our lives._

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**final an:** ok, for those of you who haven't read "Shadowed Veil", Athena is an OC of mine who will be properly introduced later. She was a good friend of Lily's however (just to clear that up). Secondly, in the next chapter, there will be an author's note simply about the _Memoirs_ and a brief explanation of that... I should be back in about two weeks with my next chapter 

please review...it would be nice

Delano


	2. Homes

**a/n: **back, within two weeks, just like I promised.

**to my reviewers:  
**_Mithril-Moony: _I'm glad you still like the idea of the memoirs...lol. I'm quite fond of them myself. thanks for the review  
_legolasfanxox:_ what do you mean you can't wait to reasd this chap...you read it at camp. lol. ty for the review m to the oony...lol  
_emuerz:_ thanks for reviewing. as for your question, if Remus had flipped open to the back of the book, he would have seen ruined pages. Only part of James's last entry remained, so if he read it, it wouldn't tell him anything he didn't know already  
_Nietta:_ I'm glad you liked it...thanks for reviewing.

**disclaimer** see the prologue. It's still the same

**warning:** just to let you all know, there are a few (or maybe its just one) swear words dropped at the end of the chapter. I'm sorry if it offends anyone.

**Enjoi**

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"Dirt, you need to get up," an annoying voice said in his ear.

"Five more minutes, Jared," the fifteen-year old James Potter mumbled into his pillow. He placed the voice as Jared's, his older brother by seven years. Besides, only Jared would call him "Dirt"; it seemed to be his term of endearment of the month. James would have to admit, it beat the previous month's term of "Heffer".

"You need to get up _now!_" Jared said firmly, yanking the pillow out from under James.

"Aw, c'mon Jared," James mumbled into his mattress this time. "Ten more minutes, that's all I ask."

"You're amazingly coherent for someone who just woke up," Jared said with a wry grin. He waited a moment, just in case James might reply, then proceeded in viciously beating the younger Potter with the pillow. James groaned and pointlessly swatted the pillow away.

He rolled out of bed, his jet-black hair as rumpled and untidy as ever. "I'm up. You can quit hitting me with that pillow anytime now," he grumbled, still trying to stop the pillow attack.

Laughing, Jared stopped and said, "Mum wants you to get dressed and get some breakfast." Looking around the room, and spotting his brother's half-packed trunk, he added, "You might want to finish packing too."

"Yeah, it might help. I don't think my school books will do much good sitting here on the floor, collecting dust," James replied, searching through his drawer for a pair of socks.

"What are you talking about, Dirt? That's what they've been doing all summer."

Ceasing his search for socks, James grabbed the pillow his brother had neglected. He hurtled it across the room, hitting Jared square in the face. Silently, he thanked the three years of playing chaser on the Gryffindor quidditch team for his aim. Jared made a face as the pillow fell, silently cursing the same aim his brother had just been praising. "All right, all right," Jared said melodramatically, "I know when I'm not wanted."

Still grinning broadly, he turned and left the room, closing the door behind him. James and Jared, though their ages were distanced greatly, had a relationship that meant a lot to both brothers. As much as they teased and pestered each other, their deep love was evident to everyone who saw them, most of the time, at least. For Jared, his younger brother seemed to anchor him to the good and decency that the world still held. Having just finished his auror training, he was fully aware that the wizarding community was entering dark and perilous times. Almost everywhere he went in the course of his normal day, he was confronted by this, and quite frankly, after awhile, it became rather depressing. However, James, despite his tendency to be rather egotistical at times, was so full of energy and life; James was the type of person who couldn't stand being weighed down by a sad, sower, depressing mood. He seemed to be under the constant impression that the happiness of those he cared about solely depended upon him.

James, on the other hand, didn't think of his brother as a source of happiness to draw from. He was happy and elated enough on his own, thank you very much. Instead, though he would never admit it to anyone but himself, Jared was who he sought for guidance and an example. He respected Jared and his integrity enough to humble himself before him, something that didn't happen very often. And though every time anyone who knew their family compared him to Jared he acted as though he were greatly offended, he honestly quite proud to be thought of like his elder brother. For most of his life he felt that he had lived under Jared's shadow, but he didn't really mind, so long as people still remembered he was still a completely different person. The side of James that came out around Jared was a side not often seen by others. His family and his close friends were some of the few people who knew that James had a deeper side; A side completely separate from the attention-loving, arrogant quidditch star most of Hogwarts saw. Despite this all, however, he was still uncommonly popular. To his family and friends, James was a person of uncommon valor. To his friends in particular, he had a great sense of understanding and a very non-judgmental nature; each one of his three best friends saw something different in him - some redeeming quality that made them completely willing to look past his many flaws. For Sirius, it was the unwavering loyalty and understanding he seemed to possess. Sirius came from a home where he was unwanted and thought very little of. The fact that James was always there for him and thought of him as a brother more than a friend meant a lot to him. For Remus, it was his ability to look passed the qualities that most people shunned him for and see the personality that would otherwise win the admiration of those same people. And for Peter, the last in his group of friends, it was the way he stood firmly for those he cared for and believed in, even if he knew they were obviously wrong; Peter, being the smallest and most picked on in the group of friends, often was amazed at the way James would never hesitate to stand in his defense.

Now fully dressed, James headed down stairs where a strong smell of a delicious breakfast instantly greeted him. He grinned. His mother always went all out for breakfast on the first day of school. She seemed to be under the impression that he didn't eat well enough at Hogwarts, seeing as how he always seemed to come back slimmer than when he had left. His mother blamed it on the food, his father and brother blamed it upon his obsession with quidditch. James always slimmed out during the quidditch season, not that he really needed to be any skinnier.

"Jared says your not fully packed, James," his mother said, serving him more food than he would eat; more than likely, he'd end up giving the excess food to their dog.

"I was finishing up some essays that they assigned over the holidays," he said somewhat truthfully. In all honestly, not only was he finishing the essays, but he was also starting them. Impressively, he had finished all of them, save his potions essay, which he found particularly vicious. He decided he could wait till the train ride, where he could seek the help of Athena Bryce.

Athena was one of the girls in his year, also in Gryffindor. She was a girl of an unusual nature, but one that James admired nonetheless. She was very interested in the everlasting (and almost ever defeated) movement for the rights of those whom wizards deemed inferior to themselves. This led James to admire her for two reasons. One: She was perfectly willing to accept werewolves, and seeing as how one of his closest friends was one, he found this rather amiable. The other reason was one of a more, well let's just, violent nature. In their second year of Hogwarts, she had gotten into a rather nasty argument with one of the Slytherins in their year– one whom James had a distinct loathing for. The argument had ended in the Slytherin (dubbed "Snivellus" by James and his friends) calling her a mudblood and Athena, being a very proud muggleborn and very offended at the absurdly low insult, completely forgot that her wand even existed, and punched Snivellus in the nose, consequently breaking it. Ever since that, er, amusing experience, James held Athena with the upmost respect.

Athena also happened to be very good at potions, but rather dismal when it came to the theory behind transfiguration. Of course, James had never noticed this until she had joined the quidditch team in their third year. She would come back from practices and trudge through her transfiguration homework, while James sat on the other side of the common room doing the same with his potions homework. It didn't take long for them to realize they could easily help each other out, and consequently, cut their study time in half. Ever since then, the two of them were always asking each other questions throughout the year on the aforementioned subjects.

"Finishing up?" Jared said, knowing quite well, even if his mother did not, that James hadn't touched any of his books since he dumped them out of his trunk when he got home.

"Yes, Jared, _finishing_," James said through gritted teeth. He didn't want either of his parents to figure out that he hadn't done any of his summer work until last night. His parents worried about his academics; though his grades showed that they needn't worry, they were quite concerned with what he did at Hogwarts when he _wasn't_ studying. His father commented when he got home, before grounding him for two weeks, that they (being he and James's mother) had gotten more letters from Hogwarts speaking of his misconduct in just that _year_ than they had ever gotten throughout Jared's entire time at school. If they knew that he had spent all of his summer _not_ doing his assigned work, and instead mischievously plotting his next exploits with his friends, well, James didn't want to think about what his parents would do to him- they could be quite creative when they wanted to be.

Luckily for him, his mother hadn't picked up on the hidden meaning behind Jared's comment, and continued, saying, "When you're finished eating, dear, go finish packing. We need to leave in a half-hour."

Of course, by this time James had eaten all he was going to. He stared at his plate- three-fourths of it was still full. While his mother wasn't looking, he quickly shoved some of it onto his father's plate, who was currently hiding behind the_ Daily Prophet_, quite possibly asleep. He'd never notice. The rest of it, of course, went to the dog's dish behind his chair. He excused himself and hurried back upstairs to his room. He was busy haphazardly throwing everything back into his trunk when Jared reappeared.

"You're going to break something, James," he said. "If you continue throwing things around like that." With a simple flick of his wand, the rest of James's belongings folded themselves neatly into his trunk.

"Where'd you learn to do that?"

"When you live on your own, and have to somehow keep your flat clean on top of everything else, you pick up handy little tricks like that."

James shrugged. "Are you coming to King's Cross with us?"

Jared sighed. "I can't. I've got to go to work. I tried to get this morning off, but things are starting to get a bit hectitc. But, anyway, that's why I'm here. I want to impart some words of wisdom before you go."

"Why? You've never seemed to think that I've needed your 'words of wisdom' before," James said. He didn't mean to sound ungreatful, or possibly resentful, but the lack of sleep he had last night was catching up with him.

Jared sat down in the bed and motioned for James to do the same. He sighed and paused for a moment, thinking of how he should say this. "James, I don't mean to sound morbid or anything, but the wizarding community is on the brink of war at the moment."

"I know," James said. "I hear you and Dad talk about it during Mum's Sunday lunches."

"That's the bare gist of it, James. This man, Voldemort, well, I'm sure at school you've noticed how people have been paying more attention to matters of blood. Particularly those who come from pure-blood families. This is because of Voldemort. I know that you've picked up on the fact that he believes in the purification of the wizarding race. A lot of people support this, no matter how wrong it is. They think he has the right idea about things. We've noticed, at the Ministry, that he, politically speaking, has gained quite a bit of support. In the auror offices, however, we're worried about what he might be willing to do to get more support.

"Voldemort is a powerful wizard, there's no doubt about it," he paused again, as if deliberating whether or not to continue. "I really shouldn't be saying this, but we've kept a lot of things he's already done hushed up. We don't want people to get worried. When Voldemort gains someone's support, he wants to be assured that he keeps it, and he's willing to do almost anything to get it. We've arrested and questioned some of his more . . . zealous supporters. They've admitted that Voldemort has done a lot to ensure he keeps his supporters. He's blackmailed, tricked, deceived, jinxed- he's done almost everything short of murder–I wouldn't be at all surprised if he has already, though. We probably just don't know about it. Quite frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if he did murder, again, soon. There are some who've said that he's already performed unforgivable curses upon people as a way of . . . _persuasion_," he spat with utter disgust.

Taking a deep breath, he looked at James. "This problem is going to get much worse before it gets even a little better. The Ministry isn't going to be able to hide it for much longer. Something's going to happen- something terrible, obviously, and more than likely, its going to hit a well-known family in the community. We won't be able to hide it then. Voldemort's true nature will be out in the open for everyone to see, and it's going to bring war upon us. James, throughout this all, I just want you to remember a few things for me."

James nodded. It was rare for his brother to be this serious, and he knew that if he was going to be this way, then what he had to say was important.

"Your life is going to get quite, well, crazy, for a lack of a better word, soon," he continued. "No offense, but you have a tendency to get into fights with others at school And I've noticed that those who you're normally fighting with are those who would be most likely to support Voldemort. It doesn't matter that you're still in school. People's opinions on this are going to affect the school. It's going to divide from the inside out. I want you to know, James, that I've always admired the way you stand up for what you believe in, and it's a quality others are going to start to notice as well. People, adults most likely, are going to tell you that you need to stop fighting over this- to just let comments slide by. They'll tell you that it's not worth getting into fights over, and that you're too young to understand what's really going on. They're wrong, James. They are dead wrong. Never stand by and let these things happen. As young as you are, you are fully entitled to understand what's going on in our world and have opinions about it. You have been taught that the discrimination of others because of their blood is wrong and evil. It is James- don't let anyone convince you otherwise. It's your job, well, not just yours, but responsibility falls upon you to stand up for what's right.

"We're entering into a time where there is going to be a distinct difference between good and evil, right and wrong, light and dark. You're going to find, however, that very rarely what is right is also easy as well. It just doesn't work like that. Some people at Hogwarts are going to treat you like filth because you believe in the right things, and they are, quite possibly, going to make your life completely miserable. Don't let that happen, James. Stand-up for what you know is right and try to convince others to do the same. As I said before, some of your teachers are going to try and make you stand down. A lot of adults are going to be afraid of what's happening, and seeing a bunch of teenagers have more courage to defend their cause is probably only going to scare them more. These adults will tell you that it's better to fight in silence, to fight in a manner that isn't so apparent to everyone; they'll try and tell you that _that's_ the right thing to do. It's not. Our fight against evil will never make any progress if everyone believes that they should passively fight. There needs to be more people in the world who will risk everything to do what is right, even when it's not easy. Never stop doing that, James. Never. If you stand, more will have the courage to follow in your example."

Jared sighed again before continuing: "You are going to be presented the choice between what is right and what is easy. When this time comes, I'd like you to remember this conversation. I always want you to be able to hold to your ideals and your beliefs. I give you my word that if you do this, you won't regret it. You will know that you did something good with your life. Don't be afraid to stand for your morals in the face of adversity. When you choose between right and easy, remember your ideals, beliefs, morals, and then make your decision."

He stopped just in time for Mrs. Potter to shout up the stairs, "James! It's time to go!"

James grabbed his trunk and headed toward the door. Jared stopped him for a brief moment. "Remember what I've said," he said quietly. "I have a feeling that this is going to be the last time I get to talk to you face to face for a while. I know that I'm going to get really tied up at work, and I'm sure your teachers will have you up to your ears in books by the second week- it _is_ your O.W.L. year, after all." Impulsively, he wrapped his arms around his younger brother in a tight, emotional hug, and whispered quietly in his ear, "I love you, James. Don't ever change."

Startled, James wasn't quite sure what to do. He couldn't recall his brother ever acting quite this way before. Then, decidedly, he let go of his trunk, and returned his brother's embrace. "I love you too, Jared. And I always will."

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Sirius could still hear his mother yelling at him from downstairs. Not for the first time, an argument had erupted in the Black household. In the recent years, the longest Sirius and his mother had ever gone without arguing with each other was a week and a half. It wasn't exactly the epitome of a mother-son relationship. Sirius could never remember actually liking his mother, even for just a brief period of time. Ever since he had started school, however, his dislike had slowly turned into hate. He couldn't stand to be in the same house with the woman, nonetheless the same room. Normally, during school holidays, he'd spend his time at one of his friend's house, putting as much distance between him and his family as he possibly could without actually leaving the country. This summer, unfortunately for him, his parents said that was not an option.

This past summer was his parents' attempt at "reforming" him. They had gotten fed up with Sirius and his views and outlooks on society. Sirius had always failed to see what made pure-blood wizards any better than half-bloods or muggleborns. His parents and younger brother, however, seemed to think that they were superior and the fact that they were pure-bloods made them practically royalty. For years, Mr. and Mrs. Black had thought that there was, quite possibly, something mentally wrong with their eldest son. He seemed to naturally lack proper pure-blood pride, but worse than that, he didn't care about it at all. For sometime they ignored it, telling themselves that once he went to Hogwarts, and was sorted into Slytherin, he would naturally conform to the opinions and views as his classmates. There was one problem with their plan, however. Sirius was never sorted into Slytherin.

By the time Sirius had turned eleven, he had grown to detest his family enough that he would have sold his kidney not to be sorted into Slytherin. Consequently, he was put in Gryffindor, who just so happened to be Slytherins natural rival. Members of both houses were constantly going head to head with each other, and that suited Sirius just fine. Just like his parents had thought, Sirius adopted the views that his classmates in Gryffindor held; not because he was trying to conform, but because he agreed with them. For the first time in his life he didn't feel that he was constantly being ridiculed for his opinions. He was accepted by people who, like him, felt that there was no shame in having muggle blood. Being accepted by others made it easier for him accept himself, something that he had a hard time doing before. Even though he did hate his family, it was hard for him to be comfortable with himself when his parents had constantly berated him and beat at his self-esteem. As a result, he came home every summer more and more confident about himself and more and more proud of his political and social opinions.

This past summer, however, Mr. Black had decided he had had enough of his son's "unnatural behavior" and that it was time to "put a stop to it, once and for all." For Sirius, this just meant that the summer before his fifth year at school was going to be hell. His parents went all out, too. Not only was he forbidden to leave the house without a member of his immediate family, which Sirius found particularly painful, as he enjoyed running to clear his mind, but they successfully tried to sever his ties with all of his friends. The entire summer, not only had he not been able to contact James, Remus, and Peter, but he had not been able to receive their letters as well. Mrs. Black had given their house-elf direct orders to go through the post and burn anything and everything that was sent to Sirius, save his letter from Hogwarts. He had been forced to attend all family functions, which there seemed to be an unusual amount of. At home, he would spend hours at a time locked in his room, just trying to escape his treacherous family. Even this, however, his parents would not allow him to have. He was forced to be in their presence for as long as his parents could manage. They wanted him to be under their influence for as long as possible, trying to force their views upon Sirius.

All in all, Sirius was miserable for the duration of the summer. As he hardly went outside, he had become unnaturally pale. He quickly lost his appetite after the first week and hardly ever ate, and only attended meals when his parents forced him to; but even then he was always the last to arrive and the first to leave. Sometime at the end of July, Sirius did have a small bout of luck, however. He managed to get a single letter out of the house to his best friend, informing him of his current predicament and pleading for a rescue attempt. He knew that after that letter, his house was almost bombarded with letters from James, but Sirius had watched miserably as Kreacher, their house-elf, burned all the letters. The summer did not seem to have an end for Sirius. He had been terrified that his parents would forbid him to return to Hogwarts, and he would be stuck in Grimmuald Place for the rest of his life. However, now there was a glimmer of hope. Today was the first of September and in about fifteen minutes, he would be at King's Cross Station about to board the Hogwarts Express. He would finally be free from his family, if he didn't die in their current argument, that is.

"GET BACK DOWN HERE, YOU USELESS PIECE OF FILTH!" his mother's voice floated up through the narrow hallway.

"Yeah, call me names, that's going to get me downstairs real quick," Sirius muttered, grabbing his trunk. He knew that he was going to have to go down stairs soon, anyway, unless he wanted to be stuck at Grimmuald place for the school year. He yelled down to her, "WHY? SO YOU CAN BLOODY YELL AT ME MORE, YOU CRAZY OLD HAG?"

That set his mother off again; Sirius laughed as his mother yelled stupid insults at him. Only Adara Black could be idiotic enough to yell insults like "shame of my flesh." Sirius still had to figure out how exactly that was meant to insult him. After a bit more yelling (it was very rejuvenating, mind you), Sirius did finally come downstairs. As soon as he had, however, he wished that he hadn't.

"It's about time you got down here, you bastard," she snarled. Sirius froze where he was standing. It was never a good sign when his mother started swearing. It typically meant that she was beyond sensible reasoning."I have half the mind not to let you go back to that school. I knew we should have sent you to Durmstrang, maybe then you wouldn't be so messed up. But then again, perhaps it's those despicable excuses for wizards that you call friends that ruined you. Blood-traitors, and filthy half-bloods. Little better than scum, if they're better at all. They don't belong in our world," she hissed at him venomously. "They're not worthy enough to lick the dirt off my shoes, nonetheless associate with my son."

As soon as she had said the word 'friends' Sirius had immediately clenched his teeth and tried to keep his temper under control. _Just a little bit longer,_ he said to himself. _Then you'll never have to deal with her again. _However, as soon as she mentioned worthiness, he lost all control.

"WORTHY ENOUGH? YOU MAD OLD HAG! THEY ARE BETTER PEOPLE THAN YOU WILL EVER BE! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF THEIR WORTHINESS! _YOU_ AREN'T EVEN WORTHY ENOUGH TO LOOK AT THEM, NOT TO MENTION TO SPEAK OF THEM, _YOU - HEINOUS - OLD - BITCH!_" he yelled, louder than he ever had. He was actually trembling, he was so furious.

His father, however, wasn't about to let his loathsome son speak of his wife that way. Before either Adara or Sirius could do anything more, Cepheus Black grabbed his elder son by both arms and forcefully spun him around.

"_Get your hands off of me,_" Sirius hissed, still trembling. He wrenched out of his father's grip. His father instantly grabbed him again, this time holding more firmly so he couldn't get away.

"Don't you _ever_ speak to your mother like that, _again, Sirius,"_ he spat in Sirius's face. Suddenly and violently, he spun Sirius so his back was against the wall. Lifting him bodily off the ground, he pinned Sirius to the wall. He continued, his voice dripping with malevolence: "If you _ever_ even _think _of treating your mother like that again, I _swear,_ I swear that I will beat your sorry ass so bad that you won't ever see the light of day again, _do you hear me boy? _I swear, I will crucio your weak pathetic ass until there's _nothing_ left of you. Not a single goddamned thing."

Sirius stared at his father in horror. Never once could he remember the man ever speaking to him like that, and quite frankly, he was terrified. His father was a man of his word. If he said he would cast an unforgivable curse upon his son for showing disrespect, then he would. Regulus and Adara watched the entire scene with a mix of horror and twisted amusement. The entire house went silent for the first time in ages. Sirius was still pinned to the wall when his brother quietly said, "Put him down, Dad. We're going to be late, otherwise."

As if suddenly realizing that he was pinning his son to the wall, he let Sirius go. The entire family seemed to snap back to reality. They headed out to the car as if nothing had happened; Sirius kept playing the conversation over and over again in his head. He couldn't forget it. He had known that his parents could stand him about as much as he could stand them, but their distaste for each other had never reached the point of physical threats. Granted, his mother was always threatening him during their arguments, and had maybe smacked him once or twice, but how can anyone take someone who yells things like"shame of my flesh" up the stairs seriously? Too much inbreeding in pure-blooded families- it created loons like his mother.

For Sirius, the car ride to King's Cross couldn't go fast enough. He needed to get away from his family before something else happened. After what seemed like an eternity, they pulled and climbed out of the car. As soon as the family passed through the barrier between platforms 9 and 10 and onto platform 9 3/4, Sirius fully realized he was free at last. He instantly parted from his family without a second thought about it.

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_The Marauder Memoirs:_

Sirius. Sometime towards the beginning of our fifth year _Note to Sirius: Learn how to date these bloody things properly. James**. Note to James: who cares? Sirius.**_:

I remember very clearly the first time I ever went to James's house. My whole life I had lived in a house where I was unappreciated on the best of days, and unloved on the rest of them. Being as young as I was, I just thought that everyone's homes where like that. I didn't know anything else. I stayed at James's place for the last few weeks over the summer before our third year. It was the first time I hade ever been at his place, and I had expected it to be much like my own. I thought his parents would be as indifferent to him as mine were to me. I showed up at his place, and as soon as I went through the door, I could feel there was something different about his home. It took me only an hour or so to realize what was different: his parents had cultivated a home where James and his older brother were loved. It was so different from my home that even after only a few days of staying there, I wanted what James had, but I knew I would never have it in my own family. Ever since then, I seemed to realize that blood was not what made a family, but– and I know this sounds cliched– love. From that point on, I really didn't consider those lunatics I lived with over the summer my family. I had a different family. A family who loved me. A family at school.

* * *

**final an: **okay, real quick note on the _Memoirs, _but I think I may have said this before, so forgive me if I'm being redundant. The _Memoirs_ were passed around between all four of the Marauders. As such, occasionally they felt that they had to add their own input to what one of the others have written (ie.: James and Sirius's little discussion at the top). This was done in one of two ways (or occasionally both). The first was, one would walk by as the other was writing, and just jot down his own comment right then and there. The second would be they would add comments when they had the book. comments that have been written after the entry was originally written will be dated, so you'll be able to differentiate between the two. If you don't quite understand what I'm saying, the _Memoirs _exerpt for the next chapter will more than likely clear it up (hopefully...lol)

anyway, please forgive and typos and such. I did try to proofread this. My next update should be in two weeks. Any and all reviews until then will be very much appreciated.

Delano


	3. On the Hogwarts Express

**an:** yes! The great and magnificent Delano has returned for yet another chapter! Sorry guys, needed a small ego boost...lol. But yes, here is a new chapter, as promised.

**reviewer responses:  
emuerz:** don't worry, you're not going mad. Part of the last chapter and part of this one were posted at the end of Shadowed Veil as a preview. You probably did read it before...lol  
**Starry Night and Pdft:** thanks for reading you guys...here is the oh-so-wonderful next chapter  
**legolasfanxoxo:** oh, come on teresa, I thought you knew me better than that! lol. How could I resist tying in the whoe rab thing in? it's going to be there...later...lol  
**Kesler:** i don't think you should be lecturing me about my spelling...lol. And i think there'll be some things you haven't read in the next chapter. If not then, than deffinately in the chapter after that

**I'm done rambling... Enjoi**

* * *

Sirius pushed his hair out of his eyes and began scanning the crowd for his friends. He spotted Remus a ways off talking to his father. 

"Remus!" he yelled through the crowd, knowing his friend would hear him.

Remus turned around, and after spotting his friend, he yelled "Sirius!" in much the same manner. Sirius ran to catch up with him.

"Glory, Sirius," he commented as Sirius caught up to him. "You look almost as terrible as I do." He was, of course, referring to the fact that Sirius looked very pale and slightly malnourished.

"Yeah, but you have an excuse to look terrible," Sirius replied lightly. The full moon was tomorrow night, and it looked as though Remus were already beginning to feel the effects.

"I'm not too sure about that. Being locked up with _your_ family seems like a pretty good excuse to me."

"James told you?" Sirius asked.

"Yup. We planned for a couple of weeks on ways to break you out, but none of them would have worked out," he replied, but then added, "Well, some of them would have, but they involved blowing up your house."

Sirius laughed, "I don't think that would have been all that bad."

"Yes, but you would have still been in the house at the time."

"Oh." He scanned the crowd again. "James here yet?"

"I haven't seen him. Let's go find a compartment, and then see if he's here yet."

"He's always late," Sirius grumbled. "Because of him we were stuck in a compartment with a bunch of first years last year. Remember that?"

Remus snorted. "How could I forget? You and James scared the crap out of them."

"It was fun, though." Remus shrugged. They found an empty compartment in the back and left their trunks there. They were making their way back off the train and back onto the platform when Athena ran into them, literally.

"Hey, Remus, Sirius, have either of you seen Potter around?" she asked, sounding rather panicked and annoyed at the same time.

"No," Sirius said. "I don't think he's here yet."

"The bloody git. He's always late," she mumbled. "When you see him, though, tell him that I need to talk to him, like, now!" She ran off, leaving almost as suddenly as she appeared.

"Wow," Sirius muttered as she left, staring at her the whole time.

"What?"

"She got hot over the summer," he said breathlessly.

"What are you talking about? She was always hot," Remus said.

"No, before she was just good looking. Now, well, now she's hot. Sexy, if you will," Sirius said, still staring.

Remus frowned. He had thought that Athena was gorgeous for the past year. He thought she was clever and witty and graceful and beautiful and caring and understanding, vivacious, spunky. He could go on for hours about her. He knew that Sirius knew nothing about his secret infatuation with her; James was the only one who did. James had picked up on it quite easily, as if he had a sixth sense to tell such things. Last year, he constantly bugged Remus to just get a grip on his nerves and ask her out.

"What's the worst that could happen?" he had asked over and over again. The answer to the question was obvious, to Remus at least. She could say no, and than where would he be? No, he much preferred to harbor his secret crush in, well, secret. But now if Sirius was after her...

Sirius was known around the school for being able to have whichever girl he wanted. He was good looking, and he could be very charming when he wanted to be. Girls thought he was a prime example of "hunkiness" and that alone seemed to captivate most of them. If he wanted to go out with Athena, chances were, most likely, that he'd manage it. Remus was silently crushed; he stood no chance next to Sirius. He was skinny and awkward. He wasn't all that outgoing and he was incredibly shy. He was convinced that anyone given the choice between him and Sirius would choose Sirius without a second thought.

Remus sighed. _I'll just worry about that when it comes to it,_ he thought to himself. _Sirius does have a tendency to chase anything female with legs. He might not be serious about this. _

"Come on," Sirius said, unaware of his friend's thoughts. "Let's go find James and Peter."

Their search for James was not very long. Only a minute after beginning the search, the clam peaceful air was shattered by several loud bangs in a quick succession, and followed very shortly by a loud, sharp yell of: "JAMES KAEL POTTER!"

"Well," Remus said shortly as he and Sirius followed after the noise, "James is here."

They found James standing near is parents. It would appear that several of Dr. Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks had somehow ignited in his trunk. Seeing as how his parents, or rather, his mother, had forbidden him to bring them to school this year, as an attempt to keep him out of trouble, this left James in a very sticky situation.

"I thought I told you not to bring those atrocious things to school this year!" Mrs. Potter was exclaiming as Sirius and Remus showed up. Both of them were amused to see how absolutely livid Mrs. Potter looked while Mr. Potter stood in the background, trying very hard not to laugh. "You got into enough trouble with those blasted things last year! James, are you even listening to me?"

It was fairly evident that James was trying to accomplish some quick thinking, to come up with an excuse as to why he had the fireworks, and trying to listen to his mother at the same time.

"Yes," he said breathlessly. "You just said that I had gotten into enough trouble last year with those fireworks, and then asked if I was listening, which I was. " He was still trying to buy time to make an excuse with. He was normally very talented at coming up with lies, excuses, and false reasons off the top of his head, until it came to his mother. Then, for a lack of a better term, he was screwed.

"They're mine," Sirius said, stepping in to aid his friend.

"They're yours, Sirius?" Mrs. Potter asked in disbelief.

Sirius nodded.

"You see, Mrs. Potter," Remus said, joining in. "Last year, most of the fireworks used were Sirius's; James had merely borrowed them. He seemed to know that you would disapprove of him having his own."

"And he wiped out my entire stock last year with that, er, incident involving a vast amount of fireworks and several toilets," Sirius added.

"James only thought it proper to repay Sirius," Remus finished. "He thought it would be the right thing to do."

All three teenagers looked up at Mrs. Potter, grinning, and wearing looks of innocence. She hadn't believed a word any of them had said, but if they were going to go through such an effort to lie to her, she might as well let them off the hook for trying. She sighed. "All right," she said almost wearily. "Go. I wash my hands of you. Go, get on the train." Mother and son exchanged one last hug and a broad smile, before James went off with his friends.

James went and dumped his stuff in their compartment before the trio went in search of the last of their group. They found Peter standing with his mother, step-dad, and younger sister (a third year in Ravenclaw). For the next five or so minutes they mingled on the platform, joking and laughing, causing a general ruckus around the platform, generally having a good time and enjoying themselves. They talked briefly about how their summers had been, then moved on to talking about the upcoming school year, and their planned exploits. A few minutes before the train was scheduled to leave, Lily Evans caught up with them, and almost instantly, James stopped acting like an over-excited, immature fifteen-year old. His hand jumped to his already untidy hair and he rumpled it a bit. "So, Evans," he said he said, sounding older and more mature. "How was your summer?"

Lily looked at James with mild disgust. "It was really good," she said smoothly. "Up until just now when I saw you again." Sirius snorted, which he instantly turned into a hacking cough at the look James sent him. Lily turned to Remus, who was still biting his lip to keep from laughing, and said, "Prefects are supposed to meet up in the front for a meeting or something."

"Oh," he said, remembering suddenly that he was a prefect, "Right." He looked to his friends, "I'll catch up with you guys later, after this meeting or whatever."

Peter and Sirius nodded; James would have, if he wasn't still caught up in Lily's put down. As she and Remus walked away, she looked back over her shoulder and called, "Oh, and Potter, Athena's looking for you. She mentioned something about discussing several matters of 'upmost importance' with you. You might want to look for her."

As they walked onto the train, Lily kept glancing over at Remus. He was quiet kid. He wasn't outwardly good looking, not unless you liked his type. He was skinny and had sandy-brown hair that would fall across his face, shading his deep brown eyes. She had often noticed, she didn't know if others had as well, that occasionally he'd have a cut or a bruise across his face that would be gone a day or two after she noticed it. She had her suspicions about Remus Lupin, but she was quite content in keeping them to herself; it was his secret to tell, she wouldn't do it for him. Remus was a good kid. He didn't seem half as self-absorbed as his close friends. Despite his shyness, when he's open up to someone, he'd reveal a deep and wonderful personality. He was so unlike his friends in so many ways that Lily often had a hard time seeing how they got along.

Remus had noticed that Lily kept looking at him, and it made him rather nervous. Finally, he just asked, "What? Do I have something on my face?"

Lily smiled. "No, I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"About why you hang out with Potter and Black. You seem to nice to hang with them, they're such jerks," she said honestly.

Remus shook his head. So many people misunderstood his closest friends, just as many misunderstood him. "No, they're really not. You don't know them like I do, Lily. James is one of the most understanding and compassionate people I know -well, when he wants to be, I should say; and fairly often, he wants to be when it matters the most. And Sirius, he's loyal. I mean really loyal. If he considers you to be someone he cares about, I could easily see him risk his own life to help you out. They both just get a little, okay, really carried away at times."

"But you're not like that," she said. "You seem so . . . so down to Earth all the time. You aren't as conceited as either of them."

"Well, I have, er, things, in my life, that keep me from getting too carried away with myself."

Lily was about to ask what sort of things, even though she knew it was a rather personal question, but they had reached the prefects' compartment and had to draw their conversation to an end. _Later,_ she thought. _Maybe later he'll to trust me enough to tell me. _

Meanwhile, James, Sirius, and Peter were already in their compartment, which had been reserved for them by their things, having a great time. As the train set off, the three discussed the small matter of them becoming illegal animagi, and when to tell Remus about it. They had kept the information from him so far for several reasons. At first, they didn't want to get his hopes up, only to have them all fail. Then there was always the fact that they doubted Remus would approve of them doing something illegal for him. If they had told him right off the bat, he probably would have put a stop to it immediately. Even still, in their second year, Sirius had made a comment in passing about it to him, just to see the reaction; Remus hadn't believed a word he said and proceeded to ask if he had had too many sugar quills. After a while, James attempted to tell Sirius and Peter how he set his kitchen on fire over the summer, but he was laughing too hard to get the point across. It was then that Athena walked in.

"Geez," she said, interrupting James from the doorway, "I could hear you laughing down at the other end of the train. You sound like a banshee or something."

James rolled his eyes. "Thanks," he said sarcastically.

"No problem."

Sirius smiled as Athena sat down next to him. _She's so hot,_ he thought. _When did it happen?_ It appeared to Sirius that the summer had agreed a lot with Athena. She had slimmed out some, not that she had ever been on the larger side. She had grown several inches (Sirius supposed that James would now have to stop making fun of her height at quidditch practice now). Her wavy strawberry-blonde hair had natural highlights in it from the summer sun, and her naturally fair and pale skin had tanned.

"Evans mentioned you were looking for me?" James said casually.

"Yes, I was. I have two matters of business to bring up with you," she said almost exasperatedly . "First off, what's with this whole quidditch captain thing?"

"Your letter said 'co-captain' too, huh?" James asked.

"Yeah, and it's been bugging me ever since. Have you ever heard of a Hogwarts team having co-captains before?"

"Nope. I have no idea what McGonagall's playing at. It's as if she can't think either of us can handle the team on our own," James griped. He had complained to his brother about this very same thing several weeks ago, but Jared had told him there was probably a reason. James said he was lying.

"Maybe it's 'cause she doesn't think you can," Sirius said, grinning.

"Yeah, thanks. That's a real great best friend thing of you to say," James replied sarcastically.

"Your welcome," Sirius said brightly.

Athena rolled her eyes at the two of them. "Anyway, I'm convinced it's because I'm always in detention for mouthing off, and your always in detention for, I don't know, being you. If there's two captains–"

"Chances are that one of us will be there for practice, if the other had detention."

"Exactly. It still sucks though. I would prefer it if only one of us had captaincy."

James shrugged. "There's not much we can do about it, is there?" he said. "You had another thing you wanted to talk about, didn't you?"

"Yeah," she said, running her hand through her hair. "That transfiguration essay . . ."

"You didn't finish it, did you?" he asked with a wry smile.

"Oh, don't give me that look, Potter" she replied crossly. "I will bet ready money that you didn't even start your potions essay. There's no way you could understand the Draught of Peace."

"Hey. That's not fair," James said.

Sirius shook his head. "She's right, and you know it."

"Thank you, Sirius," she said, smiling at him. Sirius seemed to melt for a second as she smiled, but quickly recovered.

"Wait," James said. "How come you call him Sirius, but you always call me Potter?"

"Same reason why I call him–" She pointed at Peter, who had not said a word since Athena entered the compartment. "– Peter, and still call you Potter," she said.

"And why is that?"

"It's like this. If I yelled "Black" down the hall, most likely Narcissa would turn around instead of him, and nobody would want that. If I yelled "Pettigrew" his sister might turn around. Now, if I yell "Potter", I know that you're the only one who'll turn around, because you're the only Potter at Hogwarts currently," she explained in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Well, there's only one Lupin at school, so why do you call Remus "Remus"?" James asked.

"Because I like him more than I like you," she said grinning wildly. "Anyway, back to our essays. . ."

James and Athena started talking about their essays. Sirius let the two of them talk as he sat next to Athena in silence. His heart was racing; he wanted to move closer to her, hold her hand, do something. He had never been this close to such a gorgeous girl for so long without making a move. Mentally he slapped himself. What on Earth was he talking about? He had been on good terms with Athena for years, and now he wanted to hit on her? He had never acted this stupid around girls before, and now was not the time to start. He rolled his eyes and sighed, grateful that no one in the compartment could read his mind. James would never let him live this moment down, if he knew about it. Sirius snapped out of his funk to hear Athena and James tie up their deal.

"Alright," she said. "Tonight in the common room after dinner."

James nodded, "Good. I mean, I did all my other essays last night, but this one was, well stupid."

"Maybe you're stupid," Athena retorted.

"Wait," Peter said. "You did all of your other essays last night? As in start and finish?"

James nodded again. "Did pretty well, too. If I do say so myself."

"That's gotta be some sort of record, mate," Sirius said

"I hope you fail," Athena muttered. She had spent a week doing all of those essays.

James grinned. "I never fail."

Athena shook her head and turned to Sirius, "And he wonders why Lily thinks he's conceited?" she asked in disbelief.

Sirius grinned. "Well, James isn't the brightest star in the sky."

"Don't you say another word," James said, knowing that if he let Sirius continue to talk some lame pun about his name and the star, Sirius, would come up. "We all know that Sirius is the brightest star in the sky."

"That predictable, am I?" Sirius asked, as Athena sat there shaking her head, muttering "That was lame on so many levels. . ."

Athena stayed with the boys and continued bantering with them for a while. While Athena wasn't great friends with any of them, she had known them long enough to know that James and Sirius were always good for a laugh. Peter, as well, could often say rather amusing things once you got him to open his mouth. His friends had long since explained that he was rather shy around girls, and Sirius had speculated that the fact that Athena had once broken someone's nose for offending her made Peter even more nervous around her, for fear that he might say something to offend her. The four students delved into a wild conversation that made no sense to anyone who might have been walking by. It eventually grew to a point where it was just Sirius and Athena arguing with each other. James wasn't quite sure what it was about, but he could have sworn it had to do something with zebras and hippogriffs. Remus walked back into the compartment as this argument was ending.

"No!" Athena said firmly with a somewhat mad glint in her eye. "You most definitely _don't _know what your talking about. The idea that a hippogriff and a–"

"It's completely reasonable," Sirius said.

"Do you even know what size a zebra is compared to a hippogriff?" Athena asked incredulously.

"They're a bit smaller, but it could be managed," Sirius said confidently.

Remus looked to James. "What on earth are they talking about?"

"I have no idea, honestly," he commented, still watching the two argue. "Peter had mentioned something about a striped hippogriff nearly an hour ago, and somehow that got Sirius thinking about zebras and hippogriffs mating, and here we are now." He tilted his head to the side as he watched Athena and Sirius, as if he was trying to think how they got on the subject. "It's really quite amusing when you think about it."

Sirius seemed to notice that Remus had reentered. "Remus!" he cried. "Please tell this crazy woman that I am right!"

"Right about what?"

"It doesn't matter," Sirius said dismissively. "Just say yes."

"NO!" Athena cried, before Remus could even say anything. "Don't say yes! He's wrong!"

Remus put his hands in front of him, in a gesture saying "Keep me out of this." He grinned. "I deny all comment, seeing as how I have _no _bloody idea what you're even talking about," Remus replied wryly.

Sirius frowned. "You're a great load of help," he muttered.

"I take it you and Lily are out of that meeting, or whatever," Athena commented.

Remus nodded. "She stayed behind, I think, to talk to Fabian Prewett," he said. "She should be gone by now. You'll be able to catch up with her in the corridor, I'm sure."

Athena nodded and stood up. "I'll see you all later, I suspect," she said as she left. "And Sirius, I still think you're a bloody lunatic. There's no way a zebra and a hippogriff could mate."

As she shut the compartment door, she could clearly hear him say: "Yes there is! You'd get a zippogriff!"

Athena shook her head and looked down the corridor. Sure enough she saw Lily making her way towards her. She waited for Lily to catch up with her. She and Lily had been best friends since their first year. They were sort of the female counterparts to James and Sirius, only they were the opposite in almost every way. Both girls were muggleborn, where as the boys were both purebloods. Where the boys were loud and often obnoxious, the girls were quieter, but just as witty and funny. They were all very talented, but the girls didn't exactly see the need to flaunt it like the boys did. The combination seemed to make a very interesting House.

"Did I just hear something about a zebra and a hippogriff mating?" Lily asked as she caught up to her friend.

Athena nodded. "Sirius and I were having a discussion on the likelihood of that ever happening," she explained. "He seems to think it's possible."

"What were you doing with them anyway?" Lily asked as they walked past the boys' compartment on the way to their own.

"I had to talk to Potter about that whole quidditch captain thing– I told you about that, didn't I?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, I had to talk to him about that, and the stupid essay McGonagall assigned over the summer."

Lily laughed. "It didn't sound like you were talking about transfiguration in there," she said snidely.

"Yeah, well, we got a bit sidetracked," Athena said.

"Only a little."

Athena merely smiled in response. By this time, they had reached the compartment where the rest of their friends were sitting. Much like the fifth year Gryffindor boys, the fifth year Gryffindor girls were a tightknit bunch. There were six of them, comprising of Lily, Athena, Alice Green, Dorcas Meadowes, Emmeline Vance, and Serena McKinnon. They were an odd bunch, as many others were apt to notice. They didn't much care what other people thought of them, for the most part. And yet, despite this, or very possibly, because of this, all six of them were rather popular around the school. Lily, in particular, seemed to attract friends (both boy and girl) like flies. She was very attractive and smart and had a personality to match. Athena, it was speculated, could have just as many friends, if she didn't have a temper that scared off anyone who offended her. It seemed to keep people at bay. The rest of the girls had a wide mix of personalities and tempers that created a dynamic group.

"Hey," Alice said as Lily and Athena walked in and sat down. "Back from your ventures so soon?" she asked Athena. "I would have thought those boys would have kept you a bit longer."

Athena rolled her eyes. The previous year there had been wild rumors circulating around Gryffindor Tower that Athena fancied James, and occasionally Sirius, and that her affection was not wasted. Athena had thought the rumors funny, but rather tedious to deal with, seeing as how she had no intention of ever dating James or Sirius. Not yet, anyway. "Oh," she said, playing along. "Well, you know James. He's just so masculine and mature, I just can't keep myself off of him."

They all had a good laugh, and started catching up with each other on what happened over the summer. Alice was absolutely ecstatic because she spent nearly the whole summer with Frank Longbottom, a"strikingly handsome" (as Alcice put it) young man who graduated Hogwarts last year who she had liked since her second year. Lily took a good deal of time to gripe about her older sister's new boyfriend. She was convinced that each summer, Petunia's boyfriends kept getting larger and more _stiff_. Emm had gone to Italy with her family to see the Quidditch World Cup. Her father had discounted tickets as he was head of the Magical Games and Sports division of the Ministry. Dory, Serena, and Athena all had rather uneventful summers, which had pretty much been spent at home with their families. They talked about the rest of the fifth year prefects, and about the Gryffindor quidditch team's prospects for the coming year. Before they knew it, the sun had set, the moon had risen, and the Hogwarts Express was pulling into Hogsmeade station.

Lily poked her head out into the corridor as she pinned on her prefects' badge, and looked around distastefully. "I have to help chaperone this mess," she said. "I'll see you guys later. Save me a seat at the table, will you?"

The other girls nodded and watched Lily walk off. They stood there for a moment, not really doing anything, just standing there. "Well," Dory said. "We might as well get off. I don't see how standing here is going to help us any." They laughed and left the compartment.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

James. September 1, 1974. Note to Sirius: See? Dating . . . it's not so hard. **_Note to James: You do know that dating is very hard for Sirius, don't you? Remus._ Note to Moony: You know what, Lupin? Shut your mouth. Sirius**:

Ah, the dear old Hogwarts Express. So many good memories . . . so many. We met on the Express. All of us, save dear old Moony.**I have told you how much I don't like that nickname, haven't I? Remus. **We didn't really get to know him til about a month or two into the school year. Reason, you ask? Remus Lupin, and I'm sure you'd never guess this, is shy. **(Sirius: So's Pete . . . but Pete wanted to have friends, I guess. 'Cause he kept following us-9/14.) _(Remus: What's that supposed to mean? That I didn't want to have friends, or something? - Sept. 15.)_**_(Peter: I wasn't following you. We had all the same classes. What was I supposed to do, find a new, and probably longer way around the castle?- 16th September.) _**(Sirius: That's what Moony did - 9/17.)** We all somehow managed to make it into the same compartment, and we just sort of stuck together. Like, I dunno, two (or rather three, soon to be four) sticky things, sticking together.** That's a brilliant analogy, that is. Sirius.** Note to Sirius: LAY OFF MY ANALOGIES! Ever since then, these train rides have always ended up rather amusing. I mean, last year, Sirius turned his cousin's hair pink. Who could forget that? And then, on the ride home last year, someone asked Peter out. That right there was a milestone. (_Peter: You know, I could find that offensive. 16th.) _He turned her down though. I think it was because her nose was crooked. Who knows? But, alas, I digress. I remain convinced that the sole purpose **_(Remus: Yes, let's forget the fact the Hogwarts Express serves purpose as an actual train- Sept, 15.)_** of the Express is to let us enjoy ourselves before we are A)forced back to school and are soon bombarded with homework and detentions to really enjoy ourselves, or B) are being forced back to our respective homes where Sirius is always miserable, I'm normally grounded for screwing up during th school year, Remus is lonely, and Peter is normally traveling to who knows where. You see? The train is the only time where we are FULLY (as in, TO THE FULLEST EXTENT) able to enjoy ourselves. **(Sirius: Yeah, 'cause we definitely don't enjoy ourselves during the ten months while we're actually at school- 9/14.)**

**

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final note: **

you are now free to press that purple-ish blue button on that bottom that will allow you to send me a wonderful review. Next chapter should be posted in two weeks. Oh, and sorry about any typos/spellings that I may have messed up. 

Delano


	4. The First Night

**an: sorry this update is late. it's been a really rough and busy past two weeks, and I doubt that its going to get any better any time soon, so if my updating becomes rather erratic, please bear with me. thatnks to those who have reviewed, and to those readers who are just silently lurking in silence. there is no _Memior _at the end of this chopter, on account that this is still the same day...along with that is this little note: yes, i know, the story is moving rather slow as of right now...I'm just trying to get some expository things out of the way...you understand, right? After the first week, the pase should pick up, so please bear with me.**

**Enjoi**

* * *

James and Sirius elbowed their way through the crowd, Peter following right behind them.

"C'mon," Sirius said. "We don't want to get split up like last time, do we?"

The previous year, they had been late making it to the carriages, and ended up in carriages with different people. James had ended up with some people he knew from the quiddicth team, Peter had ended up with several Hufflepuff second years, Remus sat with Lily and a few of her friends, but Sirius had somehow managed to wind up sharing a carriage with his younger brother and several of his cousins. It had taken all of willpower not to hex them into next week right then and there. He didn't exactly wish to relive the experience.

"I say we just blast our way through this bloody crowd," James grumbled. "It looks like its about to rain, and I would prefer not to get wet."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "And this comes from the kid who wanted to swim across the lake to get to Hogwarts in his first year, instead of taking the boat like a sane person."

Peter snickered, and James just heaved a sigh. "Times are changing, dear Sirius," he said, sagely. "I may have liked getting drenched then, but I don't now. Get with it, mate."

Sirius shook his head. James seemed to get weirder and weirder with each passing year. But he liked his friend that way. It sure beat having a normal James around. Sirius was very sure that having a normal best friend would make life very mundane. Finally the three friends arrived at an empty carriage and climbed in. Sirius glanced out the window. The dark clouds moved to reveal the moon. It looked to be full, but Sirius knew that it wouldn't be completely full til the next night.

"Hey, you guys," Peter said, looking at his two friends. "Is the moon full tonight?"

James stared at Peter as if he had just grown horns. "You just saw Remus," he said incredulously. "What do you think?"

"Oh," was the reply. "I didn't think about that."

"Obviously," Sirius remarked.

"Well, I suppose that explains why Remus was looking so si–" Peter began, but James elbowed him in the ribs to keep him from saying anything. Several girls had just pulled open the door to their horseless carriage, and James didn't want them to overhear.

"Hey," Emm said, "Do you guys mind if we sit with you?"

The three boys had exchanged a look. They wanted to have room for Remus, but that didn't look as though it were going to happen. "Sure," Sirius said smoothly. "Climb in."

Emm Vance and Dory Meadowes climbed in. Athena poked her head in to see who was there. "You know what," she said, "I think I'll go find Alice and Serena. It looks a wee bit crowded in here." Athena knew very well that Emm and Dory had the hots for James and Sirius, and she doubted that she would be able to withstand the ride with her two love struck friends.

"Nonsense," Dory said, grabbing Athena's arm and pulling her, much to Sirius's delight. "There's plenty of room."

Athena sighed and allowed herself to be pulled in. The carriage ride couldn't be too long, could it? Athena squeezed in next to Sirius and the wall. Dory sat on the other side of Sirius, and across from them sat Peter, James, and Emm. It was a very tight fit. "Six people in one carriage is hardly plenty of room," Athena told Dory.

Sirius laughed and draped his arms around the two girls sitting next to him. "I, myself," he said. "Think this is a wonderful arrangement."

"Sirius Black," Athena said cheerily. "Get your hand off of me, before I break it."

Sirius instantly removed his hand while James laughed at him. "Right, right," he said nonchalantly. "Someone likes her personal space. I'll keep that in mind."

Athena grinned and rolled her eyes. "You better."

"Ok, I get the picture," he said. He moved his arm from around Dory's shoulders, and instead linked arms with her. "I'll just sit over here with Dory." He moved over a little, putting a good half inch more distance between him and Athena. "I know where I'm appreciated."

"Obviously, you don't, mate," James said. "Because if you did, you would be somewhere far, far away from here."

"You're a riot, James," Sirius said sarcastically. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I don't know what I'd do without me, either."

Sirius shook his head. He looked at Dory. "I'm not even going to say anything," he said. Dory giggled in response.

James turned to Emm, who was sitting next to him. "So," he said, charmingly. "How was your summer?"

Even in the dark, Athena had the impression that Emm had probably blushed, and was becoming very flustered. She decided that boys did weird things to her friends, because she could have sworn that she had just heard Dory giggle. Dory never giggled.

"It was okay," Emm said. "I went to the World Cup in Italy with my family."

His eyes went wide, causing Sirius to laugh. "Are you serious?" he asked. He had wanted to go, but his parents felt that it would be a good punishment for him not to. He thought it was cruel and unusual torture.

Athena grinned wryly. "No, Potter. You're getting confused again," she said, trying to amuse herself. "She's not serious. That's Sirius."

Peter and James both laughed as Sirius growled. Athena was always making fun of his name, and James had started to recently as well, thinking it was great fun. Athena thought it was a never-ending source of entertainment. When they first met, after Sirius had given her his name, her first response was: "Dude, that's a word. It's a sucky name."

"Ha. Ha. Ha," Sirius said lamely. "You're hysterical, Athena."

"Oh, I know," she said simply, still grinning. James was now drilling Emm for all the details of the Cup. He wanted to know everything.

Athena just shook her head. He was a quidditch maniac, what should she have expected? She looked out the window and saw the silhouette of the castle looming over them. The horseless carriages came to a halt and everyone filed out of them. In a very slow process, the students started to elbow and file their way into the castle. As James had predicted, it had started to rain, and people were trying to force there way into the castle and out of the rain. The crowd got a bit rough as older and bigger students started to push the smaller and younger ones out of the way. More than one student ended up on the ground in a giant puddle. James, Sirius, and Peter (as well as good portion of the rest of the student body) were a little more than pleased to see Snape slip and fall into one such puddle. Slowly, they all managed to get into the Great Hall; some students were only mildly wet from the rain, others were drenched.

Athena entered the great hall and found Lily already sitting at the table with Alice and Serena. She walked over and sat down. She was surprised to see that Lily looked thoroughly disgruntled. Looking down a little further down the table, she noticed that Remus looked much the same way. "What's up, Lily?" she asked.

"Remus and I got stuck in a carriage with a bunch of snot-faced Ravenclaw second years. I was this close," she said, holding her thumb and forefinger about a half-inch away from each other, "to strangling them all to death. I've never been around a more insufferable bunch in my life."

"I doubt that," Athena said, as James, Sirius, and Peter walked passed them to sit down next to Remus.

"You're right," Lily said after looking over her shoulder to see the three walk by. "But, for right now, I'm going to pretend that James doesn't exist and that I don't have to deal with the egotistical jerk. For right now, the only people in this school who bother me are those annoying second years." She sat at the table in silence, eyes closed, with a serene look on her face. She was taking deep breaths, obviously imagining a world without James Potter. She opened her eyes again and looked at Athena. "You'll never know how good this feels," she said peacefully. "All is right with the world." She took a deep breath, closed her eyes again, and smiled dazedly.

Lily was still sitting like that, when Emm and Dory made there way into the Great Hall. Sitting down next to Lily, the first thing Emm said was, "Oh. My. Gosh. James is such a hottie."

Lily's bright green eyes snapped open and she glared at Emm quite viciously. "Emmeline Vance! You just ruined it," she said sharply, shaking her head.

"Ruined what?" she asked.

"Her fantasy," Athena replied. "You know, the one where James was never born, and doesn't exist."

"Oh," Emm said, trying very hard not to laugh. "Sorry, Lils. I didn't know."

"You should be," she said, trying to sound angry and offended, but not succeeding.

The girls laughed, again, but quickly shut up as the Great Hall doors opened and a long line of scared looking first years filed in behind Professor McGonagall. The sorting was about to begin.

The sorting was basically the same every year. The first years would file in, looking frightened and nervous, and would be called up to the front of the Great Hall one at a time. They would then place the sorting hat upon their head, which would search their mind and decide which of the four houses they belonged in. Gryffindor was for the brave, courageous, chivalrous, and bold; it was also commonly said around the school that Gryffindors in Lily's year had big mouths and did not know when to keep them shut, which was true in most of the cases. Ravenclaw was for the wise, witty, cunning and unusually clever. Hufflepuffs tended to be very loyal and hard working, although most of the school thought that Hufflepuffs were a bunch of push-overs with no backbone. And last was Slytherin. Slytherin housed those ambitious, power-seeking, pure-blooded students. All together, they made up Hogwarts in its entirety.

Normally, Lily liked watching the Sorting Ceremony, but she kept getting distracted by random things, and eventually gave up on paying attention. She looked down the table and noticed that she wasn't the only one not paying attention. James and his gang were sitting towards the end of the table where the new first years would sit, talking amongst themselves in hushed voices. They seemed to be planning something, which wouldn't be anything new. The four were notorious for causing mayhem throughout the school; constantly playing harmless pranks on each other and pranks of a more violent sort on those they didn't like. They were constantly finding new ways to bend the rules. Their lack of ability to see the consequences of their actions led them to pull some of the most memorable pranks in Hogwarts history. It also made them quite popular, making James and Sirius, in particular, very cocky and arrogant.

Lily was jarred back to reality when she realized that the sorting was over and Dumbledore was giving his usual start-of-term greeting. He always greeted them, let them eat, and then gave his traditional speech. He knew well enough that they weren't going to pay attention when they were hungry. Helping herself to liberal amounts of mashed potatoes and chicken, she turned her attention back to her friends, who were, once again, talking about their summer. Up and down the table, she could hear people doing the same.

However, a loud, bark-like burst of laughter interrupted nearly all of the conversations at the Gryffindor table. Quite a few heads, including Lily's, turned to look at the source of the noise. At the opposite end of the table, Sirius was laughing his head off while James was earnestly trying to explain something to him.

"You _what_?" he said between bursts of laughter.

"It was an accident," James said, now laughing too. "I didn't know it was going to catch on fire!"

"How did you not know?" Remus asked. "It was a kitchen. Just about half the stuff in there is flammable."

"Okay, lemme rephrase that," he said, "How was I supposed to know that the flames on the stove could go that high?"

This comment made Sirius laugh harder, scaring several first-years sitting near him. "Sirius, mate, shut up," James said. "You're scaring the ickle firsties."

"Again," Remus and Peter said at the same time.

"Why were you doing this in the first place?" Sirius wanted to know, after he had stopped laughing.

"I was trying to figure out a way to break you out of your house, mate," James said. "I was trying to see what would happen if I lined the house with Filibuster's fireworks right before it rained." He started to laugh again. "I didn't know that the stove was still on, or that they could be so . . . flammable."

"They're fireworks! Of course they're flammable, you dolt!" Remus said, laughing along with James.

Taking a deep breath, he continued, "Luckily, my mum has the kitchen fireproofed, so only the drapes and the wall above the stove really got burned. I still got grounded for three weeks though."

The people who had listened to the brief exchange shook their heads and turned back to their conversations and dinner. They were all used to such behavior from James and his friends.The feast carried on without too many more interruptions of sudden laughter from the four boys. Finally, after dessert had been served and even the hungriest of students were full, Dumbledore stood up to give his traditional start-of-term speech.

"Well, now that we are all well-fed, I only ask a few moments for some start-of-term notices," Dumbldore said, looking around the Great Hall at the students over his half-moon glasses. "First of all, we are pleased to welcome Professor Thelen as our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." The said teacher stood up. She was a tall, thin woman, with dark hair, and very high and protruding cheekbones. Her lips were pursed very tightly, and she seemed to have a very strict and disapproving air about her. Lily's first impression of the woman was that she looked like an older, dark-haired version of her sister. Meanwhile, the first thing that popped into Sirius's mind when the woman stood up was that she looked like a living replication of his mother. He secretly wondered how many of her could possibly exist on one planet, nonetheless in one country. There was a polite, scattered applause throughout the crowd of students.

"First years should know that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all students, although, some of our older students, who have been reminded more than enough times, should be reminded once again. The Forbidden Forest is forbidden." His eyes rested on James, Sirius,

Peter and Remus.

"He wouldn't be talking about us, would he?" Sirius asked in all innocence. His friends grinned at him, all knowing very well that he was.

Dumbledore smiled, almost as if he had heard Sirius's quiet comment, and continued: "Mr. Filch has requested that I inform you, for what he tells me is the seventy-sixth time in the past four years, that magic is not permitted in the corridors, and so are some other items of a mischievous manner. There is a list of these items posted on his office door, and I believe that it consists of two hundred and forty-seven items, just in case you would like to check.

"Tryouts for the House Quidditch teams will take place during the second week of term. Those of you who would like to try out should contact Madam Hooch. That is all for notices, and now it is bedtime. Off you go."

As Remus went off to meet Lily to herd the new first years to the common room, James went off to find Athena to, once again, discuss their essays. He was rather surprised when Sirius caught up to him as he was half way through the thronging crowd.

"Hey! Potter! Wait up, will you?" he called when he was only a few feet behind James.

James turned and waited for his friend to catch up. "You do know that I'm off to find Athena . . . to talk about learning, right?" he asked, raising an eyebrow in a very perplexed manner.

"Yeah, I know."

"Then why are you following me?" James asked, still perplexed by Sirius's odd behavior.

Sirius shrugged. "I dunno. Pete's off walking with his little sister, and I didn't fancy walking alone," he said nonchalantly.

James raised his eyebrow again. "You? Alone? Oh, come off it, I'm sure some lovely young Gryffindor would have found you and attached herself to you. Face it, Padfoot, you will never have to worry about walking alone."

"I suppose you're right," he said, shrugging again. Then he paused and added, "Wow, I just said you were right. The world must be coming to an end after all."

James laughed and playfully pushed Sirius into a group of tired-looking third years.

"Smooth move, slick," Athena's voice came from behind them. "Way to kill a bunch of third years, Sirius," she finished, smiling brightly as she caught up to James and Sirius.

"Geez, Athena, you just keep getting funnier every hour," Sirius said with a mischievous spark in his eyes.

"Oh, I know, Sirius. It just seems to be a natural gift," she said, her smile brightening. She turned to James. "So, do you think you could actually explain the point of a vanishing spell to me, Potter?"

"I can explain anything, Bryce. Did you ever doubt me?" James asked.

"Well, somewhere between you rolling on the floor of the train laughing so hard you were crying and talking about setting fire to your kitchen because you didn't know fireworks were flammable, I began to lose hope," she said wickedly, sparking a friendly argument between the two as they finished heading towards the Gryffindor Tower, leaving Sirius behind.

Sirius, however, wasn't walking alone for long, just as James had claimed. Not half a minute after James had left, Dorcas Meadowes caught up with him, smiling flirtatiously all the while.

"Hey, Sirius," she said sweetly.

Sirius smiled back. Dory had been chasing him for over a year now, not that he really minded. It wasn't as though Dory were horribly unattractive. Sirius had never gone out with her before, simply because he didn't really think that he liked her. Sirius had a way of managing to go out with a different girl each month, yet despite this, he had always liked the girls he went out with, even if it wasn't for very long. He wasn't going to go out with a girl whom he didn't like. He thought it was rude.

"Hey, Dory. What's up?" he asked.

"Oh, not much. I'm just glad to be back at school. My summer was rather low key. It wasn't that much fun. How 'bout you? What was your summer like?" she asked.

A frown passed briefly over his face. He had actually begun to forget about his summer, which was fine by him. But, of course, someone had to bring it up. He didn't feel like pouring out the details to his class mate, so he stuck with a noncommittal response. "My summer was nonexistent," he said lightly, keeping the hard emotion from his voice.

"What?"

"I had a really lousy summer," he said. "It isn't worth mentioning."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Naw, it's okay," he said. He couldn't stand it when people said sorry for things they had absolutely no hand in. He didn't want people's sympathy, nor would he accept it. They continued up the staircase in an awkward silence, both skipping over the trick stair, out of habit more than anything else. They entered the common room, and broke their silence with a polite "See ya later", before Dory went up the stair case to the girls' dormitories.

Sirius mingled in the common room for a few minutes, taking in the familiar sights and smells. He wasn't at all surprised to see that Athena and James were already sitting in front of the fire, their books spread out in front of them. James was leaning past Athena and pointing to something in her book, obviously trying to explain something to her. Sirius laughed and shook his head. It was fairly clear to him where the rumors that James and Athena were dating developed. Anyone who saw that would clearly make that assumption.

Sirius made his way up to his dormitory, finding Remus and Peter already there. Remus was already in his pajamas, and was laying on his back staring into space, clearly trying to ignore Peter, who was rambling on about something that, even after listening for a minute or two, Sirius couldn't make sense of.

"Hey Pete," he said after pulling on his pajamas.

"Huh?"

"Shut up."

"Oh."

Sirius heard Remus give a brief sigh of relief, as though Peter's rambling was giving him a headache, before saying, "Where's James?"

"Finishing his potions essay with Athena," he said. "Although, by morning, I'm sure we'll find out from some second year that they were snogging in front of the fire all night."

"Snogging?" Remus commented, sitting up with a raised eyebrow. "Well, he's certainly been demoted. Last year they stayed out all night having hot passionate sex on McGonagall's desk."

All three of them laughed, hard, clearly remembering the rumors that had started to circulate around the Gryffindor Tower last year. Only those in their year knew that, without a doubt, nothing of the sort had happened. But they still thought it was entertaining to make fun about it. James and Athena had thought the rumors to be absolutely hilarious, so, with time, they had eventually died down.

Sirius flung himself down on the four-poster bed. "Well, I don't know about you two, but I'm dead tired. I'm not waiting for James to come up and tell us about his snogging session with Athena," he said, after giving a huge yawn. His friends gave general murmurs of agreement and they let themselves be overtaken by sleep.

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**an: i haven't had time to proof read this as thoroughly as i proofed the other chapters...so i'm sorry for any porr grammar, etc. I'll try and update as soon as i can**

**yours in writing**

**Delano**


	5. On the Night of a Full Moon

**an: **Hark, glorious readers! Its is I, Delano, back from the dead, seemingly. And better yet, I am back with an UPDATE! One that I am quite fond of, if I do say so myself. I'm sorry this rook so long to get up. I've been extremely busy and I've had the worst case of writer's block (I noticed the other day that I had writer's block around the same time last year while working on Shadowed Veil. I think something about the month October just doesn't like me...). Anyway, I think my muse decided to find me after seeing the midnight showing of Gobelt of Fire (did anyone else think it was amazing? better yet, did anyone else cry when Harry brought back Cedric's body?). Thanks to Emuerz, legolasfanxoxo, and forestofgreenjello (who I had thought abandoned me...lol) for reviewing...and thanks to all the silent lurkers for lurking silently.

p.s.>> Happy Turkey Day to my fellow Americans

Enjoi

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James woke up early the next morning, despite the fact that he had been up late with Athena. He had learned at a young age that he could get by with very little sleep for weeks, and it came in use at times. By the time he was fully dressed, Peter and Sirius started to wake and move around the room. Peter, as was typical of him in the morning, was silent, and wore a very unflattering scowl. Sirius, on the contrary, was his natural bubbly self. He was thoroughly thrilled to finally be out of Grimmuald Place and back to the place he called home. The three of them were about to head down to the Great Hall for breakfast, when they realized they were one short of their group. James and Sirius both froze, and at the same time asked, "Where's Moony?"

Moony, it turned out, was still asleep. Remus was typically a light sleeper in the morning, and would get up when he heard other people around him getting up. It was rare for him to sleep in, although it did happen occasionally. It happened about once a month, in fact.

"I'll wake him up," James said, turning to look over at Remus's bed. "You guys go on."

Sirius nodded and headed downstairs, Peter trailing behind him. James could see Remus's sleeping form under several blankets turning fitfully. James chewed on his lip thoughtfully as he strode over to his friend's bed. It looked to him as though he really shouldn't wake Remus up, that it was better to let him sleep. But, he knew very well that Remus would prefer to be awake for their first day of classes. He gently prodded Remus's shoulder. "Moony," he said in an almost sing-sing voice. "It's time to get up now."

Remus rolled over, and found a sickeningly cheerful looking James looking down at him. He blinked a few times to allow his vision focus. "What?" he asked wearily.

"You need to get dressed," James said. "Classes start in – I dunno –" he glanced at the clock. "Fifteen minutes, it looks like."

Remus sighed, nodded, and pushed himself out of bed. He massaged his throbbing head as he dug through his trunk for his robes. "You can go ahead and get some breakfast, James," he said. His voice sounded raspy even to his own ears.

James shook his head and sat down on his bed. "No, I'll wait for you," he said. Remus nodded and continued getting ready. James watched him for a bit. It was evident that Remus was not feeling well. His skin was pale, and there were dark shadows under his eyes. James noticed that he periodically rubbed his temples, and concluded that he had a headache. James always thought this whole werewolf thing was more than a little unfair. He had seen Remus after a full moon, and knew that Remus had suffered a great deal. He though it was incredibly unfair that Remus also had to suffer during the days preceding the full moon as well. It varied from months to month, James had learned over the years. Remus was most typically plagued with fatigue, migraines, and a loss of appetite at least the day before or the day of the full moon, if not sooner. Sometimes, however, it was worse. There had been only a few times in the years James had known Remus when he would wake up with a fever, suffered from double vision, nausea, general aching, and migraines that could almost bring him to tears days before the full moon; these always ended up being the worst transformations for his friend. And, typically, on top of all that, Remus was very moody and irritable before the full moon. Remus could always feel the moon coming days before it was actually full, and James rarely knew when it was until that day. It was just another item on his long list of injustices in the world that he wanted explained to him (it was right at the top with why Sirius had such a lousy family).

"James," Remus's voice called, pulling him out of his thoughts. "Let's go."

By the time James and Remus made it down to the Great Hall, Sirius and Peter were finishing up their breakfasts, and McGonagall had already passed out their schedules. Remus pretended to be overly interested in his schedule to disguise the fact that he wasn't eating anything. He had noticed over the years that his three friends had a tendency to watch him carefully, as if to make sure he was feeling worse than he implied. This included his eating habits. It didn't surprise him at all, then, when Sirius shoved a stack of toast in his hands as they left the Great Hall and headed off to transfiguration.

"Don't act like we didn't notice you weren't eating anything," he said quietly. "You need your strength for tonight."

Throughout the rest of the day, none of his friend's mentioned anything else about that night's transformation, but Remus knew they were thinking about it nonetheless. Every time during class when he rubbed his throbbing head, he could feel their eyes boring into the back of his head with concern. The glances exchanged periodically throughout the day between James and Sirius, particularly at lunch when once again he wasn't all that hungry, were not lost on him, even if his friends thought they were. By the end of double History of Magic, their last class on Monday, Remus's headache had grown worse and he was beginning to feel nauseous. He felt utterly exhausted, even though he used the ample time in History of Magic to sleep

When James, Sirius and Peter headed down to the Great hall for dinner, Remus left the group and made his way down to the hospital wing. His head was pounding more painfully than it had all day, but in terms of previous transformations, he was feeling quite well. Sure, he probably looked like he was on his deathbed, but other than his headache, and the nauseous feeling in his gut, he felt remarkably well. And, emotionally speaking, he was feeling better before a full moon than he had in months. This, he could tell, would be one of his easier transformations, not that any of them were a walk in the park.

Remus stepped into the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey was nowhere insight, so she called out tentatively, "Madam Pomfrey?"

The matron poked her head from behind a curtain blocking what Remus assumed to be an injured student out of view. She spotted him instantly. "Mr. Lupin, you're here. Good. Have a seat; I'll be with you in a moment."

Remus nodded and moved to sit down on the nearest cot. He smiled weakly as he noticed that the mattress seemed to be springier than they were last year. He glanced around the hospital wing. It looked exactly the same as it had the year before, and the year before that, and the year before that, and, still, the year before that. This was his fifth year at Hogwarts, and the hospital was still the same. He doubted if anyone other than him cared, or even noticed, but he also doubted if anyone spent as much time in the hospital wing as he did. Once a month, he spent anywhere from three to five days in the wing, and after awhile, he began to think that a change in scenery would be very much appreciated.

Madam Pomfrey came down the aisle of beds to where Remus was sitting. "How have you been feeling these past few days?" she asked, resting her hand on his forehead to see if he had a temperature.

Remus had long since learned that it was easier to be blunt and thorough with the matron, and didn't bother making excuses as he occasionally did with his friends and teachers. "I had a migraine on the 31st," he said. "But I slept through most of it. Yesterday, I had a small headache. It was nothing serious, but I had trouble falling asleep last night because of it. Steady headache today, that has grown progressively worse. I haven't exactly been hungry, but I have been eating."

"Good," she replied, now checking his pulse at his wrist. "How were the transformations over the summer?" she asked, lowering her voice as to not be overheard.

"They were about average," he said. "Nothing too serious."

"So no unexpected trips to St. Mungo's this summer?" she asked, her eyebrows raised.

The summer before his fourth year had been rather disastrous. The summer had been almost unbearably hot and dry. He had been in the cellar during the full moon as he typically did during his transformations at home. However, due to the heat and the dryness in the air, towards the morning something (Remus had never managed to figure out what it was) had caught fire. In his transformed state, he was unable to get out, nor could his parents let him out, although he had been told that his father tried to put out the fire. When the moon finally set, John and Sara Lupin got into the cellar to find their son unconscious on the ground with bad burns as well as his usual cuts and gashes. They took him to St. Mungo's to treat his burns and smoke inhalation; he spent a week there. Of course, Madam Pomfrey had found out about the incident upon his return to school, and went off on a ten minute rant about how his parents should make sure the place for his transformations were safe before they let him transform there.

"Nope," Remus replied. "I recovered at home."

"Good," she said again. "So everything's been okay?"

Remus nodded.

Madam Pomfrey glanced at the clock. "There's about twenty minutes before we should go. You should lay down and get some rest," she said before she returned to whomever she had been tending to before.

Remus laid down on the cot, but he thought it was ridiculous to think that he could get some rest. The moon was starting to rise; he couldn't see it, but he could feel it. He always thought that this was just as bad as the actual transformation. It was now that his senses were beginning to heighten. He began to feel tense, anxious, nervous even. His anxiety was probably enough to give someone a small nervous breakdown. He hated this phase of the transformation almost as much as he hated the transformation itself. He was still in control of his mind, but he could slowly feel that control slipping until it was nonexistent. It put him on edge, made him temperamental. Remus knew that anywhere within the next twenty minutes to an hour, he would be temperamental enough to throw a chair at someone who even _looked_ at him wrong. He detested this feeling with every fiber of his being.

To Remus, twenty minutes couldn't pass soon enough, but, eventually, Madam Pomfrey came back to his bed and told him it was time to leave. He followed Madam Pomfrey through the hidden side-door of the Hospital wing (it was too dangerous to leave through the great hall). She led him down to the Whomping Willow, and he looked at it disdainfully as she prodded the knot that froze the tree with a long stick. When the tree froze, Remus headed down to the hidden passage that the trees branches concealed. He was vaguely aware of Madam Pomfrey asking if he wanted her to accompany him to the Shack as she often did when he was younger; he told her no. He heard her say something else as he made his way into the tunnel, but he wasn't quite sure what she had said, and couldn't be bothered to find out. The moon was rising, and it was rising fast. Remus could hardly concentrate on getting into the Shack because his mind was becoming too hazy.

After what seemed to be an unreasonable amount of time, Remus found his way to the small opening that led to the front room of the Shack. In it, he could discern remnants of his previous transformations there. Furniture was broken, the walls were covered with scratch marks, there were blood stains on the floor . . . his blood. He quickly went into one of the other rooms. For some reason, he had never liked transforming in the front room. It made him feel exposed. He much preferred the back. No sooner had he reached the back room, when the change hit him. He froze; he couldn't have moved even if he wanted to. All his muscles tensed, and he could feel agony shooting up his spine. It hurt. Everything hurt. His body hadn't even started to change yet, but it still hurt. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. His arms and legs started to shake, and he lost balance as he tried to stumble across the room. He fell to the floor as he felt the first muscles start to change shape. Unwillingly, he let out a wild and pained yell. His nails dug into his skin as his bone structure started to change. Hair was sprouting on his face and his hands, his head was lengthening, and his shoulders were hunching. He yelled again, but it sounded more like a howl now. Slowly, he could feel the human part of his mind lose control. He was beginning to think less and less about the excruciating pain he was in, and more and more about the werewolf's desire for blood, for flesh. Then, the last part of his conscious mind went dark.

The werewolf froze in the middle of the room, poised and ready to attack. It let out a low snarl of malcontent, as it could not smell any prey in the house. Moonlight streamed through cracks in the boarded-up windows, and fell upon the wolf. It turned its face upwards towards the moonlight, and let out a bone-chilling howl.

Meanwhile, James, Sirius, and Peter had returned from dinner and had barricaded themselves in their dormitory. They didn't think it was a wise idea to try illegal animagus transformations somewhere where they could easily be spotted. James was digging through his trunk for his invisibility cloak, and Sirius and Peter were trying to clear a spot on the floor, which was astonishingly cluttered, seeing as how they had only spent one night in the room.

"So this book will help us with this last part of the transformations?" Sirius was asking James over his shoulder. On the train, James said that he thought he might have found a book that would help them complete the transformation. As of now, both Sirius and James could transform almost completely, but they had trouble turning into the animal all the way. There was always some part of them that just wouldn't change. Peter was further behind then James and Sirius. He could only transform about half way before he resumed human form. James was sure it had something to do with a lack of confidence.

"Supposedly," James replied, still searching for his cloak.

"And there'll be a copy of it in the Restricted Section?"

"Should be."

"How did you find out about this book again?"

James stopped digging through the trunk. "Are you questioning my resources?" he said, laughing. "Jared told me about it."

"And how does Jared know anything about animagus transformations?"

"He doesn't," James said, turning back to his trunk. "His girlfriend is trying to become an animagus, and I told him I was doing my transfiguration paper on it, so he said he'd ask her for a couple of resources. Which he did." He found his cloak and pulled it out of his trunk. Jared had given him the cloak for Christmas during his first year. He had received it from their father when he started school. It was a family heirloom of sorts. A very _useful _family heirloom.

Peter stared at James with his eyebrows raised. "And your brother believed that this was all for a paper?" he asked in disbelief.

"Probably not," was James's reply. "But he doesn't think I'm stupid enough to try and become an animagus at the age of fifteen." James stood up with the cloak in his hands and shook it out. "You two gonna come with me?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure," Sirius said, standing up and kicking a book underneath his bed. "You coming, Pete?"

"Mhmm," he said as he tucked something neatly into his trunk. "Are we still gonna be able to all fit under the cloak?" he asked.

"I think so," James said. "It'll be tight, I think, but we can fit."

It was a tight fit under the cloak. Sirius speculated that by next year they wouldn't be able to fit more than two people under the cloak. They three of them crept slowly down the hall, trying not to trip over the cloak or step on each others' feet. When they reached the library, they found Madam Pince still hovering around, putting books back on the shelves. Quickly and quietly they fled the library. Hiding in an alcove in the hall, they took off the cloak.

"Needless to say," James said, running his hand through his already disheveled hair, "we're not going to be finding any book with Pince in there."

Sirius snorted. "You still afraid of her, then, James?"

"I'm not afraid of her. I'm just saying we're not going to be able to break into the Restricted Section with her in there," James replied.

"You are still afraid of her," Sirius laughed.

James sighed. "If she tried to hex you into oblivion for writing in a book that was yours in the first place, then you'd be afraid of her as well."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well then, where are we going to wait her out?" he asked.

"I say we go down to the kitchens," Peter said over his growling stomach.

"That is the best idea I've heard all day," Sirius said. "I'm starving."

"We just ate dinner," James said.

"So?" Sirius and Pete asked at the same time.

"Between the amount of food the two of you eat, we could feed a whole country," James said as he pulled the cloak over them again. "C'mon, with any luck, we might get out of there by dawn."

Their trek to the kitchens and back to the library took over an hour, much to James's chagrin. Sirius and Peter spent at least half an hour binging on sweets, and it took James at least five minutes to coax them to stop eating, and another five minutes to actually get them out of the kitchen. When the finally made it back to the library, they were more than pleased to find it completely deserted.

"Now this is how I like the library," James said pulling off the cloak. "No one here to tell us to stop, uh, being us. Blissfully empty." He sighed and grinned as he heard it echo.

"And absurdly quiet," Sirius complained. "It's too quiet. I don't like it. Let's find this book and get out of here."

"_Lumos,_" James said, shining the light from his wand in Sirius's eyes. "Afraid of dark, and scary libraries, are you, Sirius?" he asked wryly.

"This is payment for that comment about Madam Pince I made earlier, isn't it?" Sirius scowled as James walked passed him, wand held aloft, laughing maniacally. Sirius rolled his eyes and followed him back into the restricted section of the library; Peter followed after stopping to pick up the invisibility cloak.

"What's this book called again?" Sirius asked when they reached the Restricted Section as he scanned the shelves with his lighted wand.

"Er. . . _Trivial Trends in Transfiguration for Tricky Tricksters_ by Trevor Trebinsky," James said. "Hey, Pete, why don't you start looking down at the other end and we'll meet up in the middle?"

"Sure," was the reply, as Peter headed off in the opposite direction.

"'Tricky Tricksters?'" Sirius asked. "Well, that's real original."

"That's what I said. According to Jared, though, they had originally wanted to title it _Trivial Trends in Transfiguration for Tricky Trollops_, but apparently the publisher's thought that it might send the wrong impression to potential buyers."

Sirius snorted. "'Tricky Trollops?' HA! Now that'd be a book worth reading," Sirius said robustly.

"Like I said, it'd send the wrong impression to people," James replied.

"What's a trollop?" Peter asked from down the aisle.

Sirius laughed again. "You don't know what a trollop is?" he asked incredulously.

"If I knew, I wouldn't've asked."

"It's, er, a woman of ill-repute," James said.

"Well, what's that mean?"

"It means she's, uh, sexually promiscuous."

"Huh?"

"She's a whore," Sirius said.

"Oh," Peter said, laughing to himself. "Well, why'd they want to write a book for tricky trollops?"

"So people like Sirius would buy it," James said.

Sirius grabbed a book off the shelf and sent it soaring past James's left ear; it crashed into the bookshelf that James was scouring and knocked several books to the floor. "Careful, Sirius," James said, tossing the book back to Sirius. "You never know which one of these books will scream or something if they fall open."

"True, true," Sirius said, putting the book back on the shelf. "Very true."

"James, who wrote the book again?" Peter asked, holding an old, weathered book in his hand.

"Trevor Trebinsky. Why? Did you find it?"

Peter grinned and nodded. At once, both James and Sirius strode over to Peter to take a look at the book. Sirius took the book in his hands and surveyed it under the light of James's wand.

"Merlin," he said holding the book at an angle. "You can hardly read the title." He squinted at it, "And I think it says trollop, not trickster."

James rolled his eyes and shoved Sirius's shoulder as Peter snickered. "C'mon, let's get back to the dormitory before sunrise," James said.

They all huddled under the cloak and made the trek back to Gryffindor Tower. Luckily, the halls were virtually empty, so no one but James and Peter heard Sirius let out a loud list of swear words when Peter tripped over his own feet while going up the stairs, causing Sirius to crash into him and then, after losing his balance fall backwards into the trick step on the staircase that led to the common room. Nor did they hear James laughing as he sat at the top of the stairs, threatening (in a teasing manner, of course) to leave Sirius in the trick step for the rest of the night.

Upon reaching the dorm, James stuffed his cloak back in his trunk, flopped down on his bed, and flipped open the book. He scanned several pages then pulled a face at the book.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked.

James tossed the book to him. "Tell me if you can read any of that," he said.

Sirius opened the book and stared at the pages. Peter came over and looked over his elbow to see the book as well. The words were so faded neither of them could decifer any of the words. "I can't read any of this, mate," Sirius said, tossing the book back to James.

"Yeah, neither can I," he said. "This is going to take a lot longer than I expected."

"Everything's always more complicated than we expected," Sirius said wryly.

"Of course," Peter said. "That's just our luck."

"Are you going to stay up and get started on that?" Sirius asked, indicating the book in James's hands.

"I might as well. The sooner I get started with it, the sooner I'll be done with it," he said.

"Well then, I'll just stay up and work on our map," Sirius said, pulling a map out of a book buried in his trunk. "You know, keep you company."

James placed the book on his bed and slowly raised his hands to his heart. "Sirius," he said in fake solemnity. "I'm touched that you . . . that you would stay up with me. You care. You really, truly care."

Sirius grinned and dropped to one knee next to James's bed, playing along. He took one of his friend's hands in his, and said in great tones of melodrama, "James, I've wanted to say this for so long." He paused for dramatic effect. "Will you marry me? Will you be my wife?"

All three of them erupted into laughter. Maybe it had to do with the fact that it was past midnight, but all of them seemed unnaturally giddy. When their laughter subsided, James said, "You know, Remus might be a bit annoyed that we worked on the map without him."

It had been Remus's idea to create a complete map of Hogwarts in the beginning of their fourth year. Ever since, he, out of the four of them, had worked most zealously on the map, doing all the tedious work like making sure the drawing of the school was proportionate to the school itself. Their map was his pride and joy, and it was because of him that so much work had already been done on it. Last year, when he was recovering from his transformations, he had spent hours working on the map in the Hospital Wing. With Remus's diligent work, Sirius's knowledge of school grounds, James's random ideas for ways to enhance the map, and Peter's keen eye for detail that the other three would have missed, they were creating what could be the most accurate and detailed map of Hogwarts ever created.

Sirius shrugged. "He'll get over it," he said. "We can't let him do all the work. That just wouldn't be any fun."

James and Sirius both continued talking as Peter stared out the window. The moon was shining its light on the lake, making the gentle waves glisten peacefully. In the distance he could have sworn that he heard a faint howl. He turned around. "Do you think he's okay?" he asked.

"What?" James said.

"Remus. Do you think he's okay?"

"Remus is stronger than he looks," Sirius said. "I'm sure he'll be fine in a couple of days."

"But what about tomorrow, when he wakes up? How's he going to be then?" Peter asked worriedly.

"Peter, don't worry about him," James said. "Tomorrow morning, Madam Pomfrey'll patch him up, and he'll be fine."

Peter nodded, but it didn't look like he was put at ease. He turned around, but he could have sworn he heard James murmur under his breath, "I hope."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Peter. September 2 (or maybe it's the third now . . . I'm not too sure), 1974:

Yeah, so tonight was the full moon, so it was just James, Sirius, and I**(James: the correct pronoun would be 'me' not 'I'. -September 7) _(Sirius: No one cares about correct pronouns, James. - 9/14)_**. And, like always, we stayed up all night and a had a vigil of sorts for Remus. And though I don't think any of us'll mention it out loud, but I think most of us spent the night worrying about how Moony was gonna be in the morning. I always hate waiting out the nights like that, but there's not much else we can do, I suppose. I mean, I know I wouldn't be getting any sleep knowing that Remus is out there all alone. I always feel slightly guilty too. I was the one in our second year who had a hard time, uh, adjusting to finding out that one of my best friends was a werewolf. I mean, we figured it out all so quickly, I just wasn't prepared for the news, I think. I mean, for crying out loud, I was twelve. One night when Remus was gone, I pointed out that it was a full moon, and that it was a full moon the last time he was gone. Of course, I didn't realize what that meant at the time. James pointed it out to me. Next thing I know, we're confronting Remus about it, and I realize for the first time that I was friends with someone who could kill . . . murder. It didn't sit well with me. It took me nearly a month to get over it. It wasn't until I, erm, 'borrowed' James's invisibility cloak and went to see Remus the morning after a full moon, that I realized how backwards I had things. He couldn't control this, and I would have to be some sort of idiot to think that any of this was his fault. And, you know, Remus forgave me for that month that I sort of, um, avoided him, but I still feel guilty about it. How thick do I have to be to think such terrible things about my friend? That's just never really sat all that well with me. So, uh . . . yeah. _(Remus: Peter, how many times do I have to tell you? Just forget about it. It's dead and buried. Move on. I don't think about it anymore, so neither should you. -Sept. 15_ )

* * *

**final note:** and there is chapter four. chapter five should (this is a big 'should' mind you...as i hope everyone knows 'shoulds' rarely happen as they're supposed to) be out in a week or two. Please review, so I know that you all didn't abandon me in my month long absence. and, as always, please forgive any grammar and spelling mistakes. Alas, I'm only human. (and yes, i know the grammar in Peter's memoir entry is atrocisous, but do you think that a fifteen year-old wormtail would care at all about grammar?)

Yours in writing

Delano


	6. I just had my words shoved up my

**an: **Did I say two weeks? Surely I must have meant more like, uh, five. Sorry? If it makes you all feel better, this is the second longest chapter I have _ever _written. First longest being the final chapter of Shadowed Veil. Anyway, I'm really sorry ofr not updating this as soon as I had promised. Life has been rather stressful to me. but here I am...with an update.

Thanks to my reviewers amdalso for the silent readers.

Enjoi

* * *

The three boys woke up the next morning around eight in the morning, each of them getting an average of two or three hours of sleep. James was the only one who showed any exuberance whatsoever. Peter's morning scowl had grown worse than ever, and Sirius, who, unlike his best friend, needed a good seven hours of sleep to function properly in the morning, looked as though he had just risen from the dead. The motley crew dressed quickly, none of them caring much about what they looked like, and headed down stairs for a quick breakfast before going to the Hospital Wing to see if Madam Pomfrey would let them see Remus.

At the table in the great hall, Sirius and Peter wasted no time in eating as much food as they could, while James was content with an apple. Sirius was piling eggs and bacon onto a piece of toast, making a breakfast sandwich of sorts, and Peter was eating a little of everything within reach. They weren't down there for five minutes, when James announced that they should get going.

"But I'm not done eating," Peter whined.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "We can swing by the kitchens before our first class," he said. "Then you can eat to your heart's content."

Peter sighed, but stood up and left the Great Hall with James and Sirius. "I don't see why we're going now anyway," he complained. "I mean, Madam Pomfrey never lets us see him before lunch, so why bother?"

"Would you quit complaining?" Sirius said, his temper shortened by his lack of sleep. "Your friend is more important than your stomach."

Peter sighed, but kept his mouth shut. Just as he had predicted, however, Madam Pomfrey was quick to chase them away when they arrived at the Hospital Wing.

"He's resting right now," she said in a hushed voice when she saw the three boys enter the Hospital Wing. She seemed to be expecting them. She wasted no time in ushering them out of the Hospital Wing. "I don't need you three waking him up. He needs his sleep. Come back later."

"I told you she wouldn't let us see him," Peter said. "Let's hurry to the kitchens before the bell rings." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Er, I don't think we'll be able to get to the kitchens, Pete," James said, holding their schedule in his hand, looking down at it. "We've got Divination first thing this morning, all the way up in the North Tower. If we want to get there on time, we've got to go now."

"Of course," Peter grumbled under his breath, thoroughly put out now.

"Oh, suck it up," Sirius said impatiently.

"We can swing by the kitchens later," James said. "Don't worry, you're not going to starve."

Peter looked unconvinced but followed James and Sirius as they led the way through the school up to the North Tower. Their conversation slowly died, as all three of them were too tired to really care about anything. James interest perked when he realized whom they were walking behind as they made their way through a fifth floor corridor. Five or six yards ahead of them were three girls walking and chatting with each other. The girl in the middle had deep red hair that fell gently just past her shoulders. She walked with a small bounce in her step which made her hair swing back and forth. A goofy grin spread across his face as he watched her walk, and Sirius, knowing exactly what his best friend was thinking, nudged him in the ribs with his elbow. James glanced at Sirius before looking back at Lily and whistling a cat-call.

In a huff, Lily turned around to see the offender. The look of disgust on her face when she spotted James was impossible to mistake, but it was one James knew well. James and Sirius smirked at each other as Lily turned back around and muttered something that made her two friends, Alice and Athena, laugh.Unlike Athena and Alice, Lily had opted to take Ancient Runes instead of Divination, so a little further down the hall they split. Athena turned around once Lily had left and walked backwards down the hall, shaking her head at James.

"You are impossible, Potter," she said.

"What makes you say that?"

"Okay, last year for months you profess your undying infatuation for Lily to me at quidditch practice, and yet, you see her in the hall and you whistle at her like she's a. . . a slab of meat or something," Athena said. "You're never going to get a girl by doing that."

"I could," Sirius said.

"For some reason, I don't doubt that," Athena muttered.

Sirius grinned at her, and James paused for a moment. "Er, I don't know about you, Bryce, but I typically don't whistle at meat," he said slowly.

Alice snorted with laughter, but Athena just stared at James incredulously. It was a look quite similar to the one he and Sirius often got from Remus whenever they said something particularly ridiculous. "I refuse to talk to you," she said turning back around.

"You have to admit, though, that was really funny," Alice said, still laughing. Athena shrugged and they continued their way to the North Tower for Divination.

The trap door that led to the classroom was securely shut by the time Alice, Athena, James, Sirius, and Peter reached the top of the North Tower, and most of the rest of the class had already congregated beneath it. Professor Sanders, the peculiar old woman who taught the class, had a habit of being very scatterbrained. More than once before she had forgotten she had a class, leaving the students to sit under the trap door. She hadn't forgotten today, however, because a mere minute later, the trap door opened, and a silver ladder descended. One by one, the students climbed the ladder into the room.

The room had to have some of the oddest decor in the entire school. On one wall there was a bookshelf, holding enough tea cups and crystal balls for the entire class, and multiple used copies of the books Sanders taught out of. Those were probably the only normal things in the entire room. Instead of desks, there were around twenty small round tables, surrounded by arm chairs and poufs. The windows were blocked by layers of heavy multicolored lace; the fire place behind the teacher's desk was empty, and they all knew that it would remain that way for the entire year. Sanders often complained that the room was too hot. But the most disconcerting thing about the whole room had to be the porcelain dolls and stuffed bears that sat on shelves that lined the rest of the room. None of the students had ever found a reason for the dolls and bears to be there, but there they were just the same. Sirius hated them, and complained about it often. "They stare at you the whole time," he said more than once. "It's completely nerve-racking. Not to mention slightly demented."

Sanders herself was a very odd witch. She was shorter than almost all of her students. She had ill-managed, wavy, mouse-colored hair and wore glasses that covered most of her face. She had a long nose, a wide, slack mouth, and her smile frightened students more than her scowl did. She was quick to pounce on students who seemed to not be paying adequate attention or who seemed bent on disrupting her class. Yet, it was easy to get Sanders off-topic; a simple yes or no question could get her to ramble on about something for a good fifteen minutes. But what concerned her students most about her, other than her strange infatuation with dolls and bears, was her great interest in muggle plumbing systems. Last year, James had managed to get them out of a lesson that promised to be thoroughly dull by asking her about the plumbing systems muggles had used in ancient Rome.

Professor Sanders emerged from the back of the room shortly after the last students had climbed in and taken their seat. "Welcome back to Divination," she said, her voice as obnoxiously nasally as it had been the year before. "I am very pleased to see that you have returned to school safely. There are omens of dark time ahead, and it would be wise of you all to take caution.

"This year I would like to start with dream interpretation, as it is one of the most seriously studied branches of Divination. Dream interpretation allows unparalleled insight into the soul and our innermost conscience. Even muggles have spotted the importance of dreams." She started to pace the room as she spoke, occasionally touching students on the shoulder or on the hand as she walked by. Athena, who had always greatly appreciated her personal space, tensed noticeably when Sanders's hand rested on her shoulder. "The great muggle psychologist, Sigmund Freud, has done extensive, and highly accurate studies on dreams."

Now that Sanders had moved several feet away, Athena leaned over to Alice and whispered, "Freud is a great psychologist, and I'm Severus Snape."

Sanders turned to face Athena. "Do you have something to add, Miss Bryce?" she asked, wearing a scowl.

"No," Athena said. "I was merely commenting on the likelihood of Freud being on some sort of drug, seeing as how most of his 'psychological breakthroughs' are, well, perverted."

"Five points from Gryffindor, Miss Bryce," Sanders replied. "Now, there are copies of _The Dream Oracle_ on each table. Please open to the introduction, which we will take turns reading aloud as a class." There was a general groan of displeasure around the classroom, which Sanders chose to ignore. "Starting with Miss Bryce, who seems to be rather talkative today."Athena sighed, rolled her eyes, then proceeded to read to the class. When she had read several paragraphs, Sanders had her stop, and called on someone else to read. The rest of the class followed the same pattern. When they had finished reading the lengthy introduction, there was less than ten minutes of class left, in which they were supposed to divide into groups and interpret each others dreams.

James felt someone poke him in the back as he and Sirius pretended to listen with great interest as Peter described a dream he had had nearly a week ago.

"Psst, James."

He and Sirius both turned around, leaving Peter to figure out for himself that they were no longer listening and stop talking. Behind them sat Florence Denshaw and her best friend Angela Heston; both girls were in Hufflepuff and very pretty by anyone's standards. Florence was a skinny girl with blond hair, and big brown eyes. Angela had long wavy brown hair, grey eyes, and a "nice, curvy figure" according to Sirius.

"What?" James asked.

"Have you had Defense Against the Dark Arts yet?" Florence asked.

"No, we have it next. You had it yet?"

Angela shook her head. "We don't have it until tomorrow morning."

"But we heard the new teacher's a piece of work," Florence said. "We just wanted to know."

"Lily heard that she was a nasty piece of work, Florence," Alice said from two tables to the left.

"Who'd she hear it from?"

"Fabian Prewett," Athena said. "They were talking in the library after dinner last night."

James abruptly turned to face Athena. "What was Lily doing with Prewett in the library?"

"Talking, presumably," Athena replied. "Anyway, according to Fabian, Thelen has a tendency to completely undermine your intelligence. He said she talks to you like you're five, and yet she's probably got some of the hardest course work in the whole school."

"Oh, great. Thanks for letting us know, though," Angela said, turning back to her divination book. Florence nodded in agreement.

"No problem," Alice said.

"Why was Lily talking to Prewett in the library in the first place?" James asked.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "He really does have a one-track mind, doesn't he?" he muttered to Peter. Peter snickered.

"And who is the Fabian Prewett, anyway?" he asked.

"He's Gideon's little brother," Athena said. Gideon Prewett graduated last year, and had been captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team for the previous two years.

"I knew that," James snapped.

"He's a sixth year prefect in Ravenclaw, okay?"

"Well, that doesn't explain why they were talking in the library."

"They were talking," Alice said patiently, "because they were both in the library, and Lily is allowed to talk to whomever she likes."

James scowled and turned back around. Wearing a very angry looking grin, he looked at Sirius. "So what did you dream about last night, Sirius?" he snapped in a mock pleasant voice.

Sirius laughed and proceeded to make up a dream to waste time until the end of class. When the bell rang, they left the North Tower, and headed back downstairs to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Thelen wasn't in the room when they entered, so James, Sirius, and Peter took their normal seats in the back of the room. James and Sirius always took the two desks in the back left-hand corner of the room, and Remus and Peter occupied the two desks in front of them. The bell to start class rang, and Thelen still hadn't show up so multiple conversations cropped up among the students. The noise had risen to the level of a dull roar when the door was pushed open and Professor Thelen stalked in, wearing a dissatisfied look on her face.

"Quiet," she snapped. Her tone alone was enough to bring the room to dead silence. She scowled and looked around the room. "It's nice to see that a bunch of fifth years can't bring themselves to behave when their teacher is absent for five minutes. Honestly, I expected better of all of you. Now, before we proceed with a lesson, I am going to pass out a seating chart that I would like you to fill out, so I can get to know your names quicker."

At this statement, more than one student snorted with laughter. James looked at Sirius with his eyebrows raised. "Seating chart?" he mouthed. Sirius just shook his head in reply. They had both formed opinions about teachers who used seating charts and their incompetency long ago. When the chart was passed their way, they had Peter fill in their names, as well as Remus's, and then had him pass it on.

With the completed chart in her hands, Thelen continued, "The Ministry requirement for fifth year course work is a strictly outlined regiment that deals with jinxes and counter-jinxes, primarily; particularly the theory behind it. In other words, I will teach you about the nasty things people can do to you in this day and age, not that anyone will be attacking a group of fifteen year olds anywhere in the near future, and how to defend yourselves. But, as this is your O.W.L. year, and as you have had the misfortune of inadequate teachers in the past, I will periodically review elements that pertain to this subject that I feel have been poorly taught to you, or are liable to show up on your O.W.L.s.

"Now, as I am to fill your heads with knowledge about different theories of defensive magic, we will be studying different defensive magic philosophers and their outlooks. By Christmas, I hope to have covered Slinkhard, Lastovica, Yarbrough, and Lepski. All four of these philosophers have reputations as being some of the greats of our age and also have age- appropriate theories on defensive magic."

Alice Green raised her hand. "You have a question, Miss Green?" Thelen asked.

Alice nodded. "Yes, I was always under the impression that all four of them basically followed the same idea about defensive magic. Espcially Slinkhard and Lepski," she said.

Thelen looked at Alice with her eyebrows raised, making her look slightly terrifying. "Their theories are slightly similar, but there are drastic differences. Who exposed you to Slinkhard and the others?"

"A good friend of mine is studying to be an auror," Alice said. The other girls in the room smiled at each other, knowing that she was talking about Frank Longbottom and that he was more than a "good friend" in Alice's opinion. "Over the summer we had discussions about defensive magic theories, and seeing as how all four of them have rather large followings in society, they came up in conversation more than once."

Thelen looked curious now. "What else did you talk about?" she asked.

Alice shrugged. "We talked about Bhat, Chandler, and Westbrook. We talked about the Ruiz Trials ten years ago, for a bit. And we actually had a really good discussion on Alastor Soerens's take on defensive magic."

Thelen tutted at her. "It was inappropriate for your friend to expose you to such philosophers at such a young and delicate age, Miss Green. Your friend should have known better than to talk about magic so advanced with one so young. Most students don't talk about the Ruiz Trials til the end of their sixth year, and I'm not even sure if it's appropriate then. And Alastor Soerens isn't discussed with anyone under seventh year. Next time you talk with this friend of yours you should remind them to keep the conversation age appropriate," Thelen said.

"Er, right," Alice said half-heartedly. "I'll be sure to do that." As soon as Thelen had redirected her attention, however, Alice rolled her eyes at her friends.

"Well, now that that's settled, we shall continue with the lesson," Thelen said. "If you would all take out your books, I would like you to open to chapter one and read silently. When you have finished that, you may proceed to chapter two. If you manage to finish that, then you can start on your essay which will be due next week. Two rolls of parchment on Slinkhard's 4-Point Rule for Defensive Magic. If you have any questions, see me after class."

After a moment or two, Athena raised her hand.

"I said to see me after class if you have any questions, Miss Bryce," Thelen said.

"That's all good and well, but you see I seem to have grabbed the wrong book out of my dormitory this morning. Can I go get the right one?" Athena asked.

Thelen walked up next to Athena and said quietly, "Miss Bryce, you are a fifth year, you should be responsible enough to remember to bring the right book to class. I'm not here to mother you and make sure you always have the right supplies, neither are any of your other teachers."

"I know," Athena replied. "Can I just go get my book?"

Thelen frowned. "I suppose," she said. "But do not let this happen again, and be quick about it."

"Right, thanks," said Athena, not sounding at all thankful. She stood up and excused herself from the room.

Thelen returned to her desk in the front of the room and started grading what looked to be a stack of summer homework papers. She wore a very dissatisfied scowl as she marked and corrected the papers. Every so often she would look up and scan the room, to make sure everyone was doing as they were supposed to. The third time she scanned the room, her eyes rested on a black-haired boy in the back corner. He was resting his head on his book, which wasn't even opened, and looked to be thoroughly asleep. The two other boys sitting next to him were both reading, and neither seemed at all interested in waking their sleeping friend. She stood up, and, taking her seating chart with her, made her way to the back of the room.

She stood next to the desk of the sleeping student and tapped her foot, seeing if he would wake on his own accord. When he did not, she coughed slightly, in an attempt to wake him. All that gained her were curious glances from his friends and other students around the room. Starting to get fed up, she said quietly, but forcefully, "Mr. Black." Nothing happened, except the boy on the other side of her simply looked between her and his friend. "Mr. Black," she repeated. "Wake up."

"Er, Professor," the other boy said, catching her attention. She turned to look at him, noticing disdainfully how his hair stuck up in the back as if he had forgotten to comb it. She raised her eyebrows at him in question. "I'm Sirius Black," he replied to her unspoken question. "He's James Potter."

Thelen glanced at the chart in her hands. "It says here that he's Black, and you're Potter," she said.

"Well," he said. "I can assure you that I have been Sirius Black for the last fifteen years and approximately four months."

Thelen's scowl grew deeper. "Mr. Potter," she said, turning back to the sleeping student. "Wake up."

Sirius lifted his head off his book and rubbed his eyes as if to clear his vision. "Yes?" he said.

"What do you think you were doing, may I ask?"

"Well, I was sleeping, Professor," he replied.

"I had gathered as much. May I ask why?"

"Because I didn't get much sleep last night, and I was tired," Sirius said.

"Did you not think it rude to sleep during class?"

"Well, no. You weren't talking anymore, and it's not like I was snoring or anything. I wasn't snoring, was I, Sirius?" he asked.

"'Course not, James," James said, adjusting his glasses slightly. "You never snore."

"Really?" Sirius asked. "Because I was under the impression that I did occasionally."

"Nope," James said, shaking his head. "James Potter never snores."

By now, the entire class had focused their attention on the back corner. Several of the girls were trying to stifle laughter as they watched the two boys blatantly lie to the teacher.

"I am warning you now, Mr. Potter, not to fall asleep in my class again, or you will have detention."

"Oh no," Sirius said. "Not detention."

"How terrible," James added.

"I don't know if I could survive."

"Oh, the horror!"

Across the room, Emm let out a loud laugh, and promptly clapped her hand over her mouth. Serena was shaking with silent laughter, and Dory was chewing on her knuckles to keep from laughing out loud. Lily was grinning at her book, and Alice looked thoroughly amused. Thelen, on the other hand, was still wearing a scowl, though it was beginning to look more like furious outrage.

"And that does not explain why your names are switched on the seating chart," Thelen said, her voice betraying her growing annoyance.

"Well, that's easy enough to explain," James said.

"We had Pete write our names down on the chart," Sirius said. "I was too tired to do it myself."

"But last year," James continued, "I sat there, and James sat here."

"I didn't realize they switched," Peter said, joining in on the fun.

Thelen obviously didn't believe them. She scanned the room quickly, and spotted the prefect's badge on Lily's robes. "Miss Evans, you're a prefect, right?" Lily nodded. "Then would you please tell me whether or not the boys are telling the truth."

Lily wore the pleasant, innocent face she always wore when lying. "I don't see why they wouldn't be telling the truth," she said. "It's not like either of them have a history of completely disregarding the teachers and staff here."

James and Sirius exchanged a quick glance, both of them surprised that Lily didn't ruin their fun. Thelen opened her mouth to ask another question when Athena walked back in, her Defense Against the Dark Arts book tucked under her arm. "Miss Bryce," Thelen said abruptly, causing Athena to jump slightly.

"Yeah?"

"Would you be so kind as tell me which of these two boys is Mr. Potter and which is Mr. Black?" she asked.

Athena didn't miss a beat. She knew Thelen wouldn't ask unless James and Sirius had done something to make her question their identities. "The one with the crazy hair and ugly glasses," she said pointing to James, "is Sirius Black. And the good-looking one," she said, now pointing to Sirius, "is James Potter."

"Very well. Take your seat," Thelen said. "Now I want you all to return to your reading, and I expect that none of you, and that includes you Mr. Potter, fall asleep."

The rest if class went by without a hitch. Sirius still managed to go to sleep, only he was more discreet about it this time. With his elbow on the desk, he propped his head up on his hand. He looked like he was merely reading, instead of catching up on sleep. After what seemed to be an eternity and a half, the bell rang. Every student grabbed their books in a hurry and quickly left the class. If Thelen noticed that her students seemed overeager to leave her class, she didn't say anything.

"Hey, Bryce," Sirius called once they were safely in the hall, trying to get the girl's attention as she walked ahead with her friends. She turned around and paused for a minute for Sirius and his friends to catch up.

"Thanks for covering for us back there," James said when they caught up.

"My pleasure," Athena replied, running her hand through her hair. "Thelen was bugging me, anyway. With all her 'age appropriate' crap."

Sirius smiled. "We know what you mean," he said. She smiled in return, and he thought he felt his heart skip a beat. "So did you really mean what you said back there?"

"What did I say?"

"When you said I was the good looking one," said Sirius. James snorted and rolled his eyes. "Did you mean that?"

Athena looked at his seriously and shook her head. "No," she said simply.

Sirius smiled again. "Well, everyone can't think I'm good looking. Someone's got to be rebellious," he said, turning on his famed 'Sirius charm'.

"Uh, yeah," Athena said. "Where's Remus been today? I haven't seen him all day."

Sirius was slightly taken back by the sudden turn in conversation. "He got a letter from his parents late last night that his grandma passed away," James supplied effortlessly. "Dumbledore gave him permission to go home for the funeral."

"Oh, that's terrible," Athena said sincerely.

Sirius nodded. "He was pretty close to his grandma. He's probably going to be gone for a few more days," he said.

"Right," Athena said. "Well, if you owl him or anything, give him my condolences, all right?"

"Yeah, sure," James said.

"I've got to go catch up with Lily and them," Athena said, hitching her school bag higher up on her shoulder. "I'll see you guys later."

Once Athena was down the hall and around the corner, Peter grabbed the sleeves of his friend's robes and started to pull them off into the direction of the Hospital Wing. "C'mon," he said. "Let's visit Remus and get to lunch before it's over."

"We're coming," Sirius said, trying to wrench his robes out of Peter's grip. "You can let go."

"Hey, I'll race you guys there," James said, pulling his robes out of Pete's hands as well.

"You're on, Potter," Sirius said. Both of them took off running down the hall.

"Just 'cause I wanted to get there quicker doesn't mean I wanted to race," Peter called after them. Both James and Sirius were far more athletic than he was. Not to mention he really didn't like running.

"Oh, come on, Pete," James called back over his shoulder. "It'll be fun!"

"Fun for you, maybe," he muttered under his breath as he started jogging down the hall after his two friends, who had already rounded the corner. James and Sirius were standing outside the Hospital Wing waiting for Pete when he caught up with them, thoroughly out of breath. He was rather disgruntled to see that James and Sirius hardly looked winded at all, even though they had just run through many corridors and down two flights of stairs. They waited for Peter to catch his breath before they walked into the Hospital Wing. Without needing to ask, they knew that Remus would be occupying the bed at the very end of the wing; one close to Madam Pomfrey's office, and hid by curtains to ensure his privacy. Madam Pomfrey gave them the tiniest of nods as they passed her, a sign of her consent. She was tending to a third year who had seemed to be on the receiving end of a nasty Furnunculus Curse.

The three boys rounded the curtains around the bed, and found Remus laying on his back, staring at the ceiling with a very vacant and detached expression on his face. His left arm was draped over his torso, and they could make out the outline of thick bandages wrapped around his arm under the sleeve of his shirt. There were several cuts marring his face, but other than that and the shallow sound of his breathing, he looked to be fine. They knew better, though. The worst of the damage were probably deep lacerations on his chest and legs that had already tended by Madam Pomfrey (to the best of her ability for such wounds; werewolf wounds were cursed, after all), and hidden under the thick blanket draped over him.

"Hey, Remus," Sirius said quietly, drawing his friend's attention away from the ceiling that seemed to have enraptured him.

Remus turned his head to face his friends, a small, weak smile spreading across his face, but not quite reaching his eyes. "Hey," he replied. His voice was hoarse and barely stronger than a whisper.

"How are you feeling?" Peter asked.

"I've been better."

James summoned some nearby chairs for them to sit down. "Really?" James asked wryly. "It's seems to me that everyone's been better than you are now."

Remus half-shrugged. "Well, I've been worse," he said.

Sirius and James exchanged glances; they were all to used to Remus's vague answers, and had learned to ignore them. "Yeah, so you missed meeting the worst teacher in the world today," Sirius said lightly, changing the subject to one they could joke about.

"New Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?" Remus asked, glad for a change of subject.

"Yup," Sirius said, grinning now. "She's the teacher from Hell."

"She can't be that bad, can she?" he asked James.

"She's pretty bad," James said. "She made us fill out a seating chart, for crying out loud. I haven't sat in an assigned seat since . . .well, actually, since last year when McGonagall made me sit on the other half of the room, away from you guys," he continued, laughing at himself. "But that's a completely different circumstance."

"Of course it is. So, other than her seating chart, what's so bad about her?"

"She's got this thing about having everything be age appropriate," Peter said.

"But according to her, apparently, age appropriate for fifth years means not talking about anything interesting," Sirius said. "Honestly, she talks to us like we're twelve."

"She actually got in a bit of a spat with Alice Green over it," James said. James and Sirius went on to describe the argument in great depth to Remus, exaggerating it and embellishing it for their friend's entertainment. Sirius even went so far as to impersonate Thelen with remarkable accuracy, mocking her condescending manner perfectly. "And you know," James finished, "arguing with Alice over Defense Against the Dark Arts is simply stupid. I mean, she's always been good at it, and she's always been interested in it. If she wants to talk about higher level magic with someone, so be it"

"What'd Alice say she talked about that got Thelen so uptight?" Remus asked.

"Well, she mentioned the Ruiz Trials," Sirius said. "And that certainly got her wand in a twist. I don't even know what they're about."

"I do," James said. "I heard Jared and my dad talking it about it a couple weeks ago. It was pretty demented series of trials, if you ask me."

"What where they about?" Pete asked.

"It was pretty much over the use of Unforgivable Curses in self-defense," James said. "You know, whether it should be allowed, or not. Apparently, some bloke tried to do in some auror's family. When the auror, Ruiz was his name, tried to apprehend this other guy, a Cruciatus Curse hit his son. Ruiz thought the bloke had gone to far and killed him in defense of his family. The bloke's family accused Ruiz of murder, and took him to court. It caused a big controversy about whether or not Ruiz had liable cause to kill the other guy."

"That's completely twisted," Remus said.

"I told you I thought it was demented," James said.

"Anything else noteworthy happen in class?"

James and Sirius grinned at each other. "You missed it, mate," Sirius said wistfully.

"It was amazing," James added. "Sheer brilliance."

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"They pretended to be each other," Peter said, snickering slightly.

"It's not every day that I can pretend to be James and get away with it," Sirius said. "The teachers already know who I am, so we might as well have fun while we can."

"Frankly," James said. "I'm surprised that McGonagall didn't warn her ahead of time about us. It really was great, though . . . You should have seen her face, Remus. She was livid."

"And she tried to threaten me with detention," Sirius said, laughing now. "Like it was supposed to scare me or something."

This made Remus laugh slightly, but stopped when he realized how much it hurt his ribs. The grimace of pain that passed briefly over his face did not go unnoticed by his friends. And the concerned looks that were exchanged between them were not unnoticed by Remus. Another change of subject was in order.

"Sirius," Remus said. "I got my monthly care package from my parents this morning. My mum threw in some extra fudge for you." Remus's parents always sent him a box of his favorite sweets the morning after the full moon, along with a letter asking the usual concerned parent questions. When his mother had learned that his friends often seemed to eat more of the sweets than he did, she made sure to throw in extra for the other boys.

"Really? Sweet," Sirius said, standing up and walking over to the end of the bed where the package sat. He starting sifting through the sweets to find the fudge and Pete went to join him, his stomach getting the better of him.

"So," James said quietly, watching Sirius and Peter for a moment before turning his attention back to his bedridden friend. "A certain Athena Bryce asked about you."

For the first time all morning, Remus looked fully alert. His eyes went wide and his eyebrows shot up, giving him quite the comical expression. "What?" he gasped.

James nodded. "After Defense Against the Dark Arts. She wanted to know where you were," James said. "She seemed concerned."

"Well, what'd you tell her?"

"We told her that your grandmother died, and that you went home for the funeral," James replied. "She wanted us to give you her condolences."

Remus smiled slightly again. "It's nice to know that if my grandma actually died, I'd have her condolences," he mused to himself.

"You know, Remus," James said, glancing once more to make sure Sirius and Peter were still enraptured by Mrs. Lupin's homemade sweets. "If you asker her out, she'd probably say yes."

"No," Remus said, his smile fading quickly.

"What do you mean 'no'? I know her a little better than you do, she'd say–"

"I meant 'no' as in, 'No, I'm not asking her'," Remus said. "I don't really want to talk about this, James. Especially not now."

James shrugged. "All right, if you say so." He glanced down at his watch. "Hey, if we're gonna eat lunch and make it to Care of Magical Creatures on time, we've got to go now," he said.

Remus nodded. "All right. Take notes for me in class, okay?"

"Yeah, sure thing, Moony," James said. He got Sirius's and Peter's attention and told them that they should get going, not to mention that Madam Pomfrey would be along in less than ten minutes to shoo them off, anyway. As they left the Hospital Wing, Sirius promised that they would be back after dinner.

Back in the Great Hall, the fifth year Gryffindor girls were already well into their meal, and still talking about Thelen's class.

"I am simply _shocked_ Lily," Serena said, smiling. "Not only did you blatantly lie to a teacher, but you did it in defense of James Potter."

Lily laughed. "I wasn't blatantly lying," she said. "I was being facetious. If Thelen couldn't pick up on that, then she shouldn't be teaching teenagers."

"That does not change the fact that you covered for James," Serena replied.

"I only did it because Thelen has to be the worst teacher to ever set foot in Hogwarts," Lily said. "And the fact that I can say that after having once class with her should be enough proof that she should not be teaching."

"You can say that again," Athena said.

"I really liked how she was trying to control future conversations that I'll have with Frank," Alice said, rolling her eyes. "I have the right to talk about Alastor Soerens, or anyone else for that matter." She was still frustrated at being talked at like she was an incompetent ten year-old.

"Who is he anyway?" Serena asked.

"He's known as the father of modern magical defense spells," a strong deep voice said from behind Lily. Lily jumped slightly and turned to see Fabian Prewett standing behind her. She smiled. "Mind if I take a seat?" he asked. Lily shook her head. He took a seat in between her and Dory, who was having her own conversation with Emm. "Soerens is also the grandfather to the current Head of the Auror office, Alastor Moody."

Alice nodded. "Yeah, that's basically who he is."

"So I take it you all survived your first class with Thelen?" Fabian asked looking around, but finally resting his gaze on Lily.

"Survived one class, yes," Athena said dryly. "But whether or not we'll make it through another one is a completely different matter."

Fabian laughed. "Okay, new question. Who wants to join the newly formed "I Hate Thelen, and am Praying for Her Untimely Demise Club"? It's not an official club, yet, but some of my fellow classmates and I are sure it's bound to get a large following in the very near future."

"Where can I sign up?" Lily asked, over her friends general murmurs of agreement.

"Yeah, put my name on membership records twice, okay?" Alice said, laughing.

"Well, ladies, it's been a nice thirty second chat," Fabian said. "But I've got to get to Transfiguration, or my head will undoubtedly be McGonagall's for being late. Spread the word about our new club, and I'll see you later." He excused himself from the table and left, casting one last smile at Lily over his shoulder.

Serena leaned over the table towards Lily. "Is there something going on between you and Fabian?" she asked quietly.

"No," Lily said, a little too quickly.

Serena smiled. "Right," she said.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Sirius, June17, 1974:

This, my fellow marauders, is a momentous day. _(Remus: Since when have you used the word 'momentous'? -June 18)_ Today, we get to add one more name to a special group which I like to call "The Failures". **Way to be blunt about it, Sirius. -James. **As I was saying, er, writing before I was rudely interrupted by James, we get to add a name to "The Failures": a.k.a all the teachers we've ever had who had to quit, retire, or were fired since we were first years. Professor Willow, the spineless sap who has taught DADA for this past year, resigned today after having a nervous breakdown induced by yours truly. **Hey, give credit were credit is due. There would be no nervous breakdown if it weren't for my impeccable timing.-James. _(Peter: since when has James used the word "impecable"?-20 June). _**Fine, the breakdown was induced by James and me (though mostly me). Willow was our fourth DADA teacher in four years. One year teaching seems to be the trend right now. Started after Prof. Wilson retired at the end of our first year, after teaching for, uh. . . along time. After that, we had Professor Bikly. A balding temperamental teacher who got fired for throwing a chair at my cousin Narcissa. I still claim partial credit for that. James and I started the argument that led to the chair throwing. (Note James's obnoxious laughter in the background as he remembers watching a chair that was meant for him go awry and heads towards Narcissa). Back in those days, we had DADA with the Slytherins (Note disgusting retching noise James made for me mentioning Slytherins in our _Memoirs_). But after the chair and several other arguments, I think Dumbledore thought it would be wise for us only to have a class together when we weren't getting a new teacher each year. We have Potions with them now. Anyway, I'm still annoyed at Bikly, because the chair missed, but I give him credit for trying** Need I remind you that he meant to hit me with that chair? And that it was only because I have mad quidditch reflexes and dodged it that it didn't hit me?- James**. Third year, we had Prof. Zwolsky. Out of all of "The Failures" I like him the best, and not to mention, he didn't really fail. He was a middle-aged man with black hair (though slightly graying) and a grey goatee. He was a cool guy. He knew what he was talking about, and he always appreciated my random comments in class. About a week after school let out that year, it was in the newspaper that he had disappeared. No one knows exactly what happened to him, but there's been no sign of him since. Shame, really. And this year, we had Prof. Willow. Biggest pushover on the face of the planet. James and I have mastered the art of pushing her buttons just the right way, so she gets all upset and flustered. And today we went as far as giving her a nervous breakdown. I never liked her, so I don't feel bad about making her freak out. The really bad thing about her was she wasn't a challenge. I'm fifteen now. I want to move onto more difficult teachers. . . see if I can make them freak out too. Completely master the art of causing distress. I want a challenging teacher.

_Post Script from Sirius, beginning of Fifth Year, after Thelen's first class: _Wow. . .I really just had my words shoved up my ass, didn't I?

* * *

**final note:** alright? does that make up for my really long and untimely absence?anyway, I apologize for mispellings and any bad grammar. Please review...it would make my day, and it my get another update appear quicker...lol. Anyway, I'm not predicting when the next chapter will be up, because I'd be wrong.

Have a nice day

Delano


	7. It's Nothing

**an:** okay...three weeks. I'm getting better, aren't I? It's loads better than five weeks, right? Thanks to all my readers who have gone completely silent for a chapter. You guys make writing more worthwhile than it already is

Enjoi

* * *

Friday morning, when James, Sirius, and Peter went down to the Great Hall for breakfast, they found Remus already at the table. He was still looked ill, pale, and slightly malnourished, but he looked to be fine otherwise. He smiled broadly as his friends took their seats next to him.

"Hey, James," Sirius said as they sat down. "Guess what?"

"What?"

"Moony's back," said Sirius seriously.

James's eyes went wide and he looked between Sirius and Remus for a moment, then said, "No way."

"Yeah."

"No way."

"Yeah."

"No. Way."

"Yeah."

"No–"

"You can shut up now," Remus said.

"Really?" James asked, grinning.

"Yeah," Remus replied.

"No way."

Remus groaned as James, Sirius and Peter laughed. "You should have seen that one coming, mate," Sirius said.

"I really should've," he muttered, shaking his head.

"So, Pomfrey let you out?" Peter asked, helping himself to some eggs.

"Or did you just leave like you did last year?" James said, remembering fondly the image of a harassed looking Remus showing up half-way during Transfiguration after nearly five days in the Hospital Wing, only to be cornered in the hall by Madam Pomfrey after class and receive the worst telling off James and Sirius had ever witnessed.

Remus grinned. "After much complaining and pestering on my part, she let me go. But she made me swear to swing by during lunch and dinner to make sure I didn't have a relapse, or something. Although," he said after pausing for a moment, "I don't really think I can have a relapse of, well–"

"Your furry little problem?" James supplied.

"Yeah, precisely."

"Well," Sirius said in mock thoughtfulness, "I think next month, probably towards the beginning, you'll have a relapse."

"Really, you think so?" Remus asked.

"No. I know so," Sirius said

"Merlin, Sirius, you must be some sort of Seer," Remus said, smirking.

"Just like Sibyll," James snorted into his orange juice, naming the very peculiar Ravenclaw girl in their Divination class. "Is your Inner-Eye tingling, mate?"

Sirius clapped his hands to his forehead. "My Inner-Eye is tingling," he whispered, his voice sort of misty and soft.

James laughed harder, and it wasn't long before Sirius was doubled over with laughter as well. Peter turned to Remus, and said, "See what you miss out on because you had to take Ancient Runes instead of Divination?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I reaffirm my former proclamation that Ancient Runes is a better and more beneficial class than Divination will ever be. Honestly, it sounds like all you three do is pretend to see things in crystal balls." He glanced back over at James and Sirius, who were both still laughing. "Do you think they're okay?" he asked, turning back to Peter.

Peter shook his head. "No."

Remus chuckled. "You think they'd notice if we just left?"

Pete studied his two laughing friends for a moment. "Not a chance in the world," he said.

"Let's go," Remus said devilishly. "We've got maybe five or six minutes to get down to the greenhouses for Herbology," he said, glancing at James's wristwatch. "Let's just leave them here."

"All right," Peter said, gathering his things together. Together, they very quietly excused themselves from the table and headed out of the Great Hall. Sirius and James were still laughing too hard to notice.

With considerable effort, James and Sirius managed to calm down enough to stop laughing. They were both in exceptionally high spirits, despite the fact that it was still early and both of them had gotten very little sleep the night before. Last night, they were attempting their animagus transformations once more. Sometime around midnight, James finally managed to fully transform, even if it only was for about five seconds. Much to Sirius's amusement, however, when James returned to his human self, a set of very large and very regal looking antlers stuck out from either side of his head. And even better than that, was the fact that James was so proud of his accomplishment, that he didn't notice them until they got caught in the curtains around Sirius's bed. About an hour and a half later, they managed to get rid of the antlers, at which point Sirius dubbed him 'Prongs'.

"Ah, good times, good times," James said, with a systematic ruffle of his hair. "Where'd Remus and Pete go?" he asked looking around.

"No idea, Prongs," Sirius said, grinning. "They must have left for class already, the gits."

They both gathered their belongings and headed out of the Great Hall.

"Why are we friends with them, anyway?" Sirius continued, enjoying his mock vexation with his other friends. "If they're just going to up and leave like that?" As they passed through the Entrance Hall, someone, a fourth year by the looks of him, bumped into Sirius, before continuing without a word of apology. "Hey," Sirius snapped. "Watch it, punk." He turned slightly to see who had run into him.

A dark haired figure turned at Sirius's comment. Regulus Black snorted with disdain. "Blood traitor," he sneered at his older brother. There could be no doubt in the world that the two teenagers were brothers. They both had classic aristocratic good looks that ran in the Black family. Black hair contrasted with their naturally pale skin, and they had the same nose. While Regulus had cold blue eyes and thin lips that were more inclined to sneer than to smile, Sirius had intense grey eyes that would often betray his emotions and a full mouth accented by a strong and defiant jaw. Despite the differences in looks (and the more prominent differences in personalities), teachers were often inclined to confuse the two when not paying attention; calling Regulus "Sirius" in class, or vice versa, which eternally infuriated both of them. As far as they were concerned, they were nothing alike.

"Your point?" Sirius retorted.

Regulus surveyed his brother with every sign of dislike. "Only that you've got no proper pride," the younger Black said coldly.

A few people nearby turned around to see what was going on. Most of the upperclassmen had learned to recognize Sirius's voice, since he was typically talking loudly, and had also learned that Sirius was never far from the action. Besides, there was just something about an impending fight that irresistible.

Sirius snorted, well aware of their new audience. "But, of course, I've got loads of improper pride," he said, smirking. The crowd laughed, and Regulus flushed red, knowing very well how stupid he looked now.

"You really are some sort of freak, you know that?"

"Better a freak than a jackass," Sirius snapped.

"Mudblood lover."

More than one person in the crowd hissed at the term. Sirius's eyes narrowed. "Didn't our whore of a mother ever teach you not to say dirty words, Reg?"

Regulus drew his wand. "You're going to leave Mother out of this," he threatened.

A loud bark-like laugh escaped Sirius's lips as he eyed his brother's wand. He held his own wand in his hand. "I blackened your eye of the summer, Reg," Sirius said calmly. "Do you really want to see what I can do _with_ a wand?"

"Going to hex me, Sirius?"

"What if I do?" Sirius taunted. "What're you going to do? There's no mummy to cry to here."

"You–" Regulus started, but no one heard what he called Sirius next because the late bell rang loudly, echoing through the hall. When the crowd didn't disperse immediately, a teacher came over to see what was going all.

James grabbed Sirius's elbow as he watched a pointed hat move through the now thinning crowd. "C'mon, Sirius," he said, pulling Sirius away. "Rule One of the Marauders: Don't get caught."

Sirius spotted the hat move closer to them and allowed himself to be pulled away. "I hate that git," he snarled.

"So do I," James said, when they were outside. "But, then again, I hate most gits. Did you really give him a black eye of the summer?"

Sirius grinned. "You bet I did," he said proudly. "I'll take some crap from my parents, you know, but not from my little brother. My parents were furious with me, though. I told them that he's fourteen, and if he can't avoid getting hit by his older brother, then he deserves a black eye."

James laughed as they reached Greenhouse Four, where all of the class was already inside. He peered through the glass only to fine Peter talking to Professor Sprout, keeping her attention focused solely on him and away from the door they were about to sneak through. He turned to Sirius, and pointed, "I think that's why we're friends with them."

They quietly pushed open the door and slipped in, closing it behind them. Making sure Sprout wasn't looking, they crouched down low and crept behind the tables and around the plants until they took their spots near Remus. "What took you two so long?" Remus asked. "Pete's been distracting Sprout for nearly five minutes."

Sirius and James grinned sheepishly at him. "We were held up in the Entrance Hall," James said.

"By a certain spineless brother of mine," Sirius finished.

At the front of the greenhouse, Peter glanced over his shoulder briefly and visibly relaxed when he saw James and Sirius. He quickly tied up his conversation with Professor Sprout and returned to his friends. "I hope you two appreciate how hard it is to keep that woman distracted long enough for you to sneak into class," he muttered exasperatedly.

"Trust us, we know," Sirius and James said in unison.

The rest of the day went smoothly for the Marauders. Sprout hadn't even noticed that Sirius and James had been late to class, even if everyone else had. After Herbology, they had Double Charms, which had always been a decent class; there was ample time to talk while they were practicing Silencing Charms. Lunch followed Charms, which was then followed by Transfiguration. The lesson was a particularly horrifying one on Vanishing Spells. By the end of class, none of them had made their snail disappear, though the shell on James's snail had sufficiently disappeared, and Sirius's had done a series of back flips under his influence for his own enjoyment. The last class of the day happened to be slightly more problematic. Double Potions. With Slytherins. Enough said.

By the time the four boys had made it down to the dungeons (they were late because Remus insisted on talking to McGonagall about the Transfiguration class he had missed while in the Hospital Wing), almost everyone else was waiting outside. Just by looking at the group of students, one could easily see the social differences among them. In the middle of the hall stood Lily and her friends, all of them talking, joking, and giggling with each other as they were prone to do. The other end of the hall was where the Slytherins had congregated. Evan Rosier and Rabastan Lestrange were in the center of the group, surrounded by the other boys in Slytherin and a few of the girls. Off in a corner, with his hooked nose buried in a book, a curtain of greasy, black hair hiding his face, was Severus Snape, sworn enemy to every single one of the Marauders, James and Sirius in particular. If asked, none of the boys could give a satisfactory reason why they loathed each other, but the feeling was there nonetheless, embedded deep inside of them. James nudged Sirius with his elbow, and they exchanged several meaningful glances that were their way of communicating whether or not it would be worth it to hex Snape now, or wait til later. Their decision was made for them when the door to the dungeon opened and Professor Horace Slughorn let them in.

Slughorn was the only teacher in the school who blatantly played favorites, but no one seemed to care. He had a knack for spotting students with the greatest amount of talent, in any area, and he had formed a club around these students. He would forge contacts and make introductions with its members, and always receive some benefit in return when that member of his club had graduated from Hogwarts. If you weren't in his club, however, you'd be lucky if he remembered your name. Slughorn said hello to his favorites as they filed into his classroom. He greeted both James and Sirius when they walked in, but ignored Remus and Peter. James nodded in return, but Sirius did nothing. He had long since sworn to do away with anything that would possibly connect him with the Slytherin House, and this included Slughorn, who was the House's Head.

"Lily, my dear," Slughorn said enthusiastically when Lily walked in. No one was surprised; Lily had long since taken the spot of Slughorn's favorite among favorites. "It's good to see you back."

"Good to see me back?" Lily said, smiling. "What? Did you think I wasn't going to come back? Did you think I was going to just keel over and die in the middle of the summer?""I had hoped you might," a cold voice said from behind her.

Lily half turned and found Narcissa Black, one of Sirius's cousins (though he denied any relation to the girl), standing behind her. Lily smiled sardonically. "I assure you, Narcissa, the feeling is mutual," she said coldly, before turning back around and took her seat next to Athena.

"Oho. As quick as ever, Lily," Slughorn said after acknowledging Snape would had walked in after Narcissa and her friends. He continued once everyone had taken their seats. "Now then, everyone, scales and potion kits out. Books, too, if you will. Today, we'll start working on the Draught of Peace, your summer assignment was on that, so I expect that, despite the complexness of the potion, you'll be up to the challenge. Now, can anyone tell me what the Draught of Peace does?"

Unsurprisingly, Lily's hand was one of the first in the air. The whole school probably knew that Lily had an almost unrivaled talent in Potions. Slughorn was often prone to state that he had never seen anyone with such a natural knack for Potions like Lily had. The only one who could even try to compete with her was Snape, who's hand was in the air not long after Lily's.

"Yes, Lily?"

"It's used to calm anxiety and soothe agitation," she answered nonchalantly.

"And it tastes terrible," Remus, who had taken the potion more than once before a full moon, muttered under his breath to his friends.

"Precisely," Slughorn said. "No doubt you can tell me the hazard about it?"

"If you're too heavy-handed with ingredients, then you run the risk of putting the drinker to a heavy, and possibly irreversible sleep."

"Correct again, Lily," Slughorn said. "Take ten points for Gryffindor. Now, let's see, Severus, can you tell me the key ingredients for the potion?"

"The key ingredient is hellebore, but without the powdered moonstone, it's all but worthless," Snape replied. Two rows behind him, Sirius was pretending to throw-up in his cauldron.

Slughorn nodded. "Five points for Slytherin. Now, you've got about and hour and fifteen minutes left, which should be enough time. You may go ahead and start."

The entire class started working on their potions, which had to be, by general consensus, the most finicky potion they had ever attempted to brew. All the ingredients had to be added in a precise order, with exact amounts. The potion had to be stirred the right number of times in the right direction. The flames had to be kept a specific temperature while the potion simmered for a specific amount of time, then the temperature had to rise when they stirred, and lowered when they added certain ingredients. Students all across the room were struggling with it, and even Lily could be found concentrating solely on the potion when she otherwise would have talked to her friends while she worked. The Maruaders were having their own problems with the potion. Peter was having trouble remembering which step he was supposed to be on or how long he had left his potion simmering. When his potion was supposed to turn a delicate shade of blue, it was a garish shade hue of orange. Remus, meanwhile, had never been much of a potion-brewer, and while he knew what the end product was supposed to look and taste like, and he could explain in great depth what the effects were, he doubted that he would ever be able to brew the potion properly. Even still, he tried hard, but it would be hard to prove, as his potion smelled like sour milk at the end of class.

Sirius and James were another matter. Sirius was, without a doubt, the best at Potions among his friends, but he simply didn't care about the class. James knew he was bad at Potions, but figured so long as he did well on his homework, he would pass the class. So while Peter and Remus struggled fruitlessly over their concoctions, the other two half-heartedly followed the instructions, but each took time while their potion was simmering to amuse themselves. More than once, slimy wads of plants could be seen flung through the air only to hit Snape on the back of head. Every so often, as well, Sirius used his wand to make the flames under Snape's cauldron flare, causing his robes to catch on fire once. Every time Snape turned around to glare at them, however, they were both concentrating on their own potions.

By the end of class, only Lily had brewed the potion completely and properly. James reckoned that Snape probably would have as well, if it hadn't been for him and Sirius. Several people in the class, including Athena and Rosier, had done well and with more time probably would have finished the potion properly, but others, like Peter whose potion resembled burnt Polyjuice Potion, had failed miserably. Slughorn assigned them all an essay on the properties of hellebore and its uses in medicinal potions, which severely dampened everyone's mood, as they already had a vast amount of homework for the weekend. Luckily, it was the last class of the week, so they didn't have to worry about anything but dinner for the next few hours.

After class, Remus left his friends at the top of the stair case, saying he'd meet them in the Great Hall in around ten minutes. He had to return to the Hospital Wing briefly, or he risked having Pomfrey hunt him down during dinner, which would be considerably more embarrassing. He stifled a yawn when he walked into the empty Hospital Wing. He was exhausted; his strength hadn't completely returned from the transformation Monday night. Remus sat down on a cot and waited for Madam Pomfrey to come out of her office. In less than two minutes, the matron was at his side, asking annoying questions like she always did. She seemed particularly worried about his left arm, which had taken a lot of damage during the full moon. His arm was throbbing painfully, and he had avoided using it most the day, but he persistently reassured her that it was fine. Even still, she insisted on unwrapping the bandages and taking a look at it herself. His arm was practically one massive bruise at this point, but the claw and bite marks that had marred it originally were still visible. Pomfrey clucked at him, before re-wrapping his arm, and giving him a small jar of a foul-smelling, green ointment for him to apply on his arm if it bothered him too much, then she sent him on his way to dinner.

By the time Remus made it back to the Great Hall, Peter and Sirius had already helped themselves to a vast amount of food, and both were eating as if they hadn't been fed properly in weeks. James, on the other hand, was content with an average helping of food. The only time he ever had a large appetite was after Quidditch games. "It never ceases to amaze me how much food the two of you can eat in one day," James was saying when Remus sat down

"You know," Remus said as he helped himself to some chicken, "I don't think I will ever be able to convince Madam Pomfrey that I'm not _dying_ every second of every day. Honestly, the number of questions she asks, it's like she thinks I'm just going to drop dead at any moment."

"Yeah, we kind of got that impression," Sirius said after swallowing a large mouthful of mashed potatoes. "You always look very harassed after you talk with her. I think it's kind of funny."

"You wouldn't if you were the one being pestered by her," James said. "I've been in the hospital wing with quidditch-related injuries enough times to know how infuriating her overbearing manner is. She's worse than my mum is, to be honest."

"That's 'cause your mum loves me more than she loves you, mate," Sirius said.

James scowled and threw a piece of broccoli at him. "We are going to leave my mother out of the conversation, all right?"

"If it bothers you," Sirius said, turning back to his dinner.

Their conversation died down for a few minutes as they ate in a companionable silence. This, to them, was how Hogwarts was meant to be: good friends, good food. A good life in general. . . even if it had its ups and downs. Their silence was broken with the appearance of Lily at their end of the table. Predictably, James ruffled his hair and flashed a cocky grin. "Hey, Evans," he said. "What brings you this way on this fine Friday night?"

Lily blinked, wearing a look that showed she was surprised that James had the audacity to talk to her. "Okay, Potter," she said, "let's see if I can get this through your thick, arrogant head. Just because I pass you in the hall, or I see you in class, does _not_ mean that I'm there to talk to you, okay? Do you understand? Good," she said when he made no effort at answering. She turned her attention to Remus. "We're supposed to patrol the halls or something tonight, as prefects" she said.

Remus's brow furrowed. "Why?" he asked.

Lily shook her head. "I don't know," she replied. "To make sure the buffoons in this school aren't trying to kill each other, or something." If any of them noticed that she had stared pointedly at James when she said "buffoons" they knew better to mention it.

"All right, then," Remus said slowly.

"Meet you in the common room at, I don't know, 8:30?" she asked.

"Sure."

"Okay, I'll see you then," Lily said before turning to return to her friends at the opposite end of the table.

"Aww," Sirius said when she was out of earshot. "That was definitely her asking you out, mate. Lily loves Lupin."

"She does not," James snapped.

"Well," Sirius said. "She doesn't love you, either."

James was scowling at his potatoes now. "I noticed," he said hotly.

Sirius glanced at Remus and Peter, and silently they all agreed a change in subject was in order. James was a lot less fun to be around when he was in a foul mood. "So," Peter said slowly, pushing his food around with his fork. "I saw Zachary Vance in the hallway. He wanted me to ask you when quidditch trials were going to be."

James sighed. "I'd go tell him if I knew," he said, still sounding grumpy. "But, since I have a _co-_captain, I have to clear everything with her. And I haven't had a chance to talk to Athena since Tuesday." James turned to Remus. "You haven't seen her lately, have you, Moony?"

Sirius and Peter exchanged confused glances. Why was James asking Remus if he had seen Athena lately? This was the first time he had really been in school since Monday.

Remus looked at James with a warning expression. "The last time I saw her was in Potions, just like the rest of you," he said. _And just because you can't get the girl you want does _not_ mean that you can try to play matchmaker with me_, he added angrily in his head.

"All right," James said, taking the hint. "I was just wondering. But this is exactly why there shouldn't be _two_ captains, you see? It's going to take us twice as long to do anything!"

Sirius, Remus, and Peter groaned slightly. They knew a ten minute speech on quidditch was coming their way fast. Without saying anything, all three of them got up and gathered their stuff.

"I, uh, I've got to get working on some of my make-up work," Remus said.

"And if I want Slughorn's essay done within the next week, I should get started on it now," Peter said, hurrying after Remus who was well on his way to the library now.

"I've– er– I've got to go, erm," Sirius started, trying not to laugh. "I've got to wash my hair? No, that's not it. I've got to go, uh, ask someone out. In the library." He grinned at James who was laughing quite hard now. He waved. "See you later."

James took his time eating and caught up with his friends later. He tried to give them the cold shoulder, but that lasted all of maybe five minutes. It wasn't long before he was playing chess with Sirius in the common room, losing despite the fact that he was normally pretty good at the game. Sirius, of course, wasted no time in making fun of James at his sudden lack of skill. That was until James claimed he had a plan (even though he really didn't) and ended up winning only because he had psyched Sirius out. Remus was nearby reading something for their assignment for Transfiguration, while Peter was next to him struggling with Slughorn's essay. Frequently he interrupted his friends' chess game to ask them questions on what hellebore actually was. Before they knew it, eight-thirty had rolled around and Remus excused himself to fulfill his duties as a prefect (not without a certain amount of teasing from James and Sirius, both of whom thought it was disgraceful that any Marauder had become a prefect). He met up with Lily just outside of the portrait hole.

"So, I've got to ask you," Lily said as they descended the stairs. "Have you ever seen prefects patrolling the halls? Because I most definitely haven't."

"Once or twice, when I'm with Sirius or James," he said. "But I think that might have something to do with the fact that I think Filch has a tendency to pay prefects to tail them."

Lily laughed. "Hmm, I need some extra cash," she said wickedly. "Maybe I can get in on that." She paused for a minute. "We're not going to have to worry about them tonight, are we?"

"Who? James and Sirius?"

"Yeah."

Remus shook his head. "I don't think so," he said slowly. "I think they've got other things to do tonight."

"Like what?"

"I think James is supposed to help Peter with that Transfiguration assignment, and Sirius has to write that essay for Sprout."

"You mean the one that was due today?" Lily asked.

"Yeah."

"Well, what's the point of turning it in late?"

"Oh, it won't be counted late," Remus said as they rounded a corner. "Sprout has a tendency to put off grading papers for as long as she can. If he can get it on her desk before Sunday night, then she'll never know it wasn't turned in with the rest of the class." Remus paused as he realized that he might have said too much. "That is unless your going to tell her."

Lily looked slightly startled. "I'm not a tell-tale, Remus," she said. "Even in regards to Potter and Sirius."

Remus relaxed slightly. While he had never approved of Sirius's methods of doing homework, he never had any intention of telling anyone how Sirius managed to never turn in the work, yet always get full credit for it, especially someone who might get Sirius into unneeded trouble. It was nice to know that Lily would keep his friend's secret. He and Lily fell into silence as they walked through the hall. Neither of them were quite sure how long they were supposed to be out, nor what exactly to do, so they just wandered the halls.

"You know," Lily said, glancing at her wristwatch after about ten minutes of silence. "I really hope this doesn't take too long. Not that I don't enjoy your company, Remus, I've just got a lot of homework to do. Although, I expect for you it must be slightly worse," she added as an afterthought.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you've been gone nearly all week," Lily said matter-of-factly. "You've probably got all sorts of things to make up, don't you?"

"It's not that bad," Remus replied. "I managed to talk to most of our teachers before I left, and got the assignments then, and James, Sirius, and Peter took notes for me while I was gone. Speaking of which, do you think I could borrow your Ancient Runes notes?"

"No problem. Did you say James and Sirius took notes for you? I find that hard to believe."

Remus smiled slightly. "They'll do a lot for a friend when asked," he said shortly.

Lily nodded. "So," she said, searching for something else to talk about, "how was the service?"

"What?"

"You were gone for your grandmother's funeral, right? That's what Athena told me. I just wanted to know how the funeral service was," Lily said, turning slightly red as she realized how absolutely tactless the question was. "Of course, I mean, if you don't want to talk about it or anything, I'll completely understand."

"No, no," Remus said. "It was a really nice service. It was good to see all my family again." Inwardly, he winced. He hated lying to people, even if he did it out of necessity.

"That must have been nice," she said quietly. "What's your family like? Because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that every family has at least one interesting story behind them."

"I don't know," Remus replied. "I'm an only child, and I live at home with my parents in a tiny, little village. That's about it. I don't see much of my extended family." _Because they refuse to associate with a werewolf_, he added bitterly in his head. "What about your family?"

"Let's see," Lily said. "I live in Surrey with both my parents and my older sister, Petunia. She's seventeen, and she thinks I'm a freak." Remus glanced over at Lily and was surprised to find that she was smiling. "She hates me because I'm a witch," she explained. "She's jealous, I think, but she is absolutely determined to be as mind-numbingly normal as humanly possible. It's incredibly boring, if you ask me. So tell me about this 'tiny, little village' you live in."

Remus smirked. "Oh, where to begin?" he said sarcastically. "There's pretty much only one road, and its called Main Street, believe it or not. Everyone in town is _always_ in everyone else's business, which makes it particularly difficult to keep anything private."

"So, do they all know you're a wizard?"

"Yeah, pretty much, not that any of them care. About half the town has some magic in them. You know, muggleborns, half-bloods, some squibs. People who want a balance of muggle technology and magic in their lives."

"That's cool. Do you have any really odd people in the village? Anyone with any weird quirks?"

"Well," Remus said. "There's the cat-lady, Mrs. Johnson, who lives across the street from the dog-man, Mr. Bloom. They are both ridiculously old, and all they do is sit on their front porches and yell across the street at each other all day. Occasionally, they take a break from yelling at each other to yell at me when I'm walking home with groceries for my mum."

"Why would they yell at you?" Lily asked.

Remus shrugged. "Last time they were yelling about how I was a rebellious teenager who needed to pay more attention to his elders," he said wryly. It was the half-truth. They had both taken the time to call him a "disgusting half-breed" but he was fairly certain that Lily didn't need to know that.

Lily laughed. "Old people are so obnoxious sometimes," she said. "My mum's dad is the same way. It's ridiculous." She started telling him an amusing anecdote about a run-in she had with her grandfather over the summer. It wasn't long afterwards that they ran into Professor Slughorn, who, Remus guessed, was making his way back to his office from the kitchens.

"Lily, m'dear," he cried exuberantly when he spotted her in the hallway. "What brings you down this way with Mr. Lucas?"

"Lupin," Remus corrected him quietly, but was ignored.

"Prefect duty, sir," Lily said. "We're supposed to make sure no one's killing each other in the halls, or something of that sort."

"Very good, very good," Slughorn said. "You got full marks on your potion today in class, not that I should have been surprised. You were the only one, though. I had thought that perhaps Severus would have gotten full marks as well, but his was oddly below his usual standard." Behind Lily, Remus shook his head. He had seen how Sirius was keeping himself amused in class, even if no one else had. He was too focused on trying not to ruin his own potion, however, to tell him to stop. "Anyhow, before I leave you to your hall patrolling, I wanted to let you know that I'm planning on having one of our little gatherings next Friday for dinner. You'll be sure to be there?"

"I'll plan on it," Lily said.

"Tell Mr. Potter and Mr. Black for me, as well," Slughorn said as he started to leave. "If you wouldn't mind."

"Not at all, Professor," she replied. Once he was gone, she turned to Remus. "Would you mind telling Sirius and Potter for me, Mr. Lucas?"

"No problem."

"Thanks. So have you always been Mr. Lucas with Slughorn, or are you occasionally something really off like Mr. Lopenhagen?"

"I never really can tell," Remus said. "I never know where I stand with him. Sometimes I'm 'Remus, old boy' but the rest of the time, I'm typically just 'Mr. Lucas'."

Lily laughed again, and Remus started to notice how infectious her laugh was. He didn't know how to explain it really, but Lily's laughter just sort of lit her up from the inside. He had always known that she was an attractive girl, and that a lot of guys liked her, but he had never really understood why James fell so hard for her when it was obvious she didn't share his feelings. Watching her laugh, however, made him understand. There was just something about her countenance; it naturally attracted all types of people. It was almost as if there were a sort of light in her eyes that just welcomed you in. Remus took a moment to think about the last half hour. He was notorious for being shy, for being the one who rarely said anything to anyone he didn't know that well. And yet, he had actually had a decent conversation with her. It had been punctuated with minutes of silence, but none of it had been awkward. Somehow, Lily had made him open up, even if it was just barely. He smiled to himself. As far as he could remember, it had taken him at least a month to talk to James, Sirius, and Peter the way he had just talked to Lily. There was truly something special about that girl.

"We should really be getting back," she said, glancing at her watch again. Remus nodded and turned down the hall towards the tapestry that he often used as a shortcut to Gryffindor Tower. Lily obviously didn't know about it, because she had continued walking in the opposite direction. "Uh, Remus?" Lily said when she noticed her fellow prefect wasn't beside her. "Gryffindor Tower's this way."

Remus smiled. "There's a shortcut back this way," he said. "Behind the tapestry down the hall."

"Really?" she asked as she doubled back to catch up with Remus. "Hm. And I thought I had a good handle on the way this school was built."

"Just goes to show you learn something knew every day," he said as he pushed back the tapestry for her. He didn't notice at the time that the sleeve on his robe had gotten caught in the folds of the tapestry, nor did he realize that his partially wrapped and badly bruised forearm was exposed. Not until Lily gasped, anyway. "What?" Remus asked. He followed her gaze to his arm and quickly pulled his sleeve back over his arm.

"What happened?" she asked as Remus stepped into the corridor behind her.

"It's nothing," he said lightly, hoping she'd drop the subject.

She didn't. "That looked a bit painful to be 'nothing'."

Remus smiled slightly. "I tripped and fell down the stairs while I was away," he said with a slight pang of guilt that he was lying to her face. "My arm happened to break my fall is all. It's looks a lot worse than it actually is. Really," he said, trying to reassure her.

"Right," she said, but her worried expression didn't fade. They continued their way back to the common room in silence, Lily pondering over what she had just seen. She had known there was something different about Remus Lupin. She suspected that the whole school might know that there was something different about him. But she had always been very observant, and she had never failed to miss the occasional bruise across his face, or the slight limp in his normal graceful gait whenever he had returned from an absence. She recalled how ill he had looked on the train less than a week ago, and realized that he certainly didn't look like he was in peak health now. Her mind was going a mile a minute as she thought over everything she had ever noticed about the boy walking next to her. How many times had she seen an almost haunted look in his eye just hours before he disappeared for days? And how many more times had she just ignored it?

She chewed on her lip thoughtfully as they entered the common room and took a seat on a large, overstuffed arm chair next to Alice. She thought back to Remus's arm. The bruises on it had been garish, and it had been bandaged, which meant, more than likely, that there had been some blood. And though it might have been just her imagination, but she could have sworn that she had seen several cut marks on the discolored limb. When she was younger, back before she had ever found out about Hogwarts, she had had a friend who lived down the street from her. The girl's father was abusive, and Lily could distinctly remember seeing similar injuries on her friend. Of course, being maybe all of seven years old at the time, she hadn't known where in the injuries had come from. Her friend had told her all sorts of lies. Things like she fell off her bike, or she tripped down the stairs. Lily couldn't help but draw parallels between her childhood friend and Remus. Even the expression he wore when he said he was fine was similar to the one her friend had worn when lying to her. Of course, she had no proof that Remus was living in an abusive home, and would keep her mouth shut for now. But she couldn't help wondering. . .

She ran through her past conversations with him. _I have, er, things, in my life that keep me from getting too carried away with myself_ was what he had said on the train, and more recently: _Everyone in town is always in everyone else's business, which makes it particularly difficult to keep anything private_. Her frown deepened. Of course, there was probably a logical explanation for all of this. After all, all families had secrets they didn't want nosy neighbors finding out about, didn't they? _Why is this bothering you so much, Lily? _she asked herself. She knew that bad things happened in the world, and despite all her compassion and willingness to help others, more often than not, there was nothing she could do. And if Remus had abusive parents, the only thing she could possibly do was talk to a teacher about it. So why was this bothering her so much? She hardly even knew Remus!

_It's because you know enough about him to know that he is a good person, with a good heart,_ she finally decided. _And of all people, he doesn't deserve it._

"Are you okay, Lily?" Athena asked as she sat down, pulling Lily out of her thoughts and back to reality. "You look really worried about something."

"No, I'm fine," she said. "I was just thinking about something."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, really," Lily said, overpowering the part of her brain that wanted to tell her best friend all of her concerns. "It's nothing."

* * *

**final note:**Thanks for reading, and (as always) please forgive my spelling and grammatical errors. I'm only human, after all.

And please feel free to hit the purpilish-blue box at the bottom of the web page to review.

Delano


	8. Trust and Friendship

**Author's note:** Oh my gosh. Would you look at this! It's another update . . . within one week of the last one! I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I think that is rather amazing. Now, you're going to notice very quickly that this chapter is different than all my previous ones. It is, in fact, just one giant, sixteen page Memoir.

Enjoi

* * *

James (and everyone else), September 15, 1947:

So, we sort of realized the other day that, as of right now, our _Memoirs_ only contains the happenings of events _after_ third year, but the, uh, milestones (I suppose) of our relationship really, truly, primarily happened within the first two years. Not to say that important things aren't happening now, just that

**You're rambling, mate. In writing. (Oh, this is Sirius, by the way). In short, what James the Rambling Wonder is trying (and failing) to get across is the fact that a lot of important stuff happened before the start of our _Memoirs_ in our third year. And tonight, we decided it was important– **

If you future generations are ever to fully understand us–

**Which you never will– **

–That you have a basic account of how we _became_ such a close group in our first two years

**Not all at once, of course. That would probably hurt your brain**

A lot happened in those two short years. We were active little buggers, believe it or not

**Ha ha. . .that we were. Hey, remember that time in out first year when– **

What James and Sirius are taking forever to say is that as today is the third anniversary of the day we brilliantly realized that Remus is a werewolf, we thought it would be a good time to recount the tale

_Let the record show that I do not want this 'tale' as Peter put it in our Memoirs. I think its quite fine without it_

He thinks the story makes him look like a prat

**For lying to us for over a year**

And thinking we'd abandon him

**Or tell other people**

Or blackmail him

**Or– **

_I think they get the point, you guys. If you insist on telling the story, can we at least get it over with quickly?_

**Okay, okay, Moony. No need to tie your wand in a knot. For this to ever make sense to you people reading this (and you better have our permission, or I will personally hex your arse into the next century, which is a good twenty-five years away) we have to start at the beginning . . . on the train to Hogwarts in our first year.**

Oh, memorable ride that was. So, I was eleven at the time, just like everyone else, and I was absurdly excited. All I heard my brother Jared talk about for the last six years was "Hogwarts this" and "Hogwarts that" and "So-and-so is a terrible teacher, blah blah blah". So, like any reasonable person, I was just _dying_ to go. I mean that literally, too. September first after my eleventh birthday rolled around, and I was nonchalantly bouncing off the walls. I don't think that anyone could have had as much pent-up energy as I did that first train ride.After my brother assured my mum on the platform that he'd look after me, and I assured him on the train that I could take care of myself, I was free. Blissfully, blissfully free. I hunted around compartments for a while, and found one that was relatively empty. Only person in there, as I later found out, was named Peter Pettigrew. We were later joined by a couple of girls who were thoroughly disgusted by our eleven-year-old-boy behavior. At this time, I hadn't even heard of Remus, and I only knew generally of Sirius because we're both purebloods, and, as such, we are somehow related.

**I wasn't as lucky as James was. I never got to pick where I sat on the train that year. My parents cared very much about whom I associated with. They still do. As a result, though, I was stuck with my cousin Narcissa, and my other cousin (on my mum's side) Rabastan Lestrange, both of whom I have always disliked. The two wouldn't stop talking about how their older siblings were currently in Slytherin, and how they knew they were going to be right there with them, and I just wanted to puke. Minutes before boarding the train, I had endured a very lengthy lecture from my father about how I was to uphold the family name and make him proud. Pff . . . yeah right. Sometime after the train started moving, a small, pale, and sickly looking boy pushed open the door, as if hoping it was going to be empty, and looking very dejected that it wasn't.**

"**You can sit here, you know," I said instantly as my cousins exchanged comments about the state of his robes, which were obviously second hand. The kid look surprised that I had even spoken to him, almost as if he was used to just being ignored and kicked to the wayside.**

**He smiled slightly. "Thanks," he said quietly before stepping in and sliding the door shut behind him.**

**Much to my pleasure, Narcissa and Rabastan looked outraged that I have invited someone who was definitely not a pureblood into the compartment. The kid sat next to me and introduced himself as Remus Lupin. After I introduced myself, I tried to make conversation with him, although he valiantly answered with monosyllabic words and small sentences. His lack of conversation skills had annoyed me to no end, and I eventually gave up on talking to him. I figured he was just one of those weird kids who like to be left alone all the time. The rest of the train ride was unbearably slow, and all I could think about was how I might just have to kill myself if I ended up in Slytherin and had to listen to Narcissa and Rabastan prattle on about completely worthless topics for the next seven years.**

**Luckily, however, I ended up in Gryffindor, which suited me just fine. If I could have taken a picture of the look of outrage on my family's face, I would have. I thought it was hilarious. Unfortunately, I found myself with the most bizarre group of roommates anyone could have ever thought up. First we had 'the quiet kid' Remus Lupin, who sat next to me at dinner and said _nothing_ the entire time. Across from him were two girls, one with red hair and the greenest eyes I've ever seen, the other had wavy blonde hair and fierce blue eyes. Both of them were muggleborns, and were "Ooo-ing" and "Ahh-ing" all throughout dinner. To my right was a scrawny kid with the craziest hair I'd ever laid eyes on, and across from him was this pudgy little kid with watery blue eyes. The scrawny kid was obnoxiously loud, and was talking to someone a few seats down from him almost the entire time. I later identified the person he was talking to as the Head Boy and his older brother.**

That first week or so was an interesting one, to say the least. Sirius and I were undoubtedly the most outgoing of the four boys in our dorm, but surprisingly, we didn't hit it off as well as one might have thought. I had always known that the Blacks were Dark Wizards. There was no way around it, and here was one sleeping in the bed next to me! Needless to say, he probably thought as little of me as I did of him. It became very apparent very fast that we were a lot alike, but that just made it worse. It wasn't until we had a run-in with a group of older Slytherins that we realized we had no reason not to like each other. From then on, we were practically inseparable. We went everywhere together, and did everything together. It didn't take long for my brother to realize that he was going to have to keep an eye on me to keep Sirius and me from breaking the school's all-time detention record in our first year.

Meanwhile, there was me. James and I had gotten along pretty well on the train, and as I had never met the other two boys in our dorm, I followed him around. He certainly had more of a grasp on what was going on than I did. Not to mention, not long into the school year, some older Slytherins had labeled me as a prime target, and I was always hopeless at dueling. With James, and soon Sirius, around most of the time, I at least had some back-up if the Slytherins decided to start on me. And yet, the whole time, I had nearly forgotten there was another boy in our dorm. He always sat by himself at meals and in class, spent a good deal of time in the library (where I was never apt to go) and hardly said anything when we were all together. Weeks went by and I had probably said less then five sentences to him. He just didn't seem like he wanted to be our friend, so I figured why put myself in his way, especially if he didn't want me there.

As little as we talked to him, however, it was impossible to notice that about once every month he just disappeared. He always had some excuse, most of them about sick or dying relatives. I didn't think much of it. I had an aunt who had died of cancer a year before, so I knew very well that people got sick and that family often pulled together at the time.

Sirius and I weren't quite as believing as Pete was. And just because Sirius and Pete never really tried to talk to him much, doesn't mean that I didn't. It bothered me that there was someone in our dorm who obviously felt like he didn't belong, and that no one else tried to talk to him all that much. I could think of a whole plethora of pranks that would go ten times better if there were four people rather than three. So I started asking him to come along. Remus always looked surprised whenever I said anything to him, and always shook his head and thoughtfully declined. Until the end of October, however. He had just gotten back from one of his visits home, and he looked sick, but he seemed to be very anxious to _do_ something. So, when I asked him if he'd like to come with Sirius and me to retrieve our stash of dungbombs that had been filched by Filch, he agreed. Sirius and I were both shocked, but I think we hid it well. Lucky he came too. Just after Sirius had picked the lock on Filch's door, a friend of my brother's started coming down the hall. She knew as well as any Gryffindor how much trouble Sirius and I managed to get into, and would have no doubt been suspicious to see us outside of the caretaker's office. Remus, however, had no such reputation. As soon as he saw the girl coming, he stalled her with some mad question about who-knows-what. I don't think I had ever seen stall tactics work as well as they had for Remus. The girl just believed him. No questions asked. I was amazed. I was always getting the third degree from teachers and prefects.

Not long after, Remus and I found more common ground in music. It always astounded me how _little_ Sirius knew about music, and he made really poor conversation when I tried to talk about the latest song from _The Goblin Punchers_ or whatever crap band I had listened to at the time.Remus seemed to live and breathe for music. He knew all the latest songs, and was familiar with all the best bands, and he forced me to listen to muggle music as well. At first, I hated it, but eventually I saw that muggles have some of the best musicians _ever_. Whenever Remus and I talked about music, he wasn't the shy and timid looking boy Sirius had met on the train. He was a kid with a wicked (albeit peculiar) sense of humor and a mischievous mind, even if he didn't use it as mischevously as Sirius or I would have. It wasn't long before we just accepted him as one of us. He may have still been quiet, but his presence was always known, and we could always count on him for some sarcastic retort when we found none.

**With Remus around us more, it became more and more apparent that he had quite a few problems. We all have our own problems, and they were probably most noticeable in our first year when we're away from our parents for the first time, but Remus had different sorts of problems. We would watch as his health steadily declined for a week before he disappeared for another week, only to return looking like he was raised from the dead. At first, I paid no attention to it. It was his problem, his secret. But as I got to know him more, the whole matter became more distressing to me. The closer we got to him, the more secretive he was. I walked up to the dorm one night because he had missed dinner and found him curled in a small tight ball, staring out the window with a haunted expression. He denied that anything was wrong when I asked.**

**James was worried as well. He went out of his way to try and get Remus to tell us what was wrong, but nothing worked. Every time we asked, we got the same answers. He was always fine, and nothing was ever wrong. It frustrated me more than anything else. We were his friends, and he always acted as if we couldn't possibly understand what was wrong.**

_But they couldn't have understood. I told myself that over and over again. A part of me wanted to tell them, a part of me was convinced that they were different from everyone else that I had ever met. Another part of me hated myself for letting myself get so close to them. I had learned at a very young age that people did _not_ want to be my friend. For the first two, maybe three years after I had been bit, the other kids in town just avoided me. But after awhile, they stopped ignoring me and took to bullying me, to brutalizing me. If I wasn't being relentlessly taunted, I was being beat up. I've always been small for my age, and it would only take two or three boys to get me sufficiently cornered. Those years before Hogwarts taught me a lot. I learned practical things, like not to back myself into corners, and being distant, lonely, and safe was better than having friends who would betray you and hurt you in more ways than one. I never planned on Hogwarts being much different._

_For the first month or so, I didn't talk to anyone because I was hoping to go unnoticed by them. If they didn't know me, then they wouldn't ask why I disappeared once a month. I couldn't do it, though. I wasn't strong enough. I saw James, Sirius, and Pete laughing and joking with each other, and I wanted to be a part of it so bad. I wanted comradery like theirs, but in my mind, I knew I could never have it. Not without exposing myself to more pain and isolation. Not without risking my secret._

_When Sirius and James had wheeled me into their circle, however, I found myself not knowing what to think. My friends were concerned about my behavior and my health. How could they not be? But I could not tell them. I would not. As long as they didn't know about my problem, then I was sure everything would be fine. I found myself pushing them back, which only caused more hurt and confusion on everyone's part. I wanted their friendship, but I didn't think they'd want mine._

Towards March, things were not going to well for Remus. Sirius knew it. Peter knew it. Our teachers knew it. I knew it. During the month when he would have returned to normal health, he didn't. I was the only one in the dorm who knew that he had been plagued by violent nightmares during the nights. I had always been a light sleeper, and I woke up to him thrashing in bed one night. I didn't know what to do, and I found myself standing by his bed, debating whether or not to wake him up. If it had been Sirius, I would have woken him up in a heartbeat, but Remus was different than Sirius. He was more private, and I was fairly certain that he would have been very embarrassed if he knew that he needed someone to wake him up from his nightmares.

After a week of listening to Remus's nightmares while debating with myself on what to do, I decided to confront him. He was alone in our dorm, working on an essay for Flitwick. Sirius was in detention, and Peter was off trying to get help with his Potions homework.

"Hey, Remus," I said as I entered the room after dinner.

He looked up and smiled. "Hey," he replied. "Where's Sirius?" It had long become a joke between us that Sirius and I were never far apart.

I laughed as I flopped down on my bed. "Detention," I said. "McGonagall finally realized that her detentions don't have the desired effect if we have them together. It only took her six and a half months to figure out."

"And it will probably take the rest of the teachers six and a half years to figure out," he said, grinning wickedly.

I shrugged. "Your birthday's coming up real soon, isn't it?" I asked, changing the subject suddenly.

Remus blinked at me. "Yeah. It's next week."

I nodded. "Well, what do you want for your birthday?" I asked.

"You don't have to get me anything, James," he said, shaking his head.

"Yes, I do," I responded. "You're my friend. This is what friends do. You do consider me a friend, right?"

"Of course," Remus replied instantly.

"Then stop acting so shocked every time I do something nice for you," I said.

Remus smiled at me, then turned his gaze away from me. Suddenly, he brow furrowed and he blinked several times, as if he was clearing his vision. He raised his hand to his head for a moment. This wasn't unusual for him. Whatever plagued Remus, it certainly gave him more than his fair share of headaches.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"I'm fine," Remus said, not looking at me.

"No you're not," I said. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing, James."

"It's never nothing, mate," I said, looking him over closely. "You can tell me. Whatever the problem is, you can tell me. I won't even tell Sirius or Pete if you don't want me to."

"I can't," Remus said, putting his essay down and turning away from me slightly. He was falling into what Sirius called his "Evasive Remus Persona". He would act as if nothing was wrong. He's refuse to look us in the eye, or even face us fully. If he could manage it, he'd walk out of the room.

"Yeah, you can, Remus," I said. "All of us are worried about you. Maybe we can help you, or something."

"I don't think so," Remus said quietly, staring out the window at the dark sky intently. "You can't do any more than you already have."

What he meant by that, I had no bloody idea. "I'm sick of all this," I said. "All your evasiveness and stubbornness. You just said I was your friend. Friends tell each other when they have problems. That's the way it works." Don't get the wrong impression here. I'm not a touchy-feely person. I don't go all "Tell me how you feel" on people and give them excessive hugs. But my mum's that way, so I suppose that some of it had to have rubbed off on me. And my mum always said that nine people out of ten need someone to confide in, and she's a smart woman.

Remus's face crumpled slightly. "James, I just can't tell you. It's as simple as that. It's not because I don't want to, it's because I can't."

"I'm sure you could if you tried really hard."

"You don't understand."

"No, I don't!" I snapped, sounding angrier than I meant to. "Because you won't tell me. Didn't you ever think that it might be easier if you just tell us what's wrong?"

He didn't say anything, but he seemed enraptured by the view outside. He wore a sad and weary expression on his face. In his eyes, though, I could see a small battle raging; he really did want to tell me, but he really didn't think he could. He turned back towards me. His eyes were full of sorrow now. "It's better for everyone if you don't know what's going on," he said quietly.

"It's better?" I asked. "Do you realize how worried we are about you? You disappear for a week, and come back looking dead. You get better, then the same thing happens a month later. We're not stupid, Remus. We know that something is seriously wrong with you, and it hurts us that you won't tell us what it is!"

Remus flinched and looked anywhere but at me. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I never meant to hurt any of you. You guys are the best thing that ever happened to me. And I'd tell you if I could, but I _can't_. I'm sorry."

"Please, Remus," I asked. "Every month we worry about where you are and when you're coming back, or if you'll come back at all. Whatever it is, it's getting worse, and you can't deny that."

"James, just trust me on this," Remus pleaded with me. "I cannot tell you what's wrong. That's just the way it is. So would you _please_ back _off_."

"You want me to back off?" I asked. "You honestly want me to back off?"

Remus nodded, but he still didn't look at me.

"Fine," I said. "But the offer still stands. You can tell me anything."

At the end of March, Remus disappeared again for just less than a week. He came back looking worse than usual, but seemed to make a speedy recovery. He never mentioned our conversation, and I never really brought it up again. Altogether, though, Remus's problem seemed to be improving, or he was just getting better at hiding it. Meanwhile, Sirius, Peter, and I developed the habit of infiltrating the library whenever he was away. We scoured books for any hint as to what Remus's problem actually was, but we never found anything. We even snuck into the restricted section on multiple occasions, trying to find books there. For all we were eleven (well, Peter was twelve by this time) and had only known each other of a few months, we were working like we had known Remus all our lives, and we cared about him more than he realized.

**May rolled around, and I was starting to get fed up with all Remus's secrecy. All of us knew that we could confide in Remus if the need ever arose, and that he would never tell anyone, but Remus didn't understand that the process worked both ways, and it infuriated me. My temper has always been short, and Remus was as stubborn as I was. More than anyone else in our dorm, we found ourselves butting heads most often. That's not to say we were constantly rowing with each other, just that we happened to disagree with each other on more than one occasion. The middle of May also marked my twelfth birthday, complete with a complementary letter from my parents. They, of course, expressed their usual sentiments about how I was a disappointment to the family and how I better get my act together. Not my ideal birthday gift, and it put me in a rather foul mood for a few days. And, as always when I was angry, I somehow found myself at odds with Remus.**

**The two of us were heading back to the common room after a detention with Filch. James and Peter were still busy finishing their half of the punishment while scrubbing out bed pans in the Hospital Wing. Oh those lucky devils. Neither of us said much of anything, and both of us were lost in our own thoughts. I have no idea what Remus was thinking about, but I was still going on and on about how mad I was with my parents. I vented my frustration by muttering curses under my breath and occasionally kicking anything nearby.**

"**You don't have it so bad, you know," Remus said as I hopped in circles on one foot after kicking the stair case.**

"**What's that supposed to mean?" I growled.**

"**Well, I mean, yeah, your family sucks," Remus replied. "But you've got a lot of other things going for you. You've got good friends. People all around school like you. You never have to study for anything, and you're probably one of the top students in the class."**

**This was one of things I disliked about Remus. He was always forcing me to see how good things actually were whenever I was in a foul mood. Couldn't he ever just let me wallow? Not to mention the fact that he seemed to see everything good about my life, but nothing good about his. "Oh," I said sarcastically. Today of all days I just wanted to be angry, and I wasn't going to allow Remus the Optimist stop me. "And we all know your life is just so terrible. It must be horrible to have friends who worry about you when you disappear each month."**

**Remus paused, as he often did when anyone brought up his absences. "I never asked you guys to worry about me," he said. "I've told you all enough times, I've got everything under control. It's all fine."**

**I resisted the urge to snort. "Which is why you look like your dying all the time. And why you always have bruises and cuts when you come back to school. And why you wake up screaming in your sleep," I said harshly. I don't know why, but I was determined to bring Remus right down into a mood like myself. Remus didn't say anything, but started walking quicker to the common room. I wasn't going to let him though. As mad as I was, I still wanted to get to the bottom of my friend's problem, and now, I just didn't care how I did it. I grabbed hold of his arm just above his elbow and pulled him back with me. He looked perturbed, but other than that, his expression was unreadable. "Why don't you just tell us what the problem is?" I demanded.**

"**I told you," he said evasively. "It's all under control."**

"**Yeah, and that's a load of bull. If you don't trust us to keep your secret, go ahead and tell us that. We'll stop trying to figure it out then."**

**Remus paled at my comment. His eyes darted back and forth nervously for a second before he looked me squarely in the eye. "It's not that I don't trust you," he said. "It's just–"**

"**Just you can't tell us what it is?" I snapped. "Yeah, I know. I've certainly been told enough times. There's something you don't understand, Lupin. We've been trying to help you, and you just blatantly tell us to piss off. We're worried about you, and you act as if you couldn't care less! Do you enjoy just yanking our chain all the time?" Had James been there, this would have been the point when he stepped on my foot, or punched me, or hexed me to stop me from going on. I was saying what I felt with no regard of what it was doing to Remus.**

"**It's not like that," Remus said earnestly.**

"**Do you not want to be our friend? We can do just as well without you, and you can keep your precious secrets and hide behind your books and act like nothing's wrong. I don't care who you are, what you're doing to us is wrong! If you insist on hanging around, we deserve to know what the hell your problem is!"**

"**Sirius," Remus said. "Calm down! It's not like that. I'd tell you in a heartbeat if I thought you'd understand!"**

"**Oh, that's rich!" I snapped again, letting my temper get the better of me as it always did. "Why don't you give us a chance! Why don't you let us decided whether or not we'd understand!"**

"**It's not as simple as that."**

"**I really think it is! Do you think we'd abandon you as soon as you told us?" If I had been paying any attention at all, I would have realized that I hit the nail on the head. That was precisely what he thought. Had I been in a better mood, I probably would have used that to coax the truth out of him, but I was still mad at everything in general, and it felt nice to be able to yell at _someone_. "I don't know where you learned your definition of friendship, Lupin, but it certainly isn't this! It's beginning to look like your just using us! Having a good laugh at us behind our backs, are you? We tell you everything, and you tell us nothing! It's disgusting." Once again, Remus paled, and I really started to loose it. If only he would yell back. If only he'd do something. In anger, I pushed him. Hard. Hard enough to make him stumble back and fall. "It's sick what you're doing to us. You don't realize how much James and I have worked to figure you out, how much James worries about you, and you do nothing! You take our friendship, but offer none in return. You're a leech!"**

**Remus was still on the ground, shaking his head violently. "No," he said desperately. "It's not like that. It really isn't, I swear."**

**It was the tone of his voice that caught my attention and pulled me out of my fit of anger. He was pleading with me. When I came to my senses, I realized how scared he looked. I had seen Remus look haunted and distressed before, but I don't think I had ever seen him look scared. I had frightened him, and instantly I was disgusted with myself. There was something a lot different in Remus's eyes, but I couldn't place it. I sank to my knees in front of him. "Remus," I said. "I'm sorry." He didn't seem to hear me, almost as if his mind were somewhere else completely. I reached out to touch his shoulder to bring him back to reality, but he jerked violently away from my touch. **

**Still looking just as scared, he leapt to his feet and took off in the other direction. He ran fast, but never looked back. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to follow him or leave him be. Remembering the look on his face after I had shoved him, though, I decided it would be best if I let him be for the moment.**

_My mind raced as I hit the floor, my head snapping back briefly and hitting the wall behind me. Sirius was standing over me, still yelling, but I wasn't really hearing what he was saying. This scene was all too familiar to me. Smatterings of my memories flashed across my mind. I was seven and a group of boys my age towered over me in the local park. I was five, playing by myself, and some older kids started throwing rocks at me until_ _I was forced to return home. I was ten, trapped in the corner of a corridor at school; two boys held me still while a third administered a beating, all of them calling me names. And now Sirius was added to the mix. I never would have thought it would happen, but it was almost as if my worst fears were materializing before my eyes. _You knew this would happen,_ the cynical part of my mind told me as I muttered incoherently at Sirius._

_Suddenly Sirius was no longer yelling, but kneeling in front of me. His expression changed, but I could see disgust written on it. He said something, but I didn't hear him. He reached out to me, and I panicked. I jerked back, and as soon as I found my feet, I ran in the other direction. In my mind, it was the best option, the only option. If Sirius couldn't find me, then he couldn't hurt me. Luckily, he didn't chase after me._

I had finally escaped from Pomfrey's over watchful eye. Or rather, she let me and James go, because she claimed it was getting late. Whatever the reason, James and I were no longer in detention. James had decided to head back up to the common room, to see if Remus and Sirius were out of their detention yet, but I had to swing by the loo to take care of some, er, necessary business. I walked into the bathroom on the first floor and found someone already in there. He was standing over the sink, hunched over, and the water was running. His shoulders were shaking slightly, as though he was crying. That alone stuck me as odd. Boys didn't cry. Even I knew that. What struck me as even odder, as that I recognized him. It didn't take me very long to realize that it was Remus standing over the sink. He took a moment to splash water over his face, and I wondered what he was doing here.

"Remus?" I asked. He didn't seem to hear me, so I moved closer. Cautiously I tapped his shoulder to get his attention. I was startled when he quickly jerked back from my touch and stumbled backwards. He looked different, and it took me a minute to realize he was scared. I take that back. The look in his eye told me he was more than just scared, he was terrified. Terrified and hurt. What on earth had happened?

He calmed down slightly when he realized it was me. "Peter," he said breathlessly. "Sorry about that. You startled me, is all." I watched him as he valiantly tried to slow his breathing down. He was watching me intently, as if he were afraid I was going to hurt him, or something.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Remus took a shuddering breath. "Sirius and I got in a bit of fight," he said quietly. "Things got a little out of hand."

That didn't surprise me very much. Sirius had a nasty temper when it was riled, and he had been in a foul mood for days, ever since his birthday. He hadn't told me why, but I knew he had told James, and it wouldn't have surprised me at all if Remus had somehow deduced what was wrong with him. I was still a little concerned about Remus though. I mean, yeah, Sirius could say some nasty things when he was mad, but I couldn't see him doing anything that would scare Remus like this. "Are you okay?" I asked.

Remus nodded. "I'm a little shook up," he said. "Nothing more."

"Are you sure?" I asked. I may not have been as observant as James when it came to Remus (he always seemed to know when something was really bothering the other boy), but I wasn't completely useless either. I could normally tell when he was lying to me.

"Yeah," he said as he turned to turn off the water. It was then that I noticed that the back of his head was bleeding. My concern soared. Sirius wouldn't have done that. Well, he would if Remus had been a Slytherin or something. Sirius always felt an immense sort of loyalty to his friends, and I didn't think he'd ever hurt any of us.

"You're bleeding, Remus," I pointed out.

Remus raised his hand to the back of his head and no doubt felt the blood there. He tried to smile. "Sirius pushed me," he explained quietly. "I must've hit my head or something when I fell."

I nodded. "C'mon," I said. "You should really let Madam Pomfrey take a look at that. You might have a concussion or something." I didn't really know what a concussion was, but I knew that whenever people hit their heads hard, healers were always worried about them having a concussion.

Remus was very reluctant about seeing the school nurse, which I didn't understand. To my knowledge, Remus had never even been in the Hospital Wing, but he seemed to have an adamant aversion to going there. After several minutes of persuading him, he finally gave in and I accompanied him down to the Hospital Wing.

I didn't find Sirius or Remus in the common room, so I went to check if they were in our dormitory. Remus wasn't there, but Sirius was, sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. He looked up when he heard the door open. Before I could say anything, he said, sounding thoroughly miserable, "I'm pond scum, James."

"Are you now?" I asked.

"No," he said. "I'm worse than pond scum. I am the low-life bottom-feeder that eats the pond scum."

I was perplexed. "How'd you reach this conclusion?" I asked.

"I pushed him!" he said suddenly. "I pushed him, and he fell!"

"Well, that is typically what happens when you push people," I said. "They fall. Who'd you push, anyway?"

"Remus."

"What?"

"Yeah," Sirius said breathlessly. "We were walking back from our detention, and I was still being a right pain in the neck. All he does is start trying to cheer me up, and I go off on him and start yelling at him. Then I pushed him."

"And he fell," I said.

"Yes."

"Where is he now?" I asked.

"I dunno," Sirius responded. "He just took off." Sirius paused. "You should have seen his face, James. He was terrified."

"Because you pushed him?" I said. I found that hard to believe. Remus had more of a backbone than that. I'd seen the boy stare down a Slytherin third year, for crying out loud.

"It was more than that," Sirius said. "It was like he was afraid I was going to keep hurting him, or something. I've never seen him like that.

"I'm an idiot," he added when I didn't say anything

"No, you're not," I reasoned.

Sirius just started at me. "I pushed someone over because he was trying to cheer me up," he said. "And you're telling me I'm not an idiot?"

I shrugged. "I said that you weren't an idiot, not that you weren't temperamental."

"He probably hates me now," Sirius said.

"This is Remus we're talking about, mate," I said. "I don't think he hates anyone."

"You didn't hear the things I said to him."

"Sirius, just give him his space for a couple of days and apologize," I replied. "Tell him you didn't mean what you said. He'll understand."

Sirius sighed. "You're probably right," he said.

Of course, I ended up being right. There were a few pretty awkward days after Sirius's outburst when Remus wouldn't talk to him or look him in the eye. He wouldn't allow himself to be alone with Sirius either. After a while, though, he seemed have gotten over it and was perfectly willing to accept Sirius's companionship again. Whether or not Sirius apologized for the fight, I don't know, but since Remus didn't bring it up, neither did we. The end of the year passed quickly. We never stopped searching the library whenever Remus left, but we did stop pestering him about it. That alone seemed to do him a lot of good. He seemed more relaxed around us when he thought we were no longer trying to pry into his secret. By the end of the year, we were all in high spirits (save Sirius, who was not looking forward to the summer, but he pretended to be happy for the sake of the children). Over the summer, I kept searching through the books in my house to discover what was wrong with Remus. I even went as far as to ask my brother's friend (who had just been accepted into the Healer Training Program at St. Mugo's) about wizarding sickness. I think that might have been one of the worst decisions of my life, because I endured being bored out of my mind for the next hour. I still came up empty handed. The next school year, though, turned out to be a lot more promising.

The second week of school was just over, and Remus had not shown up for dinner. After Charms he told us that he had to go home for a bit, because it just so happened that his mother had fallen terribly ill and he had to go visit her. James, Sirius, and I knew that for the next few nights we would be immersed in books in the library. I picked at my food at dinner that night. For once, I wasn't really hungry. I was looking around as James and Sirius were talking about the upcoming quidditch trials. Sirius had no intention of trying out, but James was determined to get on the team. I glanced up at the ceiling which had been bewitched to look like the sky outside. The clouds parted to reveal a bright full moon.

"Hey," I said, pointing to the ceiling. "It's a full moon tonight."

James and Sirius both looked up then glanced at each other before they both howled at the moon simultaneously. "Too bad Remus couldn't be here tonight," James said.

Next to him, Sirius nodded. "Poor guy, he has to miss the madness of full moon," Sirius said dramatically.

I paused for a minute, thinking. "I don't think he's ever been here for a full moon," I said, remembering all the times Remus had been gone.

"What?"

I nodded. "Yeah," I said. "I'm pretty when he was gone last year whenever there was a full moon."

Sirius and James both paused to think it over themselves. "I think you might be right, Pete," James said. "You know what this means, don't you?" he asked.

"Er, no," I said sheepishly.

Sirius looked at James, dumbfounded. "No," he said. "You don't honestly think he's . . . James, that's ridiculous."

"No it's not," James said, his eyes were growing wide as they normally did whenever he felt he had some sort of breakthrough. "It makes perfect sense."

"What makes perfect sense?" I asked.

"James," Sirius said seriously. "Dumbledore wouldn't let one of _those_ into the school."

"Why not?"

"Why not?" Sirius repeated. "Because it'd be dangerous. Parents wouldn't want one in the school."

"Dumbledore's always giving people chances, Sirius," James said patiently. "And you and I know there's nothing wrong with him. Well, other than–"

"What are you talking about?" I asked again.

James turned to me and leaned in close over the table. "Don't you see, Peter?" he asked quietly. "There's a reason why Remus is always gone over the full moon. He's a werewolf."

"What?" I yelped louder than I intended.

James nodded earnestly, but Sirius shook his head. "We have no way of knowing," he said, which surprised me. Normally he was really impatient, and it would have made perfect sense to me if he just agreed with James because it was a plausible explanation and he was sick of waiting to find out what was wrong.

"It's the only explanation," James said. "But I'm not saying we're should go up to him when he gets back and ask "So, how's this whole being a werewolf thing treating you?" That'd be tactless. We got to wait a couple of months. Read a few more books."

"James," I said. "Do you know how crazy you sound? Remus can't be a. . .a werewolf. He just can't be."

"Why not?" James asked.

"Because werewolves are monsters," I said. "Everyone knows that. And Remus Lupin is not a monster."

"They can't all be monsters," James said.

"No. Some of them are fluffy little teddy bears," Sirius said sarcastically.

James shot a glance at him, but didn't say anything.

"How do you know that, James?" I asked. "Have you ever met a werewolf? They _kill_ people, for crying out loud. They _eat_ them!"

"Only during the full moon," James argued. "I've never heard of a werewolf eating anyone when they weren't transformed."

Sirius studied James. "You're determined to think he's a werewolf, aren't you?" he asked.

"There's no way around it," James said. Both Sirius and I, however, weren't as easily swayed.

**For the next month, all we did was read books on werewolves. Without Remus's knowledge, of course. The more we read, and the more we researched, the more it looked like James was right. Nearly every book we read described the symptoms that Remus suffered before the full moon. Headaches. Fatigue. Irritability. The occasional bouts of nauseousness and feverishness. Every book mentioned that a werewolf might disappear for a few days after the full moon, only to return looking battered and bruised. Several books proclaimed adamantly that werewolves were monsters with a never-ending hunger for human flesh, but other books were more sympathetic. _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them _stated bluntly that when bitten the 'otherwise sane and normal wizard' would turn into a beast. Sane and normal. While I wouldn't call Remus normal on the best of days (I wouldn't call any of us normal, actually), he was certainly sane. And I doubted that Remus actually wanted to eat anyone.**

**All roads led to the idea that Remus was a werewolf. It was hard to get used to the idea at first, but James and I were to elated that we figured out what was wrong to care much. Now all we had to do was figure out when to tell him that we knew. I think he might have expected that we suspected what might be his problem before the full moon in October, but he certainly didn't say anything. It was almost as if he though if he ignored it long enough, then it might go away. Just as we thought, the day of the full moon in October, Remus disappeared. We decided then that we were going to confront him when he got back. Hindsight revealed to us that we might have wanted to pick another time. We hadn't counted on one thing when we confronted him. We had never imagined that he would have panicked like he did.**

_I returned to the dorm just four days after the transformation. I was still exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I was glad that most of the school was at Hogsmeade, because I didn't really want to have to deal with anyone when I made my way back to Gryffindor Tower. The transformation had been one of the worse ones in the last few months. I had been surprised that Madam Pomfrey had let me go so early as she had always been rather overprotective of me. In my mind, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, and it made me rather paranoid. When Professor Flitwick saw me in the hall and asked how I was feeling, I nearly jumped out of my skin. I was hoping that maybe everyone would just ignore me until I got my head sorted out. _

_When I reached Gryffindor Tower, I found the common room deserted except for my three friends. I didn't know whether to relax or to freeze up. I was sure that they were going to start asking prying questions. Prying questions that I didn't really want to answer. Ever. I sank down on one of the couches, relieved that they didn't say much of anything. Sirius and James were playing chess and Peter looked on. They all kept glancing at each other, then at me. Except for Peter. I noticed how Peter carefully avoided looking at me. _Does he know?_ I asked myself. He had been acting strange the last few weeks. Maybe he did know._

_After a few glares from Sirius, James broke the silence. "Remus," he said. "I think we need to talk about a few things."_

_I tensed and sat up straighter. "Can we talk later?" I asked. "I'm not feeling to well right now." I hoped desperately that my excuse would work._

_Sirius shook his head. "No," he said. "I think we need to talk now."_

_James nodded in agreement. "Now would be best," he said._

_Sirius stood up, and James moved over to his spot so he could see me better. Peter still didn't look at me. I trailed Sirius with my eyes for a minute. I didn't want him at my back just now. James studied me for a minute. "We know," he said simply._

_My insides froze. _They know?_ I thought frantically. _How can they know?_ "Know what?" I asked, hoping maybe they thought something else was wrong with me._

_James looked slightly agitated. "Don't play around, Remus," he said calmly. "We know about your, er, monthly problem." He seemed hesitant to say the word werewolf._

Get out of here, Lupin! _my mind screamed in warning. _While you still can! _"I don't know what your talking about," I said firmly even though I was scared stiff. "This is ridiculous. I'm off," I said and started to get up. I realized my mistake, though. I had lost track of Sirius, and he was now standing behind me. He put his hands on my shoulders when I started to stand, and forcefully pushed me back down. I cursed the fact that he was so much larger than I was._

"_You're not going anywhere," he said, not taking his hands off my shoulders._

_My mind raced._ I was trapped in a hallway at my old muggle school. Four or five boys were coming towards me, all of them looking at me with disgust, like I was some sort of monster. Of course, in their eyes, I was. I glanced nervously around the hallway. It was deserted, so I couldn't try and get help from a nearby teacher as I was often forced to do. My heart pounded nervously in my chest. I tried to turn around and run, but found my only exit was cut off by another group of boys. The tallest among them pushed me backwards, straight into the hands of the other boys. "You're not going anywhere, Lupin," he hissed.

_I didn't say anything, and James was talking, but I didn't hear him. I knew what was coming next, no matter how calm James looked. Every confrontation ended the same way. With me hurt and alone, and everyone else on top. I was shaking my head, but I didn't say anything. I managed to cling to hope that maybe James thought I had a _different_ monthly problem. Then I heard him say those fateful words. ". . . think you're a monster."_

_My breath was shallow, but I instantly reacted. I wrenched myself out of Sirius's strong grip and ran upstairs as fast as I could. I locked the dormitory before sinking down in the corner. I wanted to cry, and I was on the verge of tears, I knew it. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. James and Sirius and Peter were never supposed to know! _

"We don't think you're a monster," I said, watching Remus with concern. He didn't look like he was taking the news very well. As soon as I finished that sentence, he panicked. There was no other way to describe it. He just panicked. He tore from Sirius's grip and ran faster than I believed possible. He was already upstairs in our room before I realized what he just did.

Sirius and I looked at each other. "What do we do now?" I asked, trying to figure where we had gone wrong. I had thought we were handling the situation well.

Sirius shrugged. "Go after him?" he suggested.

I nodded. We had to make him understand. By the time we reached the door, Remus had already barricaded himself in. Sirius, not thinking about his wand, threw himself against the door, as if hoping to knock it down. "Open up, Remus," he said when his attempt failed. "We know you're in there!"

_My breath caught in my throat. I could hear Sirius yelling outside the door. I huddled back in the corner, willing myself to disappear as I realized the mistake I had made. I was trapped in a corner. In a locked room, no less. There was no way out. I panicked more, as bitter memories of my childhood blazed before me. I had hoped beyond all hope that maybe my new friends would be different from the boys of my hometown. But even I knew I was being foolish. I may have only been twelve, but I understood a lot more than people thought. There was no reason why I should have thought James, Peter, and Sirius would be any different from anyone else I had ever met. And here was my proof that they weren't._

_I heard the door open, and my friends froze, until they spotted me. They started talking but I didn't hear what they were saying. I didn't want to. Hurtful words were one thing when they were coming from someone you knew hated you. But they were an entirely different matter when they came from someone you thought had liked you, someone you had trusted. Thankfully, though, they kept their distance from me. I didn't expect it to last long, though. Once they knew that I was pretty much helpless in my post-transformation condition, they wouldn't be as cautious. One of them yelled, and I cowered, pulling myself into a tighter ball, even though my aching muscles protested the action_

Once I convinced Sirius that throwing himself at the door was not going to work, I pulled out my wand. "Alohomora," I said, pointing at the doorknob. The door swung open. Sirius and I walked in and scanned the room for Remus. There was no sign of him. None that I could see anyway. Sirius's attention was caught by an almost inaudible gasp, and he turned to the corner where Remus's bed met the wall. Remus was huddled in the corner, his knees drawn up to his chest, and his arms over his head protectively. He was muttering to himself, and I wasn't even sure if he knew what he was saying. Sirius and I drew closer to hear what he was murmuring.

"No, no, no, no, no," Remus said quietly under his breath. "I'm sorry. No, no, no. Please, don't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

I looked at Sirius, absolutely befuddled by Remus's behavior. I had expected him to be a little wary of us when we told him, but this was something more. He was afraid of us.

"Please don't," he said again. "Not again. Not again."

"Remus," Sirius said. He sounded more concerned than I had ever heard him before. "Calm down, mate. It's all right. We're not mad at you. We're not going to hurt you."

I stopped for a second, and suddenly Sirius's words made sense to me. I had known that Remus lived in a very small village, and I knew from my own experience that it was _impossible_ to keep anything hidden in small communities. The whole town must have known he was a werewolf. It didn't surprise me, then, when I realized suddenly how hard his childhood must have been. Children were often crueler than adults, and it seemed to me that Remus knew this well.

"It's okay, Remus," I said. "Calm down. We don't care. Honestly, we don't. You could be a yellow spotted toad, for all we care. It doesn't make a difference to us. You're still the same person."

Remus wasn't responding. He was trapped in his own mind with panic. He wasn't thinking straight. All I could think of was how he must have thought that Sirius and I were going to turn on him like the kids in his hometown had done. I was instantly fueled with righteous anger, and I vowed then and there that if I ever met the weasels who had hurt my friend I'd make them pay for what they did. To my right, Sirius was still trying to get through to Remus, but he was failing miserably, and I could see his patience wearing thin.

"Remus," he said, probably harder and louder than he intended. "Snap out of it, you hear me? We don't bloody care!"

Remus cowered further into the corner, and Sirius realized that he had caused him to panic more. No doubt Remus thought Sirius was mad at him now. Sirius took several deep breaths, and exchanged a meaningful look with me. This was not going the way we had planned. Sirius sank to his knees beside Remus, and I did the same in front of him. We would make him understand that we didn't hate him. Sirius cautiously put his hand on Remus's shoulder, and neither of us were shocked when Remus tried to jerk back. Sirius didn't relent, though.

"We don't hate you," I said slowly, calmly, and firmly. "We're not mad at you, and we certainly aren't going to hurt you. We're your friends, Remus. And we always will be. It's going to take more than your werewolfism to convince us otherwise."

Sirius glanced at me. "Werewolfism?" he mouthed, his eyebrows raised. I shrugged. So what if it wasn't a word. "Did you hear him?" Sirius asked out loud. "We're your friends. I don't know what kind of friends you've had before, but they were obviously trash. We know you're a good person. We couldn't care less about what you are." He paused for a second. Remus had calmed down considerably, but he still refused to look at us or say anything. "I mean, come on, we're friends with James, aren't we?" I scowled at Sirius, but it faded when I heard laughter catch in Remus's throat. Sirius was grinning wickedly. "You see, it doesn't matter to us. If I honestly cared more about the purity of someone's blood than the type of person they were, I think I might just hang myself."

Remus had relaxed, and his arms had fallen to his sides, but he was still staring at his knees. "That would be a bit of a waste," he said quietly. Sirius and I both laughed loudly.

_I looked up when I heard my friends laugh. The shock of this whole situation was starting to wear off as I calmed down. I smiled feebly at my friends. "So you don't hate me?" I asked. I had to be sure._

"_Of course not," Sirius said._

"_What's there to hate?" James asked. He glanced at Sirius. "Sirius, on the other hand, has quite a lot of attributes to hate, don't you think?"_

"_And you don't really care?"_

"_No, not really," James and Sirius said at the same time._

"_And your not going to desert me for lying to you?"_

_Sirius sighed and ran his hand though his hair. "I may be a Black, Remus," he said. "But I'm not a complete scuzz-ball."_

"_So you're not mad at me?" I asked._

"_For the millionth time, no," James said. "If anything, we're a bit peeved that you didn't think you could tell us."_

"_But we understand the reasons behind your decision," Sirius added._

"_Even if we think it was a lousy one," James finished._

"_But," I started, "but I lied to you. I–I'm a Dark creature."_

_James blinked at me. "The only Dark creature in this school is Snivellus, and you know it."_

"_If I didn't know any better," Sirius said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I would think that you were trying to break up with us. Is that what you're trying to get at?"_

"_Well, no," I said, slightly flustered._

"_Then stop acting so shocked," James said._

_I shook my head. "It's just . . . It's just I'm used to people deserting me, or worse, when they find out what I am. I guess I didn't think you guys were much different," I said quietly._

_Sirius sighed again. "Remus, have James and I ever reminded you of _normal_ people?"_

_I shook my head._

"_Then you should have known we wouldn't _react_ like normal people do."_

_I sighed. He was right. I really should have known. Just goes to show that experience can often overshadow instinct. I'd really like to say that everything was perfect after that, but I can't. It was another month before Peter spoke more than five words to me. It hurt that I had lost his friendship for that time, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. Likewise, James and Sirius acted as if they didn't notice anything was wrong. I think they wanted Peter to realize what they had on his own. It was his choice to make, after all. After the full moon in November, Peter came and saw me when I was in the Hospital Wing recovering. He was by himself, and he apologized for being a prat for the last month, and adamantly proclaimed that he was sorry I had to endure what I did, and that I certainly didn't need useless people like him making it worse for me. His words, not mine._

_After that, I can honestly say that, for all four of us, our friendship was more solid. It was stronger, unbreakable. We had no secrets. Everything was out in the open, and it was the best feeling I ever had. Never once have I regretted them discovering my secret, and I don't think I ever will. They've taught me what real friendship is, and I wouldn't change it for the world. We're the Marauders, now. Brothers more than friends. And I'd like to see anyone or anything try and break this up._

_

* * *

_

**Final Author's Note:** All right, there we go. I hope you all enjoyed that. I don't think any Maurader Era fic is complete without that story in there, and now was as good a time as any. Anyway, I don't know when the next chapter will be up, hopefully soon, but, alas, my life has a tendency to be rather erratic. Please forgive any gramatical or spelling errors, as they are my fault. Also, I love hearing from you guys, and all your feedback is appreciated, so feel free to drop in a review or two. 

Yours in writing

Delano


	9. The Bigot and the Moon

**an: **okay... it's been about a month, and I'm sorry. I meant to have this up before the end of febuary, but the week of the 21 (I think it was), was the week of our winter musical, and I run sound up in the light booth for all the plays. So, in other words, I was rehersals and performances for nearly the entire week. And then, after that, my muse died for a bit. Sorry.

**disclaimer:** I realized a couple weeks ago, that i no longer had any sort of disclaimer whatsoever. So, here goes: I am not, nor have I ever been, or ever will be, Jo Rowling. It would be nice, I'm sure, but it's not going to happen. As such, all recognizable characters belong to her, and not me. I own a few people, but most of them are hers.

**enjoi**

* * *

September seemed to pass remarkably fast. As the month started to come to an end, James and Athena had formed the new Gryffindor quidditch team, and even though the quidditch season hadn't started, it was already one of the hot topics in the school. Or maybe laughing-stalk, would be an adequate word. This, of course, was due to the fact that the team's members had a habit of showing up in the Hospital Wing after practices. No one was quite sure what went on during the practice, and the team never talked about them outside of Gryffindor Tower or the field. It was rumored that when the Gryffindor team had the field for practice, wards had been set up by James to keep unwanted people out. To most of the school's knowledge, no one had yet tested that particular rumor, for fear that it was true. Despite the degrading rumors, James and Athena both insisted that this was the best team ever. Sirius and James had already amassed themselves a healthy portion of detentions, averaging about two a week. It was rumored (no one knew quite for sure) that they had been responsible for sending Snape to the Hospital Wing twice, as well as two other students. Remus and Peter had both accompanied their friends in detention three times. Remus and Lily were becoming friends, as they ended up patrolling the halls together almost every Friday. If James was jealous about all the time Remus consequently spent with Lily, he never said anything. All month, Lily had started spending more and more time with Fabian Prewett, much to her delight, and much to James's displeasure. Although, James did say that it could have been worse. Remus had yet to even consider asking Athena out, even though James was constantly dropping hints that he should. Surprisingly, neither Sirius nor Peter had figured out that Remus liked Athena. All was not well with the Marauders, however. Thelen had become quite the thorn in their side.

The teacher adamantly did not like Sirius, and he was sure it was because he and James had made a fool of her during their first class. James didn't see how that made any sense, though, as she didn't seem to have much of a problem with him. Remus was having his own problems with her. Nothing he did ever seemed up to her standards. In Defense Against the Dark Arts, Remus had always been an O, or at worst and E, student, but he now found that he was lucky if he got anything higher than an A on his homework assignments. At first, he accredited it to the fact that he wasn't used to the way she graded. That theory, however, was beat into the ground two weeks after Remus had returned from the Hospital Wing.

It was the end of class and Thelen was handing back graded essays she had assigned the week before. Peter scowled at his paper; he had done worse (a P) than he had thought he had. His paper was covered with red ink were Thelen had corrected his work. He rolled his eyes; he couldn't read a word of it. He glanced over at Remus's paper to see how he had done. Remus was looking over his paper, his brow furrowed. Peter looked to the top of Remus's paper.

"Wow," he said quietly. "That's got to be the funniest looking O I've ever seen."

"That's because it's not an O," Remus said still looking over his paper.

"What else could it be?" Peter asked. "I mean, there aren't that many letters that look like O's."

"It's a D," Remus said.

"What?" Peter asked. "You never get D's. On anything."

"Well, it's definitely a D."

James and Sirius stopped talking to listen as Remus and Peter spoke. "You got a D?" Sirius asked.

"That can't be right," James said. He reached over Remus and took the parchment from him and looked it over himself. He looked startled. "That _is _a D."

"I told you," Remus said.

"That's not possible," Sirius said.

"It apparently is," Remus said, taking his essay back from James.

"But it's not," Sirius said. "I used your paper as a resource for mine," he said. "I even cited it. Look." He pointed to a point somewhere in the middle of the essay where he had cited Remus's. "And I got an E on it. There's no way you could have gotten a D."

"We should get her back for this," James said.

"Getting her back for giving me a bad grade?" Remus asked incredulously. "You've got to be kidding me."

"No," Sirius said. "I think it's a good idea."

"You only want to hex Thelen because you don't like her," Remus said.

"I don't see anything wrong with that," Sirius answered.

"You wouldn't," Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"This is why Moony's the prefect, and you're not," Peter said as the bell rang. They gathered their things togther, eager to get out of Thelen's presence and to get to lunch. Remus, however, hung back. He wanted to ask about his essay.

"Er, excuse me, Professor," Remus said when he approached Thelen's desk.

Thelen looked up. "Yes, Mr. Lupin?"

"I have a question concerning my essay," he said politely. He had dealt with enough teachers to know that politeness went a long way when discussing things grades with them.

"And what would that be?"

"Well, I don't understand why I got the grade I did," he said calmly.

She studied him for a second. "You're the one who wrote about what _you _thought of Slinkhard's take on counterjinxes, weren't you?" she asked, but there was no doubt in his mind that she knew that he was.

"Yes," Remus said. "That was the assigned topic. 'Discuss Slinkhard's view of the counterjinx'. And that's what I did. I discussed it."

"Your essay was riddled with your opinions on Slinkhard's theory," Thelen countered.

"Of course it was," Remus said. "I was discussing, not summarizing. I took Slinkhard's view and wrote what I thought about it."

"I didn't want to know what you thought about it, Mr. Lupin," Thelen replied. "I never asked for your opinion."

"But you asked for an essay, Professor," Remus said, still trying to be polite. "All an essay is is an opinion."

"I did not think your essay showed that you learned anything from Slinkhard," Thelen said icily.

"Professor Thelen, my essay shows a thorough understanding of the assigned material," Remus argued.

"Yes, and a blatant disregard for it," Thelen replied.

"Just because I understand something," Remus said, feeling that his temper was starting to rise, "does not mean that I have to regard it. I'm entitled to my opinion."

"One such as yourself is entitled to opinions," Thelen said. "Especially ones that contradict the opinions of your superiors."

Remus's eyebrows shot up. "And what's that supposed to mean?" he asked hotly.

"It means precisely what I said, Mr. Lupin," she said vaguely.

"Are you trying to tell me," Remus said, his control over his temper slipping now, "that just because I'm a wer–"

Thelen interrupted him before he could finish his sentence. "Mr. Lupin, it's obvious you temper is getting the better of you. I don't know about your other classes, but in my class you get the grade earn. The grade you deserve. If you cannot discuss your grades with me in a civilized manner because your temper is out of hand, then don't bother. This matter is over, Mr. Lupin. And I'll not hear about it again. You can go, now."

_She's a bloody bigot, _Remus thought angrily as he left the room. _Dumbledore went and hired a bigot. Great, just great. This is _just_ what I need! _He was too angry to go to dinner and act like everything was fine, like he was sure to do, so he roamed the halls during the meal. When he hadn't cooled down by then, he barricaded himself in the library. James, Sirius, and Peter finally caught up with him in there where they found him sitting behind a book, scowling at the pages angrily. It took a lot to make Remus, who was normally very good natured, to get so furious, and it didn't take long for his friends to coax the problem out of him. James and Sirius decided then that Thelen was going to get what was coming to her from the two of them, and Remus (who normally disapproved of James and Sirius pranking the teachers) said nothing to discourage them.

That had been the week before. In the one class Remus had with Thelen do far after their talk, Thelen had acted like nothing had occurred. Even still, Remus was not looking forward to his class with her today after History of Magic, so he tried not to think about it. He was walking down the hall with Lily after Ancient Runes; they were both headed towards the Great Hall for lunch. Lily was complaining about how she hadn't yet finished Thelen's essay, which was, according to her, a "ridiculous length". That, of course, led them to a five minute rant about how absolutely horrible Thelen was; as a person and as a teacher. Their conversation put Remus in a ridiculously good mood. He was shocked at some of the things Lily had said. Who would have guessed that such a sweet girl could posses such blazing hatred toward a single person? When they reached the Great Hall and split up for lunch, it didn't take long for his good mood to spread to his friends. It only took a brief summary of his conversation before Sirius was howling with laughter at some of the things Lily said about Thelen.

Their good mood was not spoiled in the least by Professor Binns's unusually boring lesson on Giant Wars. James and Sirius passed the time by playing a muggle card game that Remus had taught them years ago in the back. Peter was getting a head start on their Potions essay, and Remus had his nose buried in a book. Remus noted that Lily could be seen halfway across the room, bent over a roll of parchment that was obviously her unfinished essay for Thelen. And Serena McKinnon could be found painting her fingernails. All in all, it was not one of Binns's better lessons.

Remus felt his good mood sapped almost instantly when he stepped foot inside Thelen's room and glanced at the board to see what the lesson was. Werewolves. This would be an enjoyable class. Not. James and Sirius didn't notice the board until they took their usual seats in the back.

James whistled softly. "Well," he said softly. "This should be interesting, to say the least."

"A lesson on werewolves," Sirius said. "Straight from the mouth of a bigot."

"Just don't say anything, all right?" Remus said, his voice impassive. "The last thing I need is to have the entire class know that all of my friends are werewolf sympathizers."

"But, Moony," Sirius started. "If that snarky, little bi–"

"If she starts lying about werewolves," James interrupted.

"And you know she will," Sirius added.

"You can't just . . . just take it," James finished.

"I can and I will," Remus said, turning to the front of the class again. "It'll be nothing I haven't heard before."

Behind him, he heard James sigh. "That doesn't make it right," he murmured. Remus ignored him.

By now, Thelen was already in the room, snapping at them to hand in their essays and open their books to page 287. There was a gruesome, and very inaccurate painting of a feral looking werewolf with blood dripping from its mouth on the page; the page opposite it was the start of the chapter on Dark creatures in the book, and it opened with the topic of werewolves. After simply scanning the pages, Remus was ready to bet that the most factual thing in the chapter would be when it stated that humans, both wizard and muggle, only turned into werewolves at the full moon. And he wouldn't be surprised if they somehow butchered that too. Across the room, Emm had her hand in the air.

"Yes, Miss Vance?" Thelen asked, with an air of impatience.

"We covered werewolves a few years ago with Professor Zwolsky," Emm said. "Why are we going over them again?"

"I have looked over the notes Zwolsky left on the lesson, and I feel that the matter has been inefficiently taught," Thelen said. "Werewolves will likely come up on your O.W.L.s, and having a good, thorough knowledge of the dangers that werewolves present" (she sent a nasty look back towards Remus) "will be useful to you later in life. As of late, werewolves have proved to be a menace to society."

"Oh," Emm said. She sounded slightly unsure of herself. "Okay."

"If there are no more questions, we will continue with the lesson. First of all, can any of you tell me how you distinguish a real wolf from a werewolf?" Thelen asked. As the entire class had a mutual dislike of Thelen by now, no one raised their hand to answer, even though most of them knew the right answer. "No one?" Thelen asked, her eyebrows raised, slightly. She scanned the room and rested her eyes on Remus. "Mr. Lupin, I'm sure you can tell us."

Remus looked at her blankly, before saying shortly, "The snout shape, the pupils of the eyes, the tufted tail, the shape of the paw print, and the overall larger size." _Satisfied?_

Thelen paused. "I don't appreciate your tone, Mr. Lupin," she said. "But you are correct."

"Course he is," James said loudly from behind Remus. "He's Remus, he's always right."

"Silence, Mr. Potter," Thelen snapped.

"Right-o."

Thelen sighed in agitation. "Now, werewolves are often considered creatures of the Darkest sort. They maim and kill innocent people with no remorse whatsoever. Their cravings for blood and flesh cannot be stated at the full moon, so they thirst for prey constantly, even when not transformed. Darkness burns within their very souls, contaminating every fiber of their being. They are incapable of human emotions, or anything like them. Werewolves are driven by unchecked instincts, and lustful desires. Their inherent evil natures have led the Ministry of Magic to place them under the most dangerous and violent of magical creatures. Yes, Miss Evans?"

"I thought it said in _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them _that the five 'X' classification was only applicable during the full moon, and that they rest of the time they were just as harmless as the rest of us," Lily said reasonably.

"That is a common theory," Thelen said. "But it is one that has little to no ground behind it. Evil is in a werewolf's nature. There is no way around it. Another common theory, another _false_ theory is that a werewolf has no control over its mind during the full moon. It is well known now that werewolves are in complete control while transformed. They know exactly what they are doing when they attack."

"Since when?" James muttered under his breath to Sirius. Thelen had either not heard James, or chose to ignore him and continued with her lecture, now talking about how werewolf attacks affected the victims. Suddenly Sirius's hand was in the air, which was a rare occurrence. It was not that he never talked in class, it was just that he normally did so without the standard hand raise. Thelen turned her attention to Sirius. "Mr. Black, you have a question?"

"More of a comment," Sirius said.

"Get on with it."

"Well, I don't think this topic is at all age appropriate," Sirius said. "I mean, honestly, Pete's starting to look a bit green."

"I ask that you and Mr. Potter refrain from interrupting my lesson with irrelevant comments again, Mr. Black," Thelen snapped, before going on with the lesson, this time without James or Sirius feeling the need to say anything. As the lesson wore on, the more twisted Thelen's information got. Everything out of her mouth was a blatant lie, and no one was more aware of then the Marauders in the back. Of all of them, Remus was handling it the best. He was used to hearing the lies, though he couldn't say that it didn't hurt to have to listen to them presented as fact. He contented himself by staring at his desk, wishing he could burn holes in it with his eyes, not wanting to cause a scene. He could feel his temper simmering close to the surface, though. To his left, Peter was wearing a discontented look on his face, casting the occasional glance at Remus. If Remus wasn't going to say anything, then he certainly wasn't. Behind them, James and Sirius wore almost identical looks of fury. James looked to be on the edge, about ready to snap and hex Thelen into oblivion, while Sirius was subconsciously growling quietly after every other word Thelen said. He looked as though he wanted to feed her to a werewolf . . . or something worse. Feeding her to an acromantula, or maybe a chimera. Yes, a chimera would be good. If Remus hadn't asked them to not say anything, they would have been all over Thelen in a second. No one lied about their friends without any retaliation on their part. If Thelen didn't shut up soon, though . . .

"Would you _shut up_?" Athena Bryce suddenly snapped from across the room next to Lily. Everyone in the room paused for a moment. Did Athena really just say that? Slowly, James and Sirius both remembered that Athena was a civil rights activist of the wizarding world. All these lies about werewolves had to be eating at her just as much as they were eating at them.

Thelen stopped dead in her lecture, slowly turning her icy gaze upon Athena, who looked furious. "What did you say?" she said quietly.

"You heard me," Athena said, brushing her wavy blonde hair out of her eyes. "I told you to shut up. You have no right to teach us these . . . _atrocious _lies."

"Lies, are they?"

"Yeah, they are," Athena defended, leaning forward in her seat. "I mean, yeah, sure, some werewolves are complete wack jobs, Greyback being at the _top_ of the list, but that _hardly_ means that all of them are! For the most part they are normal people, with every right to happiness and prosperity! If we should be doing anything, we should be trying to help them out. They're the victims, for crying out loud! I honestly don't think that any of them danced in front of the werewolf that bit them saying 'Hey, I want to your next entree!' It's absurd! They never asked for what happened to them. It's society's fault that they are even considered a 'menace' as you put it. Society and twisted old hags like you make them monsters." Athena stopped, and too several deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. She was well aware that every eye in the class was focused on her.

"Twisted old hags like me?" Thelen asked, her voice deceptively calm.

Athena didn't back down. "Precisely."

"Apologize, Miss Bryce."

Athena sat back in her seat and crossed her arms. "No," she said. "I _refuse_ to apologize."

"Apologize, or you will have detention."

"Fine," Athena said impatiently. "Give me a detention. I could hardly care less."

"You are out of line, Bryce," Thelen snapped. "I demand an apology."

Athena leaned forward again. "I will apologize," she said stubbornly, "when you admit you're wrong."

"I am not wrong," Thelen said. "And I will have you know–"

"You know what?" Athena said sharply. "I don't care. I've had enough. I'm off." She stood up, grabbed her book, and slung her bag over her shoulder. With an air of being in complete control of the situation, she walked across the room, right in front of Thelen, and out the door, slamming it behind her as she went.

There was silence.

Slowly, Sirius leaned over towards James. "You know," he whispered. "I don't think I _ever_ gave her enough credit before."

James was still staring at the door Athena had just left through. "I think you might be right," he replied.

Thelen was in such a bad mood after Athena left that she didn't even bother teaching the rest of the lesson. Instead she assigned them a rather long essay on recognizing and killing werewolves, and told them to get working on it. Sirius decided that he would take the nonviolent approach to his essay, and instead of writing about killing werewolves, he simply recommended that anyone who found themself face-to-face with a werewolf should stun the wolf and run fast in the opposite direction. Remus, of course, knew more about werewolves than the entire class and finished the essay with the time they had, although he had to try very hard to refrain from dropping his opinions on the page. His emotions at the time could only be considered a melting pot. He was furious with Thelen. She had no right to say the things she did, nonetheless teach a class that. Especially with a werewolf sitting in the classroom. He had known she was prejudiced, but he had hoped that she possessed tact. And he was even more furious that half the class probably believed her now. Still, he felt more than slightly awed that Athena had stood up for all of werewolf kind. Most wizards instinctually hated werewolves, and it was more than a little nice to know that the girl he liked did not. Of course, unless you knew how to read Remus Lupin, you'd never be able to figure any of this out.

When the bell finally rang to dismiss class, the Gryffindor students practically raced out of there, most of them eager to talk about what had transpired. Most of the girls headed off in the direction of the Great Hall for dinner, but Lily went the opposite way. She wanted to find Athena. Athena was the type of person, Lily well knew, that should not be left on her own when in a foul mood. There was no telling what she would do without a voice of reason nearby. She was halfway to the library (Athena's choice spot for cooling down) when she heard a commotion behind her. Turning around she saw the makings of a fight before her. Rosier and Lestrange were standing on one side of the hall, both with their wands out, while James and Sirius were standing in front of them, their wands out and ready to be used as well. Behind James and Sirius, Peter was on the ground, the contents of his bag strewn everywhere on the ground. Remus was already bending over to help Peter up and help him gather his things back together. Heated words that Lily couldn't quite hear were being exchanged among the boys, and she wondered if she should go break them up. She didn't think she should, as she pondered it more. Going anywhere near James and Sirius when they were on the verge of a fight was never a good idea; one could never be sure they wouldn't get caught in the cross-fire. Besides, both Remus and Lestrange were prefects. One of them would do something if things got out of hand, wouldn't they? Still, Lily couldn't help watching them as they argued. Suddenly, Remus seemed to snap. In a second, he was up and forcing his way between Sirius and James, his own wand out. The air around them changed noticeably. It was tenser, colder.

"I am sick to death of continually taking crap from you idiots," Remus snapped at the two Slytherins in front of him. "You are going to leave us alone, you hear?"

Lestrange eyed Remus warily. "Or what?" he asked snidely.

"Or you'll have me to answer to," Remus said coldly. There was something about his voice and the way he held himself that made him look completely menacing. Both Rosier and Lestrange recognized it as well. With a muttered threat, both of them left. Behind Remus, his friends looked awestruck. Very rarely did Remus ever threaten anyone. Very rarely was he mad enough to threaten anyone. But he just had, and Sirius, James, and Peter couldn't help but being impressed. Remus watched as Rosier and Lestrange fled down the hall, and sighed, pocketing his wand. He ran his hand through his hair restlessly and turned to his friends. "I . . . uh," he said. "I need to go. I"ll meet up with you guys later."

He left his friends in the hall, giving Lily a brief nod when he passed her. James and Sirius exchanged a look with each other. "Do you think we should go after him?" Peter asked tentatively.

Sirius shook his head. "No," he said simply. "Let him cool down a bit."

Beside him, James nodded. "C'mon," he said. "We'll meet up with him after dinner."

Remus had hoped that the library would be empty when he walked in minutes later. He was still fuming, unable to explain his sudden outburst, and really just wanted to pretend to read as he sorted his mind out. The full moon was more than a week a way, there was no reasonable explanation as to why he had just snapped like that. He normally prided himself on having a good deal of control over his emotions, and he didn't like it when they slipped out of his control. He scanned the library. It was almost empty. Athena Bryce sat at a table in the back. She had taken her shoes off, and her bare feet were resting on the table. She was leaning back, staring at the ceiling. He suddenly found himself smiling at her. He couldn't help but thinking that she was the only one who could make sitting with their feet on the table look so relaxing, so peaceful. He couldn't help himself. He had to go sit with her.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" he asked as he approached her table.

Athena looked down at the table and smiled. "Not at all," she said, moving her feet off the table. "So long as you don't mind my shoes and socks being on the table."

"It doesn't bother me," he said, sitting down and setting his bag on the table.

"Why aren't you at dinner?" she asked conversationally.

Remus shrugged. "Not all that hungry, I guess. You?"

Athena glanced at the ceiling again and sighed. "I am valiantly trying to control my anger, because right now, I think that if I ever see that _hag_ of a teacher again, I will probably have to kill her," she said matter-of-factly.

"I swear, I would not hold it against you," Remus said.

Athena smiled again. "I know. It's not that I'm worried that anyone will be mad at me for killing her, it's just that I think McGonagall will be obliged to mention it if I ever want to apply for a job."

Remus laughed. "I think you're right. But, you know, if you did kill Thelen, I'd pay you money. I'm sure Sirius would, and James probably would as well. And if James and Sirius both did, Peter would cough up quite a bit of money, too. So you wouldn't have to worry about a job."

"You guys really don't like her, do you?" Athena asked.

"No, not really," Remus said. "But the feeling's mutual."

"Oh, completely," the girl replied. "I just can't stand the woman. The way she was going on in class today . . . urgh! I mean, I was right, wasn't I?"

"About what?"

"About all I said about werewolves. They can't all be bad, can they?" Athena said briskly. "And we can't just say they're evil, because all of them can't be. Am I right?"

Remus looked at her. If she only knew what he really was, she could have answered the question herself. "No, you're right," he said simply. "You are absolutely right."

"Okay, good," she said, smiling again. "'Cause, you know, it'd be pretty bad if I was wrong. I'm going to have to write my aunt about this; she'd appreciate this."

"Your aunt?"

Athena nodded. "She's a civil right's activist in the United States. She's a muggle, and she's protesting virtually everything over there. Segregation, war, just everything.My mum thinks she's a disgrace to the family."

"Is your family from the U.S.?" Remus asked.

"Well, sort of," she said. "My mum was born and raised there, but my dad's English. He met her while he was over there for business. They got married and we've been moving around the world ever since."

"Where've you lived?" Remus asked. He had always wanted to travel.

Athena shrugged. "We lived in Greece, in Athens, for a while. I was born there; hence my name. Then we were in Australia, where my little brother was born. Guam for six months after that. We were back in the U.S. for about four years. My sister was born then. Then France, and we've been here in England ever since then."

"Wow, you really have lived all over the world," Remus mused aloud. "You'll have to tell me about it sometime."

"Sure," Athena said. She glanced at the clock on the wall. "I should be getting down to dinner," she said. "I'll see you around, though. It was nice talking to you." Athena stood up and gathered her things. She smiled at Remus one last time, before turning and walking out of the library. Remus smiled to himself as he realized that she was still barefoot and she was carrying her shoes in her hands. Remus leaned back in his chair and mulled over his thoughts.

His conversation with Athena had no doubt diminished a good deal of his frustration, which he didn't understand, but he was still thoroughly annoyed at Thelen. Then there was the fact that his pulse had been racing during the entire conversation, and Athena had left him with a strange sort of giddiness that he couldn't explain. Not to mention, how on earth was it possible for him to be angry and giddy all at the same time? With a small groan, he leaned forward and rested his forehead on the table. Was it just him, or was everyone else's mind as screwed up as his felt right now?

Remus realized later that he should have taken the fact that he couldn't sort out his own mind as a sign that, as James put it, his "furry little problem's acting up a bit earlier than normal." Friday morning, he woke up with one of the worst headaches he could ever remember having. He looked fine, but he felt like his head was going to split open at any given moment. It had only grown worse by the night when he was patrolling the halls with Lily to the point that she dragged him down to the Hospital Wing to have Madam Pomfrey take a look at him. That trip, Remus later reflected, wasn't a complete waste, because not long after he and Lily had gotten down there, Athena had showed up, supporting a hurt James. Apparently, he had somehow managed to dislocate his shoulder during quidditch practice. Had Remus not been in the Hospital Wing at the time, he would have wasted a perfectly good opportunity to good humoredly threaten to tell James's mother about the long list of obscenities James had rattled off when Madam Pomfrey had popped his shoulder back into place.

Remus woke up Saturday morning feeling perfectly normal, which perplexed him even further, but Sunday night, a full week before the full moon, Remus finally decided that his odd behavior and health was, in fact, linked to the impending full moon. He climbed into bed that night full of restless energy. He knew, after tossing and turning for a near half hour, that he wouldn't be falling asleep anytime in the near future, so he grabbed a book his mother had sent him and started to read. The book sent to him was some muggle's take on the tale of King Arthur and Merlin, and it was false on most accounts, but Remus still found it fascinating. An hour or so later, when he was halfway through a battle scene, Remus finally nodded off to sleep, his book still in hand.

_It was raining outside. Well, it would be more accurate to say that it was storming. Lightning flashed across the sky at regular intervals, always followed a loud clash of thunder. Four year old Remus Lupin had his face pressed up against the glass of the window in their living room. Unlike most small children, Remus was not afraid of thunderstorms. In fact, he had been fascinated by them. He particularly liked the lightning as it flashed intricate patterns across the sky. Normally, his dad would take him outside and togther they would sit on the front porch, protected from the pounding rain, and watch the storm. Tonight, however, that was not the case. For what had to be the greatest storm in all of history, at least to Remus, he was stuck inside the living room._

_Remus turned away from the window. "Daddy, can we _please–_"_

"_No, Remus," John Lupin said from the kitchen for the umpteenth time. "Not tonight."_

"_Why not?" the four year old asked._

"_Because I said so," was the reply. Remus sighed and turned back to the window, half paying attention to the conversation his parents were having in the kitchen._

"_Why won't you take him out, John?" Sara Lupin asked as she scrubbed dishes. She refused to let her husband use his wand to clean the dishes. There were some things, she claimed, that just had to be done the good old-fashioned way, and cleaning dished was one of them. _

"_It's a full moon," John said wearily. "I told you what happened. It's not safe."_

"_Well, the moon obviously isn't out tonight," Sara retorted. "This man, whoever he is, can't transform if there's no moon out."_

"_I don't know, Sara," John said, rubbing his hand over his face. "I don't want Remus to get hurt. Not because of me."_

"_And you think I do? Come on, John. Remus has just gotten over being sick. He hasn't been outside for over a week. He's a little boy. He needs to get outside, and he needs to spend time with his dad. Why not kill two birds with one stone?" Sara said reasonably. Her husband still looked unconvinced. "What harm can come from it?"_

_John looked into his wife's big brown eyes. He had never been able to say 'no' to her. He sighed. "Are you sure about this?" he asked._

"_I'm positive, John. Nothing bad will happen," Sara said smiling. "Call it a mother's instinct."_

"_Remus?" John called into the other room. He smiled when Remus's head spun around, his eyebrows raised in a look that was far too old for a four year old. "Do you still want to go watch the storm outside with me?"_

_Remus's face lit up. "Yeah!"_

"_Put on a coat first, honey," his mother said from behind her husband. "You don't want to get sick again, do you?" she asked when he groaned._

"_All right," he said heavily before racing upstairs to fetch his coat. He was back downstairs so fast that John had to wonder if his son had somehow managed to apparate up and down the stairs. Remus latched one of his small hands around his father's and started pulling his arm in the direction of the door. "Come on, Daddy."_

_John smiled at his only child and allowed himself to be pulled to the door. Remus pulled the door open with his free hand, and his dad followed him out onto the porch. John settled down onto one of their wicker chairs and pulled Remus onto his lap, wrapping his arms around him protectively. Remus never noticed that his dad was tense, as stiff as a board, nor did he notice that his dad's wand was clenched tightly in his hand; he was too enraptured with the storm. John, however, was not watching the storm like he normally would have. His eyes were darting back and forth, looking for any sign that something was amiss. But as far as he could tell, nothing was wrong. It was just a normal night. It was just a normal storm._

"_John," Sara called, poking her head outside the door. "There's, uh, there's someone in the fireplace for you. He says it's urgent." She said with an odd look on her face. She had known John for seven years, and she had known about magic for six, but there were still things about John's magical world that perplexed her. People asking to speak to her husband via fireplace was at the top of the list._

"_All right, tell him I'll be right in," he said. He looked down at his son. "Come on, Remus. We need to go inside now."_

"_But we just got out here," Remus said._

"_I know, but we need to go in."_

"_But the storm's just getting good."_

"_Remus," John started._

"_Please," Remus pleaded, looking up at his dad. "Just five more minutes. I swear I'll be good," he added._

_John looked into his son's eyes, and instantly regretted it. Remus had the same big brown eyes his mother had. He couldn't say 'no', not to eyes like that. "All right," John consented. "But you promise me you'll stay on the porch no matter what, all right? And if you hear any strange noises, you'll come in immediately."_

"_I promise," Remus said promptly, sliding of his dad's lap, letting him stand up._

_John planted a kiss on his son's head. "I'll be back out in just a second," he said, pushing open the door and walking inside against his better judgement._

_Remus sat back down in the large wicker chair when his dad left. He was content watching the storm by himself, although he admitted it wasn't as fun without his dad. He smiled as a particularly large bolt of lightning flashed across the sky, lighting up all the houses nearby, and he jumped slightly when the thunder crashed not two seconds later. The storm had to be nearly right on top of him now. His mum had told him once that the time between the lightning and thunder told you how far away the storm was. When the thunder finally stopped rumbling, Remus was able to make out the sounds of a bush rustling across the driveway. His brow furrowed slightly as he wondered what it could be. There could only be one thing, Remus decided. His mum's cat, Frodo. He had not seen that cat indoors all day, so it must've gotten stuck in the storm._

"_I should go get him," Remus said quietly. "He doesn't like to be wet." Remus had learned that lesson two months ago when he tried to give the cat a bath for his mum's birthday. Remus glanced toward the door. His dad told him not to leave the porch . . . but surely if he was just going to walk across the driveway to grab Frodo it would be okay. Making up his mind, Remus stood and walked down the stairs off the porch. He glanced back at the house once as he walked across the driveway. He was already soaked from head to foot from the rain. He reached the bushes and started peering through some of them, calling "Frodo. C'mere Frodo."_

_There was no sign of the cat anywhere, but a strange noise was growing louder and louder behind him. Swallowing, Remus turned around slowly to see what was behind him. He was confronted with the biggest, meanest looking dog he had ever seen. It had bright yellow eyes, and its teeth were barred menacingly. Remus froze for a second, unsure of what to do. The dog had a mad glint in its eyes, almost as if it knew Remus was terrified, and then it growled. Its low rumbling growl forced Remus's brain to kick into action. Without consciously thinking, Remus started running in the opposite direction, back towards the safety of his home. He was too slow, though. The animal was behind him, and reached out swiftly and slashed the through his calf muscles. Remus cried out in pain and fell to the ground, rolling unintentionally so he was laying on his back. The dog was on top of him in less than an instant. Remus tried to push him self away, but the beast placed one large paw on his chest, letting its claws dig painfully into his chest, causing Remus to yelp in pain. The dog . . . no, wait, wolf, Remus suddenly realized. The wolf stood over him, as if contemplating where to strike next. The pressure on his chest was nearly unbearable now, and the beast's breath smelled of sweat and blood. The wolf leaned in and latched its jaws around his left arm. Remus yelled out in pain, now crying. It hurt more than anything he had ever felt. His arm burned as the wolf pulled away, and the rain only made it sting more. A loud bang resounded throughout the yard, and the wolf turned to look. Remus's father was standing on the porch, his wand aimed at the wolf. Remus, of course, didn't see his dad; the wolf was standing in his line of vision. The wolf growled once more. It leaned over once more, this time latching its jaws around his right forearm, and started to pull him away. Remus started to cry harder, screaming for his mum or his dad to come save him. He tried to struggle as the monstrous wolf pulled him away from his home, but found he lacked the strength to do so. All he could do was scream. Remus felt his battered body dragged across rocks and sharp things implanted in the ground. Over his screaming, he could hear someone else yelling in the background, but then, as he was dragged further and further away from his home, he felt his head hit something hard on the ground, and all he knew was blackness._

Remus's eyes snapped open and he jolted awake instantly. He was out of breath and covered in a cold sweat. Distantly, he realized he was crying. He wiped his eyes as he tried to calm his shaking breath. It was bad enough he had to have lived through that once. Why did he always have to relive it in his dreams? It was always the same, and he could always remember every last detail, right down to the feel of Greyback's hot breath against his cold skin. He always woke up with phantom pains that he knew couldn't be real, but hurt nonetheless. He took several deep breaths, still trying to calm down as he subconsciously rubbed his throbbing left arm. He wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep. He never could after that nightmare. At least, not without someone at his side. But his friends were all asleep, and he would have felt weak asking them to help him fall back asleep. Taking another deep breath, he rolled out of bed. He grabbed his worn-out, blue sweatshirt, and pulled it over his head as he quietly slipped out of the dormitory. With shaky steps he made his way downstairs into the common room, where he planned to wait out the rest of the night.

He was surprised to find that the fire was still going, and even more surprised to find Lily sitting on the couch, several books spread around her, working on an essay. Remus walked around and sank down on the couch across from hers.

"Remus," she said, slightly startled that someone else had the audacity to be awake at one in the morning. "Why are you up?"

He rubbed a hand over his face. "Couldn't sleep," he said quietly. "And you?"

"I realized about an hour ago that I haven't written that stupid essay for McGonagall," she said, laughing slightly. "I don't know why, but this year I seem to be forgetting about most of my homework until last minute."

Remus smiled weakly and nodded, already lost in his own thoughts, thinking back to his dream. He knew how the whole thing ended. He had made enough noise that the neighbors had come running, some armed with guns, others with wands. His father, with their assistance, had managed to get Greyback off of him, but didn't manage to kill him as he knew his father had very much wanted to do. Nearly a week later, Remus woke up in a shockingly white room, with a brown-haired witch in lime green robes standing over him. At that point, he had no recollection of what happened, and many times Remus wished that it had stayed that way. A week before the next full moon, a healer came to see him with his parents, and in very simple words explained to him what happened. And what he would now become. The first transformation after that was one of the worst, and Remus remembered clearly how he cried all during the transformation for his mother. A few months later, Remus started remembering what had happened that night, and ever since then, preceding the full moon, he was plagued with nightmarish recollections of it. Worse than that, his nightmares had a tendency to mutate on him, so that suddenly, it was no longer him that was being attacked, but rather James or Sirius or Peter, and it was Remus who was tearing them apart. He never managed to decide which nightmare he hated more.

Back up in the dormitory, James rolled over, unable to sleep. His mother told him that she thought he had some sort of insomnia once, and it was times like this that made him believe her. He couldn't sleep. At all. He wanted to, he just couldn't. He rolled over on his back, and started to listen to his friends sleep to give himself something to do. He could pick out easily Peter's light snore to his left, and to his right, he could hear Sirius grunt once and roll over. Sirius could never stay in one spot for very long when he slept. James strained his ears to hear Remus across the room for him, which wasn't unusual. Unless Remus was having a nightmare, he was almost impossible to hear when he slept. Oddly enough though, James couldn't hear his friend. Granted, he could have stepped out to go to the bathroom or something, but there was something about how Remus had looked pale all during the day that made him think otherwise. Heaving a sigh, he rolled out of bed, grabbing his glasses of his bedside table and putting them on. The curtains to the window were open, revealing enough light to see in the room. The curtains around Peter's bed were open as usual, and James could see Peter breathing deeply. On the other hand, the curtains to Sirius's bed were drawn shut, having long since claimed that he would never be able to sleep with even the slightest amount of light shining in the room, and that included the moon. James could see, though, his best friend's arm hanging off the side of bed. Remus's bed was deserted. The curtains were flung open, and his blankets, half of which were on the floor, were left in a tangled mess. James, of course, not being the type of person to sit around and do nothing, decided that he had to investigate. He had to make sure some random psychopath hadn't broke into their dorm in the middle of the night and run off with Remus, or something bizarre like that. Stifling a yawn, he headed out of the dorm and down the stairs.

As soon as he could see into the common room from the stairs, he was able to make out his friend's hunched over form staring into the fire. There was a girl sitting across from him, working on something, and seemingly content to let Remus sit and stare at the fire. She moved her head slightly, and the firelight glinted off her red hair. James's heart fluttered for a moment. It was just his luck that Lily just so happened to be awake and in the common room. A goofy grin started to spread over his face before he stopped himself. _No, James,_ he thought to himself firmly. _You are here to find out what's wrong with Remus, not to see if Lily feels any different about you at one-thirty in the morning. Snap out of it. _

He sighed as he made his way around the maze of couches and armchairs, conveniently catching both Lily's and Remus's attention as he did so. "Hey, Remus," he said as he plopped down on the couch next to his friends. He nodded in Lily's direction. "Evans."

Lily looked slightly startled. "What?" she asked. "Not going to ask me out?"

James smirked, smoothing out wrinkles in the white t-shirt he wore to bed. "I don't know about you, Evans," he said casually, "but my hormones go to bed at a reasonable hour."

Lily sighed and rolled her eyes, and turned her attention back to her essay. James bit his lip and looked over his friend, who hadn't given any real acknowledgment that he was there. James recognized the pale, detatched expression on Remus's face, and instantly knew why he was up. Nightmares.

James nudged him with his elbow. "You okay?" he asked.

Remus turned around to look at James and gave a flitting smile. "I'll be fine," he said.

"You want to play a game of chess?"

"Yeah, I guess," Remus replied quietly.

James stood up and gathered an abandoned chess board from the other side of the common room. Sitting back down, he started setting up the black pieces while Remus went to work on the white. Without saying much, they started the game. James was trying to distract Remus from what ever had happened in his nightmare, although it wasn't exactly working. Every time James looked up, he could see Remus was still wearing a tightly controlled brooding expression.

"So," James said, hoping to change the subject. Or, rather, create a subject. "I wrote to my brother about how I dislocated my shoulder during practice. You know, just letting him know what's going on in my life, and whatnot. And you know what he does?" He paused, but Remus didn't prompt him to say more. "He writes back, and in big, bold, colorful letters at the top of the parchment it says 'Ha ha! Sucks to you dislocated shoulder!' I'm not even kidding. I mean, really, what kind of older brother does things like that?"

"Well, yours obviously," Remus muttered.

"True," James replied. "But he writes back an hour later, because, you know, he's Jared and he does things like that. Anyway, he had to tell me about his disastrous date with Marlene McKinnon– Serena's cousin, actually. He brought her over to the house to introduce her to my parents. I would have been surprised if Dad didn't know her already; I mean, he's worked with Serena's dad for years now. Mr. McKinnon is always bringing his family around to work. Surely they must have met at least once, or something. But that's besides the point. He brings her over, and, I don't know, all hell breaks loose. And since I wasn't there to be the reason why things went wrong (like I normally am), my dog gets blamed. Really, Jared is pretty odd, but that's just ridiculous. But what happened is . . ."

Lily looked up at James as he continued to ramble on. She didn't think she had actually heard anyone talk that much in her entire life. He was worse than Dory was when she got nervous. Not to mention, she thought it was a bit tactless. She still didn't know Remus as well as James did, but she could obviously tell something was eating at him, but all James was doing was talking about himself and his family. He didn't even bother to find out what was wrong with Remus. She had known James was conceited, but this was too much. He was being completely inconsiderate. What was wrong with him?

She listened as he continued to prattle on about nothing. He talked about his family for a while, then started talking about something he and Sirius had done while ditching Divination on Thursday. After that, it was an in-depth description of some quidditch move he and Athena were trying to get the team to master. She had wondered how long it would take him to get to quidditch. After that, though, she started to lose track of what he was saying, and she began to wonder if it made sense at all. She turned her direction to Remus for a moment, and her whole perception of the situation changed. The tenseness around Remus had faded almost completely, and he wore this oblivious look on his face, concentrating solely on James's rambles and their chess game. It suddenly made sense to her that James's intention from the start was to take Remus's mind off whatever was bothering him, and she had to admit, it was working well.

". . .and then, the thing bloody exploded in his face! And I'm standing there, trying not to laugh, and it's just not going well, you know?" James paused, but Remus didn't say anything. "Remus? You alive, mate?" Again, Remus didn't reply. James gave him a little nudge, and he just leaned over on the armrest of the couch. James stood and waved his hand in front of Remus's face. James smiled. "It's about time he fell asleep. I was running out of things to ramble about." He leaned over to lift Remus's feet onto the couch. He pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and laid it over his sleeping friend, somewhat proud of himself for successfully getting him to fall asleep. "I'll see you in the morning, Evans," he said, stifling a yawn of his own. "Try not to wake him up."

The following week could easily be described as an accurate viewing of someone's health failing them. All anyone had to do was take a look at Remus. James, Sirius, and Peter were the first to realize that something was wrong with their friend. Monday and Tuesday, he hardly ate anything, and he said even less. For a while they thought that maybe that had gotten the day of the full moon confused, that it was sooner than they thought, but when they looked it up, they found that it was on October first, that coming Sunday, just as they had thought originally. By Wednesday, his skin had a pale grey pallor to it, and every time he had opened a book, he squinted at the pages to read properly. Teachers, mainly McGonagall and Flitwick who had always liked Remus, started holding him back after class to make sure he was doing okay. Thursday, Remus woke up with a terrible migraine. Light made his head throb, and he had to keep himself from flinching every time he heard anything louder than a whisper. He thought he was hiding it well from his friends, however. He had no doubt that they wouldn't drag him down to the Hospital Wing if they knew that he was hardly sleeping at night, or that the reason he squinted to read was because he was double of almost everything. Some things, though, he couldn't hide. Like the fact that he had virtually no appetite. Sirius had taken it upon himself to snap at Remus every time he said he wasn't hungry, and harassed him until he ate something. Of course, Sirius didn't know that most of the time, after Remus did eat something, it normally came back up an hour or two later. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate his friends' concern; it was just that he didn't want them to worry about him. That and he didn't want to have to deal with Madam Pomfrey.

On Friday, no one who saw Remus could deny that something was wrong. He slept through almost all of his classes, and if he wasn't asleep, he had a very blank stare on his face. He generally ached all over, and he felt cold almost all day. He didn't even bother patrolling the halls with Lily that night, not that she complained at all. She had noticed how sick he looked, and would have insisted that he go straight to bed if he had tried to go with her. Worry that had been steadily mounting among Sirius, James, and Peter hit a high point on Saturday. By the time the three of them went down to breakfast that morning, Remus was still asleep, and as they had no classes, none of them felt guilty about not waking him up. It was when Sirius went to check if he was still asleep at lunch that they worried. Remus was running a high fever, and lacked virtually all energy to get out of bed. It was only through much coaxing that Sirius and James managed to pull him out of bed and half-drag, half-carry Remus down to the Hospital Wing so Pomfrey could have a proper look at him. Peter commented later that it was a good thing that they had a reputation for getting hurt in fights or in pranks, because otherwise it would have looked very odd to see Sirius, James, and Remus heading down to the Hospital Wing.

All four boys spent the rest of the day in the Hospital Wing, trying to pass the time away. Remus had been given a number of potions, but not one of them seemed to working as well as they should have. It was ten o'clock that night before Madam Pomfrey managed to chase James, Sirius, and Peter away, and they appeared in the Hospital Wing early Sunday morning, too, determined to keep Remus's mind off the upcoming night as much as possible. Pomfrey spent a good deal of the day chasing the three boys away so Remus could rest, but they managed to show back up within an hour of when they had left. She got them to leave for good a half hour before dinner, when she told them that she would be escorting their friend to the Shrieking Shack in ten minutes, and if she saw any of them in the Hospital Wing when she got back, she would give them a real reason to be there.

Dinner that night was quiet for the three teenagers. "I don't think I've ever seen him so bad," Sirius commented darkly later that night in their dormitory.

"Me neither," Peter muttered, glancing out the window at the full moon. "Why do you think it's worse now then it's been before?"

"It could be any number of things," Sirius said. "I don't really care, either. I'm just worried about him."

James looked up from the copy of _Trivial Trends in Transfiguration_ they had swiped from the library a month earlier. "I'm more worried about how he's going to be tomorrow," he said quietly, "Than how he was today."

* * *

**final an:** As always, thank you very much for reading and I would be ecstatic if at least half of you who read would review. This probably sounds like I'm begging for reviews, and I hate to say that I am. I'd love to say that I write just for the joy of writing, but I would be lying if I said I didn't want your reviews. They mean a lot to me, and they give me motivation for quicker updates.  
As a side note, if any of you have noticed that as of yet the story has been really Remus oriented, don't worry, the others will get their moment in the spotlight as well.  
Once again, forgive any grammar or spelling mistakes. I am, after all, just a humble writer without a beta reader. I try my best

Delano


	10. Out the Wazoo

**an:** I know, I know, there is literally no excuse for how late this update is. I'm sorry. Please, pretty please (with sugar on top, and a cherry if that's your sort of thing) accept my apology. Things have been pretty hectic in my life as of late. Last month I had O.G.T. (which is the Ohio equivalent for O.W.L.s only not), and a HUGE latin project which involve writing, translating, and illustrating a latin children's book. Also, this chapter has been rather a pain to write. I started out going in one direction, before realizing that would never work out and had to delete quite a few pages of writing. And lastly, and most sadly, I've had a bit of emotional stress piled on me at last minute. A friend of mine and her family were in a bad car accident on Friday, and her grandma and her eleven year old sister (who happened to be good friends with my eleven year old sister) were killed. So, it's just been kind of hard.

**Disclaimer:** I'm not Jo. I'm not Jo. I'm not Jo. I'm not Jo. I'm not Jo. I'm not Jo. I'm not Jo. I'm not Jo.

Special thanks to Legolasgirlxoxo for being the only one to review regularly, as of late. She gets some virtual chocolate.I'm not kidding whenI say that getting reviews does help for quicker updates.

**Enjoi**

* * *

"The bloody door is locked," Sirius snapped, sitting down at the table for lunch. "Pomfrey locked the doors to the Hospital Wing! Is she even allowed to do that?"

"I don't know," James said. "I don't think so."

"Why d'you think she did?" Peter asked.

"It's got to be because of Remus," Sirius said, lowering his voice so no one nearby would hear him. "He's in a bad way, so she doesn't want us to see him."

"But she's never locked the doors before," Peter said. "She always just comes and tells us to leave."

"What if she's too . . . preoccupied to tell us to leave this time?" James wondered aloud. "What if he's hurt too badly –"

"Don't even say it, Prongs," Sirius warned.

"You saw how he was all weekend. Hell, all last week," James said, glancing around. "I can't imagine he's doing better now."

"She's got to unlock the doors sometime," Peter said reasonably. "We can sneak in then. We can . . . we can go get the cloak, and then when the doors are unlocked, we'll all be able to sneak in."

"That's a good idea," James muttered. "I'll go get the cloak. I'll meet back up with you in class, all right?"

Without waiting for consent from his friends, James stood up and excused himself from the table. He was worried. Genuinely worried. Pomfrey normally let them see Remus around lunch, and if she wouldn't, she'd go and tell them that he was sleeping or something, and she didn't want them to wake him. He ran his hand through his already rumpled hair, as his imagination ran away with his thoughts. He had always used Remus's health before a full moon as a good judge of how he'd be after the transformation, but he had never seen Remus in such bad shape before. Not even in their third year when he had a flu right before the full moon. If Pomfrey had just come out and told them what was wrong with Remus, James wouldn't have been so worried. He could handle knowing. It was not knowing that always killed him._ Why do I always have to worry about everything?_

James growled when a second year accidently bumped into him as he made his way up the staircase to the Gryffindor common room. James entered the common room and quickly dashed upstairs, retrieved his cloak, which he promptly hid in the bottom of his bag, and headed downstairs toward the Great Hal again. He scowled at his watch. He had taken too long, and now he wouldn't be able to grab a quick bite before heading to Care of Magical Creatures. If he hurried, though, he reasoned, he would have just enough time to swing by the Hospital Wing once more to see if the doors were unlocked. Granted, Sirius and Peter would be a bit peeved, but who really cared anyway?

James was almost there when he heard voices coming his way down the corridor. Deftly, he hid himself in an alcove behind a suit of amour. McGonagall and Dumbledore walked right passed him without even glancing in his direction. They both looked concerned, and McGonagall was whispering at Dumbledore in worried tones. James, whether or not he'd admit it, had learned at a young age that one of the only ways to learn anything was to eavesdrop. He also knew when perfect opportunities threw themselves in his lap. Quietly, he pulled his cloak out of his bag and wrapped it around him. He walked quickly to catch up with the headmaster and the teacher, but was careful not to make any noise.

The doors opened before Dumbledore, almost as if they were expecting him, and him and McGonagall walked in, allowing James enough time to slip in before the doors closed on their own accord. The Hospital Wing was virtually empty. The only occupied bed was at the far end of the Hospital Wing, right next to Madam Pomfrey's office. Curtains were drawn around the patient in the bed, but James knew who it was.

McGonagall rounded the curtain a few moments before James did, but he did hear her gasp. James came around the curtain and saw why. Remus looked like he was dying. His skin was pale grey and a thin layer of sweat clung to him, an obvious sign of a fever. His eyes were only half-closed, and his breath was coming out in shallow rasps. He wasn't wearing a shirt, but his torso and his arms were wrapped in bandages. James hoped he was imagining this, but he thought he saw red flecks bleeding through the bandages. The right side of his face was bruised and swollen. Every so often, Remus would groan, almost as though breathing itself was causing him pain. James had never seen anyone in so bad a condition.

"He's been like this all morning," Madam Pomfrey said quietly, checking the ill boy's wrist for a pulse. "Nothing I've done has helped. He's thrown up all the potions I've tried to give him. He's been on the verge of slipping into shock for hours, but since he's not responding to any treatments, there's not much I can do to stop it."

McGonagall studied her student. "Is he . . . is he awake right now?" she asked, almost horrified at the idea.

Pomfrey nodded. "He's half-conscious. I think the pain is too much for him right now; he can't just lose consciousness. Merlin knows it would be easier for him that way. I've never seen Remus like this before. It scares me, Albus."

Dumbledore didn't say anything, but he brushed a few stray hairs out of Remus's face. James could read Dumbledore fairly well. It was only natural with the number of times he had been called to the headmaster's office with one misdemeanor or another. And if James knew anything about Dumbledore it was that he genuinely cared about his students. It tore at James's heart to see his friend like this, and he supposed that Dumbledore's heart was wrenching just as much as his was.

"It's almost like his body is shutting down against magic," Pomfrey said after a moment of silence. "I've never seen anything like it."

"It happens, occasionally," Dumbledore said, not taking his eyes off Remus. "Normally it happens with spell-damage patients. If they're not fully awake, their bodies will instinctively rebel against any sort of magical healing. It's a defense mechanism of sorts. It's the body's way of protecting itself against more damage. It only lasts for twelve hours at the longest."

"Twelve hours?" McGonagall repeated.

"And what am I supposed to do in the mean time?" Pomfrey asked.

"Keep him calm. Use natural, muggle remedies to keep him from slipping into shock completely," Dumbledore said calmly. "If he's not better by the morning, we should probably send him to St. Mungo's."

Pomfrey nodded, and Dumbledore turned to McGonagall. "Minerva," he said. "Why don't you come with me to my office, and we talk about telling his parents."

McGonagall nodded and turned to follow him out of the Hospital Wing. James was right on their heels under the cloak. "What about Potter, Black, and Pettigrew?" she asked, looking unusually distraught when they were safely outside of the doors. "They'll want to know how he is."

"Then tell them," Dumbledore said calmly. "As his friends, they have every right to know." An ironic smile spread over his face. "Not to mention, knowing those three, if they don't know how he is by tomorrow, they'll most likely break into the Hospital Wing to see him."

Once the two adults were safely out of sight, James pulled off his cloak and raced outside to his Care of Magical Creatures class to tell his findings to his friends.

That evening found the three friends in the library. McGonagall had found them just before dinner and had briefly how Remus was currently doing. When Sirius demanded to know when they could see him, she simply said she didn't know and he'd have to take it up with Madam Pomfrey. Now, they were sitting at a table in the back away from the other students in the library, and Sirius was making James go over, in full detail, exactly how Remus looked.

"I've told already, he looked like he was run over by a stampede of rampaging hippogriffs, then thrown off the Astronomy Tower, then struck by lighting," James said impatiently.

"Yeah, too bad I've never seen anyone who's been run over by hippogriffs, thrown off the Astronomy Tower, and struck by lightning," Sirius said. "Can't you come up with any better metaphors?"

"No, I can't," James replied haughtily. "Those are the best ones I've got."

"Well, they're rubbish," Sirius snapped back.

"Would you two calm down?" Peter asked tentatively. He always felt that the role of argument-mediator fell to him whenever Remus wasn't around. "Pomfrey's doing the best she can for him. It's not like any of us are amazingly skilled healers."

"I don't want to hear that defeatist attitude," Sirius said.

"That wasn't a defeatist attitude," Peter said, rolling his eyes. "That's reality. There's nothing we can do for him that isn't being done for him now."

James shook his head. "No," he said simply. "There is something we can do." He looked up and scanned the library to make sure no one was nearby, and lowered his voice. "We can finish our– ahem– animal project before the next full moon so Remus's furry little problem doesn't kill him next month. I mean, I've pretty much got it, if I could only figure out to stay transformed for longer than five minutes, and not be completely wasted afterwards. Sirius, you're nearly at the point that I'm at. And Pete, you're not too far behind us. With a little extra help you'll have it in no time."

Peter snorted. "Yeah, right."

"Now that's a defeatist attitude," Sirius said in mock wisdom.

"Once again, Sirius," Peter said. "That's reality. There's no way I'll have it down by next month."

"Sure you will," Sirius said.

"You know why?" James asked, getting a blank stare from Peter in response.

"Because you have the proper motivation," Sirius supplied for him.

"Precisely," James said, talking now like he normally did on the quidditch pitch to his team. "Are you merely doing this as some really pathetic way to amuse yourself? No! You are doing this to help out your best mate in the whole bloody world, REMUS LU–" James was now standing up and noticed that at least half the library's occupants were staring at him. "Pin," he said quietly, sitting back down.

"Nice, Prongs," Sirius said sarcastically.

"Shut up. No one asked your opinion."

James's pep-speech signaled the beginning of a good deal of library time for the three boys. Sirius, needless to say, was bored out of his mind. He was all for helping out Remus, but reading, particularly research material, bored him incredibly. He had never understood the fascination that James and Remus had with books. The two of them had the library plotted out. If they needed a book, for homework or for research for pranks, they had a general idea of where that book could be found. It saved them from having to ask Madam Pince every time they needed a book they couldn't find.

James was hitting his prime, though. He had an intellectual streak he had inherited from his mother, who had been in Ravenclaw at Hogwarts. There was something about figuring out new spells that fascinated him. It was almost like a puzzle, a challenge that he had to overcome. And anamagi was a puzzle he had been struggling to figure out for a good three years. He was ready to be done with it. Which explained why he threatened to hex anyone who tried to interrupt him. Pete took the position as his gofer, since he had a hard time understanding the complexities of anamagi. Every time James needed anything from another part of the library or something from their dormitory, Peter was there to go get it without a complaint. Good thing, too, seeing as how Sirius would often get distracted when helping James flip through books by some pretty girl or another and would run off to flirt with her.

Their library sessions were punctured regularly by trips to the Hospital Wing to see Remus. Pomfrey finally allowed them to see Remus three days after the full moon, and Sirius finally understood what James had meant when James had described their friend's condition. Remus certainly looked terrible. The whiteness of his face almost seemed to blend in with the white pillow behind him. The dark circles under his eyes, and the fading bruise on the right side of his face contrasted with his pale skin. His breath was raspy, as was his voice. His other, more serious, injuries were hidden under a thick blanket

Remus gave them a lopsided smile when they first entered the Hospital Wing. "It's about time you guys showed up," he said hoarsely. "I was beginning to think you didn't care."

James and Sirius exchanged a glance, glad (albeit surprised) to see Remus joking with them. They were far more used to a Remus who lacked the energy to laugh and joke with them after the full moon. "Sorry mate," Sirius said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "You'll have to take that up with Pomfrey. For crying out loud, she locked us out on Monday."

"Is she allowed to do that?" Remus asked.

"I don't think so," James said. "But she did anyway."

"I'll have to talk to her about that," he replied. He glanced at Sirius, who had been looking at him with an odd look on his face. "Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there any reason in particular why you keep giving me weird looks?"

Sirius looked startled. "No," he said quickly. "I was just . . . It's just . . . You seem rather chipper."

James snorted, and Remus raised his eyebrows. "I seem rather _chipper_?" he repeated, sounding shocked at Sirius's word choice. "Are you sure you're feeling okay? I can get Pomfrey out here in a second if you're not."

"No, I'm sure that's not necessary," Sirius said.

"Good," Remus replied. "I don't want her out here anymore than she has to be. She has a tendency to get very overbearing whenever she's around, and I find it rather annoying."

"I know what you mean," James said sagely.

"So, how're you feeling?" Peter asked.

"I don't rightly know," Remus said. "Pomfrey's given me so many potions I can't really feel anything right now," he explained at their confused looks. "I know I'm supposed to hurt, and I ache, and I'm exhausted, but I can't exactly _feel_ anything. It's actually a fairly odd sensation, to be perfectly honest."

"I'll take your word for it," Sirius mused.

"So, what have I missed in class?" Remus asked. He was answered with identical groans from Sirius and James.

Peter began going on about the massive essays they had been assigned in History of Magic and Defense Against the Dark Arts, and the level of difficulty of a new spell they had started in Transfiguration. "It's horrible, Remus," he complained. "We have to do research for all of it, and on top of that we're still trying to figure out that whole ani–" Peter stopped himself just in time. James and Sirius were both giving him warning glares, but Remus merely looked puzzled. Conveniently, Pomfrey came out of her office, two goblets full of different potions in her hands. "Remus, I need you to drink these," she said. She turned to the others as she put the goblets down on the table and helped Remus into a sitting position. "You three should probably be leaving soon."

They all exchanged a brief glance; they knew Pomfrey really meant that she wanted them to leave now.

"What are you still trying to figure out?" Remus asked, after he took a sip of the first potion and grimaced.

"Nothing," James said quickly.

"Just a prank to amuse ourselves in your absence," Sirius elaborated.

Pomfrey rounded on them. "This prank of yours will not result in any of you ending up in here, will it?" she asked sharply.

James smirked. "It's nothing too serious," he said, putting a delicate stress on the word 'serious'. Sirius glared at him.

Remus, however, looked unconvinced. "If you say so," he said.

"We do," Sirius quipped.

James glanced at Pomfrey, who was giving him a stern glare. "Sorry mate, but we've got to get going," he said. "We've got a free period before dinner, so we'll be back then."

Remus nodded. "I'll see you guys later, I suppose."

"Way to nearly blow it, Pete," Sirius said when they were outside of the Hospital Wing.

"Sorry," Peter said, still feeling guilty about nearly letting the fact that they were studying how to become animagi slip. He was normally better with secrets than that.

James grinned. "Merlin, it's a good thing you caught yourself," he said. "I can only imagine what he's going to say when he finds out that we're spending our free time learning how to turn into animals."

"Well, hopefully," Sirius mused as they made their way into the Great Hall for lunch, "by next full moon, we'll know exactly what he's going to say, 'cause he'll be saying it."

Athena looked up when Sirius, James, and Peter walked by. "He's still not here," she mused aloud, ignoring Emm and Dory who had started whispering about James and Sirius.

Lily looked up from an essay she hadn't finished. "Hmm?"

"Remus," she said. "He's still not here."

Lily glanced down the table to where James, Sirius, and Peter had sat down. "You're right," she said. "He's been gone since Saturday. Is he in the Hospital Wing?"

Athena shook her head. "I checked when I was in there after quidditch practice last night," she said. "The place looked deserted."

"That's odd," Lily said, looking concerned. "I could have sworn that's where he'd be. He looked sick all last week."

"I know. Maybe he's gone home for something. You know, another funeral or whatnot," Athena said, though she doubted the chances that he would have two relatives die within a month of each other. "I just hope he's okay."

"I know what you mean," Lily mused, thinking of how Remus had looked after his disappearance last month and wondering what he would look like when he came back this time.

On Thursday, James, Sirius, and Peter decided that it would be to their benefit to skip Divination. As none of them had any intention to take the class after this year, they never felt guilty about skiving off. James justified skipping to Peter by saying they were only missing class to go to the library, where they would be learning things anyway, so it's not like they were really missing class at all. They made a quick stop in the library, where James grabbed a few books on Transfiguration, before they proceeded to a secret tunnel behind a large mirror on the fourth floor. It was an ideal space to hide because, as far as they knew, they were the only ones who knew about it. Here, Sirius could help Peter with the animagus transformation while James searched through more books to figure out how to stay transformed without running the risk of anyone barging in on them. The only person who wasn't there now who knew where it was, was Remus, and none of them thought he'd be leaving the Hospital Wing anytime in the very near future. After an hour, Peter and Sirius were tired, hungry, and ready to leave, but James was still flipping through the books he had taken out of the library.

"C'mon, James," Peter groaned. "I'm exhausted. I want to eat!"

"Hold on. I'm almost done!" James said, picking up another book and flipping through it, cross-referencing between it and the open book on his lap.

"No, you're not," Sirius said. "You can take your little books with you, Prongs."

"But I've almost got it," James protested.

Sirius sighed and turned to Peter. "Why don't you go get something to eat, Pete? I'll stay here with this loon to make sure he comes along eventually."

Peter smiled. "Sounds good to me," he said. "If I'm not in the Great Hall, then I'll be with Remus. I'll see you guys in a bit." Peter slid the back of the mirror to the side, glancing both ways down the hall, checking to make the coast was clear, before clambering out and leaving.

Sirius sighed again and sat down across from James, picking up one of the books. "So, what do you have so far?"

"Just a sec," he said, a maniacal grin creeping over his face. "I think I've got it." He quickly scanned a page of the book. "Pass me that green book."

Sirius complied, handing the said book to his friend, curious to know what exactly James had discovered. James's eyes went wide and were scanning the pages of three different books in great succession. All of a sudden, he started laughing.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"We should have known it would be something this simple!" James said, still laughing.

"What's simple?"

"The way to finalize it all," James said enthusiastically. "To make it so you can stay transformed for more than thirty seconds!"

"What are you going on about?"

James stood up and gathered his numerous books, cramming them into his bag. "C'mon, I'll explain it in the hall," he said, moving aside the mirror and stepping back into the hall. Sirius had no choice but to follow.

"It's a potion," James said quietly as he and Sirius walked down the hall. "There's this potion that you have to drink in order to stay transformed. It's called an Absolvere Solution or something like that."

"What do you mean, it's a potion?" Sirius asked, lowering his voice as well. "Animagus transformations are strictly a Transfiguration thing. Why would they make a potion part of it? It's ridiculous."

"That's precisely why," James replied. "To make it harder, so not as many people can master the transformations. The only ones who probably know about this potion are the ones who've accomplished becoming animagi. I had to cross reference between at least four different books to find it."

"That doesn't make any sense, though," Sirius said. "Are you positive this is what we need?

"I'm telling you, Sirius," James hissed as they turned a corner. "If we get this potion, then the whole thing will be final. It's the last step."

"I don't see what a potion has to do with Transfiguration," Sirius muttered.

"Well, neither do I," James replied, "but it's what the book says. I can show you." He flipped the book in his hands open to the page he had dog-eared earlier.

"I don't need to look at that lousy book, Prongs," Sirius said.

"Oh, of course," James replied. "I forgot that you know everything."

"Har, har, har. C'mon, Pete'll be wondering where we are."

James sighed. "Gimme a second," he muttered. He pulled his backpack off his shoulder and attempted to squeeze the book back in the bag. Suddenly, it felt like something hooked around his ankle, and all of a sudden, he was being hoisted into the air upside down. Only his quick reflexes kept him from dropping everything all over the floor. With much difficulty, he twisted in the air to see his unseen attacker, though he had a fair idea who it was. Of course, he wasn't surprised to see Snivellus down a good four or five meters down the hall, sneering at him. "You," James snarled.

Sirius turned around to hear who James was growling at. He nearly started laughing at the sight of his best friend hanging upside down in mid-air, but stopped the instant he laid eyes on Snape standing at the other end of the hallway. "Snivellus," he growled with utter distaste.Snape made a movement as if he were about to hex Sirius as well, but Sirius was quicker._ "Impedimenta,"_ he cried, his wand pointing at Snape. Snape was knocked of his feet and crashed to the floor. Sirius advanced, still holding his wand aloft. "Taking to attacking people when their back is turned now, you bloody coward? What next, attacking little old ladies, or maybe little puppy dogs," he spat.

"Don't," Snape panted as he fought against the jinx. "Don't – call – me a – coward."

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh. "But it's so fitting."

Snape started to swear loudly, but James cut him off. "Uh, Sirius?" he said. "A little help would be very much appreciated."

Sirius looked slightly startled. He glanced at Snape quickly, to make sure the Impediment Jinx wouldn't be wearing off soon, and turned to his upside-down friend. _"Finite,"_ he said with a flick of his wand. Nothing happened. "It didn't work," Sirius said.

"I noticed," James called back, his face turning red from the blood rushing to his head. He shook his head slightly, trying to re-circulate his blood, but the only thing he accomplished was knocking his glasses off his face. Snape laughed as James swore. Sirius turned his attention back to Snape; the jinx was starting to wear off, and he was attempting to struggle to his feet. Sirius raised his wand again, making sure Snape stayed down. "Put him right," Sirius jerked his head back to where James was still hanging upside-down. "And I'll let you go, you smarmy bastard."

"Or what, Black?"

"Or I'll hex your nonexistent ass into oblivion," Sirius threatened.

Snape didn't reply, but glared at Sirius with hatred only equal to Sirius's hatred for him. Neither of them made a move till they heard familiar footsteps about to round the corner. Footsteps that belonged to McGonagall. Quickly, Snape flicked his wand, muttering _"Liberacorpus" _under his breath. Sirius raised his own wand as he heard James crash to the floor with a grunt behind him. Sirius turned back to help James to his feet and Snape turned and fled in the opposite direction.

"Bloody coward," Sirius muttered, as he helped James up.

McGonagall rounded the corner to find a red-faced and disgruntled looking James, who looked odd without his glasses, and Sirius who looked unnaturally perturbed. She raised her eyebrows, curious as to what the two young men had done this time. "Is something wrong?" she asked shortly.

"No, Professor," James and Sirius chimed at the same time.

McGonagall looked unconvinced, but continued on her way. If something was really going on, she would, without a doubt, hear about it in the near future. Sirius bent over to pick up James's glasses. "Looks like you landed on them, mate," Sirius said, holding out the smashed glasses to James.

James took them, and fixed them quickly with his wand. "Bloody git," James mused, sliding his glasses back on his face. "You know what this means, don't you?"

Sirius smirked. "Revenge," he said sweetly. "But, I know what you're going to say."

"Oh, you do, do you?"

"Yes, I do. I know everything, remember?" Sirius said, laughing. "You are going to say that we must regrettably put off our revenge until _after_ we figure our other project."

"Wow," James said. "You're good, but not perfect. I was also going to say that we need to figure out what the jinx was."

"The one Snivellus used?"

James nodded. "Never seen anything like it. It could be dead useful, though."

"Yeah," Sirius admitted. "C'mon, maybe Moony'll have heard of it."

They reached the Hospital Wing to find Peter already there, sitting on one end of the bed, helping himself to a box of _Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans_. Remus was at the other end of the bed (obviously) and looking tremendously better than he had the day before. His skin had more color to it, and his breath was coming out easier. He was sitting up and looked more alert and energetic then before. He was sitting up against a large pile of pillows and sucking the end of a sugar quill. "Took you two long enough," he said ad they sat down. "Pete's been here for at least ten minutes now."

"It wasn't our fault," James said.

"We ran into a certain greasy-haired cretin," Sirius finished.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "What'd you do?" he asked.

"We didn't do anything," James said. "Or at least I didn't." James took the time to tell Remus and Peter what had transpired when Peter once Peter had left, leaving out the topic of conversation when he had initially been jinxed.

"And the prig didn't even have enough backbone to let a teacher find out what he's really up to all the time, and ran off like a scared little first year," Sirius finished for James, conveniently forgetting that had the role been reversed he probably would have left too, instead of facing McGonagall's wrath.

"So have you heard of a jinx like that before?" James asked.

Remus shook his head. "Can't say that I have, but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. No doubt we'll see it again soon," he said, smiling. "I imagine you looked pretty ridiculous hanging upside down like that."

Sirius laughed. "You have no idea," he said.

James grabbed a chocolate frog off the bedside table and chucked it at Sirius's head. "We're not going to mention what I look like upside down, all right?"

"You sure James?" Peter asked. "I'm sure Lily would love to know."

James shot him a menacing glare before turning back to Remus. "So, how much longer do you think you're going to be stuck in here?" he asked.

Remus shrugged. "If I have anything to say about it, tomorrow night or Saturday morning," he said. "But, knowing Pomfrey as well as I do, I think she's aiming for Sunday night."

"So you're feeling better, then?" Sirius asked.

"Uh, slightly. I just get really sick of being here really fast."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Remus, October 4,1974: The Great Wazoo

So, as you well know, I've been in the Hospital Wing for the last few days with almost nothing to do, and so my mind has a tendency to wander. While I was working on some essay or another, I overheard (and no, I was not eavesdropping . . . I just happened to overhear) Pomfrey talking to some old colleague of hers. And suddenly, the other healer said "Oh, yeah. I've got patients coming out of the wazoo these days." And it got me thinking. What exactly is the wazoo, and why can an infinite amount of things come out of it? You hear it all the time . . .well, I do, at least. People everywhere have things coming out of the wazoo. Everything from money, to knowledge, even beetles can come out the wazoo. Some people have things up the wazoo, and other people have pain in the wazoo. What is it about the wazoo that just so many things escape from it? Or are they unwillingly taken from the wazoo? Is there anything fun to do in the wazoo? Can you have parties there? It really makes you think. So, I got a dictionary and looked it up.

It turns out, the wazoo is definitely your arse. Sheds a little more light on things, doesn't it?

Suddenly, things coming out the wazoo has an entirely different meaning.

Think about it. . .That healer had patients coming out the wazoo. Some people have bugs coming out the wazoo, or sometimes weeds. Or that poor bloke who has his wife's cats coming out the wazoo. The mental imagery is enough to leave you laughing for hours. Can you imagine walking down the Charms corridor, while your complaining about your sudden abundance of homework, and all of a sudden it comes out your wazoo? It's even worse for the people who get things shoved _up_ the wazoo. Think about it. It sounds pretty painful.

So, take care of your wazoo . . . and try not to have too many miscellaneous objects come out of it.

**Sirius: Lupin, I think you've got way too much free time on your hands-10/7**

_James: Correction, you mean he's got free time coming out the wazoo.-September 9

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**final an:** The phrase 'out the wazoo' has been a topic around my house for the last two weeks. I couldn't help but throwing it in. As always, please forgive any and all typos and grammar mistakes. If anything is too blatantly incorrect let me know. I'm really going to try to get an update out sooner this time, but I can't garuntee anything._

Happy late Easter to all my Christian readers and Happy Passover to my Jewish fans.

Delano

p.s.>> please please review


	11. Suspicions and Diversions

**AN:** Oh! would you look at this! It's an update around two weeks of the last one! It's amazing! lol. I actually meant for this to get posted on Friday, but something was wrong, and I couldn't log in to post. I was quite distraught. Anyway, here is Chapter Ten . . . and chapter eleven has already been started!

**disclaimer:** As much as I want any and all, well, maybe not _all_,recognizable characters to be mine, they still aren't. 'Tis a shame . . .I know.

**enjoi**

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Remus walked down the deserted hall, trying not to limp too much and trying to ignore the shooting pain in his left leg. It was around noon on Monday, and Madam Pomfrey had finally let him out of the Hospital Wing after he had been there for over a week. He had hoped that she would let him out before classes started, but he had no such luck. He already missed Transfiguration and double Herbology on top of all the classes he missed the previous week. At this rate, he would be happy if he managed to pass any of his classes by the end of the year. Currently, he was looking for his three friends, who normally were wandering around the halls causing some sort of trouble around this time of the day. As of yet, he had no luck in finding them at all. 

"Remus?" he heard someone call behind him. He spun around, trying not to put too much pressure on his left leg. He smiled.

"Hi Athena. Hi Lily," he said, waiting for the two girls to catch up with him.

"How have you been?" Lily asked, pushing her red hair out of her eyes. "It's been over a week since anyone's seen you."

"Oh, I've been fine," he lied. He hated lying.

"Where have you been?" Athena asked.

"I've been back home," he lied again. "My mum fell really ill, and no one was sure if she was going to make it or not, so I went home . . . just in case. I mean, she's fine now, but . . ."

"Well, that's good," Athena said. "That she's fine now, I mean, not that she was sick in the first place."

"Mhmm," Lily said, looking at Remus rather suspiciously. "How were things at home?"

"Oh they were fine," he said. "Or as fine as they could have been, given the circumstances." He was more than aware that Lily didn't seem to believe him completely, and decided a change in subject was in order. "Have you seen James, Sirius, or Peter around lately?

Lily made a sound the resembled something like "Tkach", causing Athena to laugh. "I haven't seen them since the end of Herbology fifteen minutes ago," Athena said. "They ran off to do who knows what."

"They're probably trying to blow-up a toilet or something," Lily muttered. "Or terrorizing first years. Or both, at the same time."

"I don't care what they're doing," Athena said. "So long as they get it done, and James can concentrate on Quidditch again."

Lily shook her head. "That's all he ever thinks about," she said. "Pranks and quidditch. Quidditch and pranks. That's it. It's like he's got the mental capacity of a flobberworm."

"He's not that bad," Remus reasoned. "He's actually a pretty decent person."

"You keep telling me that, Remus," Lily argued as they rounded a corner. "And I still don't believe you. And you're going to keep telling me that, and I'm going to keep not believing you."

Remus laughed. "It's your opinion," he said, looking up. A very familiar person with shaggy black hair was about to turn the corner at the other end of the hall. "Speak of the devil," he said, before calling out, "OY!"

Of course, James didn't hear him. Remus sighed. "He's deaf, you know," he told Lily. He smiled mischevously as he pulled out his wand. "You don't mind, do you?" he asked as he aimed it at a point just above James's shoulder.

"By all means," Lily consented.

With a flick of his wrist, Remus shot red sparks over his friend's shoulder. James spun around, his wand out, ready to throw a hex. He lowered his wand at the site of Remus, Lily, and Athena at the other end of the hall and smiled. "Moony!" he called, before poking his head around the corner and yelled, "Padfoot! Pete! Moony's back!"

"Padfoot?" Remus questioned as James got closer.

He nodded. "New nickname."

"I got that, but 'Padfoot'?" he asked.

"Yup," James said. "Just go along with it."

"Okay," he mused. "And you've been Prongs, lately, right?" James nodded. "Is Pete going to be Henry VIII soon?"

"Nah, he's still Pete," James said, laughing. He ruffled his hair and turned his attention to Lily. "Good afternoon, Evans," he said regally.

Lily was saved the trouble of coming up with a witty retort (there were only so many responses she could come up with when he hit on her every other day, after all) by Sirius, who had finally come around the corner, and yelled "Moony!" Sirius charged down the hall and collided with Remus, wrapping his arms around him in a (literally) bone-crushing hug. Lily watched with concern as pain flashed across his face when he was set down by Sirius. His friends seemed to notice as well, but Remus was laughing, trying to shrug it off.

"Trying to kill me, are you?" he asked, jokingly.

"That was my intent, yes," Sirius responded lightly. "So why aren't you dead yet?"

Remus laughed again, and pretended to stagger dramatically, clutching his abdomen, as if he had just been shot. He bumped into a nearby suit of armor, which fell apart on contact. Remus froze, and started laughing harder. James flashed a grin and fixed it with a flick of his wand. Sirius threw his arm around Remus's shoulders and James did the same on the other side, and escorted him down the hall, still laughing and joking, with Peter walking alongside. Remus glanced back over his shoulders and waved at Lily and Athena who were still standing in the hall trying to make sense of what had happened.

"Well, he's certainly looking better," Athena admitted when the boys were gone. She turned to Lily, who was staring at the suit of armor as if it were trying to tell her something. "But you're concerned about something," she deduced.

"Yeah . . . I mean, I don't know," Lily mused. "Have you ever noticed that whenever Remus comes back from being gone, normally to his home, he always looks slightly ill, or hurt, or something?"

"What are you trying to say?" Athena asked. "Do you think he's got problems at home or something?"

"I don't know what I think," Lily answered, thinking of the look of pain that had flashed across Remus's face. "It's just . . . he's a good person. I don't want him to get hurt."

"Perfectly understandable," Athena said. "But, right now is not the time to worry about it. We can discuss possibilities of domestic violence in the Lupin household after we eat." Lily smiled slightly, but still seemed concerned. Athena sighed. She threw her arm out in front of her. "Come, let us go to yonder Great Hall and eat-eth to our hearts' content," she said dramatically, pressing her hand against her heart at the end for dramatic effect.

Sirius sat at the table and pushed his food around with his fork as he surveyed the Great Hall. "You know what?" he asked suddenly, breaking James and Remus out of their conversation about something Sirius hadn't been paying attention too.

"What?" James asked.

"I haven't snogged a girl since the term started," he said, looking concerned at the fact.

Remus snorted. "I haven't snogged a girl in fifteen years, Sirius," he said. "It's not a big deal."

"Yes, it is," Sirius said. "I need a girlfriend."

Peter looked up from his food. "Then go get one," he said. "It's not like it's hard for you."

"You've got a good point, Pete," Sirius mused. He stood up and looked around the Great Hall again, his eyes landing on a pretty fourth year down the table. "You will not see back here until I have a girlfriend." And with that, he left, no doubt to ask the aforementioned fourth year out.

James sighed when he was gone. "All right, gents," he said, pulling out a roll of parchment. "Betting on Sirius's Serious Relationships has begun. Mr. Moony, your bet?" he asked.

Remus grinned, and looked at the girl who was now flirting with Sirius down the table. "One week and four days," he said.

"That long?" James asked, as he wrote Remus's response. "I'm only going for a week."

Remus shrugged. "She's pretty. She'll hold his attention for over a week."

"All right," James said. "And Mr. Pettigrew?"

Pete chewed his lip thoughtfully. "Two weeks; three days," he said after a moment's thought.

"Really? Seems long for Sirius, don't you think?" James asked.

"Sirius hasn't kissed anyone in months," Peter reasoned. "She looks like she's a good kisser. She'll keep him interested."

James shrugged, and copied down Peter's answer. "The normal five galleons up for grabs all right for everyone?" he asked, getting nods in response. "All right. Same rules as always: Marauder closest to actual date of break up without going over gets the five galleons."

Ever since their third year, when it became apparent that Sirius had a knack with girls, and was often seen with at least two different girls each month, his three friends started to place wages on how long he and one girl could stay together. The winner got five galleons. Sirius, of course, had no idea that any of this was going on, and the other three intended on keeping it that way, which is why James buried his parchment in his bag when Sirius came back, holding hands with the fourth year he had been talking to minutes earlier. The girl was on the short side, and very skinny. She had long chestnut colored hair, and big brown eyes.

He grinned as he took his seat next to James, his new girlfriend sitting next to him. "Guys, this is Olivia Burns," he said. "Olivia, I assume you know James, Pete, and Remus?"

She gave a light tinkling laugh that nearly made James snort his pumpkin juice. "Oh yeah, I've seen you all around before," she said. She sounded like she was six.

Remus had the good graces to keep from laughing, unlike James, and politely said, "Pleasure to meet you, Olivia."

Over the next few days, unless class was in session, it was rare to see Olivia far from Sirius. She seemed to have rearranged her schedule so that she could meet up with Sirius in the corridors between classes. James learned to keep himself from laughing every time the girl spoke, but often joked about the girl's voice with Remus and Peter whenever Sirius wasn't around. James, Remus, and Peter also managed to adapt to having another person around at all times. Olivia's presence forced the boys to censor some of their conversations, particularly those concerning Remus and his furry problem. It wasn't long before Olivia came to the conclusion that most of Sirius's many girlfriends did: Remus owned a very poorly behaved pet. Olivia's presence around Sirius was so constant, that Lily was completely unsurprised to see the two of them walking down the hall together Thursday night when she trekked Sirius down.

After much debating with herself, and discussing her options with Athena, Lily finally decided that she should try to see what Remus's friends knew about what his home life was like. Lily normally didn't butt into people's business like she was doing with Remus's, but the experience she had with her friend when she was younger had taught her that matters like these only got worse when left alone. Confronting James was out of the question. She could probably get the answer from him if she tried hard enough, but she would probably have to kiss him in the process, and that was out of the question. Peter couldn't be pulled aside on his own. He clung to his friends like a leech. Which left . . .

"Sirius!" she called down the hall, spotting him hand-in-hand with Olivia about to round the corner.

Sirius stopped and turned around. He was surprised to see the red head quickly catch up to him. Lily had never paid any attention to him before, not that he cared. He didn't like her on the principle that she didn't like James. He raised his eyebrows in question as he thought _It's at times like these that it would be nice to only raise one eyebrow like Moony does. I wonder how he does that . . ._

"Could I have a word with you for a moment?" Lily asked in answer to Sirius's silent question. "Alone, preferably."Olivia opened her mouth to protest. She wasn't about to allow her recently-won boyfriend to be alone with another girl. "You don't need to worry, Olivia," Lily said before the younger girl could say anything. "I swore a long time ago that I would never date Potter or any of his cheeky mates, and that includes Sirius."

Sirius glanced between Lily and Olivia, who was now expecting him to tell Lily to leave. He sighed. If James found out he had been rude to Lily, he would never hear the end of it. Loyalty to his best friend came before loyalty to his girlfriend. "Why don't you go on up to the common room, Olivia?" he suggested finally. "I'll be up there in five minutes." Olivia looked put out by Sirius's request, but didn't argue. She gave Sirius a quick kiss on the cheek before she sauntered away, shooting a nasty glare at Lily as she left. Sirius turned back to Lily. "So, Evans, what can I help you with?" he asked casually, shoving his hands in his pocket.

"I've got a question for you," she replied.

Sirius grinned. "So, you've accepted the fact that I simply know everything, then?" he asked suavely.

"Er, no," Lily said shortly. "I wanted to ask you something about . . . about Remus." Sirius's eyes narrowed, but she continued quickly before he could say anything. "For as long as I can remember, whenever he comes back from wherever it is he goes practically every month, he looks terrible. He looks hurt. And he's been telling me lately that he's been home, and I don't mean to be nosy. It's just . . . is everything okay? At his home, I mean."

Sirius studied her for a minute. "It's none of your business," he said in a tone that settled the matter.

Of course, Lily was more persistent than most people, and Sirius's firm tone wasn't enough to deter her. "I'm worried about him, Sirius," she said firmly. "I just want to make sure everything's okay."

Sirius sighed. "Look, Evans," he said, lowering his voice so he wouldn't be overheard by people who were walking by. "I don't care that James thinks the world of you, and I could care less how you stumbled your way into Remus's good graces. It doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that you seem to see yourself fit to dig around in his business. If Remus hasn't told you anything, then he doesn't want you to know. And it's going to stay that way. So keep out of our business."

"Sirius," Lily persisted. "I'm not trying to hurt him, and I'm not trying to be some nosy busy-body. I am genuinely worried. Is it wrong that I'm worried about him?"

"You don't need to worry about him," Sirius said. "We've got everything under control." Sirius didn't wait for Lily to argue again. Without even bothering to say goodbye, he walked straight past her and back to the common room where Olivia would be waiting for him.

Sirius didn't mention his conversation with Lily to Remus. Remus had enough on his mind without having to worry about the possibility of someone else discovering his secret. Several days after the conversation occurred, he did decide to tell James. They were walking back to the common room after serving a particularly mind-numbingly boring detention with Filch on Sunday night. "So I had a word with Evans the other day," he said nonchalantly.

James's attention perked at the mention of Lily's name. "What'd you talk about?" he asked quickly. "Did she mention me at all?"

"She didn't mention you," he said, "but she did mention something that concerns me . . . a lot."

"Wait, you can be concerned about something?" James asked, looking awed. "How come you never told me?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "It turns out she's reached her own conclusions about where Remus goes every month."

James stopped dead in his tracks. "She knows about –"

"I didn't say that," Sirius interrupted. "She asked me if everything was alright at his home. She seemed to think his parents hit him or something."

"That's ridiculous," James muttered, conveniently forgetting for the time that they had speculated the same situation before they had discovered Remus's secret.

"I know it is," Sirius responded. "But that's not the point. We need to make sure she doesn't keep nosing around. You'll keep an eye on her, right?" he asked, knowing well that James already watched Lily more than was normal or natural.

"Right," James said, distractedly. "I'm on her." Sirius laughed. "It!" James corrected himself quickly. "I'm on _it_."

"Well, whatever you're on," Sirius said, still grinning. "We've got other problems too."

James sighed. "What is it this time?"

"I looked through the ingredients on that potion," Sirius said. He didn't need to specify which potion; James knew he meant the one for their Anamagi project. He pulled a piece of parchment out of his pocket and handed it to James. "That's a list of all the ingredients for the potion that we don't have access too."

James studied the list. "How many of these can we get from Slughorn's private stores?"

"About half of it," Sirius said. "We can't send out for the rest of it, because Filch will search anything that comes from Diagon Alley, especially if it's addressed to us. A Knut for your thoughts?"

James chewed his bottom lip for a moment, thinking through all their options. He knew from experience that Filch searched mail addressed to them that came from Diagon Alley. He had gotten two dozen dungbombs confiscated two years ago because of Filch's searches. But, as far as he knew, Filch never searched anything that was addressed from family members. Slowly, a smile crept over his face. His parents would never send him anything like what they needed, but, with a little pleading, his brother would. "Jared," he said finally.

"Your brother?" Sirius asked.

"No, the other one," James said sarcastically. "He'll send us what we need."

"Are you sure?"

James nodded. "I'll have to beg and plead a little, but nothing I can't handle."

"Jared'll want to know what it's for, though," Sirius countered.

James shrugged. "We can always make something up," he said. "It's nothing we haven't done before. Or have you suddenly decided that you no longer want to lie?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Are you sure Jared will send it?"

"I am positive," James said.

"Okay," Sirius said, knowing that James wouldn't lie about Jared's reliability. "So, how do you suppose we get into Slughorn's private stores?"

James grinned again. "The usual," he said simply.

"Create a distraction, and break in?" Sirius said.

"Of course," James answered. "It's what we Marauders do best."

"We should get Remus to cause the distraction," Sirius said, as they got closer to the common room.

"Any particular reason why?"

"Because if either of us do anything, it'll be obvious that we're trying to steal something," he reasoned. "Teachers trust him. We need to use that to our advantage as much as possible."

"True, true . . . very true. Flibbergroit," James said when they reached the portrait hole.

No sooner than they clambered into the common room, Sirius's attention was drawn by a loud, and rather obnoxious squeal of: "SIRIUS!" Hardly a millisecond after that, Olivia had attached herself to Sirius's arm. James sighed heavily as Sirius and his conquest gave each other a completely nonverbal greeting and went to sit by Remus and Peter, both of whom looked sincerely thrilled that Sirius was back, and Olivia was gone.

"I don't where she got the idea," Remus muttered to James as he sat down, "that just because she and Sirius suck face constantly that she also gets to sit here and bother me about him when you two are off in detention."

James laughed. "She is a bit annoying, isn't she?"

"I don't know how Sirius puts up with her," Peter said. "She sounds like six, and she looks like she's ten."

"Are you implying that Sirius is a pedophile?" James asked just as Remus made the comment that ". . . her voice doesn't bother his, because they don't talk. All they do is snog."

"Hey, Moony," James said when their laughter died down. "Can I borrow some parchment?"

"Do you need my notes to?" he asked as he dug through his bag for some spare parchment. "I know you don't take any when I'm in class."

James shook his head. "I just need to write a letter to Jared," he said. "I need some supplies for something Sirius and I are planning."

"Which would be . . . ?" Remus questioned, handing the parchment over.

"Oh, just a few potion ingredients," James said nonchalantly. "Can I get a quill and some ink too? I haven't mastered writing without those yet."

"And those potion ingredients would be for . . . ?" Remus asked, pushing his quill and ink in James's direction.

"A potion," James said, trying to avoid the topic.

"For what?"

"For something dear old Padfoot and I are fixing up," James said, pretending to concentrate on his letter.

Remus sighed. "Will I know what these are for any time in the near future?" he asked.

"By Halloween," James said firmly. "At the latest."

Remus gave up. James was as stubborn as a mule; there was no way around it. He wouldn't deny that it didn't hurt to think that his friends were trying to keep something from him. The Marauders told each other everything, after all, but there wasn't much he could do about it. If James said he'd know by Halloween, which was incidently the night of the next full moon, then he would know by Halloween. He sighed and turned back to Peter who was looking to him for help with their Charms essay.

It wasn't until Wednesday night that Remus heard any more about James's and Sirius's secret plot. Remus flopped down on his bed. Being friends with James and Sirius could certainly be exhausting, and he hadn't even seen them since dinner. He just spent the last fifteen minutes convincing Filch that he had not been waiting outside the girls' bathroom on the third floor because he was keeping look-out for James and Sirius, but because some poor second year girl was sick, and he wanted to make sure the girl could make it down to the hospital wing all right. Filch was positive they, being Remus and his friends, were up to something, never mind the fact that James had been at Quidditch practice for the past hour and a half and Sirius was currently up in the Astronomy Tower with Olivia. Granted, Filch didn't know that that was where Sirius was, because he would have been up there and Sirius would have been in detention by now. The Astronomy Tower was forbidden territory, and thus the basis of its appeal to Sirius. Remus finally managed to escape Filch's office when the temperamental caretaker got word that a couple of third years had let off a half dozen dungbombs in the Charms corridor. Filch had left his office in a foul temper, swearing angrily under his breath and stating vehemently that Dumbledore should allow him to reinstate the use of thumbscrews.

Now Remus was safely in his dormitory, feeling as though he were a wet towel that had just been wrung dry. It was the common consensus that conversations with Filch could leave anyone feeling like that. He was trying not to think about the pile of homework he still had waiting for him, particularly a nasty essay for Thelen, who was still just barely passing his best work. He pressed his face further into his pillow when he felt two people sit down on either side of him.

"Not trying to smother yourself, are you?" James asked as he pulled the pillow out from underneath Remus.

"Not today," Remus said rolling over to face James and Sirius. "Maybe next week," he joked. He looked between his two friends for a moment before asking "What do you need?"

"We need a diversion," Sirius said. "And you're the only one of us that teachers still trust, so we figured you'd better do it."

Remus laughed. "When? Where? And why?" he asked grinning.

"Friday."

"In Potions."

"Because I couldn't get everything we need for out secret project from Jared."

"And we need to break into Slughorn's private stores to get the rest."

"Okay," Remus said slowly, brushing his light brown hair out of his face. "What kind of diversion?"

"Well," Sirius said, glancing quickly at James. "We were thinking that you could pretend to get sick."

"Or really get sick if your acting skills aren't up to it," James added. "Then make a miraculous recovery within ten minutes."

"No," Remus said firmly. "I will do anything but play sick."

"Why?" Sirius wanted to know.

"Because as soon as I even _look _like I'm sick, somebody is going to run off to get Pomfrey," he explained. "And I would probably end up spending the rest of my life in the Hospital Wing before I actually _got _sick and died."

Sirius was laughing, but James said, "Well, sometimes you need to take one for the team."

"Yes, the team that won't even tell me why they need said potion ingredients," Remus said sarcastically.

"What if we can guarantee that Pomfrey won't be informed of your fake illness?" Sirius asked.

"Not possible," Remus said. "That woman finds out about anything."

"She won't find out about this," Sirius said. "I swear."

Remus still looked like he would rather swallow knives. "Please," James added emphatically.

"Yeah, please," Sirius said, looking at Remus with what he thought was an adorable puppy-dog face.

_I can't believe I'm going to do this, _he thought to himself. "Fine," he reluctantly agreed. "But if Pomfrey does find out, you two will owe me _so_ much."

James and Sirius both grinned. "Agreed," the said in unison.

For Remus, double Potions on Friday rolled around way too quickly for his liking. They had spent most of Thursday going over exactly what they wanted to happen in Potions. Everything from signals to jobs were appointed, and now there was nothing left to do but go through with the plans. Needless to say, Remus wasn't entirely convinced that Pomfrey wasn't going to find out and he hardly wanted to play ill in front of the entire class. _It's amazing what people will do for friendship,_ Remus caught himself thinking when Slughorn started going over that day's lesson.

Halfway through the class, the room was filled with a variety of strong-smelling vapors, and one could hardly see across the room because of the thickness of the aforementioned vapors. Slughorn was now walking between tables, peering into the different cauldrons along the way. Occasionally he would make a comment or suggestion, but mostly he was silent, almost as if he were distracted by something else. James and Sirius kept shooting Remus furtive looks, which he desperately tried to avoid. He couldn't believe he was about to go through with this mad plan. He'd done a lot for his friends, and he typically didn't mind. But this! Merlin, if someone when to get Pomfrey (as he was sure someone would) he would never talk to them again. Slughorn was drawing nearer, and James and Sirius were still looking at him expectantly.

"You ready?" Sirius whispered.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Remus muttered under his breath in response. He was slightly grateful for the gnawing sensation in stomach; he was actually starting to feel ill.

Slughorn was now peering into James's cauldron, shaking his head dismally. He moved on to Sirius, making some comment about how the potion should be thicker, and then he moved on to Remus. Slughorn made a comment about Remus's potion, but Remus knew how to play the sick card well, and pretended he couldn't hear. "Sorry, Professor," he said hesitantly. "I didn't catch that."

Slughorn looked up into Remus's pale face. To anyone in the room, or at least anyone who didn't know better, it appeared that Remus was ill. His face was paler than normal, and (to his friends' astonishment) he seemed to have mustered a thin layer of sweat, almost as if he had a fever. "Are you feeling alright, lad?" Slughorn asked.

Remus blinked a few times, the same way he did when he had a headache before the full moon. "Oh, I'm fine, Professor," he said quietly. "It's just the fumes from the potions, I think." Remus started to sway slightly on his seat. It was hardly noticeable, and brilliantly acted. "I'm just getting a little light headed is all . . ." Remus muttered, letting his voice trail off. He blinked a few more times before rolling his eyes back and collapsing sideways off his chair and onto the ground in a dead faint. Or, at least, a fake dead faint.

"Remus!" Sirius cried, instantly leaping to his feet.

Peter and James were also on their feet quickly. "Somebody go get Madam Pomfrey!" Peter insisted loudly. On the floor, Remus suppressed a groan. So much for Pomfrey never finding out about this whole incident.

By now the entire class had turned around and focused their eyes on the back of the room where Remus was laying. Slughorn stood in front of Remus's cauldron, looking at the unconscious boy before him with bewilderment. James and Sirius exchanged a quick glance. Why was Slughorn just standing there? Any other teacher would have sent someone to fetch Madam Pomfrey by now and would at least be trying to revive the ill student. Well, Thelen wouldn't, especially if it was Remus who had fallen ill, but Thelen wasn't much of a teacher. Slughorn, on the other hand, wasn't a bad teacher, despite his blatant favoritism, but he seemed to have froze.

"Er, Proffesor?" Athena asked hesitantly from the front of the room. "Should I go get Madam Pomfrey?"

Athena's question seemed to bring Slughorn out of his daze and back to reality. "Yes, Miss Bryce," he said quickly, trying to act as though he had been on top of the situation the whole time. "Let her know that Mr. Lucas has fallen ill." Several of the Slytherins in the room snickered, and Sirius glanced over to see Snape glaring at them with a nasty sneer plastered across his face.

"Aren't you going to try and wake him up?" Sirius asked sharply when Athena had left. He let his voice rise slightly, to give the impression of a concerned friend. Really he was just trying to start more of a commotion so that James could slip away unnoticed.

"Yes, yes, of course, Sirius," Slughorn muttered, bending over Remus and pulling out his wand. Now the entire class was focused on the scene in the back of the class. Exchanging a significant, albeit quick, glance with James, Sirius leaned over, as if trying to get a closer look at his sick friend. James followed the suit, but bent over further so that he was completely hidden behind the table. Once he was safely out of sight, he quietly left the scene on his hands and knees, making his way to Slughorn's office.

Remus allowed Slughorn to gently roll him onto his back, telling himself the whole time to relax. He felt Slughorn's wand agaiinst his chest and heard the man loudly say "Ennervate." Had Remus not been pretending to be out cold at the time, he would have rolled his eyes. He had passed out; he hadn't been stunned. Honestly, what was the man thinking?

"Try elevating his feet," a girl from the front of the room suggested when that didn't work.

It took a great deal of self control not to laugh as he felt his feet get magically lifted into the air a good two feet off the ground. In fact, the only way he managed it all was repeating to himself over and over again that his dog had died. Of course, he realized soon after that that he didn't even own a dog. _Relax,_ he told himself sternly. _You're unconscious, so you need to act unconscious. You need to eat, sleep, and breathe unconsciousness. And where in the name of arse is James? _Remus's train of thought was cut short when a ghastly sent was shoved under his nose, and he could only assume that Slughorn had brought out smelling salts in hopes to wake him. He checked the reflex to jerk back from the overwhelming odor, because he knew if he did, their whole plan would be blown.

Just when he thought he couldn't take anymore, he heard James saying "Come on, mate. Wake up." That, of course, was their predetermined signal for Remus to 'miraculously regain consciousness' as Sirius had put it.

Remus groaned slightly and let his eyes flutter open. Right above him was Slughorn, to his right was James and Sirius with Peter to his left, all three of them playing the part of overly-concerned friends quite well. "What . . . what happened?" he asked wearily as he struggled to sit up.

Sirius helped him to sit up properly as Slughorn said, "You passed out." Again, several Slytherins laughed, thinking that the idea of any Gryffindor passing out in the middle of class was hilarious.

Remus was about to say something more when the door to the dungeon was thrown open and Madam Pomfrey came bustling in, Athena right behind her. Whatever color that might have been in Remus's face was quickly drained. He had spent way too many weeks in the Hospital Wing under her watchful eye not to have a desire to stay away from her for the rest of the year. Of course, as soon as the healer saw Remus on the floor being supported by Sirius, she went into what Remus and James referred to as her 'mother hen mode'. In other words, she was completely overbearing. Pomfrey hadn't been in the room five seconds before she was crouching next to Remus, feeling for a pulse and checking his temperature.

"Madam Pomfrey," Remus insisted as she rested her hand across his forehead. "I'm fine. I really am. It was the fumes from the potions, or something. I'm fine now. Really."

Madam Pomfrey paid no heed to Remus's pleas, having grown used to listening him try and beg his way out of the Hospital Wing for years. She turned to Slughorn, who had stood up and was overseeing the whole situation. "He should really come up to the Hospital Wing," she told him. "Just to make sure."

"Of course," Slughorn said graciously. "By all means . . . whatever you think is necessary."

Madam Pomfrey stood up and helped Remus to his feet. Before he could even think of slipping away, she had fastened her hand around his upper arm in a vise-like grip and pulled him toward the door. Remus looked over his shoulder at his three friends in the back of the room. Sirius was trying to suppress laughter, and James wore a smirk across his face. Peter, at least, had the decency to look sympathetic, and gave a tiny shrug of his shoulders as he left. Before he was pulled out the door, he mouthed "You owe me," to his friends.

When the bell rang for the end of potions, James, Sirius, and Peter gathered up their things, and Remus's, and made a mad dash to the Hospital Wing, to bail Remus out. They walked through the double doors to find Remus seated at a bed just inside the door. His normally calm expression was marred by a very flustered one. Pomfrey was still bustling around, checking to make sure that Remus was absolutely fine.

"I told you," he insisted forcefully. "I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me. I don't have a temperature. My heart rate is normal, as is my blood pressure. I haven't thrown up. I've been eating properly. My wounds from the last full moon are completely healed, and the next full moon is well over a week away. I bet the pH level in my blood is normal! So, _please_, can I go?"

Madam Pomfrey scrutinized him carefully. Finally, to everyone's amazement, she relented. "Go, but I don't want to see you back here til Halloween, you hear me?" Remus nodded emphatically, and met with his friends at the doors.

As soon as they were well away from the Hospital Wing, he turned to them. "What was it you said on Wednesday, Sirius?" he asked, raising one eyebrow. "'Pomfrey won't find out, I swear' or something along those lines, wasn't it?"

Sirius let out a bark like laugh and shrugged. "I lied," he said. "We planned on Pete insisting that someone fetch Pomfrey from the beginning. We just knew you'd never agree if we told you that."

Remus pretended to look shocked. "That hurts, Sirius," he said dramatically. He pressed both his hands against his heart. "That's a silver bullet straight through the heart, Padfoot. Straight through the heart."

James laughed. "Oh, come off it," he said. "We'll make it up to you."

Sirius nodded. "Hogsmeade trip tomorrow," he said. "We'll buy you lots of butterbeer."

"Chocolate," Peter corrected. "We'll buy him lots of chocolate."

"Your only saying that because you want to nick some off me," Remus said, enjoying their good mood.

"No," Peter protested. "I'd never do anything like that."

"Oh, of course not," James said.

"How could we have ever doubted you?" Sirius asked dramatically as they reached the Great Hall.

Their conversation was abruptly interrupted by a certain fourth year named Olivia who ran up to Sirius from across the Great Hall and threw her arms around him. "Oh, Sirius!" she moaned desperately. "I have had the worst day of my life."

"Oh, that's terrible," Sirius sympathized, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "What happened?"

She looked nervously at James, Remus, and Peter, none of whom were trying to look like they weren't paying attention. "Can we please talk about it somewhere else?" she asked, her eyes welling with tears. "Some place quiet and alone?"

"Of course," Sirius said. "Anything for you." Olivia wrapped her small hand around Sirius's wrist and pulled him back out into the hall, leaving the other three Marauders staring after them.

Remus shook his head. "He'll break up with her tomorrow in Hogsmeade," he said. "Mark my words."

James looked at him skeptically. "You sound confident."

"I am. I'll even put another five galleons up for grabs on my bet," he said. "He will dump her tomorrow."

James shook his head. "There's no way," he said. "You're on, Moony."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Sirius. October 24, 1974:

So, I'm sure you're all just busting at the seams to find out why I showed up in the Three Broomsticks in the middle of a date. _No, we're not. You dumped Olivia . . . end of story-Remus. _Whoa! How do you know? **This is Moony, we're talking about, Padfoot. He knows everything . . . he's kinda' like Father Christmas-Prongs. **You've got really lousy analogies, Prongs. Anyway, since you already know that I am an Olivia-free-zone, now, I suppose you want to know how it happened. No-Peter. _Not particularly-Remus. _**We're not a bunch of girls, Padfoot. We don't sit around waiting to hear about what happened on you date. (Note to Moony: you should be using you nickname, mate. It's why you have one)-Prongs.**Well, you know what? TOO BAD! _(Just real quick . . . why are we bothering to write this down? We're only in the library . . . talking isn't forbidden. Isn't this a waste of ink? -Remus_**(Moony**Note to Moony: Quit being such a pessimist. Well, I am sure that future generations of Marauders would like to know precisely why I ditched Olivia like I did. Did it have anything to do with the fact that she sounds like a six-year old? -Peter. She does not. _Maybe it's because she's clingy and wouldn't leave any of us alone. -Remus_**(Moony)****Really? I was thinking more along the lines of she's ugly, a bad kisser, and she kept interrupting OFFICIAL Marauder business! **I take it you guys never liked her, did you? _I think I speak for all of us when I say: NO.-Remus_**(Moony)**Okay, point taken. So I guess none of it really matters. She's gone, and there's no hope for a make-up snog . . . and she didn't snog that bad, James. She was just inexperienced. Anyway, I got rid of her because, as Prongs aptly put it, she interrupted Marauder business . . . even if it was just lunch. **And dinner the night before. **And breakfast last Monday. _Don't forget when she tried to sit in on our diversion plotting session on Thursday. _Oh, yeah. Well, it doesn't matter. We're through, and no doubt she is telling her little fourth year mates about what a terrible person I am, and I will have fourth years sending me nasty looks for the next two weeks. Have any of you ever noticed how when you break-up with a girl, all her friends suddenly hate you? Do they have some convention or something? You're supposed to be the Marauder expert on girls, not us. Especially not me -Peter Right. It doesn't matter. She's gone now . . . and things can go back to normal.

_On the bright side (and forgive me as I gloat . . . I just can't resist), I WAS RIGHT! HA! I completely called the whole thing. In your eye, Prongs! -Moony._

What are you right about? And what do you mean, 'in your eye'?

**Don't worry about it, Padfoot. It's nothing that concerns you-Prongs.**

**

* * *

Final note:**

Okay, you guys real quick **poll**. I need your opinions, seeing as how, in this matter, your opinions count quite a bit. So, do you, my faithful readers, prefer longer chapters with more time between updates (around a month or so), medium chapters with average time between updates (two and half to three weeks) or shorter chapters updated within two weeks? I can do any of them, I think. I want to know what you think about it.  
As always, please forgive any spelling or gramatical errors.Your opinions and reviews are very much appreciated. 

Delano


	12. Full Moon Revelations

The thick, black smoke started to clear. James still couldn't see Sirius behind the veil of smoke, but he could hear him coughing. Sirius swatted the smoke away with one arm, the other arm was in front of his face, trying to block out the foul odor.

"Was it supposed to do that?" James asked, trying not to laugh. He could see Sirius clearly now, and the black smoke had given a dark tint to Sirius's skin, and his normally immaculately placed hair resembled James's own disheveled mop.

"Yeah," Sirius said, still coughing and wiping soot from the smoke from his face.

James, Sirius, and Peter were currently in the hidden room behind the mirror on the fourth floor. Sirius was working on the potion that was the last step for their Animagus transformations, and James was helping Peter master the actual transformation across the room. Of course, James and Peter had gotten a little side-tracked when Sirius's half of the room erupted in a gaseous black smoke. To their knowledge, Remus was currently in the library, working on a project for Ancient Runes with Lily. With any luck, Remus wouldn't start worrying about where they were for at least another hour.

"You sure?" James asked. "That didn't look too good, and it certainly smells worse."

"Well, the book says it's supposed to do that," Sirius shrugged. "So I'm assuming that that is, in fact, what it's supposed to do."

"Never assume things, Padfoot," James said. "You know what they say about people who assume things: They–"

"Makes an ass out of you and me," Sirius interrupted, finishing the phrase for him. "And you say I'm predictable."

James glared at him and turned back to Peter. "Where were we?" he asked.

"Same place we've been for the last two weeks," Peter supplied miserably. "I'm telling you, James, I'm never going to be able to get this, especially not by Saturday night. It's hopeless!"

"It's not hopeless," Sirius said, cutting a dried shrivelfig into tiny pieces. "And you better have this by Saturday, because I' not making this bloody potion again."

"Your problem is a lack of confidence, Pete," James said. "You see it with Quidditch players all the time. They think they can't do something, so they can't."

"Don't turn this into a 'little horklump that could' moment, Prongs," Sirius warned.

"I wasn't planning on it," James replied tartly. "I do like that story, though. Very moving." Sirius snorted. "All you have to do, Pete, is think of yourself as a rat. You have to be a rat. Think like a rat. Act like a rat. Be a rat," he continued, turning his attention back to the forlorn looking Peter.

"And how do I do that?" he asked.

James shrugged. "That's for you to find out for yourself."

"Well, how do you think like a deer?"

"Stag," James corrected as Sirius snorted again. "I dunno. It just sort of happens. It's like playing make-believe when you're a little kid. When you pretended to be, I dunno, a vicious pirate, you actually thought you were a pirate. Just . . . pretend you're a rat."

Peter stared at James, looking completely unconvinced that any of this would work. "C'mon, Pete," Sirius encouraged from behind his cauldron. "Just get on with it. We're not going to think any less of you for pretending to be a rat to help out Moony. Just get it over with quick."

Peter sighed, closed his eyes, and adopted the mantra: "I am a rat. I am a rat. I am a rat . . ."

"Are you concentrating?" James asked.

"Yes," Peter sighed before re-adopting his mantra.

"Well, you're not concentrating hard enough, because if you had, you wouldn't have heard me," James reprimanded. Peter ignored him. Neither James nor Sirius said anything as they watched Peter slowly shrink and grow hair. They were used to it by now. Peter could transform most of the way, but normally his foot, or his right arm, or, once to Sirius's horror, his head hadn't changed with the rest of him. Neither of them had high hopes that Peter would manage it now, but they wouldn't tell him that. He needed all the confidence he could get. Which is why they were both tremendously surprised when Peter shrunk into a tiny rat, head and all. He held the form for about twenty seconds before rapidly turning back to his natural form, his face lit up with apparent glee.

"I DID IT!" he yelped excitedly. "DID YOU SEE THAT?"

Sirius shook his head. "Sorry, mate," he lied. "I blinked."

"Don't lie to me," Peter said enthusiastically. "I saw you! You're eyes were open the whole time!"

"Well done, Pete," James said, beaming. "All we need is this bloody potion to be done . . . and then we've got it!"

"And, conveniently for us," Sirius mused, stirring the potion and glancing at his watch. "This bloody potion will be ready right . . . about . . . now." With a flick of his wand, the fire under the potion went out.

"How're we supposed to drink it?" Peter asked, eyeing the concoction suspiciously.

"Through your mouth, I would assume," Sirius replied. "Unless you know of another way to drink."

James rolled his eyes. "Transform, then drink," he answered. "Easy as that. And, I propose that Mr. Padfoot drink that vile looking thing he has the nerve to call a potion first, as it looks slightly toxic."

"Thanks," Sirius muttered. "I can tell you care."

Grinning like a mad man, James poured some of the potion into a goblet they had previously swiped from the Great Hall. Gently, he set the steaming goblet down in front of Sirius, who was now eyeing it disdainfully. "If you will, Mr. Padfoot," James said, still smirking.

Sirius sighed and closed his eyes. After a few seconds, his form began to change into that of a great black dog. The dog glanced up at James and Peter then back down to the goblet. The dog sighed, as much as a dog can sigh least ways, and began lapping up the potion from the goblet. James glanced at his watch. Sirius was going on thirty seconds, which was the longest either of them had ever stayed in their animal form. _Thirty seconds . . . Forty-five seconds . . . Sixty seconds . . ._ At the minute mark, James let out a whoop of joy. The dog looked up and barked loudly, then proceeded to run circles around James and Peter with obvious enjoyment. After another minute or so of that, the dog sat back down, and Sirius took its place.

"That," he said in a tone of awe, "was the most absobloodylutely awesomest thing in the ENTIRE world! How long was I a dog for?"

"Well over two minutes, mate," James said. "Are you tired at all?"

Sirius shook his head. "I feel great! I could have stayed like that for hours!"

"Perfect."

Half an hour later, all three boys returned to the common room. James and Peter had both drank the potion with the same success Sirius had, and were now ready to tell Remus about what they had done. Remus was in the common room by the time they returned. He was sitting on a couch talking about something with Lily and playing chess with Athena, who appeared to be losing miserably. The full moon was still four days away, but Remus was already starting to look pale. As of yet, though, that was the only sign of the upcoming transformation.

"Oi! Lupin!" Sirius hollered as they clambered through the portrait hole. "We've got business up in the dorm. Come on!"

"Business?" Lily inquired.

"I have no idea," Remus said casually. "But, considering how loud Sirius is being, it's bound to be big." He quickly surveyed the chess board, and ordered his queen to move. He grinned. "Check mate, Athena." Athena's face fell at the unexpected move. Remus stood up to follow his friends up to their dorm. "I'll see you two later," he said politely.

Remus was the last one up to the room, and he locked the door behind him out of habit. The lock, of course, initiated a series of complicated spells that would keep people from eavesdropping, courtesy of James. "So," he said. "What's this important business all about?"

James and Sirius exchanged glances, before Sirius asked, "What are your plans for Halloween?"

Remus looked surprised. "It's a full moon that night," he said. "I thought I told you."

"You did," James said earnestly. "We were just curious. We wanted to make sure you were planning on staying in the Shack . . ."

"Where else would I go?" Remus asked, suppressing the urge to laugh. "The Slytherin common room?"

"Well," Sirius said. "If you're planning on staying the night there . . ."

"I'm not."

"Oh."

"What," James started slowly, trying to choose his words carefully. "What if we were to tell you that we wanted to stay the night in the Shack with you?"

"Is this your idea of some sick joke, James?" Remus asked, looking anything but amused.

"No," Sirius insisted. "We, well, we've got something to show you."

Remus crossed his arms and raised one eyebrow, silently asking them to explain themselves. James, Sirius, and Peter looked at each other before the each started to transform. Remus must have blinked, because when he looked again, he didn't see his three friends. Instead he saw a large, majestic stag, a bear-sized dog with a shaggy black coat, and a small plump rat. In an instant, Remus's eyes when wide, and a noise reminiscent to "Arghh!" escaped his throat. He stumbled back in shock, knocking into James's bed. Next thing he knew, his momentum was flipping him over the bed and he landed painfully on the floor on the other side.

He placed a hand over his face. _This isn't happening,_ he thought. _You're dreaming Lupin, so wake up! _The room was silent except for the sounds of three animals moving around the bed. The dog leaned over and started licking Remus's face. Remus removed his hand and looked up into the dog's intense grey eyes . . . Sirius's eyes. "Sirius?" he asked quietly. The dog barked, happy that he knew who he was. Remus turned his attention to the stag standing on his left. Its antlers resembled a mop of untidy hair, the prongs sticking out at odd angles. _Prongs. _"James . . ." he muttered weakly. The stag nodded. Remus had never seen a stag nod before. "And you," Remus said, turning to the rat that was now sitting on his chest, "are Peter?" The fat rat squeaked in agreement. Remus picked Peter up off his chest and set him on the floor, and pushed himself up. He looked around at the three animals staring at him. "I don't understand," he said weakly.

Sirius transformed back; he was grinning wildly. "Don't you see, Moony?" he said eagerly. "Werewolves only prey on humans. You told us that yourself."

James turned back as well, adjusting his glasses slightly. "You might be able to scratch and bite animals, but nothing ever happens to them," he added. "They stay the same."

"We can keep you company as animals," Sirius said as Peter also transformed. "You won't have to transform alone anymore. You'll have us."

"H-how?"

"Very carefully," Peter supplied, standing up and moving to sit on his own bed.

"For the last three years, we've been studying on how to become animagi whenever you were in the infirmary," James elaborated. "It turns out, mate, you spent quite a bit of time there, which gave us ample time to figure this out."

Remus shook his head, the shock of the whole situation starting to wear off. "Don't you realize this is illegal?" he asked. "The Ministry could send you to Azkaban for this!"

Sirius snorted. "The Ministry isn't going to find out, Moony. We're not going to tell anyone, and I doubt you will either. It's just another secret."

"What if something had gone wrong?"

"Nothing did," James said calmly. "All three of us can transform completely for an unlimited amount of time."

Remus shook his head again. "So what happens if something goes wrong in the Shack and one of you can't transform, or something? I'd tear you apart! I'd kill you or . . . or worse."

"Remus, nothing's going to happen," Sirius said confidently. "This is completely fool-proof."

"What if I say you can't come?" Remus said stubbornly.

James laughed. "We'll come, anyway. You won't be in much of a condition to stop us."

"I just . . ." Remus started, but James held up his hand to stop him.

"We've still got four days til the full moon," James said. "You've got til then to let the idea sink in. For all you know, Remus, this could make full moons a hell of a lot easier for you. We'll give you some time to think about it." James stood up and left the dorm, Peter following behind him, leaving both Sirius and Remus on the floor by James's bed.

They sat in silence for a minute, before Remus hesitantly asked, "You guys did this for me?"

Sirius nodded. "Yup . . . and I fancied breaking the law a bit," he said, laughing.

"Why?"

"Why not?" Sirius shrugged. "You're our friend, Moony, and those full moons are terrible for you. We all know it. We just figured we could do something to make it a bit better, you know?"

Remus nodded, chewing on his lip slightly. "Does it hurt?" he asked after a moment.

"Does what hurt?"

"The transformation," he elaborated. "Does it hurt when you transform?"

"No," Sirius said, laughing slightly. "Is it supposed to?" He paused. "Does it hurt when you change?" Remus nodded absently, looking out the window at the waxing moon. "Merlin," Sirius muttered under his breath. "I knew you hurt yourself after you changed, but I never imagined that it hurt you _to _change."

Again, Remus nodded. "It's something I've just had to get used to. It's part of being a werewolf, I guess . . . " he muttered, trailing off towards the end.

Sirius stood up. "I've got to get going," he said. "Detention with Thelen tonight, and I'm really looking forward to it," he added sarcastically. "As this is probably going to take all night (I'm already fifteen minutes late), I'll see you in the morning. Take it easy, Moony."

Halloween and the full moon fell on a Saturday that year, and by Saturday, Remus had worked out all the details of his friends' plan for that night with them. He only consented on letting them come after they swore that if anything went wrong, they would stun him and get out of the Shack. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he hurt one of his friends. He also made them swear that they wouldn't come until an hour after moon rise, on the grounds that he didn't want them to _watch_ him transform. Even still, he was nervous. His friends knowing he was a werewolf was one thing, but he was almost sure that _seeing_ it was something different entirely. And despite his friends constantly telling him that their plan was fool-proof (actually, Sirius went as far as to say it was Peter-proof, which had made Peter blush a deep scarlet color), Remus was plagued Friday night with particularly violent dreams of werewolves ripping apart large dogs, mauling stags, and eating rats.

James, Peter, and Sirius spent the first part of the evening in the library, James's invisibility cloak sowed carefully in his bag, waiting for the first hour past moon rise. Remus had left for the infirmary around five earlier that day, complaining of a headache that he just couldn't tolerate without a potion from Madam Pomfrey. No one had seen him since. James glanced at his watch for what Sirius thought was the fiftieth time in thirty seconds.

"We should probably get going," James said. Without another word, all three teenagers stood up and left the library. They turned around the corner and James pulled out the cloak. They struggled for a minute to all fit under it.

"I think it shrinks every time we use it," Sirius griped as Peter stepped on his foot.

James sighed. "Pete, why don't you transform now and ride on one of our shoulders, or something?" he asked. "That way there'll be more room under here." Peter sighed heavily, as if James were asking him to do an undesirable task, but consented and transformed anyway. Another five minutes and they were at the base of the Whomping Willow. Peter scampered off Sirius's shoulder and under the trees swooping branches to push the knot at the base of its trunk, just like Remus had instructed them to do. Still under the cloak, James and Sirius made their way through the frozen branches and into the small opening until they met up with a small rat. James pulled off the cloak and tucked under a large rock just inside the tunnel, and he and Sirius transformed.

Quietly the rat, dog, and stag made their way through a long winding tunnel that none of them had ever been through before. Remus had always insisted that, even though they knew how to get in, they stay out. The tunnel was wide rather than tall, and James had to bend its neck the whole time to keep his antlers from scraping the ceiling. After what seemed like an eternity, the tunnel turned upwards and widened into a large opening. All three animals clambered out into a small room in the front of the shack. James stretched his neck for a moment, with the feeling that it would probably be sore in the morning and looked around the room. The walls were marred with scratches, blood stained the floor, and broken furniture was strewn about. He exchanged a look with Sirius and Peter until a snarling noise from another room caught his attention.

Sirius was the first to move. Slowly, he padded across the hall and into the back room. In the corner stood a feral wolf with thick brown fur and wild yellow eyes. There were several large bite marks on its side and on one of its hind legs that were bleeding profusely, and Sirius was sickened to notice that blood was also dripping from the werewolf's mouth. The wolf growled upon seeing the bear-like dog in the doorway, who was soon accompanied by a large stag with a plump rat nestled in its antlers. When the wolf did nothing but growl at him, Sirius started to edge forward cautiously, hardly able to believe that the wolf before him was actually Remus. When Sirius was in the center of the room, the werewolf growled again, and he froze. _Let him call the shots,_ he thought to himself reasonably. _Don't threaten him. _

The werewolf eyed the dog warily. Nothing had ever been in this detested house with him before, and he had one thing on his mind now. Assert dominance. The dog before him would submit, or die. Suddenly, the wolf bounded forward, tackling the dog before him. The wolf and the dog crashed to the floor in a mass of fur and teeth. When the dog did nothing to fight back, the wolf rolled off him and stood back up. The dog stayed down, his eyes averted, wagging its tail submissively. The stag had moved out of the doorway during the fray, and was now standing behind the dog, nonthreatening, but clearly saying that he would protect the dog. The werewolf cocked his head at all three animals before him. They weren't like normal animals . . . there was something different about all of them; something familiar. But the werewolf didn't seem to mind.

The night passed quickly and the wolf was faring the time in that miserable shack far better than before. For one, he had company, almost like a pack. He wrestled with the dog several times for fun, and found great sport in chasing the rat throughout the house. Granted, the stag normally pulled him away before he could do any real damage to either animal. He also noticed that either the stag or the dog would pull him off himself when, in moments of frustration, he turned to bite or scratch himself.

About a half hour past six, the moon set and the sun began to rise. The wolf was wrestling playfully with the dog, when suddenly he stopped, collapsed, and started to convulse. Worried, the dog backed away and watched the wolf, unsure of what to do. The creature slowly began to change from wolf to a frail teenaged boy. The dog flinched at the sound of bones breaking and reforming, and the stag looked on with concerned hazel eyes. Remus groaned loudly, and then there was silence. All three boys immediately transformed as well and rushed to Remus's side. His wounds were still bleeding, and he looked remarkably small and fragile.

"Remus?" Sirius asked hoarsely, rolling Remus onto his back gently. "Are you okay?"

Remus groaned again and forced his eyes open. His three friends were kneeling over him, looking worried. "What are you doing here?" he asked weakly. He was supposed to be in the Shrieking Shack, but that didn't make sense because his friends were looking over him, and they never came to the Shack. He glanced around until his eyes rested on Sirius's shoulder. His robes were torn and a great gash was bleeding steadily. "Sirius, you're hurt."

"It's nothing. I'm fine," he said softly. "Do need us to get you anything?"

Confusion was evident on Remus's face and he looked around again. "Pomfrey should be here," he murmured. He blinked several times; his eyelids felt like they had ten pound weights attached to them. "What's going on?"

"Don't worry about it," James said soothingly, exchanging a concerned glance with Sirius. Was Remus always this out of it right after a transformation? He opened his mouth to say something more, but the sound of approaching footsteps from the tunnel kept him quiet. He stood up and quickly ducked into a nearby closet, Sirius and Peter following the suit. A moment later, Madam Pomfrey emerged from the tunnel and quickly spotted the bleeding Remus on the floor. She was at his side in an instant, helping him to drink a potion that lulled him into unconsciousness. Gently, she levitated him onto a floating stretcher she had conjured, cast a Disillusionment Charm over him, and escorted him back out of the shack. As soon as she was gone, the three boys let themselves out of the closet.

"That," Peter said breathlessly, "was the most terrifying night of my life."

Sirius laughed. "Come off it. It wasn't that bad," he said. "In fact, I thought it was fun."

"Yeah, well he wasn't trying to eat you all night," Peter grumbled.

"We wouldn't have let him eat you," James reasoned just as Sirius muttered, "He wouldn't eat you, seeing as how I don't imagine that you'd taste very good."

"And, besides," James said, trying not to laugh (too hard, at least) at Sirius's comment, "Padfoot here is worse off than you are. You should really have someone look at your shoulder; it hasn't stopped bleeding all night."

"Oh, it's just a scratch," Sirius shrugged. "We should get back to the common room, because, I don't know about you two, but I plan on sleeping until lunchtime."

Approximately seven hours later, all three boys were in the infirmary, sitting in their normal spots around Remus's bed. When they had returned to their dormitory, James had spent five minutes digging through Remus's things to find a jar of nasty smelling green ointment that he insisted Sirius smear over his hurt shoulder. Sirius had unwilling complied, convinced he didn't need the foul ointment, and spent the next ten minutes after that arguing with James, saying that he most certainly didn't need to bandage the laceration and that he was just fine, thank you very much. James, of course, won in the end, and Sirius was now beginning to feel grateful that he had lost, because his shoulder was beginning to throb painfully. But, of course, he had more important things on his mind at the moment, first and foremost was how Remus was faring now.

On the whole, he looked better than when they had seen him in the morning, though that was not saying much. He had been cleaned up, bandaged, and had gotten several hours of sleep under his belt. He was still as pale as death, with dark circles under his eyes that gave him a gaunt and emaciated look. Though Remus never mentioned it, Sirius had the shrewd suspicion that the wounds on his leg and on his side were probably throbbing like mad, which would explain the slightly pained look in his eyes.

"How'd everything go last night?" Remus asked once Madam Pomfrey, who had been present to give him another foul tasting potion, had left.

"You don't remember?" James asked.

Remus shook his head. "My memory is always a bit shaky for the first twenty-four hours or so," he said. "I should remember everything by tomorrow."

Sirius shrugged. "Everything went fine, seeing as how none of us are dead."

Remus smiled weakly. "Well, that's nice to know," he mused. "But I came to the conclusion that you weren't dead by myself. Did any of you get hurt?"

"Sirius got a little scratched up," James said. "But it's nothing _serious_."

Sirius picked up a chocolate frog from Remus's bedside table and chucked it James's head. James laughed and proceeded to eat the chocolate frog.

"Does Pomfrey suspect anything?" Sirius asked. "I mean, you look a hell of a lot better than you did last month, if you don't mind me saying."

"She doesn't suspect a thing," he said, shaking his head slightly. "It was a blue moon, and those are always abnormal. One of the two full moons in the month is usually worse than the other. And I'm pretty sure the only thing worse than last time would be if I were dead."

"Oh, well that isn't the least bit morbid," James grumbled sarcastically.

"Since this month was a success and all," Peter started after yawning widely, speaking for the first time since they got to the infirmary, "does that mean we'll be doing it again next month?"

James grinned. "I'm way ahead of you, Pete. I was thinking this morning–"

"This morning?" Sirius asked raising his eyebrows. "Do you ever sleep?"

"Not all of us are narkoleptics, Sirius," James said, rolling his eyes. "But I was thinking that maybe next month we could spice things up a bit, you know? Take a few risks."

"A little full moon marauding, you mean?" Sirius asked.

"Precisely," James said, before delving into a long-winded explanation of all the possibilities that were now open to them.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Remus was let out of the Hospital Wing on Tuesday afternoon, conveniently just after Defense Against the Dark Arts. He still looked sickly pale, and walked with a slight limp, but on the whole, he was feeling great. Of course, James only knew this because Sirius had told him so. The first Quidditch game of the season was approaching very quickly, and James and Athena had taken it upon themselves to book the pitch every night. Practices were taking up so much of James's time that he was hardly ever around anymore. The only time his friends really saw him was in classes or at meals. As soon as dinner was over, he normally headed straight to practice. Sirius remarked when he ran across James in the common room one night that Gryffindor had better win or James would have to "suffer the consequences" for disrupting "marauder business (ie causing as much mayhem as humanly possible)."

Of course, James's absence didn't stop Sirius from getting into trouble. He managed to do that on his own. In fact, he was on his way to a detention when he chanced to look out a window that over-looked the quidditch pitch. Practice had yet to start, but Sirius could make out James's figure running laps around the field, which was soon joined by a petite blonde figure. Sirius smiled to himself as he recognized Athena Bryce. He still thought the girl was gorgeous, and she was as witty as ever, yet, as far as Sirius knew, she had no interest in him. She was probably one of three girls who weren't related to him and still had no desire to date him. He had asked James if she liked someone else, and though James did mention that he knew of several different boys who were after her, he didn't know if she was interested in anyone else. But, then again, James had no idea that he was wrong.

Down on the pitch, James ran beside Athena as they normally did before practice. They had encouraged the entire team to run laps before practice to build up stamina, but, as James and Athena were also early for every practice, they weren't surprised to be the only ones on the pitch, and knew that the rest of the team would arrive within the next fifteen minutes. There was nothing odd about the fact they were running alone, what was odd was the silence between them. Athena and James normally took the time to complain about teachers or other students as they ran, but today Athena was completely silent. James glanced at her. "Is something bothering you, Bryce?" he asked.

Athena sighed as she ran. In her mind, she had been replaying a conversation she had just had with Lily after she had vehemently asked her other friends if all they ever did was talk about boys. Lily had cornered her in the hallway just a few minutes after her declaration and asked her what was wrong.

"I am just so sick of listening to them talk about boys constantly," she said in exasperation. "I mean, it's not like I'm not interested in someone, I am. It's just so aggravating to hear Emm swoon about how James had asked her to borrow her history notes, or Dory go on about how Sirius winked at her in the hall. How is fair that they get attention from the guys they like, but the guy I like hasn't picked up on the fact that I like him?"

Lily laughed shortly. "The reason Emm and Dory get attention from the guys they like is because they happen to be infatuated with the men-whore of Hogwarts," she reasoned. "Potter and Black would go after anything with curves, save Slughorn, who is, in fact, one giant curve," she added, referring to Slughorn's very round shape. "Who do you like anyway?"

"I'm not saying," Athena said firmly.

"Oh, come on, Athena," Lily persisted. "I'm your best friend."

"Look, it's one thing if he doesn't like me," she replied. "It's another thing completely if all my friends know he doesn't like me and make a big deal out of it."

"We won't make a big deal out of it," Lily argued. She sighed and ran over every single conversation she had with Athena in the past month. Suddenly, her face split into a wide grin, and she turned back to her friend. "You like Remus!" she blurted out. Athena's shocked face was answer enough for her. "Oh, that is so _cute_! You two would look so adorable together!" she cried. "Can I tell him?"

"No!" Athena said forcibly.

"Oh, why not?"

"Because I don't want this to be like one of those little second-year-crush-type-deals. You know, where one of my friends goes up to one of his and says, "Does he like her?" And he says, "I don't know, does she like him?" "Well, I asked you first." I don't want that. If he's going to ask me out, I would rather he do it in his own time, rather than A: having his friends push him into it or B: him only asking me out because he feels bad for me."

Lily sighed dramatically. "That's so sweet."

"This is why I didn't want to tell you," Athena sighed, glancing at her watch. "I've got to get to practice, before Potter blows his top."

"Er, Bryce?" James asked again, pulling her out of her thoughts. "Are you there?"

"Oh, yeah," she muttered distractedly. _Why are boys so confusing? _she thought. Then it dawned on her. James was a boy, and he was friends with Remus. Who better to ask to explain Remus's odd behavior? "I have a question for you," she said.

"Oh, really?" James replied. "I have an answer. Do you know why I have an answer?"

Athena sighed. "No, why do you have an answer?"

"Because I know everything," James supplied. "And everything I don't know, Sirius knows, so it's like I know everything."

Athena resisted the urge to snort. "Do you know who Freddie Mercury is?"

"Er, no. But that's irrelevant. Why would I ever need to know that?"

"If you ever plan on having a civil conversation with Lily, you would need to know that," Athena explained. "He's the lead singer of her favorite band."

"Well, how was I supposed to know that?" James asked. "So, was that your question, or is there something else?"

"No, my question is why are boys so stupid?"

James stopped running for a second. "Would you care to elaborate?"

"You're all just so thick! You don't see things that are right in front of your face! Explain to me how that works."

"Is there a specific instance, or is this a general question?" James asked as he started running again.

"Specific instance," she said. "There's this guy. I didn't really know him before this year, but he's been around Lily a lot lately, and I've gotten to know him, and now I really like him. So, like any reasonable girl, I've been dropping hints left and right, and he doesn't get the picture . . . at all. It's so frustrating. Why hasn't he picked up on the fact that I like him?"

"Okay, Bryce, 'dropping hints left and right' (as you put it) means _nothing_ to a guy," James explained. "We don't have the mental capability, I guess, to see what you mean. When you drop hints, we don't think anything of it. You have to go up to him, and straight-out say: "Hey, you, I fancy you." He'll probably do something then. He might even buy you flowers. Can I ask who it is?" he asked.

"No."

"Is it me?"

"Hell no."

"Good. Is it Sirius?"

"No."

"Is he in Gryffindor?"

"Yes," Athena said. "And that's all you're going to get about him. Not what year he's in, not what he looks like, or who he hangs out with, all right?"

"All right, all right," James said as they slowed down to a stop. "I get your point." By now, the rest of the team had shown up. "Two laps, everyone! Get to it!" he hollered at them. He sat down on the grass and started to stretch some more, making sure he was perfectly limber for practice as to avoid unwanted injuries. Something Athena had said had triggered something in his mind. _I didn't really know him before this year, but he's been around Lily a lot lately . . ._ 'Interesting' was the only word that crossed his mind. As far as he knew, the only male Gryffindor who had been regularly spending more time with Lily was Remus, who happened to be infatuated with Athena already. _Odd how these things work out like that,_ he mused to himself. _I'll have to let him know._

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

James (Henceforth known as Prongs) November 4, 1974:

Okay, first and foremost, I am now taking the time (since the rest of you are too bloody lazy) to announce the, er, announcement(?) of our new names, which we will now (and forever) be known as. I, James Potter, am hereafter known as Prongs. Sirius Black as Padfoot. Remus Lupin as Moony. And last (but certainly not least) Peter Pettigrew as Wormtail. Yes, that's right, oh future generations of Marauders, we have OFFICIALLY _(What do you mean, 'officially'? Was it ever unofficial? -Padfoot, 11/4)_ completed the daunting task of becoming fully fledged animagus-es (or is it animagi?). Well, all of us but Moony, who didn't need to learn how to become an animal, because he invariably transforms with the full moon anyways. Second, and not quite foremost, I have news _(Ooo– is it about me?-Padfoot, 11/4) _**(Not everything revolves around you, Padfoot. I thought I've told you that before-Moony, Nov. 5)**. I got a letter from Jared this morning, as I often do, because he writes unnaturally often. It turns out he and Marlene McKinnon (I think I've mentioned her before . . . if I haven't, then too bad) have really hit it off, and he is planning on popping the question soon (What question?-Wormtail, 5 November) _(The question, you dolt! He's going to ask her to marry him-Padfoot, 11/6)_. And now, this part's great, he won't ask her before I meet her. Apparently, he trusts my judgement._(Your judgement? Has he been hit over the head with something? That's just brilliant . . . forgive me as I snort!-Padfoot, 11/4)_ (I know, I know . . . I don't understand it either. My judgement? HA! Novemeber 6). So, I am using this as an excuse to skive off on Divination and History of Magic on the Thursday after the Quidditch match(oh, Padfoot, as a side note, all those bets you're placing better be in our favor, otherwise I will personally find Filch's old thumbscrews and figure out how to work them just for you)_(How'd you find about find out about those?-Padfoot, 11/4)_ to go down to Hogsmeade to meet her and whatnot. As such, I am expecting all of you to cover for me like you've never covered for me before. Oh, Note to Moony: I have been left with a very distinct impression that she fancies you, mate. In other words, get on with it and ask her already. **(Prongs, you need to get your own girlfriend-Moony, Nov. 5) **_(Who are you talking about?-Padfoot, 11/6) _(Point taken, Moony, but you need to get a move on before someone else gets her.-Prongs, November 6) _(And you two need to stop holding conversations in our Memoirs that only you can understand. 11/6) _**(It's not our fault your not perceptive enough to figure out what's going on . . . although, I don't mind at all that you're not. Nov. 7) **(It's okay, Padfoot, I don't know what's going on, either.-Wormtail, 7November) _(Oh, that makes me feel a whole lot better. 11/7)_

_

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_**an:**are you all proud of me? this is the second update withing two weeks? We...if you're not proud of me at least I am. Let's see how long I can keep this up before I leave for the summer. Anyway, just sticking the author's note down here to try it out. Please forgive any and all grammar, spelling, and cannon errors, but feel free to point them out in a lovely review. PLEASE REVIEW 

Delano

p.s.>> please review (in case you didn't see the first reminder)


	13. Quidditch

Athena stepped out onto the quidditch field, her stomach already doing flips with pre-game jitters. A small part of her reminded her that this was a little more than just 'pre-game jitters'. This was her first game as captain, or rather co-captain, and whether or not they lost this match would determine their reputation for the rest of the year. They needed too win this game. She was well aware of all the rumors about how awful their team was this year, and this game would prove the rumors accuracy, or lack thereof. She and the rest of the team knew the real reasons the rumors started. Members of the Gryffindor team often found themselves in the hospital wing after practice not because they were horrible players, but rather they were captained by two very big risk-takers. James and Athena were both willing to sacrifice personal safety to try a new move out, or to perfect some unheard-of technique, and they forced their team to do the same. Of course, in the process of mastering risky techniques, they all often got hurt, but they were better for it, stronger for it. All they needed to do was to prove it.

She glanced around the empty stadium, trying to envision the roaring crowds that would be in the stand in a mere half hour. She was vaguely aware of James stepping out of the locker room to stand next to her. "Ground's nice and firm," he mused, studying the stadium as well.

Athena nodded. "It'll be good for a strong kick-off," she said. "And we've got good cloud coverage."

"The sun won't be in our eyes the whole game," James reasoned. "Are you as nervous as I am?"

She nodded absently. "I couldn't eat anything at breakfast," she admitted.

"Me neither, though Sirius was about to start threatening to force eggs down my throat when I left. He's got money riding on this game."

"And we've got a reputation riding on it," Athena muttered. "We better not lose."

James smirked, a mischievous glint in his eye. "You should know by now, Bryce," he said, turning back to the locker room to change. "I never lose."

"Oh, we better not lose," Sirius muttered back in the Great Hall, running his hand through his hair, half of which was now gold, the other half scarlet in honor of the game.

"This is Prongs we're talking about, Padfoot," Remus said, smearing butter over a piece of toast with his knife. "His pride won't allow him to lose."

"Very true," Sirius muttered, surveying the Great Hall. A vast majority of the occupants were decked out in Gryffindor colors, while the Slytherin table was one giant wave of green and silver. He sighed. "I love Quidditch games."

"I know you do," Remus replied. "It's the only chance you get to yell and act like a complete moron without getting in trouble," he added wickedly.

"Har, har, har, Moony," Sirius said sarcastically as Peter giggled shrilly. He ignored Peter and glanced down at his watch; half hour to the game. If they wanted to get decent seats, they had to leave now. He announced this to his friends, and they stood up and left the Great Hall. On their way out, the three boys ran into Lily, Alice, and Serena, all of whom were on their way to get good seats for the game as well. Lily smiled when she saw Remus; they considered each other to be friends now, after just over two months of prefect duties together. Not to mention, after Lily had discovered her best friend was sweet on Remus, she had been trying to drop hints about it to him, none of which he had ever picked up on.

"Well," Lily said brightly. "If it isn't my favorite Gryffindor prefect."

Remus smiled. "Oh, I'm your favorite? That's nice to know."

"She said 'favorite Gryffindor'," Alice corrected, grinning slyly. "Her favorite prefect is a certain Ravenclaw whose name starts with an 'F' and ends with 'abian'."

Lily shot a threatening glance at Alice before grinning again, showing that she didn't really care.

"Are you lovely ladies looking for the perfect seats for the game?" Sirius asked smoothly.

Lily nodded. "Why don't you guys sit with us?"

"That would be smashing!" Sirius exclaimed at once, loving the idea instantly.

"I should warn you," Remus mused. "That if you're sitting with us, you need to be prepared to watch (and hear) Sirius scream himself hoarse."

"Oh, he can't be any worse than Lily," Serena confided in a mock whisper. "She's a complete maniac when it comes to quidditch."

"Lily? A maniac?" Remus mused. "I find that hard to believe."

"That, my dear Lupin," Lily said dramatically, grinning in an insane way that vaguely reminded Remus of James. "Is because you have not yet been exposed to the brilliance, hilariousnosity, and all-around tom-foolery that is, in essence, Lily Evans."

Alice and Sirius both snorted as Remus gave Lily a very peculiar look. "What Lily failed to mention," Serena explained, a large grin plastered over her face, "is that she had a very large bowl of chocolate ice cream for breakfast this morning."

"Ah, that explains it," Remus responded.

Sirius sighed with exasperation. "Ladies, and Remus and Peter," he added as an after thought. "If we do not hurry up, we're going to miss the game completely."

James took a deep breath as he stepped onto the quidditch pitch for the second time this morning, this time in his quidditch robes with his top-of-the-line Shooting Star 900 slung over his shoulder. Next to him was his co-captain, Athena Bryce, who was looking quite smug after their pre-game-pep-speech for the team. Never before had either of them felt so confident about their teams' talent. They felt like giants; they were unconquerable.

"You get to shake Malfoy's hand," Athena hissed out of the corner of her mouth, just loud enough for James to hear her over the roaring crowd.

"What?" he asked as they approached the center of the field where the Slytherin team was already waiting.

"Captains shake hands," she explained. "And I refuse to touch Mr. Malicious Sneer over there. Not to mention he'd probably refuse to be defiled by a lowly muggleborn like myself."

James grinned. "Of course," he replied arrogantly.

As expected, at the center of the field, Madam Hooch demanded that the two captains shake hands, before telling everyone that she expected a fair and clean game out of all of them (at which point Dorcas Meadows, who was commentating the match, announced that she doubted that the Slytherin team was capable of playing fair and clean) and they were off.

"Malfoy, captain of the Slytherin team, with the quaffle," Dory announced from the commentator's box. "Which isn't a good sign for Gryffindor at all. Never let the opponent get early possession. Athena Bryce of Gryffindor is tailing right behind him. C'mon Athena, get the quaffle from him!" Dory groaned as Malfoy shot a goal, which Zachary Vance, Gryffindor's keeper, missed by mere inches. "Ten- Zero. Slytherin. Emmeline Vance, I'm going to have to have a chat with you after this game about your little brother's keeping abilities," Dory announced.

"Okay, Tyson Bell of Gryffindor now in possession. I really like Tyson, nice looking bloke, he is," she mused, as she was reprimanded by McGonagall for not focusing on the game. "Just stating a simple fact, Professor. Anyway, Bell passed to Potter, who is arguably one of the best chasers Hogwarts has seen in ages. Absolutely fearless. WATCH OUT JAMES! THAT'S A BLUDGER!"

Luckily, James did notice the bludger speeding his way and narrowly dodged it as he flew passed a group of screaming Gryffindor's in the stand.

"FLY FASTER, YOU IDIOT!" Lily cried loudly as James flew past.

"Potter passes top Bryce, who passes to Bell, and now back to Potter," Dory said, trying to keep up with her team's rapid passing. "Merlin, I've never seen anyone pass like that."

James stopped passing was dodging in and out of players and bludgers as he careened towards the Slyhtherin goal posts; he was so focused that he was completely unaware of Rabastan Lestrange flying toward at a high speed. Which is why he was taken by surprise when Lestrange tackled into him from the side, nearly knocking him off his broom, on a perfectly legal move. James managed to hold onto his broom (barely) but dropped the quaffle right into the hands of Perpetua Parkinson who was flying below him.

"YOU DIRTY, FILTHY SCUM!" Sirius bellowed from the stands, just barely heard above Lily who was yelling furiously at the indignity of the whole situation.

Gryffindor soon rectified the injustice when their beater, Emerson Skul, sent a bludger straight at Parkinson, who in turn, became so frightened that she dropped the quaffle which Tyson quickly caught. Tyson flew in the opposite direction before he caught up with Athena. He passed to Athena who then proceeded to score Gryffindor's first goal. Three-fourths of the stadium went wild with cheering, clearly drowning out the boo-ing from the Slytherin end of the pitch. Slytherin's keeper, Rachel Montague, passed the quaffle to Lestrange, but as Lestrange attempted to pass it to Malfoy, James intercepted it and raced back towards the Slytherin goal posts. In a matter of seconds, he scored, making the score twenty-ten in favor of Gryffindor.

It was then that the game started to take a series of unusual turns. Within minutes of James's goal, Perpetua Parkinson was hovering in the middle of the field, practically in tears, shouting desperately at Madam hooch.

"It seems that Parkinson is having a nervous breakdown in the middle of the field," Dory commented in amusement from the commentary box. "Not that we should be surprised; I mean, after all, Gryffindor is a very formidable opponent. I'd be crying to. It seems the rest of the game is at a stand-still as Hooch tries to figure out what's gotten Parkinson's wand in a knot. Oh, ouch, even though the players aren't moving, Gryffindor seeker Natalie Paulie nearly got knocker off her broom by a bludger. Way to dodge that bludger, Natalie." Unexpectedly, Dory giggled over the magical megaphone. "I have just been informed why Parkinson is in such a state. Apparently," she giggled again. "She is accusing James Potter of molesting her chest!"

This sent Sirius into a mad bout of laughter. Not only did James detest Parkinson, but he was on the other side of the pitch completely. The only way he could have molested her was if he had extendable arms, which he didn't.

Remus was laughing. "That has to be the biggest load of bull I've ever heard!"

"Honestly," Alice muttered, as Serena tried to suppress her own bout of giggles. "It's not like Perpetua has anything to grab."

Lily nodded in agreement. "Flattest sixth year I know."

Over the magical megaphone, Dory echoed her thoughts. "Well, we all know this is a poor attempt to kick James out of the game. I mean, come off it, Parkinson isn't at all attractive, so why would Potter want to grab at her? Not to mention," Dory said loudly, trying to evade McGonagall who was attempting to pull the megaphone out of Dory's hands. "Her chest is so flat, she's practically concave! There's nothing to grab!"

Parkinson was now yelling at a very befuddled James who had flown over to see what was going on. She was so furious, in fact, that she grabbed her boyfriend's beater's bat and chucked it at James head. James ducked the bat, and behind him Athena caught it deftly.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Hooch hollered. "Parkinson, Potter obviously didn't attack you seeing as how he was on the other side of the pitch! Bryce, give Crabbe back his bat, and get on with the game! And if I hear one more unfounded complaint out of Parkinson, then it's a Gryffindor penalty!"

"Well," Dory said, still grinning at the display, "the game continues. Bell with the quaffle, passes to Bryce . . ."

James was in possession of the quaffle when he noticed Evan Rosier, the Slytherin team's other beater, flying toward him. He tried to swerve out of the way, but was blocked in on either side by Malfoy and Lestrange. So, before he knew it, Rosier was practically on top of him and whacked him viciously with his bat. James felt his nose shatter under the impact, and Dory's swearing over the megaphone was drowned out by the boos radiating from the Gryffindor supporters. Hooch blew her whistle to call for a penalty for Gryffindor, but James wasn't listening. Either he didn't notice that his nose was bleeding freely, his eyes were watering, and one of the lenses on his glasses was nearly shattered or he didn't care; all his friends were willing to bet that the latter was correct. Either way, James was speeding toward Montague in front of the goal posts. Not caring that he was half-blind at the moment, he lobbed the quaffle straight past Montague's head and into the center goal post.

After that, the game grew incredibly intense. The Slytherin team started to mark James for whatever punishment they could dole out without getting caught. Of course, James was no stranger to pain, but there was only so much one person could take in the middle of a quidditch game while fifty feet in the air. In the stands, Sirius was yelling himself hoarse, calling every single Slytherin on the field so many swear words that Remus and Peter were both sure his mother would hex him if she could hear him. Next to him, Lily was yelling just as loudly, only without the obscenities. The violence on the field forced the Gryffindor to up its level of playing. They had agreed in the locker rooms not to unleash to many of their plays in the first game, but it was beginning to look like they had to. Emerson Skul and Tiberius McClaggen didn't let either of the Slytherin beaters near the bludgers, but constantly sent them towards the other Slytherin players. Athena, Tyson, and James were pulling out moves and tackles that had most of their audience in awe. Seeker Natalie Paulie was running Slytherin seeker Creon Flint through his paces, feinting and diving at every opportune moment. It wasn't long before Gryffindor was in the lead, sixty to twenty.

Sirius and Lily were both busy yelling at Rosier, who had finally managed to get a hold of a bludger and sent it forcefully into Athena's ribs, when they suddenly noticed the game had ended. Natalie Paulie was on the ground, holding the snitch proudly in her hands as the rest of the team came and landed next to her. A mass of Gryffindors stormed the field, ecstatic that they one the first match. Sirius pushed and shoved his way to the center of the gold and scarlet mass, Peter and Remus trailing him closely. Sirius soon found himself by his best-friend's side, and was pounding him mercilessly on the back. Thanks to James and his brilliant captaining, he was now twenty galleons richer.

"PARTY IN THE COMMON ROOM!" Sirius bellowed, despite the fact that McGonagall was nearby.

Word soon filtered through the group about a party, and the crowd began to disperse back to Gryffindor Tower. The team, and their close friends, remained on the field, carrying on their own celebration. James was holding his right hand to his nose, trying to stem the bleeding. Rosier had really done a number on him with his bat. To his discomfort, Sirius was still pounding against him. "Padfood!" he cried, his voice oddly nasally. "Will you dop dat! I can hardly breed!"

"Oh, right," Sirius said, stopping instantly as he remembered the abuse James had taken during the game. "Here, lemme fix your glasses for you." Without waiting for James to protest, Sirius whipped his friends glasses off his face and fixed them with a simple repairing charm. When he was done, Madam Pomfrey was at James's side, fussing over him attentively.

"Move your hand away from your nose, so I can look at it properly," Pomfrey ordered; James obliged. "Broken, just like I thought." She pulled her wand out before saying, "Episkey." James's nose went hot, then cold. He raised his hand and felt it tenderly. "Are you hurt anywhere else, Potter?" Pomfrey demanded. "No broken ribs? Dislocated shoulders? Concussions?"

"No," James said, attempting to wipe the blood off his face with his sleeve. "Just a few bruises. Nothing Sirius."

Sirius growled as Pomfrey scrutinized James closely, trying to see if he was lying, no doubt. Satisfied that he wasn't, she turned to Athena, whose ribs had taken a beating with the last bludger hit.

"Hey," Sirius said. "We'll head up to the common room, to make sure this party gets started right, then maybe we can sneak away for some marauding in Hogsmeade."

James grinned, "Sounds like a plan. I'll see you guys once I get a little cleaned up."

James turned and entered their locker room; the rest of the team was already in there, celebrating in the own manner. Natalie and Zachary Vance were dancing around in circles; Tyson was standing on a bench, holding his broom like a guitar and pretending to play along with the song that was currently blaring on the radio. Athena, who had already been released by Madam Pomfrey, was dancing like a madman while singing along to the song. Emerson and Tiberius had pulled out some butterbeers they had filched from the kitchens in case they won, and were now seeing how many they could chug in two minutes.

Within twenty minutes, the Gryffindor quidditch team returned triumphantly to their common room. As soon as they entered, they were greeted with a vast amount of cheering. James couldn't help but feel that it was a bit much (it wasn't, after all, like they had won the Cup . . . it was just the first match) but relished in the glory anyway. As promised, Sirius had made sure the party had started properly. They had already lugged down the record player from their dorm, and Remus was fiddling with it to get it to play at the right volume. In their third year, Remus had brought along the record player from home, accurately claiming that his parents would never miss it, and he and James had bewitched it so that it would work in Hogwarts' magical atmosphere. Sirius, at the time, hadn't seen the point in it, but it sure made throwing parties a lot easier. A small group of upperclassmen were already dancing to the music; several first years looked half terrified-half awed at the beginnings of the party, having not been exposed to a Marauder-thrown party before now. Sirius was sitting on the couch, unsurprisingly surrounded by several girls and flirting shamelessly with them all. Another group of people surrounded the team as they entered, shouting praises and asking questions as they tried to force their way through. Several girls had attached themselves to James, though, to his disappointment, none of them was Lily. Boys had escorted Athena away to another side of the room where her friends were all sitting, but she didn't seemed to pleased about it. It wasn't long before McClaggen and his girlfriend met up and retreated to a corner to kiss. Tyson and Zachary were herded away by their friends, and Natalie and Emerson each had their own small following of fans. The Gryffindor team, as a whole, felt like celebrities.

James spotted Peter waving at him from another corner of the room and peeled himself away from his fan club, promising them he'd speak to them later. James and Peter were soon joined by Sirius, who had left his own fan club on the couch. He gazed around with satisfaction.

"We really do throw a nice party," he said.

"Of course we do," James responded. "Its one of the many things we Marauders do best."

"I already pulled the cloak out from your trunk," Sirius said. "So Moony and I are gonna go–"

"Wait," James interrupted. "I wanted to go."

"James, James, James," Sirius said. "You're the man of the hour! I can hardly pull you away from your adoring fans at such a time. Moony and I got it covered."

James sighed. "I wanted to get out of this bloody castle."

"Oh, shut your mouth," Sirius said lightheartedly. "You're skipping class on Thursday to 'get out of this bloody castle'. So I don't want to hear you complain." He shot a glance at Remus who was still fiddling with the record player. "As soon as Moony stops messing with his muggle toys, we'll be on our way."

"Keep your pants on Sirius," Remus hollered over the noise. "I'm almost done!"

Sirius's brow furrowed. "How does he always hear me?" he asked. "It's like he's got super-human ears, or something."

James nodded wisely. "That would be a result of his furry problem, Mr. Padfoot."

"I can still hear you guys," Remus called, standing up, satisfied that the record player was working properly. "I'm done, so we can leave when you're ready."

"Well, the sooner we leave," Sirius said, casting his gaze around the thriving common room once more. "The sooner we come back, and I hate to leave this party for to long."

"Besides," Remus replied snidely, "your fan club might decide they like James better if you're gone for too long."

"Hardly. My girls have better taste than to go after Prongs."

"Thanks Padfoot."

"Oh, any time."

James opened his mouth to say something, but Remus interrupted. "Without further ado, Padfoot and I are leaving," he said, pointing to the door.

Sirius nodded, checking once more that James's Invisibility Cloak was in his pocket. "We should be back in an hour at the most. If we're not, don't worry. Although, if we're not back by morning, it's best to assume that we've already been caught and expelled," he said.

"Sirius, shut your trap, and let's go!" Remus demanded. They could have left nearly five minutes ago.

"All right, all right, Dictator Moony," Sirius answered, following Remus toward the portrait hole.

As promised, Sirius and Remus returned within the hour, their arms full of butterbeers and sweets from Hogsmeade. And, just like always, it was a party to be envied. Good music, good food, great people. There was entertainment to be found as well. All the Marauders (save James, who found the whole situation less than amusing) couldn't help but laughing as James was repeatedly rejected by Lily. By the fifth or sixth rejection, James finally gave up for the night and started to give his fan club more attention, and Sirius just _had_ to point out that girls were, on the whole, a lot more fun when they _actually _liked you. Both James and Sirius had a good laugh at Peter, who made a full of himself while trying to impress a fourth year who had no interest in him at all. Lily had tried to spice the music up a bit by playing a Queen record album, but Remus quickly put at stop to it, claiming that if they were going to listen to muggle music, it would be The Beatles. That comment, of course, led to a heated discussion between the two fifth year prefects over music that lasted for a good ten minutes. By the end of it, Sirius was left with the conclusion that when Remus and Lily were supposed to 'ridding Hogwarts of its many miscreants' they were really just arguing about muggle music; not that he minded. "The more prefects not paying attention, the better," is what he claimed. It was well into the evening when McGonagall arrived, demanding to know what they thought they were doing.

"Well, I thought it was obvious, Professor," James said innocently, holding a butterbeer in his right hand. "We're having a party."

Sirius leaned over next to James. "Prongs," he said quietly. "I don't think she's ever been to a party, she might not know what they are."

"I know what a party is, Mr. Black," McGonagall answered sharply. "My question is why are you still at it when it's going on eleven o'clock at night? This party has been going on for nearly twelve hours!"

Sirius sighed in mock exasperation. "Minerva, Minerva, Minerva," he said, shaking his head. "Professor, professor, professor," he amended at the look McGonagall gave him. "If you think about it fairly, we are merely making up for all the parties we _haven't_ thrown this year."

Beside him James nodded sagely. "We didn't have a 'start of term' party–"

"Didn't want to keep the first years up," Remus elaborated from the other side of the common room.

"And we didn't have a 'first detention of the year' party," James continued.

"Well, we did, but it was in our dorm," Peter muttered.

"We haven't thrown a 'Slytherin hexing' party."

"Yet," Sirius added in a whisper so McGonagall couldn't hear him.

"I haven't hosted a 'quidditch trials' party," James went on. "Unless you count the actual try-outs as a party, which I don't. We didn't have a Halloween party."

"On account of Remus not being able to attend," Sirius explained. Across the room, Remus smiled and gave a slight wave.

"And, on top of all that," James started. "We haven't held a 'Victoria Thelen lynching' party."

Several people in the room laughed as Remus continued. "But that doesn't mean we won't."

"I, for one, plan on hosting one in the near future," Sirius added. "So, if Thelen does get lynched, you know who to blame," he said pointing at himself.

"So, all in all, Professor," James concluded. "We are merely compensating for the lack of parties this year."

McGonagall merely stared at all four boys. She should have expected a similar response. "That does not excuse your behavior," she said firmly. "I'll come back in ten minutes, and if this party isn't sufficiently over, I'm holding you four personally responsible," she finished, looking at each of the Marauders directly. Deciding it was best not to stay and let the teenagers argue with her, she turned around and left the common room.

"Well," James announced, looking around the room at everyone. "You heard what the woman said, we still have ten minutes! Let the party continue." With a flick of his wand, he turned the record player back on, and almost instantly the common room was filled with loud, bubbling voices.

James returned to the girl he had been flirting with before McGonagall had interrupted, and Sirius did the same. Peter, bored with his two friends' preoccupation with girls and frustrated with his own lack of charm, crossed the common room to where Remus was sitting as he talked with Lily and Alice. It was a refreshing sight. He was just _talking_ to them, not shamelessly flirting. Peter sat down next to Remus, listening to the conversation rather than joining in. It's not that he had anything to say; if Remus were having this same conversation with James and Sirius instead of Alice and Lily, he would probably have quite a bit to say. He just could never manage to open his mouth when he wanted to around girls. Nevertheless, it was an interesting conversation, and he quickly found himself engrossed. And, as engrossed as he was, he failed to notice his friend acting a little strangely. Peter completely missed the furtive glances Remus repeatedly shot across the common room to were another group of fifth year girls were dancing and chatting. Which is why, of course, he was completely taken by surprise when Remus stood up and asked if they would excuse him for a moment.

Alice and Lily nodded, telling him it was no problem. Lily gave a small gasp of delight as she watched Remus make his way through the crowd to where Athena and the others were standing, and she and Alice shared an excited smile. Peter, on the other hand, was still trying to figure out what was going on.

The journey across the common room had seemed to take forever, and Remus had to repeatedly force himself not to turn around and retreat to his dormitory. _I can't do this. What if she says no?_

_Then she says no. It's not a big deal, and it's not like anyone will hear you ask her . . . its way too loud over here._

_Right, right, good point brain._

_And now you sound like a prat, don't ever think that again. Now just tap her on the shoulder and ask for a quick word. She'll grant you that much._

_Right, of course. Am I sure about this?_

_YES! Now go!_

Remus took a deep breath and tapped Athena on the shoulder gently. She grinned brightly as she turned around and saw him in front of her. "Hey, Remus," she said, having to half-holler to be heard over the music. "What's up?"

"Oh, I was just wondering if I could have a quick word with you," Remus said loudly, hoping he didn't sound too much like a fool.

Athena smiled again. "Sure, no problem," she said, allowing herself to be led away slightly by Remus. The look Athena cast back at her friends, and the broad smiles they gave her in return was completely missed by him, however. "So, what'd you want to talk about?" she asked when he stopped.

"Oh, well, I was just wondering," Remus said, his voice growing quieter and quieter as he spoke. "If you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me the weekend after next?"

"What was that? I didn't catch what you said," Athena replied loudly over the music.

_Of course she couldn't hear you, you were hardly talking. Now, just say it louder this time! _"I was wondering if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me the weekend after next?" he asked again, slightly louder this time.

"I'm sorry," she said, causing Remus's stomach to plummet. "I still can't hear you. Here, let's go over in the corner or something."

Relief swarmed Remus as Athena latched onto his arm and pulled him into a quieter corner. He thought she was going to say no, but she didn't, and he still had a chance.

"Okay," Athena said when she stopped. "This is, er, slightly better, at least."

Remus took another deep breath before say, loud enough that he was sure she'd hear him this time, "I was wondering if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me the weekend after next?"

Of course, right as he said this, the song ended and the common room had been doused in a brief moment of silence.

Remus felt his face turn red as he realized that every single pair of eyes was now on him and Athena. Even Sirius, who had just been kissing a pretty sixth year, had stopped and was now giving him a queer look. A small giggle caught in Athena's throat as she too realized everyone was staring at her. She turned slightly to face the on looking crowd. "Do you mind?" she asked.

"No," Sirius said from across the room.

Athena sighed and rolled her eyes. Glancing around once more, she leaned in close to Remus before whispering in his ear, "I'd _love_ to go to Hogsmeade with you." She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, before turning around and facing the crowd again. "You can all go back to your business now," she said and, grinning from ear to ear, she sauntered back to her friends.

It was only a moment before James, Sirius, and Peter found themselves next to a very red and stunned looking werewolf.

"Since when have you been interested in Athena?" Sirius wanted to know.

"It's about time you asked her, Moony," James said, clapping Remus on the back.

Remus nodded weakly, still a little shock at how well that worked out.

"See?" James prodded. "It wasn't that hard, was it?"

"Since when have you liked Athena?" Sirius asked again.

James sighed impatiently. "Since last year," he said.

"Well, how come I never knew, since this seems no surprise to you, Prongs?" Sirius asked roughly.

"Maybe it had to do with the fact that you were always too concerned with your own girls," Remus said wryly, the shock of Athena's acceptance finally wearing off. He glanced at his watch. McGonagall's promised ten minutes were almost up. "Looks like we have to wrap up this party," he said, unable to stop grinning. "Or else, not for the first time, we face the wrath of McGonagall."

Mid-Thursday morning found the Marauders in a number of different places. Remus was sitting in Ancient Runes; the desk next to him, where Lily normally sat, was empty because she had gone to fetch her book from the common room where she had inadvertently left it. Up in the North Tower, Sirius and Peter were sitting at a small round table, listening to Sanders's lecture. Well, Peter was listening, Sirius was half-turned around and talking to Angela Heston. James, however, was not in class like he was supposed to be. In fact he was walking down the fourth floor corridor, trying to see if he could balance his books on his head and walk at the same time.

Tilting his chin up, he pulled his thick History of Magic book out of his bag and placed it gingerly on top of his head. Convinced that it was balanced properly, he started taking small steps forward, hoping to make it to the staircase before the book fell. He hadn't gone more than ten feet when someone turned the corner behind him and spotted him.

"Potter," Lily Evans stated, exasperation clear in her voice. "What are you doing?"

James stumbled, having not heard anyone behind him. To his disappointment, as he stumbled, his book slipped off his head. Deftly, he caught it before turning to face Lily. "Well, Evans, I could ask you the same thing," he said calmly.

"You could, but I, unlike you, am a prefect, and as such, I have the authority to ask you such a question, whereas you don't," Lily retorted.

"Authority to ask questions, yes," James said, not missing a beat. "But do you have the authority to be wandering the halls when you should, in fact, be in Ancient Runes right now?"

Lily sighed. "I was getting my book, all right?" she said hastily. "And you?"

"Oh," James said, looking Lily in the eye so she wouldn't suspect him of lying. "I was just heading down to the infirmary. Not feeling to well, you see."

Lily was hardly fooled, and gave him a look that he often got from his mother. "Too bad the Hospital Wing's in the other direction."

_Crap!_ "Well, that's just how sick I am," James said, slowly realizing how unconvincing he sounded. "I couldn't find my way."

"Like I'm supposed to believe that," she said, pushing her red hair out of her eyes. "I know as well as everyone else that you know this castle like the back of your hand."

_Double crap._ James looked at Lily as he racked his brain, searching for a plausible lie, only he wasn't able to come up with anything. Why couldn't he lie to her? The only person he could never lie to was his mother, and Evans certainly wasn't his mother. "Well, I was just going on a walk," he said lamely.

Lily sighed again. "Just give me the real reason, and I can dock you a few points, and we can each be on our merry way, Potter. I'm missing class."

James sighed, remembering something his brother always told him: "When all else fails, tell the truth and see what happens." James stuffed his book back in his bag before looking back at Lily. "I was about to sneak out of school to go visit my brother, who's in Hogsmeade right now. It's the only time he could get off work."

Lily looked slightly taken aback. That was certainly not what she was expecting to hear. Her first reaction was to tell James to get back to class, but then she started remembering a conversation she and Remus had had while patrolling the halls several weeks back. They had been talking about families, and their friends' families as well, and Remus had mentioned that James and his brother were really close. That James told his brother practically everything and they exchanged letters at least twice a week. James, he had said, always looked for the opportunity to have a chat with his brother in person, since they so rarely had the chance to do so. Remus had given Lily a remarkable insight to someone who she detested, and when he had confided all this in her, she couldn't help but feel slightly jealous, having wished that her relationship with her own older sister could be more like James's relationship with his brother. So, without quite realizing what she was doing, she answered wearily, "Fine, go. I don't care. But if you get caught, you never saw me, all right?"

James was shocked. This certainly had never happened before. "R-right," he stuttered, a bright grin starting to spread across his face. "Evans, I could kiss you!"

Lily backed up a step. "Please don't," she muttered in disgust. "Now go!"

Without waiting for Lily to change her mind, James quickly turned around and hurried down the hall. After running down a flight of stairs and tearing down the third floor corridor, he skidded to a halt in front of the familiar statue of a one-eyed witch. Pulling out his wand, he tapped the witch's humped back while saying "Dissendium."

As expected, the hump opened and James slipped inside before anyone else could catch him. James careened down the tunnel until he found himself in Honeydukes cellar. Quickly, he hurried up the stairs and into the front room of the sweet shop, pleased to see that it was busy so he wouldn't be noticed. He was still wearing his school robes, and there was no telling who might be watching and decide to tell Dumbledore that a young man with untidy black hair, glasses, and school robes that he was out of bounds in the middle of class. He paused briefly to look at the new, long-lasting chewing gum that was on display before leaving to head to the Three Broomsticks.

He grinned broadly as he stepped into the sunlight, ignoring the biting cold in the air. There was something about skipping class that was just so . . . so invigorating. He couldn't help but thinking that he ought to skip class more often. He quietly slipped between groups of shoppers and slid into the Three Broomsticks. He scanned the pub and quickly spotted a tall figure with a thick mass of dark, untidy hair in the back corner. Smiling still, he squeezed his way around the numerous tables, pausing only for a quick word with the owner's daughter, Rosmerta, before sliding into a seat next to his brother.

"You're late, you know," Jared said, looking at the clock on the wall rather than at James.

James rolled his eyes. "I'm not late. And beside, even if I were, it wouldn't matter because, in the long and short of things, deadlines are really rather irrelevant."

Jared grinned, a brightness washing over his face that made the resemblance between the two brothers even more uncanny. "I suppose, if you're going to insist upon thinking about it that way, then you're right. However, I sincerely doubt that the majority of the world's population agrees with you."

James shrugged. "Probably true." He scanned the room. "Where's Marlene?"

"She's not off work yet," Jared answered. "She'll be here in about ten minutes."

James knew his brother enough to be able to spot the love-struck look in the older Potter's eyes; he smirked. "You really love this girl, don't you?" he asked, realizing he would probably never have a conversation like this with anyone_ but_ his brother.

"Yeah, I do," Jared said simply. "She's great. I can't wait for you to meet her."

"Well, you don't have to wait much longer," a voice said from behind the two brothers, "Because, well, I'm here."

Both Potters turned around to see a tall and slender woman in her early twenties standing before them, her pretty face accented with a gorgeous smile. "Marlene! You're early," Jared exclaimed. He stood up and offered her his chair before taking the seat next to her.

"I'm not early, I'm right on time," she said before turning to James. "You must be James. I'm so glad that you were able to get permission to miss class like this."

Jared smirked as James resisted the urge to snort. "I didn't get permission," James said wryly. "My best friend is supposed to be telling our teachers I'm ill. I can count on one hand the number of people in Hogwarts right now who know I'm here, and none of them are professors."

"Oh," Marlene responded, blinking once. "Good job."

The simplicity of the statement caught James off guard, and he bust out laughing.

"Is he okay?" Marlene asked Jared when James didn't stop laughing after a minute or so.

"Oh yeah, he'll be fine. Just give him a minute or so to calm down."

As promised, James managed to contain his laughter after a minute or so, and was then able to carry on a civilized conversation with his brother and his brother's soon-to-be fiancé. Marlene was only able to stay for an hour or so before she had to return back to work, but in that short hour James was able to see why his brother was so infatuated. On top of being very attractive, Marlene was quick-witted, sharp-minded, and had a wicked sense of humor. She was laid-back and easy-going, and she seemed to enjoy the recountings of several of James's more infamous pranks around home, which James took as a good sign. He doubted if he would have been able to stand it if Marlene was a stickler for rules. Of course, his opinion didn't matter quite as much as Jared's did. James, after all, wasn't the one about to get married.

"So," Jared said, running his hand through his hair as they stepped outside after Marlene had left. "Did you like her?"

"She was brilliant," James answered. "And I'll be more than happy to have her as a sister-in-law."

"That's good," Jared said, looking relieved. "I'd be quite torn if my wife-to-be and my brother hated each other."

"When are you planning on asking her?" James asked as they meandered down the street.

"Next week, I think," Jared said.

James smiled. "I told my friends that you were planning on 'popping the question' and Peter asked 'What question?'. We spent quite a few days laughing over that one."

"You should have told him I was planning on asking if she'd give up magic with me, or something bizarre like that, just to see his reaction," Jared said, chuckling slightly. "So how is everyone? Sirius, and Remus, and Peter?"

"Oh, they're fine. Remus was having some health problems in October, but Pomfrey sorted him out," James said. "And Sirius is just glad that he's not at home."

"So he did survive the summer without you?"

"Just barely," James said. "He told me the other day that he's just going to leave if his parents try to lock him in again next year."

"Sirius really isn't like his family at all, is he?" Jared asked thoughtfully.

"No, not at all. In fact, he pretty much hates everyone on his family tree."

"That's good."

"Why d'you say that?" James asked as they paused in front of one of the shops, looking in through the window.

Jared chewed his lip, as if debating whether or not he should confide in his brother or not. "One of his cousins was hauled into the auror offices for questioning the other day," Jared answered after a moment. "An elderly couple disappeared a couple weeks ago, and we thought that she and her fiancé, Rodolphus Lestrange, might have something to do with it. And I'd hate to think that your best friend might get caught up in the same mess as his family."

James nodded absently. "What about that elderly couple that disappeared? I haven't heard anything about that before now."

"Don't you read the newspaper, James?" Jared asked before shaking his head. "No, I don't suppose you do. Anyway, it was all over the papers. The Ministry tried to keep it covered up, but with everything else that's been happening, it's gotten harder to keep everything from the press."

"What do you mean 'everything else that's been happening'?"

Again, Jared looked a little shocked that James was so unaware of what was going on. "Remember what I said before you left for school? There've been a lot of funny deaths and odd disappearances lately, and the Ministry's been trying to cover it all up. Only, just in the past month or so, it's all been happening more and more, and we can't keep everything from the press. People are starting to worry, though."

"Is it that Voldemort-bloke, still?"

Jared nodded. "Keep your eyes on the papers, James. You should know what's going on outside Hogwarts. . . " Jared's voice drifted off a little, and James could tell that there was a lot Jared wasn't saying, either because he wasn't allowed to or because he was trying to protect his younger brother. They walked in silence a bit further, and stopped in front of the Shrieking Shack.

Jared was eyeing the Shack with interest; it had been built in his last year of school, so he wasn't quite as aware of the rumors surrounding it as James was. James, however, wasn't thinking about the rumors about the miserable house, but his thoughts drifted to the next full moon and how he, Sirius, and Peter were already planning on spending the night with Remus again.

"So, how've you been these last few months?" Jared asked, pulling James out of his thoughts. "I think Mum's been a bit worried about you."

James turned to his brother. "Why's that?"

Jared shrugged. "She hasn't gotten a letter from McGonagall or Dumbledore saying you've done something stupid in _ages_. It's unnatural, and she thinks you might be falling ill or something," he said wryly. "She's used to getting a letter every other week."

"I've been busy," James answered. "Sirius and I were planning this huge thing since the beginning of the year and it's taken us until the end of October to finally get it," he elaborated. He felt slightly guilty about keeping secrets from his brother, but he had never told Jared that Remus was a werewolf, and he would have a hard time explaining why he saw the need to become an animagus without that little detail. "And after that I've had quidditch."

"Is this thing you were planning with Sirius why you needed an assortment of some very obscure potion ingredients from me?" he asked.

"Yes," James answered simply.

"Well, are you going to tell me what you two did?"

"Maybe when you're a hundred and fifty years old, and too old to do anything about it," James said, grinning as he leaned back against the fence surrounding the Shack.

Jared laughed. "Well, on my hundred and fiftieth birthday, I'll expect you to tell me what you did, all right?" he asked and James nodded his agreement. "So what about you and that girl you've like forever?"

"Lily?" James repeated. "Ah, she's still hates me, but, alas, there is still hope for us."

"You are the most persistent little bugger I've ever met," Jared said. "I would have given up by now."

"And that, dear brother, is the difference between you and me," James said in mock-wisdom. "You give up on the goal to early–"

"And you just don't know when to give up," Jared interrupted.

"I know when to give up," James defended. "I just ignore it."

"All right," Jared said. "When you finally manage to get her on a date with you, _without_ jinxing her or threatening her into it, I will give you fifteen galleons to pay for the date."

"Are you serious?" James asked. "That's amazing. Although, you might as well give me the fifteen galleons now, seeing as how I _will _get her on a date by the end of the school year."

"Nice try," Jared said, affectionately tousling James's hair, laughing as James pushed his arm away. "Don't ever change, James, okay?"

"I don't plan on it," James replied, glancing down at his watch. "I've got to go unless I want to miss Thelen's class, which I do, but she'll probably have me thrown out of school if I do."

"Right, we wouldn't want that. I'll see you at Christmas if you're planning on coming home," Jared said, giving his younger brother a quick hug. "And be sure to write – I've been missing your lame jokes."

James grinned. "My jokes aren't any worse than yours or dad's," he replied. "I'll see you later." He started off down the hill, turning once to wave at his brother, before turning back around, reminiscing on how amazing life actually was at times like this.

* * *

**an:** right, for some reason when I uploaded this, the font was the size of Montana, so if it's still like that when you read this chapter, than I'm sorry. I have no idea what's wrong. If it's back to normal, well, don't mind that comment then. lol. Anyway, I suppose I spoke to soon in the last chapter when I asked to see how long I could keep the two week updating trend up, because it's been about three weeks now. I'm sorry. School's over now, though, soI should have more time to write. I plan on having the next chapter up soon, and beware, because if all goes as planned (which I can't garuntee it will) that chapter will end with a tragic cliff-hanger. (If you read _Shadowed Veil_ well enough you might be able to guess what it is).

Anyway, please forgive my typos, grammar mistakes, and any blatant cannon mistakes you spotted. Also, please, please, please review. The complete and utter lack of reviews for the last chapter was, admittedly, rather disheartening.


	14. Letters From Home

It has to be said that entering your dorm room and finding one of your roommates dancing and singing along to very loud music meanwhile cleaning at the same time is extremely startling. Which explains why Sirius froze in the doorway when he pulled open the door and was confronted with Remus, wearing nothing more than a t-shirt, a pair of shorts, and a thick bandage around his left leg (compliments of the most recent full moon), doing exactly that.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked when Remus had turned around.

He shrugged. "Cleaning," he said simply.

"I noticed," Sirius said, stepping into the room and wondering why it was so much colder inside the room than outside. "Any particular reason why?"

Again, Remus shrugged. "I was bored, and there was nothing better to do."

"Right," Sirius said slowly, looking around and spotting the open window to the left of his bed. "Remus, it's the beginning of December, and it's snowing outside, so why is the window open?"

"'Cause otherwise Peter wouldn't leave, and he was getting in the way of my cleaning," he replied as if the answer were obvious.

Sirius just shook his head and settled down on his bed, ignoring the cold draft coming from the window. He didn't say anything for a moment as Remus went back to cleaning. This was, undoubtedly, the most energetic he had ever seen Remus with the full moon having only been four days ago. Normally, so soon after a transformation, he was either still in the Hospital Wing or he was dead on his feet. Of course, this was only the second full moon he, James, and Peter had spent with Remus, and he supposed that that probably had some effect on Remus's behavior. Then there was also the fact that his and Athena's relationship was flourishing. Nothing was more able to make a man giddy than a happy girlfriend.

"Having a girlfriend really agrees with you," Sirius mused from his bed as he watched Remus clean.

"We've been on one date, Sirius," Remus said, abandoning his cleaning and sitting down on his own bed. "That hardly makes her my girlfriend."

"Oh really?" Sirius replied, raising his eyebrows. "Let's see, then. You've been on one date and promised to go on another. And, in the meantime, you have silently, but mutually, agreed not to divulge in couple-like behavior with other people. Face it, Moony, she's your girlfriend."

"Hmm, interesting," Remus said, smirking a little. "This does wonders to contradict the idea that murderous half-breeds like myself are incapable of human relationships such as this, and that I do not possess enough heart to have feelings for anyone, not even my own mother."

"And who told you that?" Sirius asked.

"Who else but Hogwarts own resident bigot," Remus said idly. "Told me so when she held me after class last Thursday before the full moon."

Sirius growled slightly. "I hate that woman."

"She, apparently, hates you too," said Remus. "What was it tonight? Your twentieth detention with her this year?"

"Yeah, something like that. Where were you all before I left for that detention, though? I didn't have anyone to complain to."

Remus laughed. "Peter was soliciting help from the girls for his Potions essay; James is at quidditch practice (again). And I had a prefects meeting I had to go to."

"Oh, that must have been fun."

"Absolutely thrilling," Remus added dryly. "Speaking of the meeting though, for the first time in the five years that I've known her, your cousin Narcissa gave me the honor of speaking to me directly. Although, now I can honestly say that I hope it never happens again."

Sirius let out a short, bark-like laugh. "She does have that effect on people," he said. "What'd she want?"

"She wanted me to tell you, her 'disgrace of a cousin', that you should expect 'a correspondence in the morning post' from your parents sometime soon," Remus explained, not feeling guilty as he mocked Narcissa's airy and condescending manner of speaking to people.

Sirius sighed heavily. "What do they want with me now?" he asked no one in particular.

Remus shrugged. "I don't know. If I were your parents I'd just disown you and get you out of my hair," he said, smirking slightly.

"That's actually a good idea," Sirius mused. "I should run it past them, see what they think." He sighed and glanced around the room. "I'm bored," he announced.

"Shocker," Remus replied sarcastically. "Don't you have homework or something to do?"

"Moony, when do I ever do my homework when I'm supposed to?" he asked rhetorically. "I wish Prongs were around . . ."

"Quidditch practice should be over by now," Remus said. "Go look for him; he's got to be around somewhere."

"Right you are," Sirius said, standing up. "Have fun with the rest of your cleaning."

Of course, as soon as Sirius started to search for his best friend, he seemed to have disappeared. He couldn't find James anywhere. Everyone he asked hadn't seen James recently, and even the rest of the quidditch team had no idea where he was. He wasn't in any of their normal haunts, and eventually Sirius just had to give up. It wasn't until breakfast the next morning that he finally found James.

"Where were you last night?" Sirius demanded as James took his normal seat at the table next to him.

James shrugged evasively. "I was around."

"You were around? I couldn't find you anywhere."

"Well, you should have looked harder," he said as he helped himself to some of Sirius's toast. "But, that's besides that point. Last night, lightning struck my brain," he said to Remus and Peter, both of whom had been watching the scene unfold before them with interest.

"I think more than lightning struck your brain," Sirius muttered sourly.

James ignored him. "Moony, the next full moon's over the holidays, right?" he asked, a slightly manic glint in his eyes.

"Yeah, but what's that got to do with anything?" Remus said before taking a drink of his pumpkin juice.

"Everything. Here's my idea: next full moon," James started, " we leave the shack."

Remus choked on his juice. "What?" he coughed.

"We leave the shack," James repeated. "Go gallivanting off in the moonlight!"

"Are you insane?" Remus asked.

"I think we all know that answer to that is 'yes'," Sirius quipped.

"No, no, listen," James insisted. "If Sirius and I, at least, both stay the here over the holidays, well, we're big enough to keep you from attacking anyone. Not to mention, Hogwarts is practically deserted over Christmas, so we wouldn't have to worry about random people being outside."

"Whatever sanity you ever had, James," Remus said incredulously. "It's definitely gone out the window."

"I don't know," Sirius said thoughtfully. "I think it's a good idea."

"No, you don't," Remus insisted, still not liking the idea at all. "It's a terrible idea. What's there to like about it?"

"No, it could be fun," he answered. "I mean, you can't honestly tell me that you _like_ being holed up in the shack all night."

"That's irrelevant," Remus retorted. "It's too dangerous. It's bad enough having the three of you with me, but to leave the shack . . . that's just asking for trouble. You agree with me, right Peter?" he finished forcefully, giving Peter a strong glare that suggested he better not say no.

"O-of course I agree with you," Peter said, quailing slightly under Remus's stern look. "It's too dangerous."

James sighed. "Just think about it, all right? We won't go out this month if you're uncomfortable with the idea," he conceded. _We'll just force you to come along the next month,_ he added silently.

"Post is here," Peter said dully, looking to the ceiling and watching owls swoop down clutching an assortment of letters and parcels.

Sirius was dismayed when he spotted his parents' owl in the midst and was even more dismayed to see that it was flying toward him, rather than toward his younger brother.When Remus told him he should expect mail from his parents soon, Sirius had hardly thought that he meant today. The owl disdainfully dropped a letter in front of him before flying off. All four boys stared at the letter almost as if they expected it to jump up and start tap dancing across the table at any minute. Nothing good had ever come out of a letter from the Blacks, and none of them had any misconception that the letter would merely exchange pleasantries between family members.

"Are you going to open it?" James asked, ignoring his own owl who was now pecking his right hand impatiently.

Without answering James, Sirius picked up the letter and tore it open. His face was with etched with disgust as he quickly scanned the letter for its contents. Upon finishing the letter, he promptly tore it into tiny pieces.

"What do they want this time?" James asked, knowing that it was better to give Sirius this opportunity to vent now, rather than let him brood on it for the rest of the day.

"They want me to come back home over the holidays," Sirius spat sourly. "No doubt to try and 'reform' me some more, and, oh – how did my father put it?– Oh, yeah and to 'discuss the vast amount of misdemeanors you've already managed to accumulate thus far in the privacy of our own home.' For bloody crying out loud, I haven't been home for Christmas since I was twelve. And that was the year that the Bulstrodes hosted the Christmas party, and I got so lost in their house while trying to find the bathroom that I ended up getting cornered in the hall by my second cousin Jeremiah Crabbe, who was so pissed drunk that he spent the next ten minutes trying to snog me."

James exchanged a surprised look with Remus across the table, though it had done a lot to explain Sirius odd behavior when they had returned from Christmas break in their second year. "Well, that settles it then," James said with an air of finality.

"Settles what?" Sirius asked.

"Me and you are staying here over the break," James said. "I was thinking maybe we could both go back to my place, but taking everything into consideration . . ." He paused, as if deliberating the point. "No, Hogwarts is best this year. Your second cousin Jeremiah Crabbe is just going to have to get used to Christmas without you."

James's jab at his family raised Sirius's mood slightly. It was always comforting to know he had someone who hated his family as much as he did. After the boys left the Great Hall on their way to their morning classes (Remus to Ancient Runes and the rest of them retreating to the North Tower for Divination), it became shockingly clear to James that Sirius was certainly taking this matter to heart. Sirius hardly said a word during class, which was shocking in itself because Sirius had never been known for being quiet, even when he was annoyed or angry with his family. All during class he just sat there, staring at a small burn mark on the table from where someone had once spilled a candle, brooding. Occasionally he would mutter nasty things about his parents, but other than that he didn't say a thing.

Sirius just couldn't forget the letter. The words. The tone. The veiled threats. Even in writing his parents were stuffy and condescending! He wasn't at home. He wasn't in their hair. He wasn't their responsibility. So why couldn't they just leave him be? What had he ever done that warranted being haunted by them when he was hundreds of miles away? Okay, so maybe calling his mother a bitch before leaving for school was a bad idea, but there was no doubt that she didn't deserve it. Besides, she had certainly called him worse, and he hardly felt that one uttered (okay, yelled) swear word justified his parents blatant disgust and displeasure. He knew what they were trying to do. They were trying to control him, trying to manipulate him, trying to save the black sheep of the family. And he hated them for it.

With thoughts like those running rampant in his head, it was no surprise that when Defense Against the Dark Arts rolled around that Sirius was in a right foul mood.

He stormed into Thelen's classroom in a huff behind James and Peter, both of whom had been trying to carry light conversation with Sirius to no avail. He strode to his desk in the back corner and slammed his books down with a satisfying _thunk_.

"Five points for slamming your books, Mr. Black," Professor Thelen called from behind her desk in the front of the room. It appeared Thelen wasn't in the best of moods today either; she normally waited for class to begin before she started to dock points.

Sirius stared at her. "You've got to be kidding me," he drawled. "What next? Ten points for sneezing?"

"Sit down, Mr. Black," Thelen ordered, giving him a stern glare that rivaled his mother's. "And another five points for talking back."

"This is ridiculous," Sirius grumbled under his breath to James as he plopped down into his seat. "Bloody old hag is completely unreasonable."

"You can say that again, mate," James agreed quietly from his seat next to Sirius. He looked up from his desk as the bell rang, watching Remus sliding through the door just in the nick of time and make his way to his own seat.

"Ten points for tardiness, Lupin," Thelen announced from the front of the room, looking down at a stack of papers on her desk.

"Professor, I was in class when the bell rang," Remus said calmly as he turned around in the middle of the aisle to face the teacher.

"But you were not in your seat," Thelen countered. "And as such you are tardy."

"I had to speak to Professor Wilding about an assignment I missed," Remus pointed out, holding out the note in his hand that would have excused his slight tardiness with any other teacher.

"This isn't a discussion," she said forcefully. "Take your seat."

"Professor," Remus said reasonably and calmly. "That is hardly fair."

"Life isn't fair," Thelen snapped. "Take your seat, Lupin."

Remus turned back around and rolled his eyes at his friends, soliciting smiles from all of them, even a slight one from Sirius. "What's got her wand in a knot today?" he asked quietly as he slid into his seat in front of Sirius.

"Since when has she ever needed a reason to be nasty to us?" Sirius questioned bitterly.

"Good point, as always Padfoot," Remus replied. "I take it she already docked you for something?"

"Slamming my books on my desk," Sirius answered. "And then I talked back to her."

"Oh no, how could you?" Remus remarked dryly.

"No doubt she thought you were disturbing the peace," James threw in wickedly.

"If I hear one more word from that back corner," Thelen chastised, "I'll take ten points off from all four of you. Now pay attention so I can get on with my lesson."

"I didn't even say anything," Peter whined quiet enough so only his friends could hear.

Remus shrugged. "There's no reasoning with madness," he whispered out of the corner of his mouth, pulling his book out from his bag.

Thelen started her lecture on Bartleby Lepski's Fourteen-Point Policies on Defensive Magic, which they would be covering for the next two weeks until Christmas break. As usual, Remus tried to take accurate notes on the lecture, despite the inaccuracies in Thelen's lectures and despite the fact that he really didn't like Thelen. He couldn't help but notice that behind him, neither James nor Sirius was paying any attention, but five minutes into the lecture they started passing notes between them. The occasional snort he heard from James was a dead give away that most certainly weren't discussing the lecture. Eventually, Remus succumbed to his curiosity and cautiously held his hand out behind him, a clear indication that he wanted to see the note. Obligingly, Sirius thrust it into his open hand.

_The Marauders' Fourteen Point Policies on:_

_Hexing Unruly Slytherins_

_and_

_Pissing-off Pompous Pure-bloods_

Underneath the embellished title at the top of the parchment was a growing list of rules, policies, and suggestions James and Sirius had come up with on the predetermined topics. It took nearly all the self-control Remus had to keep from laughing as he quickly scanned down the list. He felt though, that something was missing, and he made his own addition before passing the note back to Sirius.

It has to be said, though, that Sirius's self-control was often sorely lacking, and upon spotting Remus's addition a loud bark-like laugh had managed to escape his lips before he could turn it into an equally loud hacking cough. Of course, by the time Sirius had managed to start coughing, the damage had already been done. In an instant, Thelen had swooped down upon them in all her fury and snatched the note off of Sirius's desk.

_The Marauders' Fourteen Point Policies on:_

_Hexing Unruly Slytherins _

_and_

_Pissing-off Pompous Pure-bloods _

_and (let us not forget)_

_Lynching Werewolf Bigots (Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named)_

Thelen's eyes narrowed dangerously as she scanned the long list. "Do you four think this is funny?" she snapped at them.

"Er, yes," James said simply. "Otherwise, I don't think we would have written it."

"I have had enough of your four!" Thelen said loudly, well aware that the entire class was now, not for the first time, focused on the back corner of the room. "You've been nothing but trouble since the four of you entered this class in September!"

"Actually," Sirius said, a slight edge to his voice that was not normally there. "Only three of us were here in the beginning. Remus missed your class because he was his grandmother's funeral, remember?"

"That's besides the point, Mr. Black," she snapped again. "The point is that I have had enough of the four of you constantly disrupting my class. I will not tolerate it. In fact, I think a change of seats is in order."

"Oh, that's reasonable," Sirius retorted sarcastically. "You know, Thelen, I don't really like you either, but you don't see me trying to force you to switch classrooms with Binns, now do you?"

"Padfoot," Peter suggested timidly as he watched Thelen's expression grow colder. "Maybe you should calm down." The glare he received from Sirius was answer enough. He wasn't about to back down.

"Mr. Black, I won't tolerate another word out of you," Thelen hissed. "Now, let's see about separating you four. Mr. Potter, you can stay where you're at. Mr. Pettigrew take the desk behind Miss Vance; Lupin, you can have the empty desk in front of mine by Miss McKinnon. And Mr. Black, take the front desk by the door."

Both Remus and Peter obligingly began to gather their things, not wanting to cause a more of scene than Sirius already had. But Sirius, acting in typical Sirius behavior, merely crossed his arms in front of his chest, and stared at Thelen stubbornly. "Or what?" he queried.

"We'd have to discuss that matter privately after class is over," Thelen threatened. "Now move."

But Sirius would not budge. "Do your worst," he said slowly, annunciating every word crisply.

"That is enough, Mr. Black!"

"You know what?" Sirius replied hotly, "I don't think it is." To his right, James groaned. He knew what was coming, and he knew Sirius's reasons behind it. Sirius was so frustrated with his parents always trying to force him to do things he didn't want to do, and now that someone else was trying to do the exact same thing . . . Well, he wasn't about to sit around and let it happen. "I have had it up to my eyeballs with this junk you've been force feeding us since the beginning of the year. I'm sick of your condescending attitude and your constant desire to prove that you're better than us, that you know more than us. We're fifth years, not five year olds. And the way you treat us!" Sirius snapped, well aware that he should have probably stopped talking by now, but too angry to care. "I'm sorry we're opinionated people, but that's no reason to treat us like something foul you had the misfortune of stepping on! I mean, come off it ! You treat me like dirt! And Remus, what's he ever done to anyone? And yet you insist on degrading him, and patronizing him, all because he's just a bloody–"

"_Sirius!_" Remus cried loudly over Sirius's bantering. His face was white and the look he treated Sirius with spoke volumes. One more word, and his secret would be out, and if his secret were out, it wouldn't be long before he was out of school. Sirius instantly closed his mouth, guilt washing over him. How could he have almost said that? What kind of moron was he?

Thelen saw her golden opportunity. "Mr. Black, fifty points for that disgusting display and we'll discuss your week's worth of detentions after class," she said firmly. "The rest of you, take your seats, and let's continue with the lesson."

The rest of the lesson went quietly and undisturbed. Sirius wisely kept his mouth shut, knowing that sixty of the seventy points Thelen had taken from Gryffindor were his fault. Likewise, the rest of the Marauders were silent as well. James was now completely isolated in the back corner, the closest person being two desks away from him. Peter was surrounded by girls that he hardly knew, and as such there was no way he was going to open his mouth. Instead, he tried to act interested in the lesson, which he failed dismally at and eventually gave up, deciding he'd just copy Remus's notes later. Remus was lucky enough to find himself sitting in front of Athena, who spent the rest of class trying to get his attention, curious to find out what Sirius was about to say, but Remus firmly ignored her. When the bell rang, Remus quickly hurried out of the room and met up with James and Peter outside the door where they decided they'd wait for Sirius.

Lily, Athena, and Serena were the next students out the door. Athena stopped by Remus, James, and Peter, and with a motion of her hand indicated to her friends that they should move on without her. "Is everything okay, Remus?" she asked when her friends had left.

Remus had been expecting this and was already prepared to lie. "Yeah, everything's fine," he answered with ease.

"Are you sure? You seemed a little . . . well, _tense_ in there," she commented, the concern in her eyes ruining her attempt at light-heartedness.

"It's fine," he said casually. "You don't need to worry about it. I'll catch up with you after lunch. I just want to have a word with Sirius first, all right?"

"Sure, okay," Athena said, looking entirely unconvinced that she shouldn't worry about it. "I'll see you later, then." She smiled and waved before turning around and heading off to her friends.

Remus ran a hand through his hair restlessly. "I hate lying to people," he muttered.

"We know you do," Peter said as James nodded absently in agreement.

"Sirius, hurry up," James muttered at the half-open door. He leaned slightly so he could see through gap in the doorway. Sirius was standing in front of Thelen's desk, his hands jammed in his pockets, and a look of utter distaste plastered across his face. Thelen, meanwhile, was speaking emphatically, no doubt lecturing Sirius on proper conduct, her hands moving precisely to emphasize her points. James couldn't hear what she was saying, but he doubted that it was pleasant. Ten minutes later, Sirius emerged from the room, looking more annoyed and upset than he had when class had started.

"D'you know what that hag is making me do?" he snapped as soon as he was outside of the door. "I have to spend the next week cleaning out bedpans in the Hospital Wing– without magic!"

"Well," Remus said slowly. "If it's any comfort to you, I won't be in the Hospital Wing next week, so that's one less bedpan you have to clean."

"Oh, that's a huge comfort," Sirius retorted sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Remus's comment, however, reminded Sirius of what he had almost let slip in his outburst, and he inwardly cringed as guilt surged through him again. "Look, Moony, I'm–"

"Don't even mention it, Padfoot," Remus said quietly, not looking at Sirius as they made their way down the hall.

"No, I mean it," Sirius insisted. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize what I was saying. I never meant to nearly blurt that out."

Remus shrugged, still not looking at him. "You were angry," he reasoned. "You weren't thinking straight. It's perfectly understandable. It's just a drawback of human emotions."

"Moony, seriously," said Sirius. "I _am _sorry."

"I know you are, and it's okay," Remus said, turning his head to look at Sirius. "Just . . . just don't do it again, okay?"

"Definitely," Sirius said sincerely.

Beside him, James sighed. "I don't know about the rest of you," he mused aloud, "but I am _starving_. Let's pick up the pace and get going, okay?"

"Do mine ears deceive me?" Sirius said dramatically. "Or did Prongs just say he was hungry? I mean, come off it, he eats like a bird."

"And you, Padfoot, eat like a horse," James said, walking faster now. "I don't see what your point is."

"What d'you mean, eats like a horse?" Peter said unexpectedly. "Honestly, he eats like a dog."

James worked hard the rest of the day to maintain the lighthearted atmosphere they had created during lunch to keep Sirius's mind off his parents' less than polite letter. He knew Sirius well enough to know that his best friend had a tendency to brood if you let him, and James had no intention of letting him. Not only was brooding unhealthy, but it also spread a damp mood throughout their dorm. His attempts were to no avail, however, when the next morning Sirius received yet another letter from his parents.

This one was much like the first, expressing their wishes that Sirius come home over the holidays, carrying a disapproving tone, as well as one or two snide comments about Sirius's taste in friends and his behavior at school. Once again, Sirius allowed his mood to be soured by the letter, and spent most of the day in a foul mood.

For the next two weeks, letters continued to come. As the days drew on, the letters got worse. Soon, Walburga and Orion Black were ordering their eldest son home, rather than requesting it. The disapproving tone grew into disapproving and even threatening words, and the snide comments seemed to multiply with every letter. At Sirius's refusal to reply, the Blacks sent a rather nasty letter to McGonagall, ordering her to order Sirius home over Christmas break. Of course, McGonagall was a force to be reckoned with, and while she did discuss the letter with Sirius after class one day, she wasn't about to let a _letter_ tell her what to do and firmly told Sirius that it was still his choice and he didn't have to leave Hogwarts if he didn't want to. The epistles wore on Sirius, despite his friends' insistence that they hardly mattered. He grew surlier and moodier as the break drew closer. He ignored all James's attempts to cheer him up and he grew unnaturally recluse.

By the Thursday before school let out, Sirius had grown so irritable that James decided he was going to do something about his best friend's sour mood before it got any worse. He didn't get a chance to have a serious talk with him until after dinner in the dormitory as he got ready for quidditch practice, but when he was his opportunity, he jumped on it.

Sirius was sitting on his bed, staring blankly at the open book he was supposed to read for Transfiguration. His sour expression and lack of interest of what was going on around him was a sure sign that he wasn't reading at all, but brooding about whatever happened to cross his mind.

"You wanna explain what's been going on?" James asked, pulling his broomstick out of his trunk.

"You've seen the letters. Hell, you've even read some of them, James," Sirius said, looking up at him. "You know what's going on."

"What I meant was do you want to explain why you're taking this so hard."

Sirius sighed, "Once again, you've seen the letters. How would you feel if your parents were feeding you that kind of trash?"

"I thought we established back in our first year that your parents are morons and their opinions are essentially worthless," James said forcefully, well aware that now Peter was watching both of them with interest, but Remus was still diligently trying not to listen and was still digging through his trunk for something.

"We did, all right?" Sirius conceded. "But just forget about all this, okay? It's nothing."

"Well, you're certainly acting like it's more than nothing, mate. I'm worried and concerned. Just tell me why you're taking this so hard," James replied deliberately.

"Just drop it, James. You wouldn't understand," Sirius said wearily.

"Then make me understand. I'm not going to drop this until I know what's going on inside that thick head of yours."

"Forget about it, okay? I'm not going to talk about this; you wouldn't get it," Sirius insisted again.

"Wouldn't get what? That your parents are morons? That you're taking this way too hard? Is that what I wouldn't get?" James asked, feeling his temper start to slip at his friend's stubbornness.

"You really _don't_ get it," Sirius said, looking at James with an odd expression across his face. "You don't understand at all, but, of course, I shouldn't have expected you to."

"What's that supposed to mean?" James retorted.

"It means you've got a perfect life, James!" Sirius said, lashing out as he often did when in an uncomfortable situation. He knew James was just trying to help, but he didn't want his advice, or his pity, or whatever it was he was trying to offer. "Nothing bad ever happens to you! You've got a perfect family. There's no way that you could possibly understand what this is like!"

James didn't say anything, so Sirius just continued. "Think about it logically, James! Your parents love you, your brother adores you! There's no way you could understand what it's like to have parents that hate you, that think nothing of you. Who are you to tell me that I'm taking this too hard? You're James Potter, the quidditch star, one of the top students in the class, plenty of money with a good family on top of it. Come off it, James, what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? Evans won't go out on a date with you? Oh, no, the world is going to end! Face it, nothing bad ever happens to the great James Potter. But just look at who you're sharing a dorm with!

"My whole family hates me, and harasses me even when I'm not home! Peter's parents are divorced and would rather kill each other than look at each other," Sirius snapped loudly. "And Remus is a bloody werewolf, for crying out loud! We all know that's never been easy for him! Really, we look like your charity cases, not your friends! Is that what we are? Your charity cases? Does it make you feel better to know your helping out the less fortunate? Do you go home over the holidays and tell your mum about all the good deeds you did for the poor boys in your dormitory?" Sirius paused and took a deep breath. Looking at James, he could now see the mingled look of shock and hurt in his eyes, and it jarred him back into his senses. He ran a hand angrily through his hair, before he abruptly stood up and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

The silence left in his wake was deafening.

"You know I don't think of you guys like that, right?" James said slowly, quietly, staring at the door Sirius had just left through. He wasn't sure how much of Sirius's angry speech he had meant, but it hurt to hear his best friend yell at him like that nonetheless. "I couldn't ask for better friends than you guys. I wouldn't trade you for anything. And I certainly don't think of you as charity cases."

"We know, James," Remus said, finally turning back around from his trunk. "Just like you know that Sirius and Peter don't begrudge you for coming from a good home, and just like I don't hate any of you for not being a werewolf. He didn't mean what he said."

James ran a hand through his already disheveled hair. "I know. I probably provoked him into saying half of that, anyway. Well, better he yell at me than someone who might actually find it offensive," James replied, smiling wanly. "I've gotta get going to practice. I'll see you when I get back."

Both Remus and Peter nodded. "Can I borrow your Cloak?" Remus asked as James was about to leave. "I want to find Sirius before he does anything stupid, you know?"

James nodded. "Of course," he muttered absently before leaving the dormitory, closing the door quietly behind him. James walked quietly down the halls after leaving the common room on his way to the quidditch pitch, completely engrossed in his thoughts. He just couldn't shake the things Sirius had said. He knew Sirius hadn't meant half of it (particularly the last half), and that he only said what he did out of repressed anger, but his words kept echoing in James's head anyway. When he thought about it, he realized how much of what Sirius had said was true. He really only had two problems in life. One: Lily Evans refused to date him and hated him, and two: Snivellus wanted him dead, or at the very least expelled. And both these problems seemed pathetic next to what his closest friends had to endure. So why did he get off so easily when his friends, who were probably better people than he was anyway, had to suffer so much? It just didn't make sense.

_The world doesn't make sense, James,_ he thought to himself. _You've known that since you were ten. _People always said that bad things happen to good people. So why couldn't good things happen to good people? His friends deserved so much more than what they had. Sirius deserved a family that loved him; Peter deserved parents who didn't hate each other; Remus deserved a normal life. And, on top of that, some small cynical voice in his head reasoned venomously, he probably deserved a lot less than what he had. Life, he figured as he walked onto the pitch, was solely designed to wreak havoc with his sense of justice.

Meanwhile, Remus wasn't making much headway in his search for Sirius. He'd already checked the kitchens, the library, the room behind the mirror on the fourth floor, most of the bathrooms, and the majority of the secret passages, but it appeared Sirius had vanished. He paused for a moment by a window on the third floor, and stared up into the night sky. He wasn't much for stargazing. He hadn't been since he was four and was bitten in th light of the moon. Ever since the night sky seemed to be a physical manifestation of the pain he endured every month. And then realization dawned on him: he hated stargazing, but Sirius had always said it calmed him down. Ten minutes and many flights of stairs later he found himself at the top of the near empty Astronomy Tower.

Sirius was leaning against one of the walls surrounding the tower, staring up the sky. He made no indication that he saw Remus or that he noticed him as Remus walked over and slid down against the wall next to him. Remus, ever patient and ever in control, sat next to Sirius in silence until his friend saw fit to break it.

"Is James mad at me?" Sirius asked after several minutes in silence.

Remus shook his head. "You know what he's like. He said he provoked you into saying most of what you did, and that he'd rather you yell at him then someone who might take it offensively. I can't say he wasn't hurt by what you said, though."

"I figured as much," Sirius muttered. "Why do I always do that? Yell at people who try to cheer me up?"

"I don't know," Remus mused. "I do know, however, that it's a common defense mechanism called displacement, so it's not completely unnatural."

"Oh, well that's comforting," Sirius said snidely before he sighed, looking up at the brightly shining stars. "James was right, though. My parents are morons, and I shouldn't care what they think. And I wish I could just shrug it off, but I can't, you know? I don't want to care that they hate me, but I do anyway. It's hard to understand."

Remus smirked. "Sirius, out of everyone in this entire school, I am probably the one person who understands that sentiment more than you do. Do you honestly think it doesn't bother me that I know that the majority of the school would hate me if they knew what I was? Do you think I'm not disturbed that Thelen would like to see me kicked out of this school because of something I can't control? Trust me, Sirius, I know _exactly_ what you mean."

"I guess I never thought of it that way," Sirius murmured.

"Most people don't," Remus said lightly. "So I won't hold it against you. But, you know, this boat we're sitting in, it's an innate part of human nature."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "How come I get the feeling you're about to get real technical on me now?"

"Because I am. Now don't interrupt, because this is going to make me sound really smart," Remus said, grinning slightly. "There was this muggle psychologist named Maslow, and he came up with this thing called the Hierarchy of Human Needs. And it's this little pyramid thing, and according to him, people can't reach the highest point on the pyramid without first achieving the bottom of the pyramid first. In the middle of this thing is the 'belongingness need'. It's the innate human need to feel love and affection and to have a feeling that they belong somewhere. Without it, they can't move on to the self-esteem or self-actualization needs. Now, most people meet this need with their family."

"Only I can't," Sirius said.

Remus nodded. "There's nothing wrong with that, so long as you can fill that void somewhere else. And, whether you've realized it yet or not, you have filled that need. James would do anything for you. Peter and I would do likewise. Merlin, James thinks of you as family. So, if you belong anywhere, it's with your friends. We're more of a family for you than anyone else. People do this sort of thing all the time, Sirius. I mean, I've never felt like I belong in society, so I found (or maybe you found me) myself a group of people who disregard society anyway, and I'm accepted. We all want to feel like people care about us, it's not just you."

"How do you know all this?" Sirius asked incredulously. "I have a hard time believing that you read this all in some book."

"You're right, it wasn't a book," Remus said. "A healer, at St. Mungo's named Marianne Belby, told me all this over the summer."

"I thought you said you didn't end up in St. Mungo's over the summer," Sirius said, his tone now one of legitimate concern.

"I didn't. Not for medical reasons, at least," Remus said looking around. "About twenty years ago, or so, St. Mungo's and Werewolf Support Services in the Ministry started some program for underage werewolves. It provides discounted medical care, and that sort of thing. All that I have to do is stay in a secure place over full moons, and show up at St. Mungo's once a month to have a pleasant counseling session with a healer– well, now that I'm in school, I only have to go over the summer, but that's a different matter. All we do is discuss new treatment options, and they make sure that I'm a well-adjusted human being so that when I'm an adult I don't decide that I hate wizarding-kind and go on a mass killing spree. Marianne Belby is the healer I normally see when I go," he finished with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

"I never knew that," Sirius said, looking at Remus strangely now.

"It's not something I ever really talk about," Remus mused. "Just like you normally don't talk about your family. We've all got skeletons we hide in our closets."

Sirius nodded absently, turning his attention back to the sky. "So, are you telling me it's normal for me to feel angry that my family is disgusted with me?" he mused.

"Fairly normal, yes," Remus replied. "But it's still not something you should dwell on, because that certainly isn't healthy. You've just got to look at things in perspective. Your parents are disgusted with you, but a large portion of this school would help you if you ever needed it. James and Peter and I, in particular, would do anything for you, just as you would do anything for us."

Sirius didn't answer, but allowed a companionable silence to envelope them.

After a few minutes, Remus ventured, "Are you ready to go back?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, I think I'll stay out here a bit longer."

"I'll leave the Cloak with you, then," Remus said, pulling it out of his pocket. "It's still early enough to excuse my way out of a detention if Filch catches me. Don't stay out too long, okay?"

Sirius nodded his compliance and watched Remus disappear down the staircase. He stayed outside on top of the Astronomy Tower for another couple of hours, despite the bone biting chill in the mid-December air. He just needed somewhere quiet to mull things over in his head. Finally, after nearly falling asleep twice against the hard wall, he decided to return to the warmth of the common room, determined to apologize to James for what he said if he was still awake.

Of course, when he did finally make it to Gryffindor Tower, James was already asleep in the dormitory. Apologies would just have to wait til later, then.

Sirius woke to a flurry of activity the next morning. James, as well as Remus and Peter, was already up and dressed, and was tearing apart the room looking for his Transfiguration homework. Sirius sat up and blinked several times. "What's going on?" he asked sleepily.

"James can't find his homework," Remus said, looking slightly amused. "Did you check the common room, James?"

"Yes, I checked the common room. I'm not stupid, Moony," James said irritably, before turning to Sirius and grinning. "It appears that Sleeping Beauty is finally up. What time did you get back last night?"

"It was after two," Peter piped up from where he was leaning against the window sill.

"Well, I'd probably be sleeping then too," James mused. "Hurry up and get your robes on. If we take any longer we're going to miss breakfast."

"Are you sure one of the girls doesn't have it?" Remus asked James. "You were helping Serena and Athena with the essay last night, remember?"

James smacked hishandto his foreheadas Sirius quickly got dressed. "Of course, how could I have forgotten," he announced. "I gave it to Athena last night to copy. I feel like an idiot."

"Can we leave now?" Peter asked. "I'm starving, and Sirius is dressed now."

Without waiting for an answer, he marched out the door, pulling Remus along with him, implying that James and Sirius should follow. James made to follow them out, but Sirius held him back.

"James, about last night," he started uneasily.

"Don't worry about it, all right?" James said, pulling his sleeve out of Sirius's grasp. Not waiting for Sirius to reply, he headed down the staircase.

"Really, James, I'm sorry," Sirius proclaimed as he followed.

"I know you are," James said lightly. "Don't sweat it. It's no big deal."

Sirius was about to say something more as they stepped into the common room, but McGonagall's stern voice interrupted him.

"Mr. Potter," she began solemnly. "I need to speak with you in my office."

"I didn't do it, Professor," James replied instinctively. "I swear. I was at practice all last night, I couldn't have done anything."

McGonagall's solemn expression didn't waver. "Now, James," she ordered quietly.

James's brow furrowed. McGonagall never called him by his first name. She just didn't; it was against her code of honor or some such thing. He was always Mr. Potter, or when she was angry, just Potter. Most eyes in the common room were on them, now, and James decided he better get this over with, and obligingly crossed the common room and exited the portrait hole, McGonagall trailing after him. Several times on their trek to her office, James cast the professor furtive looks, trying to figure out what was going on. The solemn and distraught look across McGonagall's face was a clear sign that something was not right. Either something had happened to someone in his family, or he was in serious trouble. But neither of those made sense. He got a letter from home just yesterday, and according to his mum, everyone was fine. And he would have known if he were in trouble because, well, he'd have caused trouble, but he hadn't done anything in the last few days. His mind still racing, he followed McGonagall into her office, closing the door with a loud _snap_ behind him.

"Sit down, James," McGonagall said somberly.

He did as he was told, but was still very confused. McGonagall was never this distraught. Even when he had accidently set fire to her desk in his fourth year, there had still been a glint of amusement in her eyes. Seeing her look so outwardly upset about something worried the fifteen year old more than anything else.

"What's going on, Professor?" he asked, trying desperately to read the mixed expressions on McGonagall's face.

She sighed and looked at James sadly. "We received this from your parents a short while ago," she said as she handed a letter to James.

James took it warily. He identified the untidy scrawl as his father's, although there seemed to be something wrong with it. The writing was rather jerky, as thought it had been written with a trembling hand. Looking down at the letter, the first sentence boded ill.

_James, I'm sorry, but I've got some terrible news . . . I just don't know how to break it to you._

* * *

**an:** And that is the end of Chapter 13, which I really like (even if I did wander around my house for an hour and a half trying to avoid writing that last part. Really, I knew this was going to happen since chapter 3 or 4 of Shadowed Veil, but now that I'm here, I don't want to write it). Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that. I leave next week for out of town (I'll be gone for two weeks) so I don't know when I'll be updating.

Please forgive any grammar or spelling mistakes. And please review, even if it's just three words. Your reviews make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And any questions or comments you have, I'll try to answer.

Delano


	15. Wake Up

The first sentence boded ill.

_James, I'm sorry, but I've got some terrible news . . . I just don't know how to break it to you_

James scanned over the letter several times. Every time he did, the same section stood out at him.

_I'm sorry, James, I really am, but you need to know: Jared was murdered last night. _

_Your brother is dead._

The words didn't make sense to him. Jared couldn't be dead. Jared was only in his twenties; people that young didn't die. Jared wasn't allowed to die until after he finally managed to get a date with Lily Evans. Jared couldn't possibly be dead. But his father wouldn't lie to him. His father would never, not in a million years, do something so heartless. It had to be true, but James didn't want to accept it.

He looked up at McGonagall and slowly shook his head. "No," he said aloud. "He can't . . . Jared can't be . . ." He couldn't bring himself to say it. To say it would be to admit it. It would somehow make it true.

McGonagall shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry, James, but he is dead."

James shook his head violently, before, almost instinctually, hunching forward, elbows on his knees, placing his head in his trembling hands. _No, no, nonononono. This isn't happening. Wake up, James! Wake up!_ His life was supposed to be perfect. Sirius had said so the night before. Family members don't die in perfects lives.

Vaguely, in the deepest reaches of his mind, he was aware of McGonagall's comforting hand on his shoulder. She was speaking again, not that it mattered. The staff had been informed of what had happened, so if he wasn't in class, they more than understood. His parents would be waiting for him on Platform 9 and 3/4 tomorrow morning, though if he wanted to, he could floo home now. But what did it matter? This was all just a dream. A terrible, horrifying dream. And any minute now Sirius or Remus or Peter would shake him awake, telling him he was going to be late for breakfast if he didn't get up. And none of this would be real. He just had to wake up.

_Wake up, James! Snap out of this, and wake up!_

Slowly, James stood up and shrugged out of McGonagall's comforting grip. "I . . . I need to go," he mumbled quietly, almost unaware that he was saying anything at all, and slowly moving backwards to the door. When he reached the door, he wrenched it open and stumbled out. He had to move. He had to go somewhere. He had to do something.

He took off running down the corridor, his breath coming out in uneven gasps, and tears threatening to form in his eyes. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't cry because Jared wasn't dead. No need to cry over something that wasn't real. This couldn't be real. This wasn't real. It wasn't happening. Jared was fine. He was going to get married to Marlene McKinnon. He stopped running and slumped against a wall in an empty corridor. He ran a trembling hand through his hair, mussing it up in a familiar mannerism.

This wasn't right. It couldn't be right. There was no possible way Jared could be dead. He was twenty-two, and in perfect health. He wasn't into drugs or excessive drinking. He rarely indulged in risky behaviors, like performing ridiculous dives on his broom, or jumping out third story windows to see if he could. No, James was the risk-taker. Jared was calm and collected, and the riskiest thing about him was his job. He was an auror. Dangerous, yes, but there was no war going on, so the risk was considerably smaller.But the letter had said he was murdered.

Murdered.

_Oh, God, no._ Murder was definite. Murder was unchangeable. Jared didn't just die, he had been killed. Someone killed his brother. No. No one killed him, because he wasn't dead. He couldn't be dead. It wasn't possible.

Who would want to kill his brother? Jared never did anything to hurt anyone.

_No, don't think about that. You're going to go home tomorrow, and everything will be fine. It will be one big hoax. And Jared will come out of the kitchen at home and laugh at you and tease you for falling for this. All because of some letter._

A letter his dad wrote. His dad was an honest man; he never lied about anything. And he wouldn't lie about this. In fact, Daryl Potter would never even think of lying about something like this. Would never even joke about it. If his dad said so, then it must be real. Jared was . . . No, it couldn't be true. He was just dreaming. That was all. Just dreaming. He'd wake up soon; he had too. He would wake up, and none of this would be real, because dreams weren't real.

_Please, let me wake up. This can't be real. I need to wake up. Please._

He leaned his head back against the wall behind him, resting his hands on his face, and drawing his knees closer to his chest. He would give anything in the world to just wake up from this nightmare. A growing empty and hollow feeling was starting to work its way through him, starting in the pit of his stomach and working his way up. Maybe it was a good thing he never ate breakfast, because if he had, he'd surely be throwing it up now. The urge to sit there and cry pulled at his heart, but he firmly ignored it. _Ignore that pain. If you can't feel it, then maybe it's not there_.

James pushed himself up, ignoring the weakness in his knees that made him want to collapse against the wall. Class had already started, so the halls would be empty, and he could just walk. He could just walk as his mind tried to wrap itself around the idea that Jared had . . . He still couldn't think those words. To think them, to say them would somehow make them true. If he ignored it, then who was to say that it was true. God, he didn't want it to be true. He'd give anything so it wouldn't be true. He drifted aimlessly through the halls, not even aware if he was going anywhere in particular. He felt so empty, so numb, so hollow, so alone, so hurt. _Don't think about the pain. Don't think about it. Stop thinking. Wake up._

_Please, God, let me wake up._

He tried to block out the thoughts in his mind as he wandered past doorways and portraits that littered the hallways. Everything looked so bland, so colorless. So lifeless. He tried to block out the hollow feeling in his gut, or the longing pulling at his heart, or the impulse to just curl up in a corner and stop living. Instead, he just walked. Drifted. Trudged. Listlessly and aimlessly. Without purpose. He walked to do something. To give himself something to concentrate on. Just putting one foot in front of the other, just looking down the corridor to make sure he didn't run into anything. Just block out the world. Everything was so surreal.

James didn't know how long he wandered throughout the halls, nor did he care. He had nearly forgotten where he was, or what he was doing there. His lack of awareness was shattered when the bell chimed loudly throughout the school, signaling the end of the first class. The halls around him burst into noise as students came out of nearby classrooms. James froze where he stood in the hall. He didn't want to face anyone yet. He didn't think he could. He was still in shock. How could this have happened? To Jared? To his family? It didn't make sense. It couldn't be real. He felt so . . . empty. He felt numb. This wasn't real. He didn't want it to be. He made an instinctual decision to flee to his dormitory. He rounded the corner and fled up a flight up stairs, numbly pushing his way against faceless people in the crowds, ignoring people who gave him curious looks. He just wanted to be alone. He just wanted to make sense of what was going on. He came around another corner and was almost to the staircase to the Gryffindor common room when he heard Sirius's loud booming voice echoing down the hall.

James wanted to move, to turn around and leave, but he seemed to glued to the spot. He was still trying to muster the will to move when Sirius rounded the corner with Peter. The crowds had begun to thin out as the tardy bell would ring soon, so Sirius instantly spotted James standing in the middle of the nearly-deserted hall.

"Prongs!" he called, too far away to see his friend's crestfallen face. "What took you so long?"

He and Peter made their way towards him. "So what are you being nailed with this time?" Peter asked. "And what's the punishment?" They kept approaching, and Sirius started to notice that something was not quite right. "Remus thinks you're being blamed for that toilet exploding last–"

"Shut up," Sirius interrupted when they caught up withe James. He could tell now that something was definitely wrong. There was some expression masking James's eyes that Sirius couldn't place. It looked something like anguish, pain. Something so terrible that James just might die from the torture of it.

"What?" Peter asked. "Why should I–"

"Just shut up," Sirius snapped at him, studying James carefully. "James, mate, what is it? What happened?"

James didn't answer. He couldn't.

"James, talk to me. What's going on? Were you suspended or something?" Sirius asked, desperately wishing he could read James's mind. "Because if it's something like that, I'll straighten McGonagall out in a second for you."

James shook his head. "No . . ." He said quietly, his voice barely audible. In fact, he was surprised his voice worked at all. "It's nothing like that."

_I want to wake up._

"Well, what is it?" Sirius asked. He noticed how pale James looked. His skin had seemed to lost all color; his eyes had lost their spark. Something was seriously wrong, and Sirius couldn't figure it out. "Just tell me, James. You know you can tell me anything."

James's chest constricted; it was becoming hard for him to breathe. His breath went shallow and tears that had been threatening to run were prickling in his eyes again. Earnestly, he forced them back. He could tell Sirius, though. He had always been able to tell Sirius everything . . . anything. He opened his mouth, but the words wouldn't come out. To speak those words would be finalizing Jared's death certificate. It would be admitting that it was real, and this wasn't a nightmare. If he could just avoid saying it, then maybe it wouldn't be real. It couldn't be real.

_Just wake up. Please, God, I can I wake up now?_

Sirius was starting to worry. He had never seen James like this before and he most certainly never wanted to see him like this again. What had McGonagall told him that would make him act like this? James had been known to, on occasion when the urge struck him, pretend he had been expelled or something, just to see his friends reactions, but he would never go this far. No, this was real. "James," he urged, again. "Come on, just tell me what happened. It's me. You can tell me anything. You know that. Just tell us what's wrong."

James stared at Sirius, an odd series of expressions flashing across his face. Sirius looked so concerned, so earnest to know what was wrong and how he could help. James couldn't refuse to speak. He opened his mouth, and words did not fail him. "Jared . . ." he said, his normally loud and exuberant voice starting to fade quietly. "Jared, he . . . last night . . . he's . . ." But he couldn't bring himself to say it. He didn't want to believe it. He didn't want it to be real.

"What about Jared?" Sirius asked calmly, even though inside he felt anything but calm.

"He's dead," James managed to croak out, his voice strangled and racked with emotions.

The news his Sirius and Peter like a sack of bricks. Of anything either of them had expected to hear, this was the last on the list. Time seemed to freeze around them, and no one moved. Thoughts raced through Sirius's head. What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to say? What did James need him to do? He didn't know. He couldn't possibly comprehend what James was going through, and he had no idea how to react. A quick glance at Peter told him that his small friend felt the exact same way. Sirius turned his attention back to James. Saying the words seemed to have killed a small part of him. His hands were trembling and he looked like, that at any moment, he was about to break down. And then he knew. He had to get James somewhere where he could be alone. Somewhere away from prying eyes, where James could break apart and where no one would ask questions. He turned back to Peter. "Hey, Wormtail," he said quietly, a quick glance at James told him James wasn't even paying attention. "Go on to Transfiguration. If you get a chance, tell Moony what happened, but don't do it if he's with Athena. We don't need this circulating around school right now."

Peter nodded, apparently grateful that Sirius had taken charge of the situation. He cast James a pitying look before scurrying off down the hall. Gently, Sirius clasped his hand around James's arm and led him up the stairs to the common room. He urged James through the portrait hole after murmuring the password and steered him towards their dorm, ignoring a group of seventh years playing Gobstones by the fire. Once safely in the dormitory, he let go of James's arm and stepped back to get another look at him. James was a wreck; he was still very pale, and his hands were still trembling. His eyes held a lost and despondent look about them, as if even he didn't understand what was going on. Again, Sirius realized how inept he was. Never before had he known anyone under the age of sixty who died, and now, seemingly out of the blue, his best friend facing the loss of his twenty-two year old brother. Frustrated thoughts ran through his head as he struggled to find something suitable to do. Eventually, he had to give up. _Stop thinking, and do something!_ he told himself firmly.

James was now leaning against the door, still looking dazed. Unexpectedly, a choked and strangled sob escaped James's lips and tears he had been trying to repress since he first entered this nightmare got the better of him. Sirius, abandoning all pretense of being masculine and of knowing what to do, closed the gap between them in one small step and pulled James into a firm, and hopefully comforting, embrace. Instinctively, James returned the embrace, clinging to Sirius as though he were the only thing keeping his sanity intact. Heart-wrenching sobs wracked James's lithe frame and he clung tighter to Sirius, all the while praying to whatever god may have been listening that he would wake up from this nightmare.

All Sirius could do was hold him. He had never seen James cry before; James just wasn't the crying type. Whenever James had been hurt or sad before he had always found some other way to express it. He got angry, he hexed a few Slytherins, he went flying, or he moped until he felt better. But he never cried . . . until now. Feelings of inadequacy washed over Sirius as he searched his mind for something to day that would make James feel better. But what did you say in a situation like this? Was there anything you could say? And why wasn't this sort of thing taught in class? After some time, James's sobs began to subside and Sirius felt it was safe to move away again, maybe give James a chance to talk. As soon as he began to push away, however, he realized that James didn't want to let go. He wasn't ready to let go. Pushing back a wave of emotion that threatened to overcome him, Sirius returned the embrace again. It wasn't until James started to push away minutes later that he even thought of letting go.

James took a step back and ran a restless hand through his hair again before collapsing on his bed. Resting his elbows on his knees, he leaned forward and stared at the floor beneath his feet. "Tell me this is just a dream," he pleaded quietly. "Please, Sirius, tell me this is a dream and that I'm going to wake up soon. I just want to wake up."

Sirius bit his lip and sat down next to James. "I'm sorry," were the only words he could muster.

James heaved a sigh, his breath shaking slightly. "This isn't right," he said to no one in particular, trying to fight back more tears. "Jared's never done anything to anyone. He's too young. He can't be dead."

"Do you know what happened?" Sirius ventured tentatively.

"The letter said he was murdered," James said bitterly, his tightly-controlled emotions wavering again. "Murdered, Sirius! Somebody killed him! Somebody pointed their wand at him and killed him! What did Jared ever do that warranted his death? This can't be right! He's not dead. He just . . . he just can't be. . ." James let his voice drift off, leaving a deep silence between the two best friends.

Silence radiated throughout the room and each teenager was left with his own thoughts. James's mind was still riddled with grievous questions. How did this happened? Why did it happen? Was this really real? Why couldn't he just wake up? Whatever happened to his perfect family? Sirius's own line of thoughts followed a different path. Had it really been just a couple of hours before that James's biggest concern was his missing transfiguration homework? It didn't seem real, almost as if time itself had frozen for them as the rest of the world moved on and other people went about their business. Why had he chosen last night to argue with James and what on earth had possessed him to say some of the things he did? How could he accuse James of having a perfect life? Everyone had problems, he knew that. Was there anything he could do for James right now? He felt so inadequate, so helpless.

"You know, James," Sirius said quietly, shattering the silence between them. "If there's anything I can do for you– anything at all, it doesn't matter to me– just let me know, all right? I don't really know what to say right now, but anything you need me to do for you, I'll do it."

"Thanks," James said hoarsely before heaving a sigh. "I need to start packing," he said glumly, casting his gaze around their messy dormitory.

"Right, are you leaving tomorrow morning?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, on the train with everyone else."

"Do you want me to stay to help you pack?"

James shook his head. "No, I can manage. You should go on to class; McGonagall is probably wondering where you are."

"You're right," Sirius answered, smiling weakly. "If I'm gone much longer she might send out a search party. I'll come by during lunch, okay?"

"I guess. If I'm not here, I'll be wandering the halls, or something. I just," the control in his voice shattered for a moment, and he paused to collect himself. "I kind of want to be alone right now."

"I understand. I'll be back later, then," Sirius mused aloud, soliciting a nod from James. He squeezed James's shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting gesture before standing up and leaving the dorm. Once he closed the door securely behind him, he took off running down the stairs, trying to escape depressing thoughts and despondent images of James that were running rampant through his mind. He tore down the hallways after leaving the common room and didn't stop until he found himself in front of McGonagall's classroom. He took a long moment to catch his breath and, after making sure his hair was immaculately placed like normal, he pushed open the door. As expected, McGonagall spotted him before he could sneak into the back of the room.

"Mr. Black," McGonagall said upon spotting him. "May I ask where you have been for the last half hour of my class?"

Sirius sighed heavily, even though he had been expecting this. He quickly scanned the room. Peter was sitting alone in the back in their normal spot, whereas Remus was sitting next to Athena on the far side of the classroom. Remus caught his eye and mouthed, "Where's James?"

"Later," he mouthed back, shaking his head slightly before turning to McGonagall. "I was with James in our dormitory," he explained to her quietly so the rest of the class wouldn't hear.

McGonagall's expression softened immediately. "How is he?" she whispered.

"He's a wreck, what do you expect?" Sirius whispered back.

The professor nodded sadly, before telling him to take his seat and turning back to the lesson. It didn't slip anyone's notice that McGonagall didn't take off any points or assign Sirius attention. A younger student might have blamed it on the holiday spirit, but as fifth years, every single one of them knew that holidays had never held Professor McGonagall back before. Puzzled as much as everyone else, Remus turned slightly in his seat so that he could see Sirius. "What's going on?" he mouthed again, hoping to get a more definite answer than "later".

"Not now," Sirius mouthed back, a weary expression on his face. "After class."

Remus shot him a look that clearly demanded a thorough explanation after class before turning back to face the front of the room. He was surprised to find that McGonagall had been watching him the entire time and hadn't said a word. The whole situation was becoming more and more confusing. James was missing, and McGonagall wasn't acting like her normal self, and neither of theses facts boded well with Remus. Cautiously, he spared another glance at Sirius, who was now staring idly out the window at the falling snow, carried away in his own thoughts.

When the bell rang, Sirius and Peter were the first out the door, despite being the furthest from it. Remus hurriedly excused himself from Athena and, after grabbing his books and haphazardly throwing them in his bag, he ran out the door and down the hall to catch up with Sirius and Peter.

"Sirius," he demanded when he met up with them at the end of the hall, well away from the crowds of people flooding into the hallway. "What is going on? Where's James?"

"James is in the dorm," Sirius said somberly. "At least he was when I left him. He's packing right now."

"Packing? Why's he packing?"

"Jared, you know, his brother–"

"I know who Jared is, Sirius."

_You knew who he was,_ Sirius corrected morbidly in his mind. "James got word this morning that Jared died during the night."

"Oh, no," Remus said slowly after Sirius's words had sunk in. "Do you know what happened?"

"Murdered," Sirius said quietly, unwilling remembering James's heartbroken tirade in their room. "That's all James said. I can only assume it was while he was working."

"That's terrible. Merlin, James must be a disaster. How'd he take the news?"

"He didn't really say much, you know? He's kind of in denial right now. He doesn't want it to be real . . . trying to convince himself this is just some sort of dream," Sirius muttered.

"I can imagine," Peter mused. "Honestly, if my little sister died, I don't know what'd I do."

Remus nodded absently. "Is there anything he needs right now? Anything we can do?"

Sirius shook his head. "He said he wants to be alone for a bit. And, well, I figure it's best to do what he wants right now. We can go see how he's doing again after Potions, or something." He looked around the hall. Most of the people were gone, now. No doubt they had run off to the Great Hall for lunch and to gossip about classes and students. And while rumor-mongering was usually a favorite activity of his, it no longer had any appeal. "We should probably get going to lunch."

Peter nodded. "I feel like drowning myself in a massive helping of mashed potatoes right now," he muttered.

"Fried chicken for me," Sirius replied. "Best comfort food there ever was."

"Personally, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for a large bar of Honeyduke's dark chocolate," Remus supplied, walking alongside his friends.

"You and your chocolate," Sirius taunted morosely.

"There are very few things chocolate won't cure."

They paused for a minute, as that would have been the moment that James would have thrown in some sarcastic comment that would have made them all laugh. James's absence and the reason behind it struck the three friends again and they lapsed into a deep silence. None of them said much all during lunch, and only a few words were spoken on the way to Charms.

As today was the last day of classes before Christmas holidays, Professor Flitwick had given them the day off. Sirius had pulled out a deck of cards and started dealing them to his friends to play Exploding Snap, merely to give himself something to do. They carried light conversation about plans for the holidays and what they hoped to get for Christmas, all of them trying desperately not to think about James. Every time they were reminded of what happened, they fell quiet until one of them started up small talk again. Their moments of reflective silence were noticed by the rest of the class. The girls were chattering so loudly about the holidays, presents, boys, and all other manner of topics that the boys in the back were nearly forgotten. Only Athena cast looks behind her once in awhile to see what they were doing, wondering where James had run off to, and why they all looked so somber.

In Potions, Slughorn, being overwhelmed with the holiday spirit, gave them a potion to brew that was so simple they could have managed to make it in their third year. Everyone in the class had finished within twenty minutes, and Slughorn gave them the rest of the time to do as they pleased. Slughorn mingled with his students, conversing light-heartedly with his favorites that were scattered around the room. After some time, he managed to work his way to the back of the room to speak with Sirius, who remained in his good graces, even though Sirius obviously didn't like him.

"I take it by the solemnity of your expression that you've heard the news about poor James's family," he commented.

"Obviously," Sirius retorted dryly, not in the mood to exchange pleasantries with Slughorn, especially pleasantries involving something he was trying diligently not to think about.

"Dreadful business, absolutely dreadful. And with the holidays just around the corner," Slughorn lamented. When Sirius didn't reply after a brief pause, he continued, "Be sure to give him my condolences, won't you?"

"Of course," Sirius answered heavily. Relief surged within him when Slughorn excused himself to go speak with other students.

Remus turned to him, a peculiar look on his face. "Something Slughorn said didn't sit well with you," he deduced. "What was it?"

"You're too perceptive for your own good, you know that, right?" Sirius muttered darkly.

"Yes, I do. Now, what's the problem?"

"Nothing, it's just if Slughorn were any sort of decent human being, he'd go give James his condolences himself. His brother's dead, he's not deaf," he said hotly.

"I'm sure if James were here, he would give him his condolences in person," Remus said placatingly.

"I doubt it," Sirius murmured. "He probably doesn't even give a damn."

"Sirius has got a point, you know," Peter pointed out meekly. "Slughorn is never really interested in anything unless there's something in it for him."

Remus cast his gaze around the room. "This isn't the time to talk about this," he said, glancing at the clock. They still had fifteen minutes to go. He hoped they would be able to pass the minutes quietly, without either of his friends starting anything, but he knew in the back of his mind that wasn't possible. Sirius had been moody and temperamental all month, and this latest blow to James's family (which Sirius often thought of as his own family) was liable to push him past his limit. And, knowing the people that were also in this class, he knew someone was bound to say something that would set Sirius off.

"So Black," an oily voice said in front of them. Remus looked up to see Snape, turned around in his seat, facing them. "I heard Potter hasn't been in classes all day. What happened, did he finally get expelled?"

"That would just make your day, wouldn't it?" Sirius mused aloud. "Well, fortunately, I get to burst your bubble and tell you no, he hasn't been expelled."

"Where's he been, then? Terrorizing first years?"

"Where he is is none of your business, Snape. Turn around and leave us be," Remus cut in before Sirius could reply.

"Leave you be, Lupin?" Snape sneered. "Like Black and Potter let me be in the library last week? That would hardly be fair, now would it? You still haven't answered my question, Black."

"What's the point? You wouldn't believe me even if I did tell you," Sirius hissed.

"As much as I hate to admit, you do have a point. I wouldn't believe," Snape said, his thin mouth twisting into a horrible sneer. "But no matter, we all know he's out there somewhere, unfortunately. No doubt he's breaking one rule and another, and like always, he won't get caught. Well, you know what, Black, one day he will get caught, and from there it's all down-hill. And before you know it, perfect Potter's life isn't perfect anymore."

Sirius's eyes narrowed instantly. Before anyone had a chance to say anything, Sirius had begun to launch himself over the table, fully prepared to bash Snape's face into the ground. Remus latched onto the back of his robes, using all his body weight to pull Sirius back. Shocked that Sirius would react so violently, Snape had taken several steps back, putting distance between himself and Sirius. Sirius was struggling against Remus's grip so hard that he accidently knocked over several glass vials sitting on the desk, sending them crashing to the floor. The noise had caught the attention of the rest of the class and they were now staring in surprise at the back of the room.

"Is something the matter, boys?" Slughorn asked, turning his attention to the back of the room also.

"No, Professor," Remus said, still holding on to Sirius's robes. "Everything's fine." Slughorn looked disbelieving, but left them alone anyway. "What were you thinking?" Remus hissed when the teacher had left. "Breaking Snape's face isn't going to fix anything."

_Except maybe his looks,_ Sirius thought bitterly. "What was I thinking?" Sirius hissed back, sitting down. "What was Snivellus thinking? He had no right to claim James's life is perfect."

"Since when has Snivellus needed a right to be nasty?" Peter piped up.

"He was just trying to get you in trouble, Padfoot," Remus said, letting go of Sirius's robes, satisfied that he wasn't about to lunge over the table again. "Just relax, class is almost over. If you want to beat up Snape, you have the whole holiday break to do it. It's just now–"

"Is not the time," Sirius finished for him. "I got it. You can stop lecturing now."

When class ended, Remus, Sirius and Peter filed out of the dungeon-classroom with everyone else. However, whereas everyone else headed towards the Great Hall for dinner, they were already on their way to Gryffindor tower. They pushed their way past the crowds of people moving in the opposite direction when they reached the main halls, oblivious to their annoyed glances or pleasant greetings. After what seemed to be an eternity, they finally made it to the common room.

"I think you should go in first, Moony," Sirius said unexpectedly as they climbed the stairs to their dorm.

Remus stopped. "What do you mean, I should go first?" he asked.

"Well, you're better at this sort of thing than me and Peter," Sirius answered.

"What sort of thing?"

"The being understanding and consoling sort of thing," Sirius said. "Now, c'mon. We haven't got all day."

Remus sighed and allowed Sirius to push him towards the door. "You're hopeless, Sirius," he muttered darkly under his breath upon approaching the door.

Hesitantly, he pushed open the door. James was sitting on the floor next to his bed, his open trunk in front of him. Shirts, pants, and robes had been thrown in haphazardly. An open picture album was sitting next to him, and several pieces of parchment were clutched in his hands. James gave no sign that the door had opened, but was staring intently out the window at the flurry of snow that was cascading down upon the castle.

"James," Remus started gently. "How're you doing?"

James sighed heavily and turned his attention to Remus. With a blank expression on his face he shrugged.

"Sirius told me what happened," Remus said slowly, stepping into the room to sit down on his own bed. "I'm really sorry, James. If there's anything I can do just let me know."

"Thanks," James replied quietly, turning his head away slightly.

"Are you almost done packing?" Remus asked with a slight jerk of his head, indicating to Sirius and Peter that they didn't have to stand in the doorway like curious on-lookers.

"Yeah, I think so. I mean, it's not like I'm going to be gone for a long time, just a couple weeks. And I have clothes at my house, so it's not like I need much."

Sirius nodded, taking a seat on his own bed next to James's. "You know, dinner has started. If you're hungry, we can go down and get something to eat," he suggested cautiously.

"I'm not hungry," James said, turning to look out the window again.

"Did you eat anything for lunch?" Peter asked in concern.

James shook his head. "I wasn't really hungry then, either."

"Have you eaten anything today?" Remus asked.

"What is this? The bloody Spanish Inquisition?" James snapped unexpectedly.

"I'll take that as a 'no' then," Sirius said calmly. "You really should eat something."

"I told you, I'm not hungry," insisted James.

Remus chewed on his lip thoughtfully. "You still need to eat," he said gently. "As much as you don't feel like eating, it's still something you need to do."

"I really don't feel like eating just now."

"Prongs," Remus said patiently. "After all the times you and Sirius have forced me to eat something the day of a full moon, did you think I wasn't going to return the favor?"

"I know I need to eat," James conceded. "But I don't much feel like going downstairs, either."

"You don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to, Prongs," Sirius commented. "And no one but us and the staff know what's going on, so you're not going to have to listen to people you hardly know tell you how sorry they are. It'll just be a normal dinner."

James sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I guess I'll go," he said quietly.

Sirius exchanged a small grin with Remus as he slid off his bed and offered his hand to James to help him up. James gratefully took it and, after casting a final look around the room, he followed Peter out. James didn't say anything as he and his friends walked down the halls, and his friends followed his lead. If James wanted to talk, they figured, he would and he didn't need them to push him into it. The noise level between the Great Hall and the deserted corridors of the school was shocking. The Marauders went from complete silence to the uproarious noise of an entire school talking. James ducked his head as soon as they entered the room, carefully avoiding eye contact with everyone, particularly the teachers, who he knew would be watching him carefully. Sirius, meanwhile, glared threateningly at everyone who looked their way. Still, none of the Marauders said anything to each other.

Serena followed the Marauders with her eyes as they sat down in their usual spot at the far end of the table. "You know," she said lightly. "This is the first time I've seen James all day."

"You're right," Alice said, taking a bite of mashed potatoes. "He wasn't in classes at all today."

Lily gave derisive laugh. "Like that's a surprise," she muttered. "He's always ditching class."

"I don't know," Serena mused. "I thought something might have been wrong. I mean, all of them looked miserable all day. And, well, they certainly don't look too thrilled right now."

"I know what you mean, normally they would have, I don't know, set the table on fire or something. The day before winter holidays is always a party for them," Alice mused.

"Athena, did Remus say anything was wrong?" Lily asked Athena, who had been talking to Emm and Dory.

She shook her head. "I haven't talked to him since Transfiguration. You know, he bolted out of the room after Sirius, and I haven't talked to him since."

"I hope nothing's wrong with James's family," Serena said, looking down the table at James who was dismally pushing his food around his plate with his fork. "I know his parents as well as I know my own, and I love his brother to pieces. He's getting married to my cousin Marlene in a couple of months, actually."

"How do you know his family, anyway?" Lily asked.

"Well, for a long time James's dad played pro-Quidditch, and at the time my dad was working for a company that was developing new racing brooms, and then they met sometime around then. Mr. Potter retired a few years after James's older brother was born, and a couple years later he and my dad opened Quality Quidditch Supplies in Diagon Alley. By the time James and I were born, our parents were having dinner at each other's houses every other week. I've practically grown up with James."

Alice grinned. "Which explains why you've never dated him," she teased.

"Precisely," Serena said. "It'd be like dating my brother." She glanced down the table again. "I just hope everything's fine."

"I'm sure your parents would have written to you if something happened to his family," Athena consoled.

Lily nodded. "It's probably nothing at all," she said. "He probably got dumped, or his dog got hit by a car. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if he were this upset because his favorite Quidditch team lost a match, or something as completely insignificant as that."

It wasn't until later that night that the girls found out just how wrong Lily was. It was a quiet night in the common room. Lily, Dory, and Alice, as well as a few select others from Gryffindor house, were currently at Professor Slughorn's annual Christmas Party. It was known as being one of the best parties of the year, and only a few got to attend: just members of the Slug Club and their guests. The rest of the Gryffindors were mingling with each other in the common room, discussing the latest gossip and holiday plans. Athena, Emm, and Serena were huddled around a table by one of the windows, playing Exploding Snap. Across the room, Sirius and Peter were playing chess by the fire, and Remus was curled up on a nearby couch reading a book, even though his eyes didn't seem to be moving. Oddly, James seemed to be missing again, and no one seemed to be able to pluck up the nerve to ask his friends where he went or if they would be throwing a party tonight as they normally did. Serena had wanted Athena to ask Remus what was going on, but Athena managed to talk her out of it. Remus was a very private person, she claimed, and he probably wasn't apt to divulge information about one of his best friends to someone who he hardly knew.

Both girls were hardly paying attention to the game at hand, and it was left to Emm to catch Serena's attention about her parents' owl currently fluttering outside the window.

"Serena," Emm said tentatively. She hadn't heard. "Serena, quit staring at the boys and turn around."

"Huh?" Serena said, whipping around. "Is it my turn?"

"No, but your parents' owl is outside the window," Emm said sheepishly.

Hurriedly, Serena opened the window, ignoring the swirl of snow that came in with the owl. Impatiently, she took the letter from the owl and tore it open, not bothering to thank the owl as she normally would have. "Oh, no," she moaned upon scanning the letter. Emm and Athena leaned in closer so they could see the contents of the letter as well.

_Serena, honey, I'm sorry we didn't send this earlier; it's been a really rough day. I take it that you don't know already, because you probably would have written home if you had. We, your mother and I, found out early this morning that Jared Potter was killed last night. The Potters are holding the funeral sometime next week, and I know they would all really appreciate it if you were there. I think it would mean a lot to James, in particular. I can only imagine how hard this is for him; he and Jared were always so close._

Serena put the letter down and tried desperately to blink tears from her eyes. "I guess I'm not staying here over the holidays with you and Lily, Athena," she said, trying to keep her composure. "I need to go pack."

Emm and Athena both nodded, both at a loss of what to say. After a moment of silence, Emm announced that she was going to go help Serena.

"All right," Athena said, glancing over at the boys around the fire. "I'll be up in a minute. I want to talk to Remus first."

She scooped up the letter and walked over to the couch Remus was occupying before plopping down next to him. "So," she said quietly, "I take it you three found out about Jared this morning."

Sirius instantly turned to her. "How did you find out?" he asked incredulously. He had made sure no one but the three of them knew.

She held up Serena's letter. "Serena's parents just sent her this," she said, handing the letter over for Sirius to look over.

He nodded vaguely before turning the letter over to Remus, who in turn scanned it. "I had forgotten how close the Potters and the McKinnons are," he murmured.

"Well, I just dropped by to let you know to give James a hug, or something, for me before he leaves tomorrow. I don't know if I'll see him or not before everyone leaves," Athena said, standing up. "I promised Serena I'd go help her pack. I'll see you all later."

Sirius watched her as she left, and he couldn't help but thinking that six more people had just been thrown into this living nightmare.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Sirius. I don't know . . . what's today's date? **The 19th. Remus. **OK. December 19, 1974:

The common room is nearly unbearably quiet. It's the day before the end of term, and normally me and James are down here making some sort of loud noise. Entertaining ourselves, as well as the rest of the House. That's not going to happen this year. It seems rather odd, you know? Like time has sort of froze, and everything is at a standstill. There are quite a few people, I think, who're expecting James and me to start something, because they're used to us starting something. They don't know what happened, what was it, last night? Yeah. Remus tells me it was last night. I don't think anyone outside our year knows that James's brother died last night He was murdered. James didn't, couldn't, I think, say much about it, but we did get that much.

He's up in our dormitory right now. He's asleep, and its only about 7:30. I went up a little while ago to get this, you know. I had to do something. I couldn't just sit here anymore and watch time go by. Well, when I was up there, I looked over at James, to see if he was still awake, or if he wanted to talk about anything, not that I would know what to say. But he was asleep. Sound asleep. Oh god. He looked so . . . peaceful and vulnerable up there. His face was still wet from tears. His hair was as messed up as ever. He looked a lot like a little kid, actually. He was curled on his side, with an old feather pillow clutched in his arms like a little kid holds a stuffed bear, under that quilt that his great-great grandmother had sewn, or something like that. And he had music playing. Soft, sweet, haunting music that seemed to float through the air.

You know, he and Remus are always telling me that music can console in ways that other things, even people, can't, and I never understood them. But each year, nonetheless, they hull that old record player (thing), that James bewitched to work inside the magical atmosphere of Hogwarts, up here, along with all sorts of records with all types of music on them. And I always told them they were nuts. It never made sense to me. But, you know, as I stood up in our dormitory, looking at James, and listening to that music, I understood. That strange, haunting melody seemed to speak the pain and condolence of a thousand ages. That music . . . James was able to draw comfort from it. You know what kills me, though? It seems as if music brought him more comfort than I could. I, his best friend, could not be there for him in the way he needed me too.

As I stood up there, I felt so helpless. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I mean, I doubt very much that if Regulus died I would take it like James is taking it . . . but, then again, my relationship with Regulus is probably the antithesis of James's relationship with Jared. It hurts, you know, to not be able to help James. After all the times he's been there for me, I can't figure out what to do in a situation like this. I mean, what are you supposed to do? What are you supposed to say? "I'm sorry your brother was murdered."? Yeah, that's pretty much the definition of tactless right there. And pile that on top of what I said last night. My whole tirade about how _perfect_ James's life was, and how good he had it. How could I say that? I haven't even properly apologized that; I was just about to, when McGonagall hauled him off to her office to tell him what had happened. I mean, honestly, not only do I not know what to do right now, but I feel terrible for having told him that his life was perfect less than twenty-four hours ago.

I just can't stand seeing James like this. I can't stand seeing him in so much pain. Especially when there's absobloodylutely nothing I can do about it. I can't do anything. Do you know how aggravating that is? I would do anything to make James feel better, to bring Jared back, but I can't.

I feel so lost.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Er...Warning:character death? I'm sorry this took me nearly a month to get out, but as I noted in the last chapter, I was out for two weeks, and on top of that, this was really hard for me to write. I've grown attatched to Jared. Anyway, forgive my typos or grammar mistakes, I'm only human.

Special Thanks to Nietta, snowleopards17, and Legolasfanxoxo for reviewing.

Please review; I greatly appreciate each and every comment I get, even if it is only a few words

Delano


	16. Christmas: Part I

James leaned up against the window next to his seat on the train, staring at the sleet that was pounding against the side of the train. Peter was sitting across from him, pretending to read an old comic book. James knew he wasn't really reading. Out of all his friends, Peter was the easiest to understand. Peter wanted to say something to show his support, but he had never been very good with words and was likely to make a buffoon out of himself if he tried. James understood that, though. Still, that understanding did James little comfort. He had woken up that morning, and he felt _wrong._ There was no other way to describe it. It took his mind a few minutes to process everything that had happened yesterday, and until he had, he just knew something wasn't right. Of course the feeling he had when he remembered what _had_ happened wasn't any better. If anything it was worse. It was like hearing the news all over again.

The train ride thus far, and the quick trip to the train station in Hogsmeade had been blissfully uneventful for James. All around him people were smiling and chattering excitedly, still unaware of what had transpired in James's family. A couple of people had shouted him greeting as he passed with Peter, but were too busy to notice when he didn't respond in kind. Not that he really cared. All he wanted to do was return home, curl up in his room, and just stop living. A small part of him clung to the idea that this was still a dream, that it wasn't real, that he'd go home and Jared would be sitting at the table, reading the _Daily Prophet_ and eating a bowl of cereal. The larger and more logical part of his mind knew that it was true, however. It wouldn't hurt this much if it wasn't.

They were halfway to King's Cross Station and James was starting to wonder if he should have taken McGonagall up on her offer to let him Floo home yesterday. It would have been easier. Sitting on the train, pretending he was just going home for the holidays like everyone else was just about killing him. He really just wanted to be alone, which was strange for him. Normally he took comfort in the presence of other people, but now . . . He couldn't explain it. Everything still felt so surreal, and he knew people wouldn't understand. How could they? He didn't want people asking if he was all right, or why he looked so miserable. He didn't want to be told how sorry people were, and he certainly didn't want to be force-fed false sympathy from people he hardly knew. He just wanted to be alone.

James was vaguely aware of the compartment door opening and someone stepping inside, but he was too enraptured with his own thoughts to pay them any notice.

_He was sitting on the compartment floor across from Sirius, a pile of card scattered haphazardly between them as they tried to master a muggle card game Remus had taught them a few weeks back. Remus was sitting stretched out on one of the seats, his nose tucked behind a book, his skin pale, and his demeanor drawn. He seemed to be falling ill again, like he did every so often when he would disappear from school for a week, but James and Sirius had dropped the habit of questioning him about it, because it made him uncomfortable. Peter was sitting on the other row of seats, peering over James's shoulders at his cards, sniggering at something Sirius had just said. They were on their way home after their first year of Hogwarts, and while Sirius wasn't exactly looking forward to spending summer with his family, he and James were determined to make the best of the train ride home. James was vaguely aware of the door opening behind him, but didn't bother to turn around. If it was someone he was on good terms with, they would say something. If it was a Slytherin, well, then he'd have been hexed already._

"_You know, I've spent the last twenty minutes looking for you," Jared Potter said from behind his younger brother._

_James turned and grinned at his brother. "Well, for the last twenty minutes, I've been in here," he said brightly._

"_Well, that's nice," Jared said. "Can I talk to you outside for a minute?"_

_James sighed, glancing at his watch then out the window. "I don't know," he said, in tones of mock weariness. "I'll have to check my schedule."_

"_Oh, you have a schedule now?" Jared mused, grinning and raising his eyebrows. "Why is that, pray tell?"_

_With a mischievous spark in his eyes, James shrugged. "I'm just that popular, I guess."_

_Next to him, Sirius snorted with laughter. Jared also looked like he was about to laugh, but managed to refrain at the look James was giving to him. "Well, you're going to make time for me. I'm family," Jared said imperiously. "C'mon, it won't take any longer than five minutes, then you can come back and plot the downfall of next years Head Boy and Girl with Sirius."_

_James laughed and stood up, following his older brother out of the compartment. "So, what's going on?" he asked as he shut the door behind him._

"_Several things," Jared said, glancing down the empty corridors of the train. "The first is a matter of upmost secrecy, and under no circumstances are you to tell Mum."_

"_I like secrets," James said earnestly._

"_I know you do," Jared replied. "And I know that you know how to keep your mouth shut. I'm only telling you this because I'm going to need you to help placate Mum after I tell. You do those sad eyes so well, she just melts when she looks at you. She can't stay mad at me for long if I've got your support and you're giving her those sad eyes."_

"_Jared, I haven't done that since I was five," James said, aghast._

"_Well, it's about time they make a come back," Jared mused. "It's just I know Mum's going to freak out when I tell her this. When we get back home, I plan on submitting my papers in for the Auror Training Program at the Ministry."_

_James's eyes lit up. "You're going to be an Auror?" he exclaimed excitedly. "That is so _cool._"_

"_Only if I make it into the program," Jared answered. "McGonagall told me that they only accept a few people every year, if that. She seems to think that my grades are good enough to get in, and that I have the right aptitude for it, but . . ." his voice trailed off slightly. "Anyway, when I tell Mum and Dad, which won't be till after I get accepted, I need you to help calm them down for me."_

"_Sure," James offered. "I've gotten quite good at talking Mum down after I've down something stupid. I'm sure she'll think of this the same way."_

_Jared grinned. "She probably will. Speaking of Mum and you doing stupid things, here are a few words to the wise. McGonagall has written home about a few of your escapades this year, so Mum knows about some of them. Just don't admit to doing anything until you know what they know you've already done."_

_James smiled sheepishly. He and Sirius had gotten into more trouble than they had expected this year, not that they minded. It had been fun, after all. And the worst McGonagall could do to them was put them in detention. His mother was another matter. She could be very inventive when it came to punishing him for misbehaving. He wasn't going to own up to anything until he knew that his mother already knew. "I wasn't planning on it," he said._

"_And lastly," Jared said, grinning at his brother. "I got an owl from Dad about a half-hour ago. He got caught up in some business meeting, and Mum is still at Aunt Maryl's house. Neither of them'll be able to meet us at the station so we're supposed to meet Dad at the Leaky Cauldron when we get off the train. He sent some money for us to take a Muggle taxi-thing, but I figured we could hitch a ride to the Leaky with one of my friends, then use the money to buy ice cream, what d'you say?"_

_James's grin grew wider. "Who am I to say 'no' to ice cream?"_

The sound of voices startled James out of his thoughts.

" . . .you'd want to sit with us, maybe?" a girl asked hopefully.

He looked towards the voice, seeing Nusly Bernadette at the door. She was a pretty Ravenclaw girl in his own year, and he only really knew of her because her older brother, Nealan, was captain of the Ravenclaw quidditch team. He turned back to the window, not wanting to talk to anyone.

"L-l-look," Peter said tentatively, putting his comic book down beside him. "J-James isn't feeling well, so why don't you just go?"

"What do you mean, 'not feeling well'?" Nusly asked in concern. "Is he sick? "

"Something like that, " Peter said evasively, knowing that James didn't people to know yet. "It'd probably be better if you just go. "

Nusly glanced between Peter and James, who was still staring despondently out the window. "Oh, all right, " she said, realizing that Peter wasn't lying to her. "I hope you feel better, James." She smiled and nodded to Peter, before turning and leaving to go back with her friends.

James looked up at Peter after the door had closed, and gave a very wane and weak smile. "Thanks, Pete, " he said quietly.

Peter tried to smile back, having not expected James to say anything, as he had hardly said more than five words since they got on the train. "It was nothing, Prongs, " he said. "It's just what friends do."

James nodded before turning back to the window. It seemed like an eternity, but eventually they pulled into King's Cross Station. Before the train even came to a complete stop James was searching crowds on the platform for his parents. It didn't take him long. His parents were standing near the front of the crowd, his dad's arm around his mum's shoulders, almost holding her up. His mother, who was normally tall, headstrong, and proud, seemed inexplicably small and frail.

As soon as the train did stop, James grabbed his trunk and pushed his way off the train, overcome with the childish notion that his parents could fix anything. It had always been that way. When he was little and he was hurt or scared, his mum and dad could always make it better, and he dearly wished that the same principal still stood. As soon as he was in speaking distance with his parents, he heard his mum cry out his name before rushing to his side and enveloping him in a massive hug. Everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, all his conflicting emotions, flooded his mind with an unpredicted fury. The knowledge that his mother was crying as she held him was the only thing that kept him from joining her. She looked as lost and heart-broken as he felt, and he had to be strong for her.

The car ride home was unbearably long. James sat in the back seat, staring out the window at the passing scenery the whole time as he listened to his dad talk. Mr. Potter seemed unable to bear silence and would talk about anything that came to mind as he drove. He talked about various family members who were staying at the house to help out, the weather at home, a quidditch game he had listened to on the Wireless several days ago . . . He just talked about anything. Meanwhile Mrs. Potter sat in the passenger's seat, crying at different intervals, occasionally saying something to her husband and frequently casting glances back at James.

The sun had already set by the time they returned home. The Potters house was nestled in the woods about ten miles outside a small community by the name of Godric's Hollow. The house was large, much larger than was needful for a family of four, as was the yard. In fact, one could walk in any direction away from the house for a half hour and still be on the Potter 's property. Despite that size of the house, however, it rarely felt empty. There was almost always something going on in the house, and if there wasn't, it was normally because James was planning on starting something. As James climbed out of the car in front of the house, though, and as he looked up at it and watched his Uncle Devin hurry out of the house to help take his trunk inside, he couldn't help but noticing how desolate his home looked and felt.

He followed his parents in, Uncle Devin right behind him with his trunk, and was immediately confronted with his grandmother on his mother's side. She hugged both his parents before turning to him and hugging him as well. With her hand still on his shoulder, she announced to everyone else in the house that they were home. His other grandmother and a few of his aunts appeared at their side so fast that James could have sworn they apparated, and ushered him and his parents into the living room in the back of the house. Before James was really aware of what had happened, he found himself sitting on the couch between his Aunt Keerie (his father's younger sister) and Dorea Potter (who was married to his dad's cousin Charles) with a cup of steaming tea in his hands. As the two older women and an assortment of others came up to him and started asking how he felt or if there was anything he needed, he was confronted with the feeling of being a stranger in his own home. And like before on the train, he found that he just wanted to be alone.

While the presence of people he knew cared about him was comforting, James also felt it was suffocating. It was strange. He felt overwhelmed by the company, and at the same time he felt empty. Lost. Alone. Jared wasn't there. Every family function that he could ever remember going to, Jared had always been there. Even when Jared started school, he always came home for Christmas, and he would always pretend to be mad when James would stay at school with Sirius. He always said it wouldn't be the same without the whole family . . .

"How're you feeling, James," his Uncle Travis asked, shoo-ing away Aunt Shannon who had sat down next to James when Aunt Keerie had finally left. Uncle Travis was his mother's youngest brother. He was unmarried and had always been fond of his nephews, spoiling them and smuggling them sweets when they were younger. Of all his relatives outside his immediate family, he was closest to Uncle Travis, probably because he also doubled as James's godfather.

"I'm fine," James answered mechanically, staring down at his now-empty teacup.

Uncle Travis smiled sadly and sighed, silently telling James that he knew he was lying. For a moment, they sat next to each other in silence. "It does get easier, you know," he said gently, soothingly.

_Merlin, I don't want to talk about this,_ James thought desperately, nodding absently at his uncle's words. He stood up abruptly, escape plans running rampant through his head. "I'm really tired," he said despondently. "I think I'm going to go to bed." He ignored everyone as he walked out of the room, solely focused on getting upstairs and into his room. He was all to aware of his mother watching him flee, lines of worry and distress etched on her face.

He took the back stair case to the second floor. Unlike downstairs, the place was completely deserted. He thought it was a little odd how his friends, who were all fifteen like himself, were able to understand that he just wanted to be alone, whereas countless adults insisted on smothering him. He was just relieved that no one followed him. Slowly, James trudged his way down the hall to his bedroom, trying to ignore the pictures of him and his brother that graced the walls. Everything just seemed so wrong.

The door to Jared's bedroom was hanging open, and before James could really stop himself, he walked over the threshold. The room looked the same as it always did. Blue walls, a bed against the wall next to the door, a desk in one corner, a bookshelf in another, Quidditch posters plastering the wall. Most of his personal effects were at his flat in London, so the room was fairly empty. He started poking around as he had often done when he was younger and Jared was off at school. There were a few half-written letters on the desk; one was addressed to Marlene, and another was addressed to him. A quick look told James that they had been dated on Thursday. A lump raised in James's throat. These letters were written the day Jared died.

James suddenly found that he was unable to bear another moment in that room. He turned on heel and quickly fled down the hall. He didn't stop til he reached his own room, locking the door firmly behind him. He collapsed onto his bed, burying his face into his pillows, trying, for what he thought might have been the millionth time since Friday morning, to push back unbidden tears.

This whole mess was just so unfair. Out of all the people in the world, why did Jared have to die? He was so young. He had so much ahead of him. And what was James supposed to do without him? Ever since he could remember, he had turned to Jared for everything. Jared offered him advice, friendship, protection. Jared was his confidante; he told Jared things he never dared tell his parents. Jared had always been a constant in his life. No matter where they were, or what was happening, James knew that if he needed anything, he could go to Jared.

For the first four years of his life, James was never far from his brother. When James had learned to walk, he trailed after his brother everywhere, and, unlike most older brothers, Jared never complained about it once. When Jared and the older boys from Godric's Hollow would play together, all the boys knew not to tease James, even though he was smaller and slower than the rest of them, because they knew Jared wouldn't tolerate it. When Jared was eleven and left for school, four-year-old James insisted his parents teach him to read and write, so he could read his older brother's letters home and write his own, even if most of them were pictures he drew instead of actual writing. As they got older, the two brothers hung out around each other less and less. James started to grow up and found friends other than his brother, but that hardly changed the nature of the relationship. If anything, it strengthened it. Jared was still the one James turned to when he didn't know what to do, and James was still the only who could make Jared smile or laugh when he was upset about something.

James had never wondered what life without his brother would be like and he never thought he'd have to.

The next few days passed in a haze for James. He only left his room once or twice a day to use the toilet, but passed most of his time laying on his bed, staring out his window, trying to ignore the growing emptiness that lanced through his heart. He didn't eat anything, but he didn't feel hungry. He was always vaguely aware of a variety of relatives that would come and sit in his room with him for a spell. They hardly said anything, and anything they did say could be answered with a nod or shake of James's head. Was he hungry? Did he feel all right? Did he want to talk about it? His mother came in to see him daily. Every time she did, anyone else who might have been in the room at the time quickly left, leaving the distraught mother with her only remaining son. He knew she wanted to talk about Jared with him, and to talk about how he felt. That was just the type of person his mother was. But more than anything, James _didn't _want to talk about, didn't want to be reminded about it. This only made his mother worry about him, and he felt guilty for doing it. But the strength to talk about Jared constantly evaded him. Most of the time, to avoid uncomfortable conversations, he pretended to be asleep. His mother never had the heart to wake him, and so she would sit next to him on his bed, and quietly running her hand through his hair, occasionally saying things to him, even though she thought he couldn't hear. Every time she left, for some reason James always found himself more upset and more despondent than he had before.

It was about an hour or so after one such visit that James was visited by his dad. James hadn't really seen more than a few glimpses of him since Saturday night. Daryl Potter had busied himself with funeral arrangements, feeling better that he could at least do something, even though it killed him inside as he made these preparations for his son. No parent should ever have to outlive their child. He poked his head inside James's room to find him curled on his side on his bed, an old stuffed bear that Jared had given him when he had first left for school when James was four clutched in his arms. His eyes were closed, but his breathing was uneven.

"James," he called softly. "Are you awake?"

James pried his eyes open, his gaze landing upon his dad in the doorway. "Yeah," he muttered, watching his dad step into the room. He sat up, feeling a little foolish with the bear still held in his left hand, but he didn't really care. He had reflected late the night before how odd it was that old childhood relics could be so comforting at times.

"How are you holding up?" Mr. Potter asked, sitting on the end of James's bed, looking into James's pale face and blood-shot eyes.

He shrugged. "I don't know," he replied, his voice a little raspy from lack of use. He was telling the truth, though. He had been experiencing a rush of a thousand different emotions all at the same time. He was sad, angry, hurt, frustrated . . . confused. He didn't know how he was holding up simply because he didn't know if he was holding up at all.

Mr. Potter nodded. "Have you been able to sleep much?" he asked gently, now casting his gaze around James's disheveled room.

"No, not really," James mused quietly. The truth was he hadn't been able to sleep at all the past two nights, and he really hadn't gotten much sleep Friday night either. He had gone to bed early enough, but a series of odd dreams had kept him awake for most of the night.

"I know what you mean," Mr. Potter replied with a wane smile. "I've been taking a sleeping potion since Friday night. Can't get to sleep otherwise." When James didn't say anything, he continued. "Your mother, Travis, and I are going up to Jared's old flat to find some things to display at the viewing tomorrow. Your mother suggested that you might like to come along and help."

James immediately shook his head. Nothing seemed less intriguing than to dig through Jared's belongings. His quick trip to his brother''s bedroom had been proof enough of that. "I think I'd rather stay here," James offered in feeble explanation.

"You know, James," Mr. Potter said very gently. "It might help ease the ache some, if you go through his things; it might make it easier to talk about this. It would mean a lot to your mother, as well. She's really worried about you."

"Dad, please. I'd really rather pass. I just . . . I can't right now."

Mr. Potter sighed. "I understand. It's hard, and you shouldn't have to do this, especially if you don't feel you're ready." He sighed again and glanced out the window. "When you are ready, though, to talk or to do otherwise, your mother and I and the rest of the family, we're here for you. Just remember that, okay?" he finished heavily, and, after getting a nod of agreement from James, he excused himself from the room.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

James sat in an empty pew in the church where they had held the funeral for Jared. He could hear the buzz of conversation all around him, but he didn't care. It was Wednesday and he had grown numb to almost everyone around him. People continuously giving him their condolences, giving him hugs, telling him how sorry they were. People that spoke to him had grown faceless and he could hardly tell one person from another. He barely even registered when people were talking to him. It hadn't been much better during calling hours the day before. James stood by his parents for a while, next to his brother's open casket, before seeing Jared lying there, so still and unmoving, almost as if he were sleeping, got to him and he couldn't spend a second longer standing there. He then spent the rest time in a chair in the corner, a half-empty bottle of butterbeer clutched in his hands. Serena had sat on one side of him and Peter on the other side for most of the afternoon. Neither of them said much of anything, but their presence was constant. Meanwhile, a steady stream of family and friends would come and say a few words to him and move on. A few people stayed for a longer time, among them Alice and her boyfriend Frank Longbottom, who James remembered was in the Auror Training Program and seemed particularly shook up about this whole ordeal. Emm Vance and Dory Meadowes had stayed with him for around a half hour, and the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team (except Athena and Tyson Bell who were staying at Hogwarts for Christmas) had stayed for some time as well. Outside of them, James didn't recognize very many people, or maybe he just didn't register who many of them. A few of his teachers had shown up, and what looked like at least half the Auror Department. Almost all of Jared's friends, and a smattering of his acquaintances. On top of them were a vast amount of people that James didn't know, but almost every single one of them had come up to him at one point or another and told him how sorry they were.

All in all, it had been a miserable day, and today wasn't looking much better.

The funeral service, both inside the church and the graveside service, had ended over an hour ago, and relatives and close family friends had gathered back at the church for a late-afternoon meal. The funeral in itself had been very moving and very powerful. His father had given the eulogy, which had reduced everyone there to tears. It was followed by a musical presentation: a string ensemble playing "Consider the Lilies", which had been accompanied on the piano by Marlene McKinnon. Edgar Bones, who had mentored Jared through Auror Training and knew him better than any of the other Aurors, spoke afterwards about the type of person Jared had been and the contributions he had made to the Auror Department. The graveside service had been equally touching, the priest from the church quoting several Bible verses and assuring them all that Jared was in a better place now. The whole affair rang clear with finality, driving home the point to James that his brother was really gone. It was strange, though, because throughout the entire ordeal, James didn't shed a single tear.

James sighed and stood up, unconsciously smoothing his black dress robes and looking for the nearest exit. Carefully he navigated his way through faceless relatives that kept trying to talk to him, and towards the door. He found the atmosphere inside the church oppressive and suffocating, and he had to get out. He paused for a minute by a table that had been set up, displaying old photos of Jared as well as pictures that Jared had drawn. Jared had always been an extraordinary artist and he loved to draw; it was a talent he had inherited from his grandmother. James could draw well too, but didn't have the patience to create masterpieces like Jared did, and merely drew doodles in the margins of his notes at school. James leafed through the photo albums left on the table, taking the time to read the notes his mother had written about the pictures, a painful longing tearing at his heart as he looked down at the face of his smiling brother. He jumped when he felt someone's hand against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, James," said a familiar voice as he turned around. "I didn't mean to startle you."

James stared at the woman for a few moments, trying to remember who she was. He knew he was supposed to know her . . . she looked really familiar. _Mrs. McKinnon. You forgot who Mrs. McKinnon was. _"It's no problem, Mrs. McKinnon," James said wanly. "I was just looking at some pictures."

She smiled weakly at him. "I didn't get to talk to you yesterday, James," she said, rubbing his shoulder slightly."But I saw you at the viewing yesterday, and, well, you are a very strong young man, James."

He looked up at her round, friendly face and slowly shook his head. "I don't want to be strong," he said. "I just want my brother back."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Christmas dawned early the next day, bright sun reflecting off pure white snow that coated the ground. It would have been a perfect White Christmas if things hadn't been so wrong. James pulled himself out of bed early in the morning, much like he had when he was younger. He hadn't slept at all last night, but he normally didn't on Christmas Eve, especially when he was younger and spent the whole night waiting for Father Christmas to show up. Memories of those happier times seemed to mock him now. He quietly padded across the floor and pulled open his bedroom door, fully prepared to make the long trudge down the hall to the stairs. He planned on spending the whole morning staring at the brightly lit Christmas tree in their family room until his parents got up. _Christmas was never so empty before,_ he thought lamely as he crossed in front of Jared's bedroom door.

_Six year old James Potter rushed to his brother's room. He had just been downstairs and the family room was full with new presents and he was excited. It was Christmas. He pulled open Jared's door and swarmed to his bed, crawling on top so he could shake his brother awake properly. _

"_Jared! Jared! Jared!" he cried exuberantly, pushing his new glasses (that he hated, but Mummy made him wear anyway) up his nose. "Wake up!"_

_Jared groaned and rolled over, facing James whose face was lit up with a huge smile. "Whuzzgoinon?" he asked, his voice cracking slightly._

"_It's Christmas, Jared!" James exclaimed, as if it should have made headline news in the morning paper._

_Jared smirked. "Really? I thought it was Easter," he said, more awake now and just as excited for the fact that it was Christmas, even though as a wise and mature thirteen year old he would never admit it._

_James sighed in exasperation. "No, it's Christmas. And guess what?"_

"_What?" Jared asked, humoring his little brother._

"_No, you've gotta guess," James said firmly, shaking his head._

"_Erm . . ."Jared mused, scratching his head. "The Easter Bunny came?"_

"_No," James stated, sighing heavily. "Guess again."_

"_The house burned down?"_

"_Nuh uh, Father Christmas came!" he cried, unable to contain his enthusiasm any longer._

_Jared grinned. "Did he bring you lots of coal?" he asked wickedly._

_James shook his head. "No, but he brought you some."_

"James, are you okay?" Uncle Travis said suddenly from behind.

He jolted back into reality. He was standing on the threshold of Jared's bedroom, staring into it as if nothing else mattered. James rubbed a hand over his face and shook his head. "No."

"I never expected you to say you were," he replied morosely. "C'mon, let's go downstairs and get some breakfast on the table . . . let your parents sleep in for another hour or so. I know your dad doesn't like getting up before seven."

James followed his uncle down the hall and down the back stairs into the kitchen Uncle Travis had his wand out, cupboards and drawers opening with a flick of his wand. "Do bacon and eggs sound good to you, James?" he asked.

James shrugged. "Doesn't make much of a difference to me."

"All right, bacon and eggs it is, then," Uncle Travis said, directing a skillet onto the stove with his wand. "How 'bout you set the table for four?"

James was already pulling dishes out of the cabinet. "I've got it covered, Uncle Travis."

As James set the dishes on the table, Uncle Travis started to crack eggs against the black skillet. The only sound that permeated through the kitchen was the sound of cracking eggs and sizzling bacon. After ten minutes of the virtual silence, Uncle Travis decided to jump start a conversation. "You know, James, it'll help to talk about Jared," he said calmly, looking at his nephew with level murky green eyes. "And if you don't want to talk to me, talk to your parents, or your grandparents, or someone. At times like this, it's healthier to let things out in the open."

"You really are Mum's brother," James said, returning his uncle's gaze. "You two always want to talk about things."

"There's nothing wrong with that, James," Uncle Travis said. "The majority of people just need someone to confide in."

"Well, I'm not in the majority, then," said James sternly. "I don't want to, nor do I need to talk about Jared. He's gone, he's not coming back, I understand, and I'll move on."

Uncle Travis sighed heavily, staring at his godson. "You can't bottle your emotions like this."

"I'm not bottling anything," James retorted.

"We both know you're lying," his uncle said gently. "This isn't something you can just handle by yourself, James. You're hurting and you're grieving and you need to talk about it."

"I don't _need_ to talk about anything," James insisted distractedly, his eyes darting around the room as if looking for an escape from the uncomfortable conversation. Almost, as if on cue, the doorbell rang, which would have been considerably less perplexing if it hadn't been 6:54 AM on Christmas morning. "I'll get it," James said, jumping on the chance to get away.

He quickly excused himself from the room and made his way through the halls to the front door, the whole time wondering who was at the door. They had had a fairly constant stream of visitors the past few days, most of them bringing casseroles or baked goods, almost as if their offering of food would come how close the gaping hole in the family. James spent most of his time in his room ignoring them, but had been attempting to eat said casseroles all week. He sincerely hoped that it wasn't some neighbor, bringing a breakfast casserole, but he had a hard time imagining that anyone would have the audacity to show up on Christmas. James also knew that someone from the Auror Department was supposed to drop by with Jared's belongings that he had kept at the office, but he also knew that anyone in the Auror Department would wait until afternoon to come by. Curiosity driving him as much as a desire to be away from his uncle, he pulled open the door.

James blinked once, then twice. "Who're you?" he asked dumbly at the witch in front of him.

The witch had short, bobbed blonde hair and was wearing a pair of magenta robes that were so vibrant they made James's eyes hurt. The heavy make-up on her face gave her a very mock-pleasant look to her, and her smile showed anything but sincerity. In one hand she held an acid-green quill, and in the other was a small roll of parchment. Floating next to her was a camera, which flashed once before the young witch answered. "You're James Potter, am I correct?" she asked, ignoring his question.

"I know who I am, but who're you?"

The witch smiled again. "I'm Rita Skeeter," she said pleasantly. "I'm a free-lance journalist. You may have read some of my pieces in the _Daily Prophet_?"

James shook his head, liking the woman less and less as she spoke. "No, I haven't. Can I ask what you're doing here?" he asked, flinching as the camera went off again, causing James to realize vaguely that he was still in his pajamas.

"Well," she said dramatically. "I was wondering, hoping, really, that you and your family would be up for a little interview."

"Excuse me?"

"You know, give the public the family's insight on this devastating tragedy. It would be a very touching article, very touching indeed. We could get a few quotes from your father about how proud he was of your brother, and maybe a few sentimental stories about him from your mother. And you could tell everyone how you always looked up to him, and how you'll miss him now that he's gone," Skeeter said with a little flourish of her green quill.

"Get out," James seethed.

"Pardon?"

"I don't believe that anyone would have the nerve, the audacity," James started, his voice trembling with anger now. "To show up at our house on Christmas morning to question me and my parents about my dead brother. It's hard enough to celebrate this bloody holiday without him, we certainly don't need a bunch of reporters around asking us bloody questions about how we feel. DON'T WRITE THAT DOWN, THAT IS NOT A BLOODY QUOTE!" James snapped fiercely as he watched the acid green quill jump out of the witch's hand and start writing of its own accord. Furiously, he grabbed the quill and threw it on the ground. "I swear, if you do not leave this instant, I will hex you so bad you will wish you never knocked on this door."

"Are you threatening me?" she asked incredulously, her camera flashing once more.

"GET OUT!" James hollered once more before he slammed the door shut in the witch's face. James turned around and leaned against the door, red-faced and breathing heavily. He looked down the hall to see his mother in the doorway to the kitchen with Uncle Travis right behind her.

"Who was that, James?" she asked cautiously, looking at him curiously.

He quickly ran a hand through his hair. "Some witch wanting to interview us for the paper," he answered wearily. "I told her to bugger off."

"We heard," Uncle Travis said gently. "C'mon, let's get started with breakfast."

James wearily followed his mother and uncle back into the kitchen. After so many days of emotional despondency, his sudden outburst of anger had completely drained him. He sank down in his chair at the table. A moment later his dad appeared at the bottom of the stairs, and they immediately began breakfast. Thankfully no one mentioned James's outburst only minutes before, and no one wanted him to talk about it. James simply ate his breakfast in silence, listening to his parents and his uncle exchange small talk across the table, almost as if it were any other morning.

The rest of the day passed quietly, and it was quite unlike any Christmas James had ever celebrated before. Presents remained wrapped under the tree, Christmas carols remained unsung, distant relatives remained at their own homes, rather than showing up at the Potter's for their annual Christmas party. The only noteworthy thing that happened all day occurred in the mid-afternoon.

The family had been in the living room. The Wireless was on quietly playing Christmas songs in the corner. Mr. Potter was sitting next to the fire, reading the newspaper; Mrs. Potter and Uncle Travis were engrossed in a conversation about current events; and James was content lying on the couch on his back, ignoring his mother and uncle talking and trying to listen to the Wireless in the corner. He found that he didn't mind being around people as much as he had in the beginning of the week, so long as they didn't expect him to talk or to associate with them in any way. James was starting to nod off to sleep (which would have been the first time he would have slept in several days) when there was a sharp knock on the front door. James sat up, propping himself up on his elbow. "D'you want me to get it?" he asked.

Mr. Potter looked up from his paper. "No, James, that's all right," he said, folding his paper up and setting it on the table beside him. "I'll answer it." He quietly stood up and excused himself from the room. A moment later, he returned, a middle aged man with scraggly hair following him. The man held a box in his arms that seemed to be filled with an assortment of things.

"This is Alastor Moody," Mr. Potter said briefly, probably for James's benefit, because he was pretty sure his mother and his uncle had already met the man. "He came by to drop off Jared's things that he left at the Ministry."

Mrs. Potter gave a weak and polite smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Thank you for coming, Alastor," she said kindly. "James, why don't you sit up so he can sit down. Would you like some tea, Alastor?"

"Tea would be nice, Juliana," he said gruffly, giving James the impression that he was only accepting to be polite. "I don't plan on staying very long."

"No, I don't suppose you do," Mrs. Potter said. "You've probably got your own family to go to. Christmas is a time for family, after all. I'll go see about that tea." Quickly, she bustled out of the room as James repositioned himself on the couch to make room for Moody.

Moody sat down, setting the box of Jared's things between him and James. Curiously, James peered into the box. There were an assortment of books, pictures, posters, and letters inside. He poked around the box, all too aware that Moody was watching him. "You look a lot like your brother," Moody after a moment. "Good man, Jared was. One of the best new Aurors I've seen in years. It was a shame to see him go."

"Thanks," James said awkwardly, already feeling uncomfortable with the man for bringing up Jared in such a frank manner.

"You know, Alastor, I've been wondering lately," Mr. Potter began. "When Juliana and I spoke to you last Friday, when you came and told us what had happened, you said you couldn't go into details of what went on. You said something about security reasons, and not being able to release information yet. Are you able to tell us now, what happened, I mean. I just want to know how– how he died," he finished, his voice thick now, almost as if he had a headcold.

"I don't see why not," Moody said in his same gruff manner, casting his gaze around the room. "The report's been filed in our records already. And you have a right to know . . . He was on patrol with three other Aurors. It was basic, no one expected anything to go wrong. They were just outside of London –– there had been several reports of suspicious activities around there. Their shift was just about over and they were about to return back to the office when Wright, the senior Auror on that patrol, saw several people apparate not fifty yards from where they were standing. They moved in a bit closer to hear what they were saying, but about five minutes after they had done so, they were spotted. Wright immediately called for a retreat, and he and Ross disappareted. Jared and Longbottom were about to when Longbottom was hit simultaneously with three or four hexes and was disabled. He wasn't able to disapparate by himself, and Jared refused to leave him there. As he was trying to help Longbottom, he took a Killing Curse straight to the chest.

"Wright and Ross re-apparated to the scene an instant later when they realized neither Jared nor Longbottom had followed them back to the Ministry. They were able to get both of them out of there, and they were able to get Longbottom to the St. Mungo's, but it was too late for Jared. No one can survive the Killing Curse," he finshed calmly.

Mr. Potter had turned away and was now looking deeply into the fire as if he couldn't bear to look at Moody. "Do you know who it was?" Uncle Travis said suddenly. "Do you know who killed Jared?"

"We don't know exact names," Moody said, a growling edge to his voice. "But we do know they were supporters of Voldemort. Longbottom is convinced that the bastard himself was there, too, but we don't have much solid evidence either way on that point."

James paled as Jared's words about Voldemort from earlier in the years came back to him suddenly. _"Quite frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if he did murder, again, soon. . . Something's going to happen- something terrible, obviously, and more than likely, its going to hit a well-known family in the community." _The words Jared had spoke to him were hauntingly clear, and James's head swam with new information and old conversations. Everything that had been piled on him this past week crashed down upon him with newfound fury. James stood up, pivoted on his heel, and raced out of the room, nearly running over his mother who was about to walk back into the living room with tea.

"James?" she called, her voice laced with concern. "James, come back!"

James didn't listen. Unable to think straight and pretend that he was coping any longer, he tore open the back door and ran out of the house and into the woods surrounding it. He was oblivious to the bitter cold and the snow softly descending upon him. Much like the day when McGonagall told him what happened, he found that he just needed to get away. He ran as if trying to escape the horror of reality. When he felt he was far enough from his house, he quickly transformed into a now-familiar stag. Imperiously, he cantered through the snowy woods, finding his animal form comforting in a way. His emotions weren't as complex now. He didn't have to be strong for anyone, and he didn't have the pressure of pretending to be okay. He was heart-broken and he was hurting, and that was all that mattered. After running for nearly an hour, he collapsed in a small clearing near the very edge of their property. It was a clearing he knew well, having spent much of his childhood there climbing trees with his brother and building forts. His energy was spent, and he couldn't hold his stag form any longer. Smoothly, he changed back and sat in the knee-deep snow, leaning back against a large oak tree. And there, in the quite copse of trees, he allowed himself to break down, weeping until he had no tears left to shed.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

an: Funny, the little ruler-divider thing wasn't working, so I had to use the O's to end the chapter. First things first . . . I am SO incredibly sorry that this took so long to get out. My life has been crazy all month, and this was, quite possibly, the hardest chapter I have ever had to write. A lot of things have been going on for me lately. The beginning of the month was my birthday (yay) and I got to go to NYC for JKR's charity book reading (which was amazing). The next day I was at the live LeakyMug ( podcast which was a lot of fun to (for those of you who listen to the podcasts, I'm the person in the audience who yells "it's my birthday" an hour and eighteen minutes into the show). When I got back, I found out a girl in my grade at school died of lukemia. And a few days after I got back from NYC I started marching band again which took up all of my free time, it felt like. On top of band, I still had a bunch of summer homework for my english class this year that needed to get done (I'm still not finished, and school starts tomorrow...eek). And, to top it all off, when I went to go finish the chapter on my laptop, my hard drive crashed. Luckily, I had everything saved on my jump stick, so I didn't have to rewrite this entire chapter (which i don't think I would have been able to do). But, while I'm on the matter of my crashed laptop, it might make my updating slower than usual until I find a way to reboot the lousy thing. I've still got the family computer, but I've got to share that with my sisters, and my muse doesn't like it as much as it enjoyed my laptop, so please bear with my technological difficulties.

Wow . . . that was a long author's note. "Christmas: Part II" should be up soon-ish. Please forgive any typos or gramatical errors. Special thanks to: Nietta, Kaede, Mister Bigbucks, and Crystallized Dreamer for their awesome reviews. I'd love to hear from all of you, even if it is a few words, so please drop a review.

Delano


	17. Christmas: Part II

The common room in Gryffindor Tower was practically deserted the Saturday after the term ended. Lily sat on an overstuffed armchair, still in her pajamas and bathrobe, despite the fact that it was nearly noon, and a book resting on her lap. On the floor, leaning against the chair, was Athena. Her wavy blonde hair was pulled back loosely and she wore an old pair of jeans and a woolly blue sweater. Remus sat across from her, carefully studying the chessboard that lay on the table before him. Other than them, however, the room was empty.

"You never told me what happened between you and Fabian last night at Slughorn's party," Athena commented as she watched Remus study the chessboard.

Lily pushed a lock of red hair out of her eyes and sighed. "That's because I'm not too sure what happened myself," she said, biting her lip slightly. "I mean, we didn't go together, but neither of us showed up with a date either. We talked and we danced some, but we kept getting pulled away from each other. And Anita Croll kept hanging all over him– it was disgusting. We left at the same time, and when we split up on the fourth floor, he said 'See you later.'"

"Oh no," Athena muttered, knowing well the issues her best friend had with that little phrase.

"Yes," Lily affirmed, sitting up straighter. "Honestly, what does that mean, 'see you later?' Of course he's going to _see_ me later. We go to the same school, we're bound to _see_ each other in the halls and at meals. Is that what he meant by later? Is that the only time he wants to see me? Or does he want to see me later in another social setting? I just don't know." She sighed and turned to Remus. "You're a bloke, Remus. What do you mean when you say 'see you later?'"

"Well typically," Remus said thoughtfully after instructing one of his bishops to move. "I mean that I will see the said person at some point in the future."

Lily leaned back against the chair. "Remus Lupin, you are absolutely no help," she told him, turning back to her book.

"If you want help on this, I am not the person to ask," Remus said lightly. "You'd be better off asking Sirius."

Lily smiled and glanced around the room. "Where is Sirius, anyway?" she asked. "I thought he was staying here over the holidays."

"He is. He's up in our room,"Remus answered. "I think he may be asleep, but I'm not too sure. He hasn't come out since James left earlier this morning."

"He's really shook up about James's brother, isn't he?" Athena asked.

"Well, we all are, aren't we? It's just harder for him, I suppose. The Potters have been like family to him for years now. A blow to them is a blow to him."

Lily sighed, and the three teenagers lapsed into an awkward silence, each left with their own contemplations of James's plight. For each of them, thoughts that ran through their mind were different, but puzzling just the same.

Remus wasn't unfamiliar with hardships, and he wasn't unfamiliar with questions that surrounded them. He learned at a young age that bad things happened to good people and he knew that too much of life was out of his control. The actions of others could easily destroy innocent lives. He had accepted trials in his own life, and he had grown to work around questions of "Why did this happen?" But the tables were turned now. This wasn't his problem, and this wasn't his trial. It wasn't his family that was grieving; it was James's. He was used to handling his own problems, but now he was faced with James's problems, and he didn't know what to do. He suddenly found himself confronted with the very questions he had learned to ignore. Why did the Potters have to endure this? How could God allow something like this to happen? Why was it James's brother that died? Any answer that his logical mind might have provided, answers about learning experiences, and building character, and strengthening relationships, fled mercilessly before him.

Sitting across from him, Athena was left with her own vexing thoughts. She hadn't slept all last night; she and the rest of the girls in her dormitory had spent most of the night trying to console Serena. The whole night, however, one thought never left her mind: if Serena was this distraught, how would James ever get through this? She had been on good terms with James for over two years now, and during those two years, she had learned how close James and his older brother were. She couldn't help but notice the excited look in his eyes every time he got a letter from his brother, and she would have been daft to not notice how alive he seemed whenever he talked about his brother during Quidditch practice, or during their late night study sessions after Quidditch practices in the common room. When she compared that James to the disheartened young man she had seen at dinner the previous night . . . She was worried about him. Before now, she had only one experience with death, and that had been two summers ago when her Uncle John died in a car crash. It hadn't been more than two months later when her Aunt called, saying that Alex, Athena's older cousin, had committed suicide. The grief had been too much for him, was what the note he left for his family had said. She certainly knew how easy it was for people to succumb to grief and depression, and she was terrified that James might follow a similar path.

Lily had always been a very sympathetic person. She was the type that would cry while reading a sad book. She almost always found herself emotionally attached to situations or people she hardly knew. It had happened earlier in the year while she was getting to know Remus more. The problems that Remus had, which she wasn't any closer to figuring out, felt like her own sometimes. And now, in the midst of this new crisis, she could see the same situation coming a mile away. She admittedly didn't know James very well, and she could barely remember his brother from her first year. But she was close to Serena, who was close to both of the Potter brothers. Serena's connection to the family gave Lily a connection to the family. Over the summer holidays, she had read letters from Serena recounting amusing anecdotes about the Potters. She felt attached to them in the same that she found herself attached to characters in fictional novels. The balance of the perfect family she had heard about from Serena had now been permanently distorted, and she felt saddened by it. She was saddened by the fact that James Potter, a boy whom she hardly liked, had to deal with this loss, just as she was saddened that one of her best friends lost someone she had known since birth. By no means would she compare the grief she felt to that of the Potters, or the McKinnons, or even Remus, Sirius, and Peter; she knew their grief far outstripped her own, and that they would still feel the effects long after she did, but that didn't make the pain in her heart hurt any less.

They were broken out of their reverie by the sound of solitary footsteps descending the boys staircase. Remus turned and was unsurprised to see Sirius on his way down. He looked tired and his expression was drawn. His normally immaculately placed hair was tousled, giving him a distinct resemblance to James. Wearily, he trudged over and sat down on the couch next to Remus, leaning back and resting his feet on the table next to the chess board in the very image of nonchalance. Or was it fatigue?

"Have a nice nap?" Remus queried, casting a sideways glance at his friend.

"It would have been lovely, had I been able to sleep at all."

"That bad, eh?"

Sirius nodded. "And it doesn't help that I couldn't sleep at all last night either," he grumbled.

"Well, that's not really uncommon, is it?" Lily remarked casually, not looking up from her book.

"What are you talking about, Evans?" Sirius asked, casting Lily a strange look.

"Sleeplessness is a common side effect of grief," she answered.

"And how do you know that?" Sirius asked again.

She shrugged. "My dad's a psychologist, and he does a lot of bereavement counseling. It only makes sense that I know something about the grieving process," she replied.

"What else do you know?" Sirius questioned, trying to keep his voice casual. To be perfectly honest, he was feeling anything but what his light tone implied. He was worried and confused and at a complete loss of how to help his best friend . . . even if he never would admit it in the present company.

Again, Lily shrugged. She looked up from her book and pushed her hair out of her face. "I'm not an expert," she said. "I don't really know much at all. Just basic things, like the five stages of grief– denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance– and complications that can arise when people are grieving."

"Like what?" Athena asked, her chess game with Remus now forgotten.

"Prolonged depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (in some cases), anxiety problems, occasionally suicide–"

"James would never–" Sirius started angrily.

"You can't know that, Sirius," Lily said gently. "Grief makes people act strangely, especially when it's something sudden and unexpected. You can't be sure that he won't be driven to try something like that."

"Well, I'm pretty damn certain!" Sirius snapped. "James Potter would never take his own life."

Remus opened his mouth to say something, in hopes of avoiding the nasty argument that seemed to be brewing, but Lily cut him off. "Sirius, I know you're upset, but you have to face it. In situations like this, suicide is not uncomm–"

"Evans, would you shut up?" Sirius seethed. "Out of the four of us, you know James the least, and you have no right and no authority to sit around and make claims like that!" Sirius sighed heavily, venting off pent-up frustration. He glanced around the common room, the furious spark that had been in his eyes a moment ago had vanished. "I've got to go," he said suddenly, standing up and smoothing out the wrinkles in his t-shirt. He turned to Remus. "If I'm not back by dinner, you know where to find me," he said simply, before quickly hurrying out of the portrait hole.

"Sirius doesn't really like me, does he?" Lily asked, breaking the silence that had been left in Sirius's wake.

Remus paused. "It's not that he doesn't like you," he said thoughtfully. "I don't think he has anything against you personally. He just doesn't like the way you treat James."

"So he expects me to bow down and worship Potter like everyone else in this school does?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. Questions and comments like these often came up when she and Remus patrolled the halls together. Both of them refused to budge on the matter: Remus was fiercely loyal to his friend, and Lily was adamant that James was nothing more than an arrogant jerk.

"No, you could ignore James if you wanted," Remus said slowly, knowing how easy it was to rile the red-head's temper. "You can't deny that you're not cruel to him."

"I am not," Lily said, frowning slightly.

"Yes, you are, Lils," Athena said.

"Name the last time I've been mean to Potter," she challenged.

"Last Friday in Potions," Athena answered promptly. "Just before class was over, he came over to our table with the intention of asking me something about our Quidditch practice that night. Before James could even open his mouth, you told him that just because you had classes together did not mean that he could talk to you and that he should just leave before he embarrassed himself."

"Oh," Lily said, silently reliving that incident. To her credit, she had been having a lousy day and Potter had already tried to ask her out twice. She quickly turned back to Remus. "Well, you can't deny that occasionally he deserves to be knocked off the pedestal he puts himself on."

"What he deserves isn't the issue here," he replied rationally. "All sorts of people get what they don't deserve and just as many don't get what they _do _deserve. You asked me why Sirius doesn't like you, and I gave my answer. Next time you wonder something like that, take a good long look at how you treat other people."

"I'd treat Potter just fine if he wasn't so insufferable," Lily said, not liking the way the conversation was going at all. She had always tried to treat others fairly, and for the most part, she did a good job at it. But Potter had always been another matter. He just . . . rubbed her the wrong way. Constantly. He was the only person she knew, with the exception of her older sister, who could make her lose her temper just by opening his mouth.

"He's insufferable by nature, Lily. You can't change that," Remus said simply. "Sirius, Peter, and I– well, at least Sirius and I– will be the first to admit that James is cocky and obnoxious sometimes, but that's only part of who he is. We can't change it, but we can look past it and see the type of person he really is. I get that you don't like him, and I'm not going to ask you too. It's just . . . it's wrong to judge him so harshly because of his natural disposition."

Lily didn't arguing back, and that was her silent way of admitting that Remus had made a valid argument. She stored his words in the ack of her mind, secretly glad that she didn't have to face James so soon after Remus's gentle reprimand.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

The next few days before Christmas passed uneventfully. The four fifth years stayed together for the majority of the time, if only so Athena and Remus could spend more time together (as they obviously wanted to). Sirius made no mention of his outburst on Saturday and the others wisely took it as a sign that he didn't want to talk about it, even if Lily did. Only rarely did they mention James, for fear of spurning another argument, but he remained on their minds almost constantly. They spent most of their time in the common room by the fire, claiming it as their personal domain and forcing the six other Gryffindors who had stayed for the holidays to find somewhere else to pass their time. Sirius showed signs of wanting to go outside often, but Remus's health had forced them to stay inside. The next full moon was on the upcoming Saturday, and as early as Monday, Remus was starting to get plagued with headaches. Sirius knew what the real cause was, but both Lily and Athena were afraid that he was coming down with something.

Only a few things of note happened in the meantime, namely three letters from Peter, Alice, and Serena, respectively. Peter's came on Tuesday, just after he had got home from the calling hours for the Potters. He had seen James, he wrote, "But he was completely unresponsive to anything. He just sat there, staring at a bottle of butterbeer. It was kind of scary." Alice's letter came a few hours after Peter's, and it contained grievous news about Frank Longbottom. Apparently, Frank had been a witness to Jared's death, and had gotten hurt in the cross-fire. According to Alice, not only was he hurt physically, but he was also an emotional wreak. She said that he had been given leave from the Auror department for a whole month. The official record said it was because of the extent of Frank's physical injuries, but both she and Frank knew otherwise. Serena's letter came the following day, shortly before dinner. She had just returned from a luncheon that had been held for Jared's family and close friends at the church. Her news about James was similar to Peter's. He wasn't acting like himself; he wasn't talking to anyone. For the most part, he tried to avoid people, including his godfather with whom he had always been close to. "I'm worried about him.," she had written. "I've never seen him so quiet and recluse. Lily, you'd probably tell me that is natural for people to act against their natures during a time like this, but that doesn't help any. As far as I can tell, Mr and Mrs Potter are worried as well, and I know my parents are concerned." Her words did little comfort to any of them.

They spent Christmas morning together in the common room. Lily and Athena had knocked on the door of the boys' dorm shortly before 8:00 AM and insisted that Sirius and Remus bring their presents down to the common room so they could celebrate together. Remus had half the mind to refuse– he had hardly slept at all the night before-- but the overly bright look on Athena's face convinced him otherwise. So Athena and Lily helped them haul their various presents downstairs where their own presents were already waiting. All four of them received an assortment of gifts from a wide variety of people. Lily and Athena both got gifts from Remus, their other friends, and their families. Remus got two more gifts than he normally did from Athena and Lily (a Queen record and a large box of chocolate frogs, respectively) on top of the customary gifts from his friends and his parents. Sirius, on the other hand, didn't have a gift from his parents (not that he sent them one), but did receive a rather lengthy letter written by his father, which basically surmised his father's less than amiable feelings towards him. Judging by the content and handwriting, Sirius suspected that his father had been drunk when he wrote it. Sirius had been astonished, however, to find that he had still received presents from the Potters. Mrs. Potter had always been very conscientious of the troubles Sirius had with his own family, and often went out of her way to make him feel included in her family. Ever since his second year, he got gifts from Mrs. Potter on Christmas and on his birthday. They were always subtle gifts, nothing extravagant or outlandish, and he never felt they were given out of pity. He treasured every gift he got from the Potters. Considering the circumstances of this Christmas, Sirius hadn't been expecting much, if anything, from any of the Potters. Sure enough, though, Mrs. Potter had sent him a homemade quilt and a box of large chocolate chip cookies, and James had sent him the camera he had been not-so-subtly asking for since his fifteenth birthday in May. In all honesty, the fact that the Potters had remembered him, even now, touched him more than he would ever admit.

Boxing Day dawned grey and grizzly the next morning. The weather seemed to be a reflection of the dismal and lethargic attitude that emanated from the common room. By ten, Sirius, Athena, and Lily had emerged from their respective dorms and congregated in the common room as always. Remus was still up in bed; with the full moon tomorrow night, he lacked the energy required to get up, get dressed, and walk down the stairs to common room. If it had been a normal school day, he would have made himself get up, but seeing as how it was the middle of the holidays he felt no such responsibility. Sirius accepted Remus's fatigue as normal behavior, and acted as though nothing was wrong. Lily and particularly Athena, however, found this as reason to believe that Remus was falling seriously ill and they journeyed upstairs to tell Remus that he should go down to the hospital wing. Sirius had told them that it was a bad idea, but neither of them listened to him. Sirius grinned as he listened to Remus emphatically, albeit groggily, tell them that under no circumstances was he going to go to the infirmary until he absolutely had too. After nearly five minutes of arguing, the girls got the point and left him alone. When they returned to the common room, they easily picked up conversation with Sirius, and it wasn't long before Sirius and Athena, with the occasional input of Lily who was engrossed in a book she had gotten from her parents for Christmas, were eagerly plotting ways to get Thelen fired. They were on number 132 ( have Perpetua Parkinson accuse Thelen of molesting her just like she accused James during the last Quidditch match in November) when Tyson Bell clambered through the portrait hole, a newspaper clutched in his hand.

"Athena," he said quickly, spotting her sitting next to the fire. "Did you see the article this morning?"

Athena frowned. "What article?"

Tyson tossed his newspaper to the floor in front of her. On the front page, clad in nothing but a white t-shirt and plaid pajama pants, his thick black hair standing straight up in its normal manner, was a furious looking James. The picture bore the caption "James Potter, 15, swears that his brother's murderers will be brought to justice." Just below the picture, in large bold print read the headline: "Heartbreaking Tragedy Brings Devastation to Potter Family by Rita Skeeter." They all stared at the article numbly before Sirius snatched it up and began to read out loud:

"_Christmas dawned bleakly on the Potter's home in Godric's Hollow yesterday morning. No presents were opened, and no Christmas carols were sung by the fire. The dismal holiday is a direct result of the heartbreaking event the _Daily Prophet_ reported several days ago. Auror Jared Potter, age twenty-two, was massacred on the night of December 18 while on a simple and routine patrol. At that time no other details were given about his tragic death. I, Rita Skeeter, special correspondent for the _Daily Prophet_, have the inside scoop._

_On the morning of December 25, the Potters graciously welcomed me into their tastefully decorated home and discussed with me how their recent loss has affected them. "It's hard to celebrate Christmas without him," said younger brother James Potter, tears welling in his eyes as he spoke. "Jared always loved the holidays, and it will never be the same without him." Both Mr. and Mrs. Potter expressed similar sentiments. "But I'm proud of him," Mr Daryl Potter explained. "He lost his life in the line of duty and there can be no greater honor than that."_

_That afternoon, Auror Alastor Moody arrived to relate the harrowing tale of Jared Potter's demise last Thursday night. "Potter died defending one of our own, Trainee Frank Longbottom, who remains hospitalized at this time. Potter was ruthlessly tortured by Death Eaters, followers of the Dark Lord, before taking a direct hit in the chest with a Killing Curse." A tragic end for a great hero._

_The Dark Lord, more commonly known as Lord– well, You-Know-Who, and his followers have flitted in and out of the papers for the past few years. They are believed to be responsible for the recent disappearances of several Ministry members. It seems, though, that they are now willing to declare open war upon us. The Aurors and the Potters certainly think so. But this won't stop the fight against them. "I'm not going to rest until those murderers are rotting in Azkaban," James declared adamantly, before . . . (Article continued on A7)"_

Sirius put the paper down and stared at it again. "That is the biggest load of bull I have ever read at one time," he said after a lengthy pause.

"How so?" Athena asked, having a hard time believing the details of the article herself.

"First of all, details of what happened to Jared would be kept private between the Aurors and the Potters until after the trial for the bastard that kill him. The Auror Department is known for its secrecy in cases like this," Sirius explained to the two Muggle-born witches. "Not to mention, Moody hates journalists. Second, there is no way that Mr. Potter would allow the papers to plaster his son's face all over the front page. His hatred for reporters rivals Moody's, and back when he played Quidditch professionally, just after Jared was born, he threatened to sue any newspaper or magazine that printed any pictures of the family. He didn't want his sons growing up in the limelight. So the chances that Mr. Potter would let some free-lance journalist into his house _and _photograph his family are slim to none."

"I never knew Mr. Potter was so protective," Athena mused aloud.

"It's not so much that he's constantly overprotective," Sirius explained. "It's just he's got a pretty dominant protective streak in him. James is the same way some of the time."

Lily sighed. It seemed like she learning all sorts of things about the Potters this Christmas, whether she wanted to or not. She glanced down at her watch: it was nearing noon. "We should probably head down for lunch soon," she said, looking back up. "And we can go give Tyson his paper back."

"Sounds like a plan," Athena mused. "Are you coming, Sirius?"

Sirius nodded vaguely. "I'm going to go see if Remus has enough energy to come down and eat. Either way, I'll meet up with you in a few minutes."

"All right," Athena said, heading towards the portrait hole where Lily was already waiting. "We'll see you in a bit then. And tell Remus for me that if he doesn't come down to eat, Lily and I are personally going to drag him down to the Hospital Wing, whether he likes it or not," she added as an afterthought.

A wry grin spread across Sirius's face, giving him a very impish look. "I'll be sure to get him the message."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

_Haunting gold eyes followed him as he moved. No matter where he was, no matter where he went, those same fierce and frightening golden orbs were following him. Marking him. Watching him like a wolf would watch its prey. Uneasiness built steadily in his gut, growing worse every time he turned to see those same eyes._

_The uneasiness was coupled with something worse, however. Something darker, something deeper. A part of him that he never wanted to feel, but felt once a month nonetheless. The yearning for flesh, for blood, was overwhelming, and the smell of fresh blood was all around him . . . intoxicating._

_Disgusted with himself, he tried desperately to push the craving back. When he turned, though, and saw a dark-haired boy standing before him, he couldn't fight it. Suddenly, on all fours, he charged after the teenager, finding sick pleasure in watching him run in fear. In hardly any time at all, he caught up to the teenager, pinning him down to the ground._

"_Moony," the boy pleaded in an oddly familiar voice. "Remus, stop this . . . Remus . . ."_

"REMUS, WAKE UP!"

Remus's eyes snapped open, and in confusion, he rolled over swinging his arm out to fend off whoever was grabbing his shoulder. Sirius stepped back with a small grunt, as Remus's arm caught him across the face. A look of comprehension dawned across Remus's face as he realized where he was and what he had just done. "Are you okay, Sirius?" he asked tiredly, watching Sirius massage his face.

"I'm fine," he said casually. "It probably won't even bruise. Are you all right, though?"

Remus sighed heavily, rubbing his hand over his face. "I think so. It was just another nightmare."

Sirius cracked a lopsided grin. "You don't have nightmares, mate. You get night-terrors."

"You're probably right," he muttered in reply. He cast his gaze around the room. "What time is it?"

"It's a little after ten. I was about to leave to get something to eat," Sirius explained. "Are you up to coming down with me?"

"Are you kidding me? I don't think I can move right now."

"Do you want to go down to the Hospital Wing now?" Sirius asked, concern showing in his expressive eyes.

Remus shook his head. "All I want right now are a few more hours of sleep," he said. "I'll probably head down to the Hospital Wing around lunch, or something."

"Are you going to be able to make it down on your own? You look dead."

"Thanks, Sirius," Remus responded dryly. "I can tell what a friend you are."

"I know," Sirius mused aloud. "Are we still on for tonight?"

"Of course," Remus replied, smiling wanly. "I'd be some kind of fool to tell you not to come."

"And to think that in October you were telling us not to come at all," Sirius said with a melodramatic air. "Oh how the times have changed. When should I come down to the Shack?"

Remus paused for a moment, as if debating with himself. "About a half-hour after sunset, I think,"he said slowly and deliberately

"All right. I'll be there then. In the meantime, get some sleep, eat something if you can, don't die on your way to the Hospital Wing, and do whatever Madam Pomfrey asks you to do," Sirius said, smirking.

"Yes, mother," Remus groaned as he rolled over back onto his stomach.

Sirius grabbed a pillow form James's bed by the door and threw it at Remus.

"Don't throw things at invalids," Remus grumbled into his pillow, causing Sirius to laugh as he stepped out of the room, closing the door carefully behind him.

When Sirius reached the common room, he found it deserted and he figured that the girls had left for breakfast sometime ago. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he exited the portrait hole and began to slowly meander through the halls, letting his mind drift. He was in no particular hurry to eat. Breakfast was already over, but he could always snag something from the kitchens. Not to mention, he had too much on his mind to really be hungry. Really, when he thought about it, he had been in a foul mood almost all month. The letters from his parents at the beginning of the month left him moody and testy for over two weeks. Then, just when he got to the point where he could just shrug off the letters, James's brother died, and that had sent him into an entirely different unpleasant mood. It hurt him to see James so miserable on Friday and Saturday knowing that there was nothing he could really do. That was hard enough for him. Sirius had always been very protective of his friends. He would do anything in his power to prevent them from getting hurt. On full moons, he protected Remus from himself, and he protected Peter from almost everything the rest of the time. It was different with James, though. It always had been. He watched James's back, and James watched his. He stood by James and took his side, even when he knew James was wrong. He was there when James needed him to be, and James did likewise for him. James provided the family Sirius had never had. And now James, his best friend, his _family_, was living in a seemingly endless nightmare, and there was nothing he could do.

To make matters worse, Sirius couldn't forget what Lily said earlier in the week. Nothing like this had ever happened to James before, and to be honest, Sirius had now idea how his friend was dealing with the grief. Jared had been such an integral part of James's life, and he was suddenly gone. What if James didn't know how to take it? Sirius knew it was completely against James's nature to take his own life– James was a fighter. He never just gave up. But Lily was right, no matter how much Sirius tried to deny it. Grief made people act strangely. Sirius want to think that he would ever have to live without his best friend. It scared him to think that he might have to.

Sirius stopped dead in the hallway as that last thought struck him. He was scared. Sirius Orion Black, who had spent the last two full moons locked in a house with a fully grown werewolf, who had faced the wrath of his parents multiple times, who had come out on top of fights with Slytherins twice his size in his _second_ year, was scared. He was scared that he might lose his best friend, scared that he wouldn't be able to help James overcome this– scared that because of his inadequate ability to help, James would have to suffer more. He almost laughed at the realization, even though there was nothing to laugh at.

"What are you up to, Black?" a grizzly voice sneered from behind him.

Sirius turned and was unsurprised to see the caretaker, Argus Filch standing behind him, while his mangy cat, Mrs. Whithers, twined around his ankles. To put it bluntly, Sirius had no respect for the caretaker or his cat. James had said back in their second year that "anyone deranged enough to name their cat after a person– a woman, no less– probably had more to worry about then students tracking in mud or using magic in the corridors." Sirius had always agreed full-heartedly. "I'm on my way to breakfast," Sirius said easily. "Or is that not allowed anymore?"

"A little late to be eating breakfast, isn't it?" Filch asked .

"I'm on my way to a light brunch, then," Sirius said, sighing and finding himself amused as he watched Filch get flustered.

"Breakfast is over, as you well know. There isn't any food left in the Great Hall."

"Then I'll go down to the kitchens," he suggested, smirking at Filch's reaction.

"The kitchens are out-of-bounds for students."

"That's never stopped anyone from going there before now," Sirius said innocently. "And probably at least half the student body knows where they are."

"All thanks to you and your little friends," Filch argued. "If I had my way, you would all–"

"Be strung up by our toes in the dungeons, being regularly whipped or beaten, with the occasional dip in boiling acid, I know," Sirius said wearily, all to used to Filch's usual threats. "And for the record, if it were up to my parents, they would allow you to indulge in such punishments whenever you see fit. Unfortunately, though, I think the headmaster had something against child-abuse, so you'll just have to wait til Dumbledore dies, I suppose. And that might not happen for another fifty years, at least."

Filch looked fit to burst, which, when talking to (or threatening, rather) Sirius, happened quite often. Few things gave Sirius more pleasure than pestering the irritable caretaker. Filch looked about ready to haul Sirius down to his office and threaten him with the usual (detention, suspension, and disembowelment) when a third person entered the scene

"Sirius, darling!" a red-haired girl called from the opposite end of the hallway. Lily ran quickly to catch up to them. She promptly linked arms with Sirius when she reached him and looked up at him with a wry smile. "Have you been here this whole time? I've been looking all over for you," she said dramatically. She turned to Filch. "Thank you very much, Mr. Filch. This school is so huge I don't think I would have ever found him!" Smiling broadly, she turned back to the bewildered Sirius. "Come, darling. We mustn't late for our brunch." Without waiting for anyone to say another word, she quickly led Sirius down the hall and back around the corner.

Once safely out of sight, Lily let go of Sirius and lapsed into a fit of helpless giggles. "Oh, Merlin, Sirius, you should have seen you!" she said breathlessly. "The look on your face was priceless."

Sirius looked down the hall and then back at Lily. "Evans, what just happened?"

Lily stopped giggling and grinned at him. "Athena and I were talking over by the Charms classroom when we heard you and Filch start arguing. We thought it would be very noble of us to go and rescue you before he gave you a detention. And since I'm a prefect, I figured it was my responsibility to prevent you from being dipped in a vat of boiling acid."

"That was considerate of you," Sirius said, giving Lily an odd look.

"I know," she said brightly. She paused for a moment, sobering her expression, then turned to Sirius. "I also wanted to apologize."

He looked perplexed. "Apologize for what?"

"For what I said last Saturday," she said calmly. "About Po– James., and everything. I don't know what was wrong with me, but I shouldn't have said any of what I did. I mean, you were right. I hardly know him, and I had no right to insinuate any of what I did. I'm sorry. I sincerely hope that he gets through this all right." She paused again and smiled. "Of course, with friends like you, Remus, and Peter, I don't see how he couldn't."

"Er, thanks," Sirius said uncomfortably. He had never expected Lily to apologize, and the fact that she had made the already awkward fight even more awkward.

"So, where's Remus?" Lily asked kindly, sense the uncomfortable tension in the air.

"Hospital Wing," Sirius answered shortly.

Lily chuckled. "So he finally got sick enough that he _had_ to go see Madam Pomfrey, I take it?"

"Something like that."

"We should go visit him after lunch or after dinner," she suggested politely.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Sirius said, keeping his tone even to avoid suspicion. He hadn't forgotten that Lily had been asking after Remus earlier in the year, and he didn't want to give her any ideas. "He really doesn't like to be bothered when he's sick. We could go in a day or two, if you want, when he's feeling a bit better."

Lily opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted when Athena rounded the corner. "There you two are," she said exasperatedly. "Did you decide to ditch me for a quick snog in the hallway?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yes, because it's been my life long dream to snog Sirius senseless in a deserted corridor."

"Of course. I mean, who wouldn't want to song Sirius?" Athena said, laughing. She quickly scanned the hallway. "Where's Remus?"

"He's down in the Hospital Wing," Lily answered.

"Oh, poor thing," Athena mused sympathetically. "Well, Madam Pomfrey will be able to sort him out. I take it that this means your on your own today, Sirius."

"Pretty much," Sirius said simply.

"Why don't you come with us, then?" Athena suggested. "Lily and were talking about going outside and sitting on the lake."

"Don't you mean you're going to sit _by_ the lake?" Sirius asked, his eyebrows raised.

Lily laughed and shook her head. "The lake's completely frozen over," she explained. "We thought it would be a lark to go sit on it."

A bark-like laugh escaped Sirius's lips. "That honestly sounds like something James would suggest," he said. "But I would be honored to go sit on the lake with you two lovely ladies."

"Okay," Lily said pleasantly. "We can go grab our cloaks real quick, then we can be off."

"We don't need cloaks," Sirius said. "It's hardly cold at all."

"Sirius Black, there's at least three feet of snow outside, we're taking cloaks," Lily insisted sternly.

"I wouldn't argue with her," Athena said in a mock-whisper, causing Lily to throw her a mock-glare.

Sirius smiled cheekily. "Yes, mother." He turned and headed off in he direction of the common room.

"I've seen your mother, Sirius," Lily called after him. "Don't insult me like that!"

After retrieving their cloaks from their respective dorms (the girls had also grabbed hats, scarves and gloves), they journeyed outside, where they proceeded to sit on the lake. Their conversations while on the lake where varied and unrelated. Ranging from a rant from Lily about Fabian (before she asked Sirius just what boys meant when they said "see you later") to an in-depth discussion about Quidditch logistics to the always popular topic of getting Thelen fired. A persistent light mood hung over them the entire time, which was a startling change from the dreary mood that had hovered over all of them all break. Shortly after one in the afternoon, they went in for lunch, but quickly returned outside afterwards. It was then that an argument over music (after sharing a room with Remus for nearly five years, Sirius had adopted many of his musical preferences, half of which clashed with Lily's) evolved into an all-out snowball fight between Sirius and the two girls. Of course, not long after that (when Athena hit Lily in the face with a snowball) it became an every-man-for-himself free-for-all. It wasn't until the sun started to set that Lily and Athena both insisted they go inside.

The girls were walking in front Sirius, chatting cheerfully about indulging in some hot chocolate by the fire when they got inside. Sirius chanced to look up at the right moment, and saw, not too far off in the distance, Madam Pomfrey leading Remus out to the Whomping Willow. The girls were too busy talking to each other to notice, but Sirius knew that if either of them happened to look up . . . Well, he didn't want to think about the questions they would ask. Thinking quickly, he bent over and scooped up some snow into his hands. Packing it swiftly, the then lobbed it at the back of Athena's head.

She and Lily turned around. Athena's expression was one of disbelief, while Lily was obviously holding back laughter. "You did not just hit me with a snowball," she said sternly.

"What snowball?" Sirius asked innocently.

"The one you chucked at the back of my head."

"I didn't chuck anything at your head, Athena. Your he girlfriend of one of my best mates, why would I throw things at you?" His eyes were sparkling mischievously.

"You are dead meat, Black," Athena said, hunching over and scooping up snow.

"Now would be a good time to run," Lily suggested politely, still trying to suppress laughter.

Sirius took Lily's advice, and ran in the opposite direction, making sure that the girls' attention was on him, and not on the Whomping Willow. Nearly twenty minutes and three snowballs down Sirius's shirt later, Lily suggested that they really go inside. Sirius willingly complied, knowing that Remus would be long gone by now, but when he reached the entrance to the Great Hall, he announced that he was missing his gloves, and promptly left to go searching for them outside. He denied the need for assistance easily, and insisted that the girls get inside before they got sick.

"Did he even bring gloves outside?" Athena asked they walked across the deserted Great Hall.

"I don't know," Lily said. "I don't think he did, but I wasn't really paying much attention." She sighed contentedly and looked up the enchanted ceiling. She could see the full moon rising over the horizon, and paused to admire it. While she was staring at the moon, the strangest of ideas hit her. What if all Remus's excuses were just lies to hide a deeper and darker truth? His illness this month coincided perfectly with the full moon, and his other absences were always about a month apart. Could he possibly be . . .? Lily shook her head and laughed at herself. If she knew only one thing about Remus, it was that he was _not _a werewolf.

Outside, Sirius discarded the stick he used to prod the knot at the base of the Willow and quickly maneuvered through the frozen branches. Once safely in the tunnel, he quickly transformed and ran quickly through the passage. He was unwilling to leave Remus alone for a moment longer than he had too. When he finally reached the end of the tunnel, he forced himself through the trapdoor over the small passage that was the Shack's only exit. When he stumbled into the dismal house, though, things were not as he expected.

The two previous times he had been in the Shack, he entered to hear growls and howls from the wolf, but now there was none. Instead there was piano music radiating throughout the house. Padfoot's ears perked. _Well, this is different,_ he thought with amusement. _I've never heard of a werewolf who can play the piano before._ Hesitantly, he transformed back and stood up, dusting his robes off. "Moony?" he called. "Are you in here?"

"Upstairs," Remus answered, his voice raspy and barely audible over the piano. "The first room on the left."

Sirius quickly padded upstairs and pushed open the door. The room was almost bare, except for the piano at which Remus sat and a rickety chest of drawers on the other side of the room. Remus looked terrible. His skin lacked any trace of color, and his eyes held a hallow and weary look in them. He was withdrawn, almost as if he were trying to bury his emotions inside of himself before he transformed. He was wearing only a plain white t-shirt and a pair of jeans with massive rips and tears. "Aren't you cold?" was the first thing out of Sirius's mouth.

Remus shrugged, his hands still moving gracefully over the keys. "A little," he answered. His tone implied that he had bigger things to worry about than the cold.

"Why haven't you transformed yet?" Sirius asked. "I saw the moon rising when I got passed the Willow."

"It hasn't reached its peak position yet," Remus answered quietly. "It will in another hour or so, but I won't change until then."

"I always thought you changed when the moon came over the horizon," Sirius said thoughtfully, leaning against the old chest of drawers.

Remus shook his head. "I don't change until the moon reaches its peak point–when it's the most full, as it were. It's different every month. Sometimes I don't transform til two in the morning, other times it's at five in the afternoon."

"What's with the piano?"

"So I have something to do on nights like these, when I have nothing to do for hours," he answered, frowning as he stumbled over a part in the music. "I asked Dumbledore to put a piano in here when he and my parents were making arrangements for me at school. It takes my mind off the transformation. It's relaxing."

"Aren't you worried that Moony'll break in here and ruin the piano?"

"I normally lock the door," he said. He finished the song and paused. "Any requests?" he asked, smiling wanly.

"Whatever you want, mate," Sirius answered. "You've always said that I know nothing when it comes to music."

"Very true," Remus muttered. He paused again before playing another song. "This is one of the first song I memorized," he explained, he seemed to be talking only to have something to do. "It's an old church hymn, but I've always liked it. It talks about how God will always be with you, even when darkness is on your doorstep. My mum used to sing it me when I would get sick before full moons."

A pregnant silence grew between them, before Sirius opened his mouth again. "Do you believe in God?"

Remus sighed, not taking his eyes off the keys. "I've got too," he said simply.

Sirius's brow furrowed. "What'd you mean?"

"If there's no God, then there's no point to life. If there's no point to life, then why bother living it?" Remus explained logically. "Life's too hard. I can't just walk around thinking that after I die, everything's over and that nothing that happens now mattered. I'd have killed myself long ago if I thought like that."

"But if there's a God, how could he allow this sort of stuff to happen? How could he allow you to get bitten by a werewolf when you were four? Or allow my parents to live? Or allow Jared to die?" Sirius asked bitterly.

Again, Remus shrugged his shoulders. "Some people think of it as a test of faith. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But bad things happen, and we can either lose all hope that things will ever get better, or we can have faith that maybe, just maybe, when all of this over, some good will come out of it."

Sirius shook his head. "You're a bloody saint, Remus."

Remus stopped playing and he stood up, pushing the piano bench under the piano as he smiled wanly. "Werewolves can't be saints, Sirius. That's just foolish. C'mon, let's get out of here."

Sirius followed Remus out of the room and back down stairs, where Remus collapsed on a couch in one of the rooms. Sirius was surprised that it could hold his weight still. The thing was practically ripped to shreds. "I hope you don't mind that I asked you to come before I transformed," he said softly, uncertainly. "I just . . .I just didn't want to be alone."

"Don't worry about it, mate," Sirius said. "Just try and relax some, okay?"

Remus nodded absently, sinking deeper into the couch. Sirius talked quietly of what he and the girls had done all day, trying to keep Remus from thinking about the transformation, but unaware if he was doing anything at all. After nearly a half-hour had passed, a slight convulsion shook Remus's pale frame. Remus rolled off the couch, breaking his fall with an outstretched arm. His face was contorted with pain.

"Change," he gasped pitifully between clenched teeth.

"What?" Sirius asked dumbly, unable to take his eyes off Remus, whose limbs were now shaking wildly.

"Change, you idiot," Remus gasped again. "Before I do!" Remus's bones started to crunch sickeningly, and he gave out a strangled yell of pain.

_Oh, Merlin_, Sirius thought desperately as he changed back into a dog. He quickly padded across the floor to where Remus was now writhing as his muscles were contorting. He nudged Remus gently with his nose before lying down next to him. Almost instinctively, Remus latched onto Padfoot's fur, as if this whole time he had been looking for something to hold onto. Remus hollered again, biting back tears as pain tore through his body. When he yelled again, it no longer sounded human, and Sirius could feel sharp claws dig into his skin.

Sirius whimpered slightly as the wolf pushed him away. The wolf stood up on all fours and shook out its fur. It looked around. Sirius wasn't sure if he had imagined it, but he thought the wolf looked disappointed that Wormtail and Prongs were not there as well. The wolf took a step back, almost bumping into the couch. It threw its head back and let out the most heart-rending howl Sirius had ever heard. It seemed to reflect a deep inner-anguish that was uncomprehensible.

It was then that Sirius realized something that he never had before. While Remus kept a constant facade of being in control, of being calm and collected, inside he was anything but. Remus would probably never let anyone, not his closest friend, not even his mother, see the emotional vulnerability he possessed, but it was there all the time. Remus had kept the grief he had been dealing with all week locked deep inside himself, so deep that those who didn't know him would think that nothing was wrong, but it was still there. And the wolf knew it. The wolf didn't have any reservations in abandoning pretense. The wolf didn't have any trouble in manifesting the pain Remus had meticulously hidden. While the werewolf was a monster, something that most people feared and reviled, Remus was still inside . . . somewhere. And he was hurting.

So Sirius threw back his own head, and let out his own mournful howl, a sorrowful symbol in remembrance of all James had lost.

* * *

author's note: SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY!You all have no idea how sorry I am that this took so long! I know, I know . . . it's been nearly two months, which is much too long. Honestly, though, this chapter has undergone so many revisions and changes and edits that it hardly resembles what it started out as. And I'm still not satisfied with it (although, I am rather proud of the Shreiking Shack scene).

As a side note, I think that you will all find some sort of irony in this. My physics teacher this year is new, and she fits Prof. Thelen perfectly. She's condescending, she treats us like we're all five, she's reteaching the AP physics class things they learned last year, her classwork is impossible to do unless you teach yourself how to do everything. Her name is even similar! I thought it was a little creepy when I was sitting in class and realized all this.

special thanks to all my reviewers: An Aspiring Author, Kaede, and Dewolfpack. I just hope that you all haven't abandoned me.

Delano


	18. A Period of Adjustment

Sirius walked alone on his way to breakfast on Monday. Peter had lost one of his essays and Remus was patiently helping him find it. Sirius was too tired and too hungry to make a decent effort to be civil this early in the morning, so Remus had shoo-ed him away. Classes had started a week ago, and James had still not returned to Hogwarts. Sirius had owled him when he didn't show up last Monday when the new term started. In reply, he had received a short letter from James saying that his parents didn't want him to leave just yet, so he would be staying at home for a little while longer, and, in the meantime, Remus was to take notes for him, because he didn't trust Sirius to do it. The letter did little to ease Sirius's concerns, and as the days passed by, he found he missed his best friend more and more.

He passed through the Great Hall he spotted a familiar figure sitting in the Marauders' usual spot at the Gryffindor table. He grinned, and quickly made his way between tables, blatantly ignoring Elizabeth Marchbanks who had been trying to flirt with him since she got back from break. He took his normal spot next to James, who was pushing his eggs around with his fork, looking rather bored.

"When'd you get back?" Sirius asked, helping himself to some food.

James glanced at his watch. "About ten minutes ago."

"How come you didn't write to tell me you'd be back?"

James smirked. "First of all, I didn't know I was coming back til this morning," he said. "But I did write you to tell you. You just won't get the letter til tomorrow morning's post."

Sirius snorted. "How considerate of you."

"So what did I miss while I was gone?" James asked, casually. "Anything terribly exciting happen? Any Slytherins get expelled?"

"I wish," Sirius said, chuckling slightly. "But unfortunately, everything has been rather dull since you've been gone. It's not the same with only three Marauders."

"I feel so loved," James said, with a melodramatic sniff. "How many detentions did you get?"

"Three."

James rolled his eyes. "You're slacking off, Padfoot. How many of them were from Thelen?"

"Two," Sirius answered proudly. "Two and half, if you think about it though. She made me so mad by giving me the first two detentions that I went and hexed Lestrange and was caught by McGonagall who gave me the third."

"As if you wouldn't have hexed Lestrange if you weren't mad with Thelen," James retorted sarcastically.

Sirius shrugged concedingly. "That's a very valid point."

"Where's Moony and Wormtail?" James asked, casting his gaze around the room.

"Wormtail lost his Transfiguration essay," Sirius said, smirking. "Moony's helping him find it . . . or helping him write another one, you never know."

The noise in the Great Hall grew greater as more students emerged from their common rooms for breakfast, but Sirius and James lapsed into a companionable silence. Sirius took the time to look over James, now that the initial shock of seeing him had worn off. James was pale and he had dark circles under his eyes. His hazel eyes still held some of the despondency that they did that fateful Friday, and the smirk that he almost always wore had vanished. His clothes seemed hang a little looser than they had three weeks ago . . ._Three weeks ago. Has it really been that long?_

"Prongs, you're back!" Peter exclaimed as he and Remus sat down across from James and Sirius.

"How apt of you to notice," James said dryly, smirking slightly.

"I was beginning to think you weren't going to come back," Remus said lightly, spreading butter over his toast with his knife.

"If it was up to my mum, I wouldn't be back," James replied simply. "She was really . . . reluctant to let me out of her sight while I was home," he elaborated at their confused looks. "If it weren't for my dad, I'd still be home right now. Mum seems to be suffering some sort of separation anxiety."

"Understandable," Remus said. "All things considered."

"Merlin, I hate to think what my mum would do if she had separation anxiety," Sirius muttered wryly.

Peter snorted. "Mate, if your mum had separations issues, you'd have killed yourself long ago just to get away." He flinched as he realized what he said, and eyed James cautiously. Honestly, what kind of person made jokes about dying in front of someone who recently lost a family member? It was like asking someone who was blind if they had seen anything interesting happen; you just didn't do that sort of thing. Fortunately, James was chuckling slightly at the joke along with Sirius and he figured it was okay.

James glanced around the Great Hall, uncomfortably aware of the fact that more than a few people were staring at him and whispering. He sighed inwardly and wondered how many of them had read the lousy article Skeeter had written, and worse yet, how many of them had believed it. "Do you think we could leave?" he asked

"Course," Sirius said, standing up and gathering his things.

The other three quickly stood up as well, gathering their own books and bags together as well. Peter also helped himself to a stack of toast before they retreated from the Great Hall, ignoring the morbidly curious glances that were being shot in their direction. The hallway outside, though, wasn't as blissfully empty as they had hoped it would be. Coming down along the opposite end of the hall was Athena, Serena, and Alice.

"James, you're back!" Serena called, having spotted him first. Quickly she raced down the hall to give him a hug. If anyone noticed that James had stiffened slightly at the contact, they knew better than to mention it. "How're you doing?" she asked, her dark eyes visibly expressing her concern.

He offered a little shrug. "I'm fine," he answered.

Serena nodded, but she didn't look convinced. Before she could make a comment, though, Alice and Athena had caught up with her. "Hey, Athena," James started, noticing that the concerned expression on Serena's face hadn't gone away. "How's everything going with the team?"

"It's been pretty good, actually," she answered lightly.

"That's good. Did you have any practices while I was gone?"

Athena closed her eyes and groaned dramatically. "Yeah, we had three. And they were dreadful. Since you weren't here and we needed a third chaser to hold practice, I had Alden Boughton, that seventh year who tried out, stand in for you. He has to be the most obnoxious person I've had the misfortune of playing with. The whole time he kept trying to override my instructions and kept talking about how much better he was then you. Tyson actually threatened to quit the team if he ever had to play an actual match with him on the team."

"So you'll all be glad to have me back?"

"_Yes._"

"When's the next practice?

"It's tonight," Athena answered. "If that's okay with you. I know you just got back, so if you want to settle in before . . ."

"No, tonight's fine. Normal time?"

Athena nodded and turned to Remus. "And you promised to help me with that Care of Magical Creatures assignment," she said, smiling coyly. "Said I needed to be protected from those terribly dangerous flobberworms."

"I did say that, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did," she said, moving in a bit closer to him. "And you haven't kept your promise yet."

"Well, I'll have to rectify that, won't I?" Remus answered with a foolish grin on his face. "What a dreadful waste of my time that will be."

"I won't enjoy a single minute of it," Athena teased.

"Oh, get a broom closet," Sirius said in exasperation.

Remus rolled his eyes at him, before excusing himself and following Athena and her friends back into the Great Hall.

"Has he snogged her yet?" James asked as they continued to walk down the hall.

Sirius shook his head. "It's been over two months, and he's got nothing."

"What's he waiting for?"

"No idea," Sirius answered. "Evans told me over the holidays that Athena's game for some snogging; it's Remus who's the problem. And when I asked why he didn't just find a broom closet and get on with it already, he told me that he wasn't going to kiss a girl who didn't know the truth about him. Said he wouldn't feel right about it. I told him he was being a prat, and if he didn't hurry up, she was going to run off and find someone else to snog."

"That sounds like Remus," James admitted.

He, Peter, and Sirius continued to stroll the hallways as the caught James up on the latest goings-on of the school. If either Peter or Sirius noticed that James was steering them away from the more populated areas of the corridors, they didn't say anything. When they did run across someone, one of two things would normally happen: the other students would give James a strange, pitying look and skirt around them, or they would cautiously approach James and express their condolences. James didn't know which method he disliked more. After watching a group of second year Ravenclaws edge around them nervously, casting sidelong looks at James, Sirius sighed aggressively and announced that they might as well just go to class early. They would, therefore, be able to avoid the awkwardness that was currently involved in walking down the halls at the moment. James smiled weakly at the suggestion, but readily agreed.

Professor McGonagall was already in the room when they arrived. She looked rather surprised to see them, of all people, early to class on a Monday morning, but she wisely said nothing and continued to prep the room for the upcoming class. Slowly, the rest of the fifth year Gryffindors filed into class, starting with Emm, who promptly asked McGonagall about the homework that was due, and finishing with Remus, who followed a giggling Athena into the room. Once the morning bell rang, McGonagall started their lesson on Vanishing Spells. When the class was over, McGonagall asked James to stay afterwards for a moment.

"You wanted to talk to me, Professor?" he asked as he approached her desk, assuring Sirius with a nod of his head that it was okay for him to leave.

"Yes," McGonagall said, looking up at him as she organized a stack of graded papers on her desk. "I wanted to discuss the lessons you missed last week. We started animal transfiguration, which is what most students have trouble with at first, but considering your aptitude in this class I hardly think you will have any trouble with this. Do you have a copy of the notes?"

James nodded. "I wrote to Remus and asked that he take notes for me."

McGonagall smiled. "That was probably a wise idea," she said frankly. "If Lupin's notes aren't up to scratch, which I doubt is the case, I can give you my notes from the lectures. Likewise, if you find that you do have trouble understanding the material, feel free to come talk to me about it and I'll try my best to bring you up to date."

"Okay," James said simply even though he knew that, even if he did have trouble with the assignments, he probably wouldn't ask McGonagall about it.

"Also," she added, her voice taking a more serious and more sympathetic tone. "As the Head of Gryffindor, I want you to know that if you ever need or want to talk about what happened to your brother, my door is always open."

James sighed inwardly. _Honestly_ he thought bitterly, _if I hear one more adult offer to listen to me talk, I swear I'll hex someone._ He gave the teacher a tight-lipped but polite smile. "Thanks, Professor," he said calmly. "I'll keep that in mind."

The rest of their classes on Monday followed a similar pattern. The teachers would smile warmly at him when he entered the class and precede with their scheduled lesson. They didn't make any comments about James's absence, but at the end of class, they all invariably asked him to stay after class. They would then quickly go over the lessons he missed; they would offer to help him if he had trouble understanding the material. While several of the teachers had implied that they would be available if he ever wanted to talk, none of them ever stated it as blatantly as McGonagall had. James took to giving them half-hearted responses to their open-ended invitation; he had no intention of going to them if he had problems concerning Jared. He had no intention of going to anyone if he had problems concerning Jared. In fact, he had no intentions of having problems concerning Jared. He really was just desperate to regain some sort of normalcy to his life.

While he could easily avoid giving answers to his teachers, it was a whole lot harder to avoid the entire student body. Honestly, the number of people who had come up to him to tell him how sorry they were was ridiculous. He didn't want to think about Jared, and the hordes of people who approached him weren't helping him any. He had to admit, though, he had never been hugged by so many attractive girls in his entire life. When he relayed his frustration to Sirius, Remus, and Peter none of them seemed surprised.

"People are just tripping over themselves to find out what really happened," Remus answered.

"Most of the Gryffindors, a lot of kids on the Quidditch teams, and some people that we have classes with realized how much crap was in Skeeter's article," Sirius elaborated. "But it's too hard to tell fact from fiction in an article like that, and they want to know for themselves."

"You've got to be kidding," James grumbled.

Peter shook his head. "All last week, Serena was getting bothered by a bunch of people wanting to know the real story. She actually stormed into the common room after dinner one night crying because it bothered her so much."

"Of course," Sirius said wryly, "Alice and Athena were both very quick to sort everyone out."

"I don't think people will bother you as much about it, though," Remus added thoughtfully. "I would like to think that most people had more tact, but you can never be too sure."

It wasn't until Thelen's class the next day before lunch, though, that James really had a problem. Of course, he had half-expected Thelen to be nasty and unreasonable, but, as Remus pointed out later, she was being downright vindictive.

James was already running late to class. He had been forced to stay after Divination with Professor Sanders to discuss the classes he had missed. Sirius, Remus and Peter had offered to stay and wait for him, but he told them to go on ahead to Defense Against the Dark Arts. After all, Thelen was liable to try and expel them for being late. He entered the class just as Thelen was finishing collecting homework and thrust the note Sanders had written him into her hand before she could argue. He was maneuvering his way to his solitary desk in the back of the room when Thelen asked, "Where's your essay, Mr. Potter? It is due today."

James turned around. "I don't have it."

"And why not?"

"I wasn't in class all last week," James said disbelievingly. Honestly, what was she playing at? "I never got the assignment."

"Mr. Potter, you could have owled someone to get the notes and the assignments from them or you could have asked me before you left. Your absence is no excuse. Even Lupin turns in his work on time whenever he leaves school."

"I wasn't aware I was going to be gone this long," James answered, trying to remain civil. "And to be perfectly honest, I had other things on my mind other than my school work at the time."

"That it still not an excuse, Potter," Thelen snapped angrily. "And you know my policy on late work."

"You don't accept it," James said. "So what am I supposed to do?"

"If I made an exception for you, Potter," Thelen snapped. "I'd have to make exceptions for everyone, and I will not do that."

"Professor, maybe, considering the circumstances," Serena said quietly from the back. She had never been prone to speaking out in class, but she felt she had to come to James's defense. "You could allow him to turn in his assignment late just this once. I'm sure no one else in the class would feel like you were favoring him or giving him unfair advantages."

"I won't do it," Thelen said firmly to Serena before turning back to James. "Potter, just because your unfortunate brother got himself killed on the job is no excuse for you not to do your homework."

James blanched and paled and looked at Thelen defiantly. "Fine," he seethed. "Fine, I'll just fail. I don't care anymore." Without saying another word, he pushed his way past desks and left the class, not bothering to close the door behind him.

"Potter, get back here!" Thelen shouted out the door.

"Don't think he's coming back," Sirius remarked snidely.

"Not another word out of you, Black."

"I was just saying–"

"Silence, Black!"

Sirius sighed angrily and rolled his eyes. It was impossible to reason with the woman. A quick glance around the room indicated that the entire class felt the same way as him.

Unexpectedly, however, Lily spoke up in defense. "Professor, you are out of line," she said calmly and steadily. "That whole display was uncalled for."

"Excuse me, Mis Evans, but I was not aware that it was your job to tell me what it is out of line in my own classroom."

"Whether it's my job or not is completely irrelevant," Lily shot back. "What you did and said to Potter was wrong. Look, I think Potter is an immature, arrogant toerag, but that doesn't give you the right to accuse him of using his brother's death as an excuse not to do school work. He may be jerk, but he wouldn't do something like that."

"Ten points for talking back, Miss Evans," Thelen said, her tone ending the entire discussion. "When I require your opinion, I will ask for it."

Lily sighed heavily but didn't bother arguing back. She knew it would be useless. The rest of the class passed without disruption, although Thelen did make a strange noise every time she looked back at James's empty desk. When the bell rang, they all quickly filed out of class, complaining loudly about what had transpired in the beginning. They didn't care if Thelen heard them. In fact, all the better if she did. They were completely enraged with what she did. When Sirius, Remus and Peter arrived in the Great Hall for lunch, they saw James already sitting at their usual spot at the far end of the table, viciously stabbing a potato with his fork.

"You okay, Prongs?" Remus asked, keeping his tone casual.

"That heinous, vindictive, self-righteous, miserable, old hag deserves to be drowned in a vat of boiling acid and then have her skin burned off," he muttered angrily.

"Pretty much," Sirius replied, helping himself to some fried chicken. "But you did miss Evans telling that heinous, vindictive, self-righteous, miserable, old hag off."

"You're kidding me. Evans actually stood up for me?" James said wryly. "I didn't think she had it in her."

"Well, she did say you were in immature, arrogant toerag," Remus admitted. "And a jerk. She called you a jerk, too."

James smirked. "That sounds a bit more like her," he commented. "Did the heinous, vindictive, self-righteous, miserable, old hag say anything about detention or the likes? I sincerely doubt she's just going to let me walk out on her class and not do anything about it."

"She didn't say anything," Peter said between mouthfuls of food. "But she's probably going to talk to McGonagall about it."

"And then I'll be landed with detention," James supplied. "It doesn't matter. I don't care."

"Did you ever?" Remus asked.

"No, not really."

James quickly fell back into the swing of things at school. It was almost as though he had never been gone. With Remus's notes, he was easily able to catch up on his schoolwork, with the exception of Divination, as Remus wasn't in that class. It was easy enough just to lie his way through his make-up work in that class, though, so there wasn't much to worry about. People he hardly knew still continued to tell him how sorry they were, and he continued to ignore them. He was all to aware that teachers were watching him constantly; at meals, in classes, in the hallways. He even had the shrewd suspicion that teachers were somehow watching him during Quidditch practices. So he just went out of his way to be out of _their _way. He wasn't too sure why they were all so interested in him all of a sudden, but he figured his mother might have had a word or two with the headmaster or the other teachers about keeping an eye on him. It bothered him that his teachers were being so invasive, but it wasn't as if they were witnessing things they shouldn't. He didn't lock himself in bathrooms and slash his wrists, he didn't spend hours contemplating death, and he didn't burst into tears every time Jared's name was mentioned. He was just trying to allow things to get back to normal.

The only thing he did that was remotely abnormal was ditch Defense on Thursday, but skiving class wasn't all t abnormal for James. He had a vast history of skipping classes that he was less than fond of, so none of his friends and classmates were all that surprised when he didn't show up for class, especially considering what had happened the last time he had shown up for that class. Of course, Thelen was most displeased when James refused to show up and had ranted about it for a full five minute before starting her thoroughly boring lecture. James found out later in the day that Thelen had also held Sirius after class and grilled him for information about where James might be. Sirius refused to say anything and got twenty points docked from Gryffindor.

But while his friends were enduring Thelen's lecture, James was finding his own way to entertain himself. He had already finished his make-up work for most of his classes and had decided to treat himself by delving into some more complex magic that he could use on their map. Remus had told him that they had finished the layout for their map, but they all agreed that it needed something more. A plain map would never do for the Marauders. So he had taken his Invisibility Cloak out of his trunk, tucked it into his bag, and planned his private excursion into the Restricted Section of the library. He was walking down the deserted corridor, kicking an empty ink bottle that someone had dropped as he went, and allowing himself to review the previous night's Quidditch practice in his mind. He was so engrossed with his thoughts and the image of the empty ink bottle rolling across the floor that he was caught unaware when someone else rounded the corner just a few feet to James's right.

"Oh, look. Potter's back," a voice sneered. "I was rather hoping you'd stay away."

James recognized the voice instantly and kicked the ink bottle harder than he had been and it rolled quickly to the wall and smashed upon impact. "And I was hoping that your hair would get washed while I was gone," James retorted, looking up at Snape. "Funny how that works out."

"Not really," Snape seethed.

"Well, I always knew you had no sense of humor," James replied, smirking condescendingly.

"What are you doing in the halls, Potter?" Snape demanded. "You've got class."

"And you don't?" James queried, crossing his arms across his chest, discretely slipping his wand up his sleeve where he could easily reach it. "And to think, I thought that was the point of a school. To have classes. Apparently I was wrong."

"You didn't answer my question, Potter,"came the sharp reply.

James laughed derisively. "First, Snivellus, you are not a prefect. I don't have to answer your questions about why I'm not in class. Second, even if you were a prefect, I still wouldn't answer."

"I see you haven't changed at all. Still as high-minded and arrogant as always. Several of my housemates were under the assumption that the death of your _beloved_ _brother_" (he spat that words) "would knock some sense into you. Apparently they were wrong."

James's cocky smirk instantly slid off his face. "Don't talk about my brother, Snivellus," James warned. The tone of his voice clearly expressed his change in temperament.

A sneer worked itself across Snape's face, the corners of his mouth twisting maliciously. "Hit a sore spot, have I, Potter? What are you going to do now? Crawl back home and cry to mummy? Tell her how the other kids at school were making fun of your dead bro–"

Before Snape could get another word out, James had surged forward. He pinned Snape to the wall with his right hand while his left hand pressed his wand to Snape's throat just below his Adam's apple. "I told you not to talk about my brother, you despicable, cowardly, son of a bitch," James seethed angrily, his eyes sparking dangerously.

"_Levicorpus,"_ Snape managed to choke out against the pressure of James's wand. Almost instantly, James felt his feet swept out from underneath him and felt his ankle being hoisted into the air.

James had managed to keep a hold of his wand, though. _"Furnunculus,"_ James hissed, twisting around so he could see still see Snape.

Snape hissed in pain and stumbled backwards as boils erupted on his face. He flicked his wand and there was a brief flash of light before James felt a sharp pain in his left arm, followed by the sensation of warm water dripping over his arm. He didn't need to look to know that he was bleeding.

"_Conjuncto!"_ James cried, carefully aiming his wand towards Snape's eyes. Snape's eyes immediately snapped shut and crusted over, reminiscent of the muggle disease, pink-eye. Snape yelped in pain, clapped his left hand over his eyes, and stumbled back against the wall.

"What on earth is going on here?" McGonagall's firm voice echoed down the hall behind James. James saw Snape give a slight flick of his wand blindly in James's direction and James crashed to the floor. By the time James had untangled himself from his robes and found his glasses which had fallen off as he crashed to the floor, McGonagall had already seen to Snape and was preparing to escort him to the Hospital Wing. James wasn't surprised. The Conjunctivitis Curse left the victim half-blind for over a half hour after the counter-curse had been preformed.

She turned to James, and looked at him quite sternly. "Potter, go to my office and wait for me there," she said forcibly, her tone leaving no room for argument.

As McGonagall left with Snape, James quietly gathered his things together and made his lonely trek to McGonagall's office. When he finally reached the familiar study, he let himself in, dropping his bag by the door and looking around, unsurprised that the door shut itself behind him automatically. He took a moment to look at his left arm. A nasty looking cut wound itself around the appendage. It was still bleeding some, though not nearly as much as it had been before. His hand, though, as well as his wand, was caked in drying blood, giving him a rather sinister look. When he met back up with his friends, he would have to ask Remus if he had anything that would keep the cut from getting infected. Knowing Remus, he probably would. Meanwhile, his neck and back were throbbing with a dull ache. When Snape had released him from the jinx, he had landed awkwardly and chances were he was sporting some very lively bruises.

"Better bruises than boils," he muttered to himself, recalling the image of Snape's face erupting in massive boils just minutes ago.

Massaging his neck with his right hand, he looked around the office. Everything still looked the same. Everything was still in its proper place. He didn't know why, but he had half expected the room to look tragically different from when it had the last time he had been summoned to McGonagall's office. But everything was still the same. James's jaw clenched on its own accord as he thought of his last visit with McGonagall in the study. Odd details about the morning stuck out to James, details that he certainly hadn't noticed before. He remembered how the morning light reflected off the glass picture frame on the wall to the left of the window. He remembered the tension in the room that wasn't there now. He remembered how McGonagall's voice had choked as she explained that he could floo home immediately if he wanted. He remembered how dark the blue ink of his father's letter was compared to pale yellow parchment it marred. He remembered how his hands shook as he held the letter. He remembered how the felling of despair in his gut had slowly permeated through him. He remembered his disbelief. He remembered his heartbreak. Oh, yes, James Potter remembered everything, even though he just wanted to forget.

His memories were interrupted when McGonagall stepped into her office, closing the door behind her with a sharp _snap_. With a wave of her hand, she indicated that James should take a seat and quickly she maneuvered around her own desk and took a seat across from him. She studied him intently before she started her lecture.

"May I ask," she began sternly, "What that disgusting display was about?"

James shrugged. "We had a mutual disagreement."

"About what?" McGonagall queried, her eyebrows raised

"Social politics," James supplied easily. He and Sirius (and occasionally Remus and Peter when, by chance, they were fighting too) had been using hat excuse for years. Every time they got caught fighting with or hexing another student, that was all they would say on the matter. They had mutual disagreements regarding social politics. McGonagall had grown to expect the answer every time she brought the boys in her office, and one would have to be daft not to notice the half-amused glint in Dumbledore's eye whenever they offered their traditional excuse. Although, James had to admit, McGonagall did not look too pleased now.

"Potter, I don't believe that for a second."

"Well," James said slowly, "I don't know what to tell you, then."

"The truth would be a nice start," McGonagall suggested.

"But that was the truth."

"Potter, I know you well enough to know when you're lying," she affirmed.

James sighed heavily. "Professor," he started, sounding rather tired and agitated. "I'm sure you've got papers to grade and lessons to plan, and I know I've got a lovely stack of books in my dormitory just waiting to be read, so why don't you just take away some points and give me a detention or two and we can both be on our way."

McGonagall shook ger head sadly and leaned forward slightly, folding her hands on her desk in front of her. While James's response had been delivered in his typical manner, McGonagall couldn't help but notice that the certain spark James normally had in his eyes was missing. "Potter, what's gotten into you?" she asked, not expecting an answer. She sighed. "Fifty points from Gryffindor and two nights worth of detentions. Now, Potter, I expect you to show for both of these detentions, and not skip out on them like you did last night. Professor Thelen was quite . . . annoyed that you didn't show up for your detention."

A shadow of the James Potter McGonagall was used to having in her office flickered behind his eyes as he grinned rather sheepishly and looked up at her. "So you _did_ find out about that."

"Yes, Potter, I found out about that. Professor Thelen had quite a few choice words with me during breakfast this morning concerning you and your detention. I assume that many of those words will be repeated tonight at dinner. After all, I can't imagine that she's pleased you missed her class."

James shrugged nonchalantly. "I had other things I needed to do," he supplied.

"Yes, well, if you get another detention from her, I expect you to serve it without complaining. And I expect you in all of your classes from now on, as well."

"Of course, Professor.

McGonagall sighed and studied James one last time. "You can go ahead and head back to the common room now," she said after a moment of silence. "No doubt Mr. Black is wondering where you've run off to."

James stood up and a slight grin flitted across his face before he excused himself out of the room. He returned to the common room, and quickly sought out Remus. His arm was beginning to twinge painfully, and he was willing to take any steps necessary for preventing an infection. Just as he had thought, Remus did have a salve in his trunk that was not only disinfected the cut, but it also sped up the natural healing process. It smelled terrible, but it worked. The next day, as promised, James attended all of his classes, though he didn't particularly enjoy any of them. When he showed up for Potions, he and Snape glared at each other and exchanged a series of rather rude hand gestures, but other than that, they left each other alone. The highlight of his day was, without a doubt, Quiddicth practice that night after dinner. Monday had been his first time back on a broomstick since the Thursday before the holidays. He had to admit, he had missed flying greatly, and being back outside with the rest of the team on Monday night, having nothing to think about but playing Quidditch, had been rejuvenating.

Their practice went flawlessly. Maneuvers and techniques the team had struggled with before James left finally came together. Despite the freezing conditions outside, the entire team worked hard. The end result was a giddy pleasure reminiscent to the one they had felt when they beat Slytherin in November.

James and Athena landed gracefully next to each other at the end of practice. They were both drenched with sweat, as was the rest of the team, though that was not unusual. Unorthodox the Gryffindor Quidditch team might have been, they practiced hard. Athena smiled as she watched Emerson and Tiberius wrestle the bludgers back into the box of balls. "Good practice," she muttered breathlessly to James as she ran her hand through her tangled hair.

"You can say that again," James said, plopping down on the ground and setting his broom down gently beside him. He didn't care that there was a foot of snow on the ground; it was a nice way to cool down.

"Tired, James?" Tyson asked, poking his head out of the locker room.

"No, I just like to sit in the snow in my free time," James quipped sarcastically.

"D'you need something, Ty?" Athena asked, ignoring James's usual sarcasm.

"We were just wondering if we were having a team meeting now, or if we can just go inside. I've got a huge essay I need to start on," he explained.

Behind him, Zachary snorted. "Homework?" he asked incredulously. "You just want to go inside so you can get back to snogging Persephone Cratchet senseless."

Tyson smirked. "I won't deny it."

Athena rolled her eyes. "You can all go ahead inside. We'll talk before next practice," she answered. "Think of it as a treat for an amazing practice. Have a nice night and happy snogging, Tyson."

Athena took a deep breath before throwing herself on the ground next to James, ignoring the feeling of cold, wet snow seeping through her clothes."Do you want to have a brief captains meeting, or go inside?"

James shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me."

"Well, then," Athena said. "We're going inside, because I'm absolutely freezing right now."

"Better watch out," James advised, his face completely expressionless. "All that sweat might freeze and turn into icicles."

Athena scooped up a handful of snow and chucked it at him. "You better watch out, yourself," she teased as she stood up, watching him brush snow off his shirt. "Are you coming, or are you just going to sit in the snow all night?"

"Actually," James started slowly, casting his gaze around the empty stadium. "I was thinking about staying out a bit longer. You know, fly around some."

"Okay, that's fine," she said. "Just don't stay out too late. The last thing the team needs is for you to get sick and land yourself in the Hospital Wing."

"I won't," he promised. "If Sirius asks, tell him I'm out here, okay?"

"Sure thing," Athena said, grabbing her broom off the snow. "Don't forget to lock up everything, kay?"

James nodded and stared after her as she quietly exited the pitch. When she was out of sight, he stood up, brushed the snow off him and picked up his broom. He took a deep breath, remembering the sensation of the cold, biting wind against in skin, and smiled. In a few quick steps, he crossed to the black box where they stored the balls that Athena had left and nudged it open with his foot. Picking up a spare beaters' bat that had been left beside the box, he kicked the box at just the right angle, causing one of the bludgers to become unstrapped. As the bludger soared into the air, James quickly mounted his broom and kicked himself off the ground. Just as he was rising higher and higher into the air, the bludger started to come straight down towards him. Taking the bat in his left, he smirked recklessly as his path crossed with the bludger's. He brought back his arm, and swung towards the bludger mightily, taking an odd sort of satisfaction in the feeling of relief that the impact of his bat against the bludger offered him.

Back inside, Athena was lucky enough to run across Lily and Remus as they patrolled the halls together. She was slightly embarrassed by the fact that she was sweaty (and no doubt rather smelly, as well) and thought for a moment about ducking down another hall so she wouldn't have to face Remus when she looked like such a mess. Unfortunately, Lily caught sight of her before she could slip away and called her over.

"Hey there, Gorgeous," Remus said as Athena quickly hugged him, slightly self-conscious at their display of affection in front of Lily.

"Hey there, yourself," she said, grinning as she pulled away.

"How was practice?"Lily asked.

"Absolutely amazing," Athena said. "I mean, phenomenal. Everything was perfect."

"Glad to hear it," Remus said. "You'll have to tell me about it later." He glanced around. "Where's James?"

"Still down at the pitch," Athena answered. "He said he wanted to fly around for a bit by himself."

"That doesn't surprise me. He seemed to be rather annoyed with everyone hovering around him all week," said Remus. "He probably needs some time on his own."

Lily and Athena both nodded. "How's he been doing this week?" Athena asked. "I haven't had much of a chance to talk to him."

"I think he just wants everything to go back to normal. He hasn't really mentioned Jared at all, and I think he just kind of wants to forget," Remus said frowning slightly.

"Forget that his brother died?" Lily queried frankly.

"Okay, maybe forget wasn't the right word," Remus conceded. "But he certainly doesn't want to think about it right now."

"Then I can't imagine that he enjoys everyone and their mother coming up to him in the hall and telling him how sorry they are," Lily remarked.

"I can't say that he does," Remus said. "In fact, he hates it, but Sirius has gone out of his way to make sure people know to bugger off."

Athena laughed. "So that's what he was doing when I saw him with those Hufflepuffs on Wednesday?"

"Probably."

"Has James talked about Jared with anyone, do you know?" Lily asked, sounding a little concerned.

"He probably talked to his parents, I don't really know. Like I said, he hasn't really mentioned it around Sirius, Peter, or me."

Lily nodded. "Well, he's going to have to face up to the facts and talk to someone about it sometime."

"I know," Remus said. "And I'm sure he knows that, too. But if he doesn't want to right now, then I'm certainly not going to make him. We'll be there when he's ready, though."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Padfoot. January 15, 1975: On Victoria Thelen: Death Eater in Disguise

So, I've finally figured out what's wrong with Victoria, our dear (not) DADA prof. This ingenious idea struck me after my detention with McGonagall last night. I was going to meet James outside of Victoria's room afterwards (of course, I didn't realize that he was skiving his own detention). And so as I'm waiting outside the room for him to come out and when he never came out I got to thinking: what if she abducted Prongs? I could see it unfolding before my eyes. He would be sitting at the desk right in front of her own as she made him write lines (probably something like "I will not contradict the opinions of the elderly mad" or some such nonsense), and because he is a Marauder, he would somehow be cheating using a quill that would do all the work for him or something. She'd see him using it, and throw a strop and demand to know who gave him the quill. Prongs, of course, would refuse to tell her anything, so she'd stun him and drag him away to lock in her office muttering curses about Gryffindor's the whole time ("Damn Gryffindors, won't tell me what I bloody want to know . . . always pointing out that I'm a terrible bigot and that I'm fat and that I'm a nasty old hag who should be mauled by hippogriffs or possibly a chimera. It's such a shame they're right, especially that fit Sirius Black"). Then she would spend her free time using the Cruciatus Curse on him till he caved, which he wouldn't, because he's so bloody stubborn, and the rest of us would have to go rescue him in our spare time (which we don't have much of, so maybe we wouldn't rescue him...hahaha!). But then I got to the common room and saw him

talking to the Quidditch team about one thing or another and I realized that it was all just pointless speculation.

But she is a Death Eater.

_That's got to be the biggest load of crap I've ever heard, Padfoot.-Moony_

Are you kidding me? It makes perfect sense!

_No, it doesn't. Being a self-righteous miserable bigotted hag doesn't make her a Death Eater._

Look at it this way: One: Victoria is a prejudiced bigot (and yes, I know that's redundant, so don't bother telling me it is) and that is the gist and nub of being a Death Eater. Two: Victoria has shown no remorse for current tragedies, and neither have the Death Eaters, because, well, they've caused said tragedies. Three (and most important, if you ask me): She hates me, and Death Eaters (i.e. my family) hate me, ergo she is a Death Eater.

_Why do I bother arguing with you? You're obviously quite mad and there's no reasoning with you. Maybe Pomfrey has some potions that could help with that . . ._

Har, har, har. Really funny, Moony.

* * *

Author's Note: Okay, so this chapter took only a month and a half to get out. I'm getting better, aren't I? Anyway, just to inform you, I have recently got a job to pay for gas for my car (which I can now legally drive) and that has severly restricted my time for writing. Don't worry, though, I'll keep writing (even if it does take forever). Unlike the last two chapters, I'm really pleased with how this one turned out. It came together nicely for me.

I only proofread this once because I figured you'd rather have something to read than it be gramatically perfect, so please bare (or is it bear? I can never remember) with my mistakes.

Thanks to my growing number of reviewers. Y'all are awesome! So, thank you Kaede, Nietta, An Aspiring Author, crAzidAz08, jessie, coco613, and dreamer.

Virtual cake goes to the first reviewer for this chapter, because you'll be number 70.

Peace and love

Delano


	19. Foul and Fair

**Author's Note:** I'm sorry. I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.I'm sorry. In case you couldn't tell, I'm _really_ sorry that this took four and a half months to get out. As in REALLY sorry. If this isn't sufficient grovelling or you would like an explantion of where I've been, please see my second author's note. For the rest of you, please enjoy.

* * *

James woke up in the morning to a firm hand shaking him into consciousness. Wearily, he slapped the hand away and rolled over to see Sirius's blurry form hovering over him. "What d'you want, Sirius?" he mumbled, reaching out towards his bedside table for his glasses.

"It's nearly a quarter till," Sirius answered. "Peter and Remus are already down at breakfast. Class starts in fifteen minutes. You've got to get up."

James sighed and sank against his pillow. "I don't want to go to class," he said.

"I don't think you really have a choice," Sirius said, moving around to James's trunk, and pulling a fresh set of robes out. He threw them at James. "McGonagall will skin you live if you miss class again."

James groaned and rolled out of bed, grabbing his robes and glasses as he did so. "You don't have to wait for me," he said as he quickly changed.

"Yes, I do," Sirius said, sitting on his bed as he waited. "If I leave, then you're going to go back to sleep. C'mon, if you hurry, we might still be able to get some breakfast."

James complied, not because he had any strong desire to sit down for breakfast– he wasn't hungry, he rarely was these days– but because he knew that Sirius was undoubtedly hungry. Their walk to the Great Hall was spent in silence, which was a familiar state to both of them now. Sirius wasn't quite sure when, in the last few weeks since James's return, James had grown so quiet, but he had nonetheless. Sirius had learned quickly that it was easier to let his friend maintain the awkward silence then to try and force an even more awkward conversation.

It was one of many new quirks James had developed since his return. Sirius, Remus, and Peter had taken these oddities in stride, but none of them would claim that it didn't unnerve them. Sirius could run through the list of quirks. James's already diminutive appetite had diminished even more; his abnormal sleeping patterns had grown worse; his temper was shorter; his grades were slipping; his entire demeanor was withdrawn. He didn't involve himself in their usual pranks and practical jokes. Sirius would admit, though, that James had _tried_ to be normal for the first week or so. He had tired to act like he used too, but he always fell short. For Sirius, it had been painful to watch James try so hard and not accomplish anything. And, eventually, James had just stopped trying. He wasn't unbearable to be around. He didn't whine and mope. He didn't force his problems onto his friends. He shouldered his pain and hid it from the world._ Perhaps_, Sirius thought as he walked with James,_ that was the problem._

The Marauder's certainly had plenty of experience in mishandling problems. Remus had hid his secret for over a year, and Sirius bottled his frustrations with his family. Hiding, burying, and bottling seemed to be the customary course of action for them. Really, Sirius and Remus shouldn't have been surprised to see James follow in their poor example. They had hoped that James would handle his problems differently, perhaps, because had always been the one to force them to come to grips with their own problems. They had all tried to help James out, but he seemed to be in a seep state of denial. He always claimed that everything was fine, and that his friends shouldn't worry. Sirius tried not worry, but he couldn't help but despair a little at his best friend's behavior. James was different now, and no one could deny it.

Their silence was ended abruptly upon their entrance into the Great Hall. As always, a dull roar greeted them. They were surprised, though, to find that neither Peter nor Remus seemed to be enjoying the morning meal all that much. Remus, who was suffering a post-full moon sort of nausea, was picking miserably at his plate of eggs. Peter, on the other hand, seemed intent on stabbing his sausage mercilessly with his knife.

"What's gotten into you?" Sirius asked as he sat down and helped himself to some food.

Peter glowered. "Got a letter from my dad this morning," he mumbled as he indicated to the small pile of torn parchment that had escaped Sirius's notice before. "He's decided to get remarried . . .again."

Sirius grimaced. The topic of Mr. Pettigrew's marital status was taboo with the Marauders. The man, in an attempt to spite Peter's mother, had been married and divorced and remarried more times than Sirius could keep track of. The women he found were usually pretty, young, and stupid, and Mr. Pettigrew's affection for them was always short-lived. Peter had quickly grown sick of his father's promiscuity, and never spoke of it when he could help it. His friends followed his suit."That sucks," James offered.

"You can say that again," Peter groused.

Sirius smirked. "That sucks," he parroted.

An uncharacteristically harsh laugh caught in Peter's throat before he heaved a heavy sigh. "I need to go talk to my sister," he said, as he glanced over at the Hufflepuff table where his sister was sitting. "She looks about as thrilled about this new development as I do. I'll meet up with you in class," he finished glumly as he stood up, gathered his bag, and left.

"Well," Sirius said, taking a large bite of eggs. "That was a lovely start to the day."

"An omen of things to come," James mused.

"Merlin, I hope not," Remus said. "I really don't think we can take more bad news."

Sirius raised his glass of pumpkin juice. "Here, here," he said before draining the glass.

As soon as Sirius put his glass back down, the bell rang for the first class. All three teenagers suppressed a groan. They were headed for Care of Magical Creatures and there was nearly two feet of snow on the ground. In the fall and spring, the class was usually very enjoyable, but in the winter it was considerably less so. Even Sirius, who normally was oblivious to uncomfortable weather, admitted that it seemed foolish to force students outside in the snow for an hour at a time.

"Really," he grumbled as they marched down the path already trodden by other students, "It's like they want us all to get the flu and get sent to the Hospital Wing. And, on top of that," he said as he squatted down and scooped up a handful of snow and lobbed it at Narcissa as she walked with her friends to Herbology, "it encourages all sorts of lawless behavior."

Remus shook his head. "If it had been raining, instead of snowing, you would have thrown mud at her," he reasoned. "You don't need a bit of snow to encourage 'lawless behavior.'"

"Oh," Sirius said, "I know I don't, but its encouragement for everyone else."

Remus just rolled his eyes, soliciting a small grin from James. Luckily, their time outside was short-lived. Professor Kettleburn eventually became fed-up with the fact that his students' teeth were chattering louder than his lecture on different breeds of winged horses and sent everyone inside. They had a half hour before the start of their next class, and while normally the Marauders would have spent the time wreaking havoc (or at least planning to wreak havoc in the near future), they spent the time working on homework they had all pushed til the last minute. Sirius reflected as he made up facts for his History of Magic essay, that this was another side-effect of James's new quirks. James was normally the one who helped him convince Remus and Peter to go along with his schemes, but as of late, James had lost virtually all interest in these same schemes. It wasn't nearly as much fun to cause trouble without an accomplice, so Sirius found himself getting into less trouble than ever. The only thing he really got detentions for these days were for skiving class and getting into fights.

Just as Sirius was finishing his essay, the bell rang, and the four trudged dismally to History of Magic. After only five minutes of Professor Binns's unholy drone, half the class was asleep, and by the end of the class, the rest of the students were slumbering as well. None of them had ever stood a chance against the combination of the hum-like tone of Binns's voice and the near-stifling heat of the room. When the bell tolled at the end of class, it started all of the students out of their boredom-induced slumber. They blinked sleep from their eyes as they hurried off to lunch. Sirius spent his lunch finishing his Divination homework, while complaining loudly about his dislike of Thursdays. His tirade ended when the bell rang again, five minute rant about his distaste for Divination, that left his three friends rolling their eyes at him.

Unlike Sirius, Remus couldn't find anything to complain about his next class. He genuinely liked Ancient Runes. It was a small class of only six students– no one else was mad enough to take a class of such obvious difficulty. Under other circumstances, the students in the class normally wouldn't associate with each other. They all hung out with different friends, were in different Houses, and came from a multitude of different backgrounds, but during Ancient Runes such differences were often forgotten, and they genuinely enjoyed each others company. Lily described it as a miniature Utopian society that existed solely during class. Outside of class, normal school societal rules were upheld, and unless they had a specific question about assigned homework, they never spoke to each other.

Remus stepped into class just as Professor Wilding was about to step out. The rest of the class was already there, divided into small groups with their books out. "I have to run a few quick errands, Remus," he said as he stepped aside so Remus could get into class. "Go ahead and start working on the translation from the other day– no doubt you and Lily are almost done already."

He laughed and took his seat next to Lily. "Lo, Lily," he said as he pulled out his thick text book.

She smiled at him. "Hey, Remus," she said happily. "How's life?"

He smirked. "Miserable, as always," he replied. "And your own?"

"Miserable?" she asked, her eyebrows raised. "You are such a pessimist."

"I'm not a pessimist," he supplied. "I'm just a very cynical optimist."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Huge distinction, that is."

"It is," he insisted. He glanced down at his book. "Where were we on the translation?"

"Halfway through the eighth paragraph," she said. "Fourth sentence, if I'm not mistaken. So what makes life so miserable?"

He smirked again. "First of all, today is Thursday, which means that in a mere–" he glanced at his watch "fifty-five minutes, we will both be forced to endure an unhealthy dose of double Defense. Second, once again, I find myself behind in several of my classes, due to an unfortunate bout of absences at the end of last week. Third, my best friend is still acting surly and sullen, which is most unlike him. And fourth, my hair looks like crap today," he added at the end with a wry smile, lightening the mood after his uncharacteristic rant.

"Well, then," Lily said, "let me enlighten you about the bright side of these tragedies. First of all, your hair looks fine. Second, after today, we will be one lesson closer to being rid of Victoria Thelen. After all, none of our teachers so far have lasted more than a year, so what makes you think she will be any different? Third, if you're behind in any class, I'm more than willing to help you out. Granted, I don't think I can help you much in History of Magic, but if you need help in Potions or Charms, I'm willing and able to assist in any way, shape, or form. And, as for the last, though, I'm afraid there's not much I can do about your friend. I'm sorry."

Remus sighed. "Not your fault," he said, looking down at his book.

"You're worried about him, though," she observed.

"Of course I'm worried about him," he muttered as he idly flipped through pages of his book. "How could I not be? You know, I'm not worried that he's going to try and off himself, or something. He'd never do that. But he's just so . . . quiet. Its not like him at all. Sirius, Peter, and I really don't know what to do."

Lily nodded sympathetically. This wasn't the first time she and Remus had talked about James in the past few weeks. He was growing to be a common topic during their weekly patrols together. As James grew more and more recluse, Remus grew more and more desperate for advice on how to handle the situation. He could handle his own problems, and he had a good grasp on how to handle situations with both Sirius and Peter. James was a different matter. He had never behaved like this before, and Remus was at a loss of what to do. "Have you tried talking to him?"

"He avoids the subject, and he wouldn't appreciate it if I pushed the subject."

"Then all I can suggest is to be there for him when he finally cracks," she said. "It's bound to happen eventually."

"Hopefully sooner rather than later," he mused thoughtfully.

Lily smiled. "Hopefully."

At that moment, Professor Wilding stepped back into the room, and Lily and Remus decided that it would be best if they actually got back to their assigned work. Wilding was relaxed, but he never appreciated it when they slacked off in class. The bell rang not long after Lily and Remus finished the four-page translation.

Remus groaned as he stepped into the hall. "Next stop," he muttered, "Purgatory."

Lily laughed. "At least we have a fifteen minute break between classes," she said.

"That's not nearly long enough."

"Pessimist."

"Cynical optimist," he corrected.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm going to go meet Athena, do you want to come?" she asked.

"I told Peter I'd look over his Defense essay before class," he said, shaking his head. "Tell her I'll catch up with her at dinner, though."

"Will do," she promised as Remus headed off in the opposite direction. Quickly, Lily hurried to the fourth floor corridor that was conveniently the mid-way point between the Ancient Runes classroom and the Divination Tower where she and Athena met every Thursday after class. Athena was already there when she arrived.

"How was Divination?" Lily asked her friend amiably.

Athena answered her with a blank stare.

"That bad?"

"Of course it was that bad," she replied. "The entire class is a joke. Sanders is absolutely barmy."

"That's what you get for not listening back in second year," Lily teased, nodding sagely. "I told you not to take that class, but you didn't listen."

"Shut up, Lily. No one likes a know-it-all."

Lily just laughed. "Oh, before I forget. Remus said that he had to go look over Peter's essay, and that he'd talk to you during dinner tonight."

Athena nodded. "Okay, thanks," she said.

"So how are things between you and Remus these days? You haven't talked much about him lately," Lily queried.

She shrugged. "There's not much to talk about," she answered. "Our relationship has been a little . . . flat, recently. I mean, he's been a little stressed lately. He was sick last week, and he's worried about James. And, you know, I'm fine with that. He has every right to be concerned about his friend. Heck, I'm worried about James too. And then, sometimes, I worry about him too."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just, I was thinking last week, when he was getting sick, that he was sick like that over Christmas hols, too. And before that, in November, he missed some school, and he wasn't in school at Halloween. And remember the beginning of October when he looked like he was dying?" she asked. Lily nodded in reply. "And I just sort of realized that for as long as I can remember, he's always been missing school periodically– not just because he's sick, but because his mum's sick, or because his aunt's died. I've asked him if everything is okay a couple of times, and he always just gives me these really evasive answers. I mean, I don't expect him to divulge his deepest, darkest secrets to me. We're not married or anything. It's just that I worry–and I don't like worrying."

"Remus is the responsible type. I'm sure he has everything under control," Lily consoled. "And eventually Potter will . . . move on, and everything will go back to normal, and your relationship will perk up again."

Remus sat with his back against the wall in the middle of one of the barely-used corridors of Hogwarts. He was looking of Peter's essay, which was, as usual, riddled with mistakes. To his left, Sirius, James, and Peter were enjoying a quick game of Exploding Snap before class. It was how they spent most of their time between classes, hidden in little-used hallways where they wouldn't be bothered. Occasionally a lost student would stumble across them, and Sirius would give them false directions on the way to whatever class they were going to. Remus tried to discourage the practice, but Sirius wouldn't hear of it. It was only on extremely rare occasions that they found trouble in the less-trodden halls of Hogwarts. These were times when Slytherins stumbled upon them, and Sirius often claimed that the Marauders could not be held responsible for what happened next. Usually, these confrontations resulted with one or members of both parties being sent to the Hospital Wing. Of course, considering how today had been going, Remus shouldn't have been surprised to find that now was one of those rare occasions.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius growled, pulling Remus's attention from Peter's poorly written essay.

"I believe, Black," Evan Rosier said in mock thoughtfulness, "That I have as much right to be in this hall as you do." Rosier was flanked by Rabastan Lestrange and three other Slytherins who looked to be in their third year. Sirius realized that they were slightly outnumbered, but they could easily incapacitate the third years if a fight broke out.

James looked up at them with a cold gaze. "What do you want?" he demanded as he discreetly drew his wand.

"What do I want?" Rosier repeated. "Nothing a bunch of blood-traitors and half-bloods could provide, I'm sure. As for why we're here, we're merely passing through."

"If you're passing through, then keep going," Remus said calmly, trying to distill the beginnings of a fight.

Rosier laughed harshly. "If you insist," he said mockingly. He turned to leave, the rest of his group following him.

"I swear," Lestrange said, "I won't complain when we're rid of them for good."

"It won't be long til those blood-traitors find the same end Potter's brother did," Rosier sneered. "It's no less than they deserve."

And with that lowly comment, all hell broke loose.

Ten minutes later, James stood in front of the window in Dumbledore's office, his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face. Anger still coursed through him as he replayed his fight with Rosier that resulted in Rosier being taken down to the infirmary and James being hauled up to Dumbledore's office. The entire fight was Rosier's fault. If the git hadn't insinuated that Jared got what was coming to him, then James wouldn't have felt the need to rip his throat out. He was entirely blameless in the situation. Of course, James knew that no one else but Sirius, Remus, and Peter would agree with him on that matter.

After Professor Wilding, the burly Ancient Ruins teacher, and Robbie Foster, the captain of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, managed to pull James off a bleeding Rosier (James had dropped his wand halfway through the fight and resorted to physically bashing Rosier's face in), Wilding promptly sent James to Dumbledore's office. James sighed for what was probably the seventh time in two minutes and resisted the urge to run his hand through his hair in frustration. Behind him, he heard the door open and close, but he didn't turn around to face the headmaster.

"You'll be pleased to know," Dumbledore started out in his typical manner, "That Mr. Rosier is well on his way to recovery and he will suffer no lasting damage."

"The bastard got what he deserved," James said, not taking his eyes off the window.

"Please mind your language, James," Dumbledore said evenly. "I know your mother would be shocked if she heard you speak like that."

James shrugged as Dumbledore stepped next to him. "May I inquire as to why you were fighting with Mr. Rosier?" he asked, his tone implying that it wasn't really a question.

"Rosier and I have fought before," he said evasively. "This wasn't any different."

"You didn't answer the question, James."

"When have I ever needed a reason to fight with a Slytherin?" James retorted. "It's been happening frequently for the last four and a half years, in case you haven't noticed." He ignored the surprised exclamations from the portraits in the office at his obvious show of disrespect.

"It has been nearly three weeks since you've returned to school, James," Dumbledore started calmly, "and in that time you have been caught in precisely seven skirmishes, including this one, and I know you have probably been in more fights without being caught. You have never set much emphasis on rules, but even you must admit, this is a little much."

"Sirius has gotten into just as many fights as I have," James defended, sensing that his conversation with the headmaster was about to take a very uncomfortable turn.

"I am well aware of what Mr. Back has done, James," Dumbledore said. "I am also aware that Mr. Black isn't under the same sort of emotional stress that you are right now. Losing a loved one is never easy."

James abruptly turned from Dumbledore and stalked towards the fireplace. "Why is it that everyone is blaming everything I do on Jared? You all seem to think that I'm bottling all my grief or something. I'm not, okay? Everything is fine. Just fine."

"Your current behavior begs to differ. You're grades are rapidly slipping in all of your classes. You are starting fights with other students. You are not acting like yourself," Dumbledore reasoned. "I know you may think otherwise, but your teachers have noticed that you are acting differently. You and Mr. Black haven't blown up a single toilet or embarked on any of your usual endeavors since you've returned. We're worried about you, James."

"Well, there's nothing to worry about," James said. "I'm fine."

"I'm sure that none of us know how you are feeling better than yourself, so I will take your word for it," Dumbledore said, although James got the impression that the old man didn't mean what he said, that he might even suspect that James didn't really know how he felt. "I would like you to remember, though, that if you are ever in need of someone to talk to – not just about your brother, but about anything that might be bothering you– my door is always open to my students."

"Can I go now?" James said with a heavy sigh.

"Do you have anything you would like to say?"

"No."

"Then you may go," he said. "I believe class has already started, so you may want to hurry. If Professor Thelen gives you any trouble for arriving late, tell her to speak to me."

James hurried out of the office, anxious to escape the mounting tension in the room. It wasn't the first time he had been questioned by a teacher, and he had the feeling it wasn't going to be the last. As James hardened himself against unwanted feelings, his teachers began to watch him closer than they had the first week he had been back. What Dumbledore had said was true. James was starting more fights than he ever had before; he wasn't sleeping right, and it was making his temper short. His normally high grades were dropping drastically; he just couldn't focus in class and he couldn't be bothered to do his homework. He felt sapped of energy almost all the time, and the only time he felt remotely normal was during quidditch practices. Still, he didn't think there was anything for his teachers to be worrying about him. He was handling everything just fine on his own.

He took his time getting to class. After all, he was in no particular hurry to get to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Everyone thought her classes were progressively getting worse, even though, as Sirius promptly pointed out, at the beginning of the year, no one thought it was possible for her lessons to get worse. But her classes had gotten to the point that nearly every single student dreaded going to her class. By the time James had finally worked his way through the halls and down the multiple stairs– taking care not to take any of the shortcuts he knew– and arrived at the room, Thelen was standing in the front of her room, tapping her foot in the very image of impatience.

"Take your seat, Mr. Potter," Thelen snapped when he walked in. "We have a lot to cover and not nearly enough time to cover it."

Sirius rolled his eyes at James as he walked by to his desk in the back, soliciting a smile from his tired-looking friend. Sirius, as well as Peter and Remus, hadn't been nearly as involved in the fight as James had, and had only been sent to McGonagall's office. All Sirius had really done was prevent Rosier's friends from joining the skirmish. Sirius couldn't fight James's fights, but he could keep James from being sent to the hospital wing every time his temper flared. Remus was the responsible one who cautioned James against his rash behavior, but even he knew his advice fell on deaf ears. At least Sirius felt he was _doing_ something.

"Your Ordinary Wizarding Level tests are only a few months away, and it is my job to make sure you are all prepared," Thelen continued after James sat down. "As such, I have devised a way to get the maximum amount of material covered in class with the minimal amount of time. I will be dividing the class into pairs, and each pair will be completing an independent study project assigned by me. These projects will be due in two weeks and a presentation will be given to the class by each pair over your assigned topic. I will not tolerate any childishness or foolishness during these projects. Are there any questions?"

No one responded– a popular trend in all her classes with all her students, regardless of house or age.

"Good. The pairs and assignments are as follows: Black and Bryce–Ancient Defensive Theory; Pettigrew and Vance– Goodwin's Laws of Defensive Magic; Evans and Meadowes– Current Political Stances on the Extermination of Dark Creatures; Potter and McKinnon– Dumas's Development of the Jinx and the Counter-Jinx; and Green and Lupin– The Harfang Theory," Thelen rattled off in a bored tone. "You may split into your groups now and get started on your research."

The class got up and moved around. Athena brought her books to Sirius's desk in the front; Serena took her belongings to James's desk in the back. Peter moved to the front to sit with Emm as Remus retreated to the back to sit next to Alice, leaving Lily and Dory to claim a spot in the middle of the room. Slowly, a gentle hum of conversation filled the room as the pairs of students got to work.

"You know, Remus," Alice said as she flipped open her book. "I have to say, I feel lucky. Not only did we get the most interesting topic, but–and I don't mean to insult your friends– I probably got the best partner. I'm being completely honest when I say I don't think I could have worked with Peter. He's nice and all, but your much better at Defense than he is."

Remus sighed. "I feel obligated to let you know that Peter has gotten consistently better grades in this class than me this entire year," he said morosely. "I'm barely passing this class with my best work."

"You've got to be kidding me," Alice said. "You've always done well in this class."

"I've begun to think that Thelen tries to fail me on purpose," he explained. "The woman hates me. I'm warning you that you might fail simply because you're my partner."

"That's bull, Remus," she retorted. Remus shrugged in agreement. "Well, we might as well get started on this. I'm not going to give that hag a reason to fail us . . ."

Across the room, Athena asked, "Sirius, what are you doing?"

"Drawing," Sirius answered vaguely.

"I got that. But what are you drawing?"

"It's a giraffe," Sirius said as if the answer were obvious.

"Black, it's got wings."

"And who says giraffes can't have wings?"

"Everyone."

"Well I'm sure everyone said horses can't have wings, too, but someone went and crossed a horse with an eagle, and now we have hippogriffs," Sirius said matter-of-factly.

"What? So you're going to cross a giraffe with an eagle?"

Sirius shook his head. "That'd just be foolish, Bryce. Giraffes are considerably larger than horses, so you'd need a bigger bird so the wings would be proportionate."

Athena stared at him. "You're mad, you know that, right?"

Sirius nodded jovially. "Glad we established that little fact."

She rolled her eyes and pulled her book onto the desk. "So, what do you know about Ancient Defensive Theory?" she asked.

"Absolutely nothing," Sirius said. "And yourself?"

"Same."

"Oh, bugger."

Athena nodded in agreement

In the back, James and Serena weren't doing much better.

"What was that, Serena?" James asked in the back, an odd look on his face as he stared blankly at the girl he had grown up with. "I didn't catch what you said."

Serena gave him a concerned look. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," James answered with a shrug. "Just having trouble concentrating, is all."

She nodded, but looked entirely unconvinced. "I was just wondering what you and Rosier were fighting about in the halls after Divination," she said. "I saw Wilding taking him to the hospital wing, and he looked like crap."

"It was just a usual disagreement," James answered nonchalantly, slightly in awe of how fast word traveled in the school. "Nothing out of the ordinary. Honestly, there really wasn't a reason," he lied.

"And this would be the second or third fight you've started this week?" Serena queried sharply, not looking at James, but rather staring intensely at her textbook.

"I don't start these fights, Serena," James retorted hotly.

Serena looked up at him and shook her head sadly. "Your not fooling anyone, James," she said carefully, quietly.

"What are you talking about?"

"Surely you don't think we haven't noticed?" she mused quietly. "I haven't seen you laugh or joke around like you used too. You've lost way too much weight, and you look tired all the time, like you're not sleeping well at night, or something. I know I'm not the only one who's noticed it, either, James. Athena has said the only time you act like you used to is on the pitch during practice, and I've overheard her and Remus talking. He's concerned about you as well, and Sirius probably doubly so. You're not all right, James, no matter how hard you pretend to be."

He sighed heavily. Of all the conversations he wanted to have with Serena in the back of a classroom, this one was last on the list. "I know that you're all worried about me," he said, trying to appease her. "And I'm sorry for making you worry. I'll be honest with you, I _am _upset about Jared. He was my brother, after all. But my being upset isn't going to change anything. When I wake up tomorrow morning he's still going to be dead, and that's never going to change. I'm just trying to sort things out in my head right now, okay? There's nothing to worry about. I just need some time. Can you understand that?"

Solemnly, Serena nodded, knowing full well that James committed to everything and nothing at the same time. She already knew he was upset. His behavior was evidence of that, whether he would admit it or not. She was more concerned with his lack of emotion. Anger was the most common response from him, but that was it. She didn't know if he was using anger to channel his emotions because it seemed like the more masculine approach to grief or if he was just so hurt and confused that anger was the only thing he could muster. Either way, she doubted it was healthy and she would worry about him until she saw a change.

When the bell rang at the end of class, everyone hurried from the class as usual, laughing as Sirius remarked (loudly) that that was probably the best lesson Thelen had ever taught. "We've survived another one of her classes," he remarked as the Marauders separated themselves from the girls and headed down to the Great Hall for dinner. "How many more to go?"

"Thirty eight," Remus answered quickly. "Approximately."

James snorted. "Keeping count, are you?"

Remus shook his head. "What else am I supposed to do in that class? But it's not that hard to figure out. We've got what– nineteen weeks of school left?" he remarked logically. "That's two lessons a week for nineteen weeks. It's not that hard."

"Thirty eight," Sirius repeated. "That's kind of depressing."

"I'll say," Peter muttered."

"Let's go eat," Sirius suggested. "Most likely, its considerably less depressing in the Great Hall."

"And if its not, at least we can find solace in a surplus of food," Peter mumbled.

Remus smirked. "You need to stop eating your emotions," he counseled. "It's not healthy."

Peter scowled at him, but said nothing. They continued their trek to the Great Hall in silence. They were nearly there when James froze where he stood and swore loudly.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked.

"I left my damn book in Thelen's room, and its got our map in it," he grumbled. "I've got to go and get it before she finds it."

"I'll got with you," Sirius offered.

"You don't have to," James remarked. "You hate that room as much as I do."

"If two of us go, she can't try to frame you for something ridiculous," Sirius reasoned. "C'mon, if we go now, we won't miss too much of dinner."

"All right," James said, sounding resigned. "Moony, Wormtail, you two go on ahead. I don't want to keep you from dinner too."

"Oh, you're not keeping me from dinner, Prongs," Sirius remarked with some joviality as they retraced their steps to Thelen's classroom. "I'm protecting you from the horrors of Victoria."

James offered him a wane smile and lapsed back into silence. They quickly made their way through the halls, fighting against the crowds on their way to dinner. Luckily, when they reached the classroom, Thelen had already left, so they avoided any awkwardness and potential detentions with ease. James found his book on his desk in the back of the room and grabbed it, checking quickly to make sure the map was still tucked inside. When they went back into the halls, they were pleased to find that the crowds had diminished. They had made it nearly all the way to the Great Hall without running into anyone when they heard a pair of voices resonating from the other end of the hall.

Sirius's expression hardened instantly as he recognized the voice echoing throughout the hall. It was impossible for him to misplace Regulus's voice. He and James both froze where they stood when the younger Black and his friend rounded the corner.

"What are you doing here?" Regulus snapped at his brother, coming to a halt some five feet away.

"What are you talking about?" Sirius retorted.

"Why are you here?" Regulus asked slowly, as if talking to a small child. He looked and sounded so much like Sirius as he spoke that it almost gave James chills.

Sirius gave his brother an odd look. "Am I not allowed in the halls anymore?" he said sarcastically. "Maybe you hadn't noticed, but I go to this school too. I'm perfectly entitled to use the halls."

"That's not the point."

"Then what is?"

"Well, that's none of your business, now is it?" Regulus retorted.

"You are unbelievable," Sirius muttered, shaking his head. "Now unless you have something to say, move aside so James and I can get out of your precious way."

Regulus made to move aside, then stopped.

Sirius sighed heavily. "What?" he growled.

"Why didn't you come home over break?" he said plainly, his voice even.

He stared. "Are you kidding me? Why _would_ I go home over break?" he asked incredulously.

"Because Mum and Dad asked you to," Regulus said simply, as if the answer were obvious.

"They didn't ask, Reg, they ordered," Sirius said dryly. "And they have done nothing to earn my unyielding obedience. They don't own me. I don't have to listen to them."

"Sirius, would you grow up? Every teenager has issues with their parents. They were right pissed when you didn't come home like you were supposed too. You may not like them, but they're still your parents. You owe them your respect."

"I owe them my respect?" Sirius repeated, stepping forward staring at his brother with an odd look on his face. "What have they ever done to earn my respect?"

"They shouldn't have to _earn_ your respect, you twot," Regulus snapped. "They bloody raised you. That should be enough."

"You sound just like them. What, did you rehearse this little speech with them at home over the holidays?" Sirius shook his head. "I can't believe you are dim enough to believe the bullshit they've been feeding us our whole lives. There's proof all around that they are wrong. Maybe if you'd start thinking for yourself, then you'd realize that."

"Mum and Dad didn't ask me to say anything to you," Regulus said.

"Then why bother?" Sirius asked.

"Because I'm sick of watching you tear the family apart," Regulus growled. "You're always at odds with Dad, and you're constantly fighting with Mum. Why don't you just get over yourself and try to salvage what you've got left?"

"Reg, the family was ruined long before either of us came around," Sirius said, the fury in his eyes belying the tranquility of his tone. "Even if I did crawl back to them with my tail between my legs, nothing would change. Open your eyes sometime. Maybe then you'll see." He started to walk down the hall with James right at his side. When they reached Regulus and his friend, Sirius merely pushed him aside and kept walking.

"You're an arrogant, self-righteous bastard, you know that, right?" Regulus snapped angrily at Sirius's retreating form.

"Same to you, you pompous prick," Sirius shouted over his shoulder at his brother. "I can't believe him," Sirius growled to James later as they approached the Great Hall. "I used to hope that maybe he'd make the astounding realization that our parents don't know everything. I guess I can give up on that now. He's like their bloody puppet, or something."

"I'm sorry, mate," James said evenly, not knowing quite sure how to respond.

Sirius heaved a sigh. "Don't be. It's not your fault," he said morosely as they stepped inside the Great Hall. They hurried to their usual seats at the Gryffindor table next to Peter and Remus and settled down to what promised to be a thoroughly depressing dinner.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Moony. February 2, 1975.

'Fair is foul and foul is fair.' And that's all I've got to say about today.

**Quoting that muggle again, are you?- Padfoot.**

What's his name? Shakes Pierre?-Wormtail

That's William Shakespeare, Wormtail. _William Shakespeare. _(Feb. 4)

**Haha– Wormtail's daft. (2/5)**

**

* * *

Second Author's note:** Okay, so I'd like to tell you all that I was in a coma or something really dramatic like that for the past four and a half months and that's why I didn't update, but that would be lying, and I figure you all deserve the truth. I planned on having this chapter out in January (December solely dedicated to the writing, editing, and publishing of _The Untold Christmas Story_), but January rolled around and this chapter turned out to be nearly impossible to write the way I wanted. Then, towards the end of the month, I was bitten by the _Twilight_ bug, and I found myself as obsessed with the Cullens, Bella, and Jake as I was with Harry Potter. Trust me, I didn't even think that was possible. So, through about mid-March, my life revolved around the works of Stephenie Meyer (I recommend them to all of you--you'll all love it. Trust me). And after I wrote _The Wait_, I told myself that I wouldn't publish it until after I had updated this story.

Obviously, that didn't happen. I eventually gave up, and decided I should at least post _something_ so you wouldn't think I had died. Luckily, the Potter-bug bit again towards the end of March, and I spent a vast part of my spring break, between ridiculously long shifts at work and a latin project that I still haven't finished, writing and editing this chapter. You really have no idea how much this story has changed since I started writing it. the beginning became the end, the end was written as the beginning. Parts were added, taken out, then added again. Points of plot that I wanted to cover weren't even mentioned. Conversations were radically changed and then changed back. If you looked at this chapter and my original outline for it, you would see very little that's the same.

And let me take a minute to vent my frustrations about physically updating this. This chapter was ready about a week ago. I knew I was heading out of town, and I wanted to get this updated before I left. So I get online to upload the story, and it doesn't work. I kept getting this thing that said an error occurred and my request could not be processed, or some such crap. So I try again (about fifty times) and it still doesn't work, so I gave up. I got back into town, tried again, and it still wasn't working. Last night, at about one in the morning, I try again and it works! So I spend about five minutes typing up this explanation of why I've been gone, and all of a sudden, my screen goes blank and its all gone. And here I am now, typing all of this for you. (not that any of you are actually going to bother to read this at all.)

Mucho thanks goes out to the musical stylings of Josh Groban, Muse, and The Fray. When I sat down and really started writing again, they were with me every step of the way, and this chapter would not be here without them.

And special thanks to my readers and reviewers who I sincerely hope have not abandoned me (Though I can't blame you if you did. I know how frustrating it is to not have a story updated in what feels like years). So, thank you crAzidAz08(who siriusly reviewed about twenty times!), coco613, dreamer, Kaede, Lilykins, and fan of story. Your reviews sustain my muse and guilt me into updating when I take to long.

Delano


	20. Hogsmeade

**Author's Note: **You all honestly, have no idea how angry I am at myself for not having this up two or three days ago! Actually, I meant to have this up at least a month ago, but I was having issues with character cooperation. And I had most of the big bumps smoothed out a few days ago, and just had to work on some transitioning scenes when I realised I had to read about 400 pages of an extremely boring book before I could read Deathly Hallows.

But, regardless, the chapter is up now, although I have the shrewd suspicion that many of you are still too engrossed with the book still to pay much attention to fanfiction. I finished it several hours ago, and this is helping me through my grief, though. So, for all you fast readers, enjoy.

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James heard the usual morning bustle around him and knew it was time to wake up. As he pulled himself out of a dreary, half-sleep state, he was confronted with a familiar wave of unease and discontentment. He felt that way when he woke up for nearly two months now, and while he was familiar with it, he was hardly numb to it. In his fitful bouts of sleep, he some how managed to forget what transpired in December, and every morning when he woke up that surge of emotion cruelly reminded him. He rolled out of bed and grabbed his glasses off the bedside table. Today, more so than the others, he felt even more discontent, even more uneasy. As if, somehow, today was more important than the others. As if today held some morbid significance.

"Sirius?" he called over his shoulder as he dug through his trunk. "What's the date?"

"Huh?" Sirius's voice replied from the bathroom. It sounded as if he had a mouth full of toothpaste.

"The date. What's today's date?" James repeated, keen to find the answer to his small mystery.

Sirius paused a minute to spit his toothpaste. "It's the, er, twenty-third, I think," he answered. "That right, Moony?"

"Yeah, it's the twenty-third," Remus confirmed as he pulled his robes over his head.

James froze. _The twenty-third,_ he thought dismally. _How could I have forgotten?_

"You okay, James?" Remus asked, staring at James's suddenly still form.

He gave a short laugh, trying to ease the worry of his friend. "Yeah, I'm fine," he answered nonchalantly. "I just remembered that our Defense projects are due on Thursday, that's all."

Sirius groaned. "Don't remind me," he groaned. "Bryce and I have gotten nowhere on that lousy project. Really, what sort of teacher makes the _students_ teach the lessons? Its laziness, is what it is. She's getting paid while we do all the work! Where's the justice in that?"

James tuned out Sirius. He knew this rant by heart, having heard it multiple time since Thelen assigned the project nearly two weeks ago. During the times when Sirius found James's silences unbearable, he started ranting about whatever popped into his mind. Most of the time it was Thelen, but occasionally he switched to complaining about Slytherins or underclassmen who bothered him. And, most of the time, James listened intently to what he was saying. He found quite a bit of it amusing, even if he couldn't muster the right response. Today, though, he couldn't bring himself to even pay attention.

February twenty-third. It was a date that James knew well, and every year before now, it had been a very important date. A date that was always marked on his calendar and his family's calender. This year, though, it seemed rather insignificant. There was no reason to remember the day anymore. Now, it was just another day to get through. As much as James tried to convince himself of that, he couldn't take his mind off it. _He would have turned twenty-three today,_ he thought off-handedly.

Abruptly, he stood up and walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth, trying to erase the awkward taste sleep had left in his mouth. Sirius was still complaining loudly about Thelen to Peter, who seemed to be the only one paying attention, and Remus was on his way out the door, explaining that he was going to meet Athena for breakfast this morning. James grabbed his toothbrush and the tube of toothpaste and set to work, carefully avoiding his appearance in the mirror. Avoiding mirrors had been a step in one of many rules James had set for himself to keep from dwelling on . . .unpleasant matters.

His quest to avoid dwelling started after his minor breakdown during the holidays, after Moody had disclosed the circumstances of Jared's death. He had sat in the snow in the woods outside his home for over an hour before his parents finally found him. He was pale and shivering and his lips were turning blue. It was snowing outside– which had been beneficial for James. The fresh snow covered Prongs's tracks and had been able to avoid awkward questions about deer tracks. He ended up getting sick after his little jaunt in the woods, and his mother fretted over him for days. He understood her distress. If he had a low-point– a point when her was truly, without a doubt, messed up– it would have been those first few days after Christmas. He didn't sleep, he didn't eat, he didn't speak. If it hadn't been for his mother, he very well would have stayed like that. But he heard his mother crying over him in the hall one night, and it snapped him out of his self-imposed nearly-catatonic state.

He had made his mother cry. She had enough on her hands, he decided shortly afterwards, without him making her worry more. So he took the first step in burying his grief. Over th next few days, he made a conscious effort to act "normal." He ventured out of his room on a regular basis. He started eatng more– not as much as he had before, but enough. He started talking with his parents and Uncle Travis. Not about Jared– never about Jared. He knew to stay clear of those roads. But he spoke of trivial, everyday things– a quidditch match he heard on the radio, things he was learning in school. Nothing terribly important, nothing that would dredge up unwanted feelings. Gradually, his parents began to relax around him. Eventually, his father decided he was well enough to return to school. His friends would help him adjust and his teachers would guide him through the grieving process. Going back to school, getting things back to normal would be best for James. Daryl Potter hadn't taken into account James's state of mind, though. He thought James was coping, when James was really doing anything but. Grieving, thinking and feeling–it hurt. Burying those emotions didn't– at least, not as much.

When James arrived at school, he found that he was very adept at not thinking about his brother. It wasn't difficult– all he had to do was think of something else, and Hogwarts seemed to be full of welcome distractions. But then, as weeks started to pass, he began to see things in the hall, or hear someone talking that would remind him of Jared. He found that after these mishaps, Jared would be on his mind for hours. And then he couldn't eat right or sleep right and his brother would be constantly nagging the back of his mind like a dripping faucet. And then Sirius and Remus and Peter would worry even more, because James knew they were astutely aware of his problems, even if they never mentioned it. So he started avoiding things that would _remind_ him of Jared. It was why he avoided looking in mirror and sleeping as much as he could. Every time he saw his reflection, he saw his brother staring straight back at him. And every time he slept long enough and sound enough to dream, Jared forced his way into his dreams.

James couldn't bear it. He couldn't handle seeing his brother in his mind like that. He didn't know why– it hardly made sense. But what did make sense these days?

His actions (or rather, preventive measures) had led him to the point that he hardly felt anything these days. He smiled at Sirius's jokes because he knew that was what he was supposed to do, but not because he really wanted too. He felt empty most of the time, and the only emotion he managed to muster on a regular basis was anger. It was easy to be angry, and he had plenty of outlets. Every time some idiot of a Slytherin made an off-hand jibe at him or his family, his temper flared instantly, and he had no qualms about venting it. He had been hauled to McGonagall's and Dumbledore's offices frequently these last few weeks, and he sometimes found that he was angry with them as well. Anger was easy. Anger was natural. He secretly thought that sometimes he let his temper go so easily because he liked feeling something.

Of course, he never failed to notice how his short temper seemed to worry his friends, and he took care to reign it in while in the company of Sirius, Remus, and Peter. He was also learning how to pick fights in secret. He was getting annoyed of the pitying looks he was getting from McGonagall, and he couldn't even look Dumbledore in the eye any more. But he clung to his anger–it was almost comforting in a way. He was never quite sure what he was angry at, whether he was angry at his brother's untimely death or angry at the Dark Magic that had killed his brother or the Aurors for putting his brother in such a position. But he did know that his anger was never in short supply.

**oOoOo**

Remus sat down across from Athena and smiled. "Good morning," he said. "How'd you sleep?"

Athena yawned. "Well enough, I suppose," she answered. "I always sleep like a log after quidditch practices. And you?"

"Once I tuned out Peter's snoring, I was able to sleep just fine," he answered wryly.

Athena laughed. "How was everything in the dorm last night?" she asked, knowing that Remus would know she was really asking about James.

"Not too bad, I don't think," he answered. "Things were a little off this morning–more so than usual, I mean."

She nodded. "Well, Serena was talking to our resident therapist–i.e. Lily– and according to her, its really common for people who are grieving to be up and down. Sometimes he'll have good days and sometimes he'll have bad days. Today just might be one of the bad days."

A smirk pulled at Remus's lips. "Which probably means he'll be in McGonagall's office before lunch."

Athena's lips twitched, even though she felt that they shouldn't be making light of such a serious matter. "You're probably right."

"So," Remus started, picking at his bacon, "Where is our resident therapist? She's normally down here before I am."

"Ravenclaw table," she said nodding her head in that direction. "She and Fabian Prewett seem to be growing quite close these days."

"Taking meals with each other. That's a big step."

"She's hoping that he's going to ask her to the Hogsmeade trip that's coming up," she said, with a slight laugh.

"Is that supposed to be a hint?" Remus asked, enjoying the light-hearted environment Athena provided him with. He didn't get to feel this carefree that often these days. "I've gotten better at picking up hints."

"Well, I hadn't intended that to be a hint, but if you want to do something in Hogsmeade, that'd be great."

"Meet outside Three Broomsticks at noon?" he suggested.

"Sounds marvelous, darling," Athena replied, exaggerating her accent to entice a laugh out of Remus.

He laughed as the rest of Athena's friends came down for lunch and took their usual spots beside her. He watched her as she socialized with her friends. He was completely content to watch her smile and laugh and let his mind wander. They had progressively grown closer– more so in the past few months after Christmas. His time spent with her was not focused on his mounting problems with his distraught friend. Around Athena, he could just sit back and relax. He enjoyed her carefree company, and he knew that if he ever did need to talk about James–to vent his concern and frustration– she would lend a sympathetic ear. After all, she cared about James too, but she was distanced from the situation. He could say things to her that he wouldn't dare say in front of Sirius–things about how out of control the situation was and how if James kept up like this, Remus wasn't sure if he was ever going to get better. And when he got everything off his chest, Athena would lighten the mood and he could just act foolish and immature with her. She was a breath of fresh air in his continually darkening world.

But as much as he adored spending time with her, he could never shake the sense of guilt he carried with him. He had a secret– a secret that he was sure he could never bear to tell her. So he was forced to lie. He was a good liar– he had learned out of necessity, but he hated doing it. If he wasn't close to the person he was lying to, then it wasn't as bad. But the closer he was to someone, the more he hated having to lie to them. Unfortunately, it appeared that the closer he got to anyone, the more he had to lie to them. He couldn't muster the courage to tell Athena. He feared her reaction. He was convinced that she would be repulsed by him. She claimed to be a rights-activist, but being an activist and dating a werewolf were completely different matters. In his second year, when James, Sirius, and Peter had discovered his secret, they had been more than understanding– but could he assume that a fifteen year old girl would react similarly?

Remus knew that she was growing suspicious. She asked more questions whenever he disappeared, and she appeared more concerned. He felt like cringing in disgust every time he looked into her eyes and out-right lied to her to protect his own secret. Relationships were supposed to be built on principles like trust and honesty– and he was violating those principles every day. To be honest, he felt that he lied to her more than he told the truth. Peter and Sirius both told him he was being foolish. "It's not like you want to lie to her," Peter had claimed. Sirius meanwhile thought it was ridiculous that he was getting himself worked up over the whole matter. "I've lied to plenty of girls– you're just dating her. You're not married to her," was his rationale. They both had valid points, and if Remus felt like he had any choice in the matter, he'd tell Athena in an instant. But he didn't have a choice– at least, not the way he saw it. If she wasn't repulsed by the fact that she had been dating a werewolf for the past few months, then she'd be disgusted that he had lied to her. It was a lose-lose situation, and, for now, all he could do was sigh and resign himself to his guilt.

Remus caught up with Sirius, James, and Peter after breakfast to head off to classes with them. James, he noticed, was far more reserved than he had ever been previously. He would daze somberly in class or shake his head violently, as if to rid his mind of some awful picture. In the corridors, his temper, which had been boiling under the surface for weeks, made him jumpy and irritable, but he didn't even draw his wand as he was now prone to doing. He merely glowered at whomever caught his attention. He hardly said word, and when he did, it was more a noncommital-grunt than actual words. Remus knew he wasn't the only who found the sudden change in James's behavior troubling. Every time he snuck a glance at his troubled friend, he could see Sirius staring at James as well, as if trying to read his mind.

By dinner, Remus could tell Sirius was looking for any sort of distraction– either to get James's mind off whatever he was brooding, or to get his own mind off James.

"So," Sirius began, trying to start another conversation after his previous five attempts had failed. "Full moon on Friday. What's the plan?"

Remus gave him a look to remind him to keep his voice down, but he shrugged. "Same plan as usual, I would assume," he said. "Moonrise isn't supposed to be until ten-twenty, so whenever you lot want to come up around then is fine by me."

"Are you sure you don't want a little jaunt out–"

"I'm sure," Remus interrupted. Without James to push his initial idea of exploring the grounds on full moon nights, Sirius had little hope of convincing Remus it would be a good idea. Sirius was holding out for the day when James was back to his old self and they could then talk Remus around.

The rest of the week passed smoothly. James had warmed up a little since that worrisome Tuesday, and Remus had to wonder if what Athena had said about up days and down says had been accurate. The only downside was that James's temper had flared up again, and students who unwittingly annoyed James found themselves on the wrong side of a jinx. It was only with great skill that James avoided getting a detention for Friday night. As consumed as he was with his own problems, he never forgot his obligation to Remus. As usual, towards the tail end of the week, Remus found his health slipping; he barely made it through classes Friday afternoon, because his head was pounding incessantly. Friday night, the full moon rose as it did once a month, and Remus was gratefully surrounded by his friends when his body changed and his mind slipped out of his control.

**oOoOo**

The next morning dawned brightly– or as bright as a morning could get in the middle of February. At the very least, there weren't many clouds in the sky. As the fifth year boys slept off the previous night's activity, the fifth year girls were eagerly preparing for the Hogsmeade trip. Music was playing loudly from the Wireless, and the girls were all chattering over it to be heard. Alice was modeling a potential outfit when she turned to Lily and asked, "When are you and Fabian meeting up?"

Lily giggled in a most un-Lily-like fashion. "He's meeting me in the Great Hall in a half hour," she answered with a grin. "I'm so excited."

"As you should be," Emm mused from her spot on Serena's bed. "I mean, it certainly took long enough for the two of you to hook up."

"What about you and Remus, Athena?" Alice said, turning to Athena next. "You're meeting up with him, right?"

She nodded. "We're meeting outside Three Broomsticks at noon. I think he's spending the morning with the lads."

"Time with the lads?" Dory queried. "Is there trouble in paradise?"

"There's nothing wrong with spending some time a part. In fact, its essential for a healthy relationship," Athena said, shooting a glare at her.

"You're just saying that because you'd get bored if you spent all your time with Remus," Dory said frankly.

"I would not," she protested. "I happen to find him interesting–no matter how much time I spend with him."

"No offense, but I really don't see what you see in him," Dory explained. "He's so shy– and bookwormy."

"And I don't see what you see in Potter, but you still like him," Lily replied before Athena could open her mouth.

"There's plenty to like about James," she defended. "He's cute, and funny. He's smart and he's brilliant at Quidditch."

"And Remus is smart and funny. He just doesn't see the need to flaunt it around like Potter does," Lily retorted.

Dory laughed. "Who's dating him– you or Athena?"

"I am," Athena said, chuckling to herself. "She just sees the same parts of him that I do. You know, he really is smart and funny. And he's so thoughtful and generous and sincere. And he is cute–in a lost puppy sort of way. If my parents would let me date before I was eighteen, he's the type of boy I would take home for them to meet."

Dory shook her head and turned back to the magazine she was reading. Alice just shrugged. "He's got nothing on Frank," she said with a wave of her hand.

"Alice, if you had it your way, every one of us would have our own Frank Longbottom to date," Serena said as she styled her hair.

"The world would be a better place if that happened," Alice said.

Lily laughed. "So you're meeting him down in Hogsmeade?"

She nodded. "He got the day off today so he could come. We're supposed to meet at ten."

"You realize that's only fifteen minutes from now, don't you?" Serena questioned.

"Are you serious?" she asked, her eyes suddenly wide. "It takes twenty minutes just to get down there! Crap!"

"You better go fast, then," Athena said.

Alice was already gathering her cloak and scarf. "I'll see you all later," she said as she pulled open the door. "Oh, and Lily, you have no reason to be nervous, so just relax."

Lily stared after Alice's retreating form. "How did she know I was nervous?"

"Because you've been buttoning and unbuttoning your sweater constantly for the last ten minutes," Serena pointed out. "And you only ever do that if you're nervous about something."

Lily's hands froze on the button she was pulling out of the button-hole. "Oh," she said, letting her hands drop to her side.

Serena laughed. "If you're ready, how about we go down to the Great Hall and see if Fabian is there yet?" she suggested. "Sitting up here and being nervous is going to get you no where."

"Sounds like a plan," she said, nodding. She gathered up her cloak and gloves. "Are the rest of you coming too?"

Athena nodded, but Dory and Emm shook their heads. "We're waiting for it to warm up a bit outside," Emm explained.

"It's February– how much warmer do you expect it to get?" Lily asked.

"Warmer than it is now," Dory said. "You three go ahead. We'll catch up with you later."

Lily just shook he head and followed Serena and Athena out of the room. The time it took to get from Gryffindor Tower to the Great Hall seemed to be simultaneously too fast and too slow, as if Lily couldn't decide if she was excited and anxious or nervous and panicked about the idea of going out with Fabian. When they did arrive, she quickly spotted Fabian lounging against the Ravenclaw table, talking with a few of his friends. She waved to catch his attention and he looked up and smiled. He excused himself from his friends and strode across the hall to meet her.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked with a warm smile as he extended his hand for her to take.

"Yup," she answered, taking his hand. Serena and Athena giggled.

"We'll see you later, Lils," Athena said as she and Serena left.

Lily glared after them, her hand still in Fabian's. "I could kill them for giggling like that," she muttered darkly.

"That would be a shame," he replied. "I like your friends– and their giggles."

"Oh, you like the incessant giggling?" she asked.

"I like it very much," he said. "You see, you can always tell how much a girl likes you by how much her friends giggle when you're around."

"And how did you reach this brilliant conclusion?" she asked as they stepped outside into a fresh blanket of snow.

"About five years ago, back when my sister Molly's husband was just her boyfriend, he came round during the summer on her birthday while all her friends were over. Her friends couldn't stop laughing the entire time he was there. And next thing you know, they're married and now I have two nephews,"he said with a little shrug of his shoulders. "The giggling is a bit of a give away."

"So if you can tell that I like from how much my friends giggle, how am I supposed to know if you like me?" she asked.

"I asked you out, didn't I?" he said. "I thought that was a bit of a sign."

"Huge sign," she said. "With little flashing lights."

He laughed. "So, when we get to Hosgmeade, where would you like to go?"

"Nope," she said, shaking her head. "You asked me out, you have to decide where we go. You can't make me do it."

"And what if I say we go somewhere where you don't want to go?" he asked.

"Then I'll tell you that I swore on my great-grandmother's deathbed that I would never set foot in that store," she answered. "And you, being the gentlemen that you are, would never, under any circumstances, force me into a place I swore never to go."

"Of course not," he said, smirking. "Well, if I'm forced to set today's plans, I say we stop by Honeydukes, and get some chocolate–unless you don't like chocolate."

"Fabian, what kind of girl _doesn't_ like chocolate?"

"Valid point," he conceded. "And after Honeydukes, we can spend a romantic mid-morning at the Post Office or something," he suggested with a laugh.

"Sounds wonderful," she said, laughing along with him.

**oOoOo**

James impatiently shook Sirius awake. He had been waiting for nearly a half hour for his friends to wake up, but neither of them had stirred. On any other day after a full moon he would have let them sleep, knowing that both Sirius and Peter valued sleep a good deal more than he did, but this was his first chance to get out of castle in nearly two months. He was getting tired of being cooped up in school, and he was growing frustrated with the constant bombardment of memories he had been facing lately. All he wanted was an escape.

Sirius rolled over and groaned, swatting away James's persistent hand. "What's going on?" he grumbled into his pillow.

"C'mon. Get up and get dressed," James said, turning to go wake up Peter.

"What're you talking about?" Sirius asked, sitting up in his bed and yawning. "I'm tired–I want to sleep."

"Hogsmeade weekend," James answered shortly. "C'mon, we haven't got all year."

"Mate, we were up all last night," he said, yawning again and watching James shake Peter awake. "Wormtail and I aren't insomniacs like you are. We need sleep."

James eyed Sirius levelly as Peter mumbled incoherently. "Padfoot, please," he pleaded. "I need to get out of this school, and this probably the only legal chance I have until April."

Sirius sighed and stared James straight in the eye. It certainly looked like his friend needed some time away from school. James was paler than he had been since he returned, and the dark circles under his eyes were even more pronounced. He looked worn and drawn and in need of some good meals and several days worth of sleep. His eyes, though, instead of being closed and angry as they had been since January, were anxious and pleading. James needed a break, and Sirius could see it plain as day. A part of him hoped this trip to Hogsmeade would help break down the walls James had seemingly constructed around himself. "Fine, fine. I'm getting up," he grumbled, but was pleased to see a small flicker of a smile pass over James's face.

Another half hour later, the boys found themselves in a crowd of students on High Street in Hogsmeade. Despite the bitter cold and the ominous clouds that were beginning to roll in, the village was packed with students. James looked around while Peter and Sirius argued about where to go first. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, a flash of memory crossed before him. A chilly November morning and deserted streets– an illegal meeting between brothers. Suddenly, a trip to Hogsmeade didn't seem like such a good idea.

"Prongs?" Sirius prodded.

He looked up. "Did you say something?"

"Yeah, c'mon. We're going over to Zonko's," he answered. "My stash of contraband items is running on the small side at the moment."

"Right," he said and followed after Peter and Sirius.

Sirius kept throwing him surreptitious glances out of the corner of his eye. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be okay?" James said, not making eye contact and glancing down the street. He kept seeing flashes of more memories of walking down the street with Jared.

"You've just got that look in your eye like you're about to hex someone," Sirius replied, still studying James.

"You don't have to worry about that," he said. "McGonagall threatened to keep me from all Hogsmeade trips for the rest of the year if I heed, jinxed, cursed, or otherwise physically injured any other student while I was here. I'll be on my best behavior–don't worry."

James followed Sirius and Peter as they chose where to go in Hogsmeade. James was so wrapped up in the memories that painfully flashed across his mind that he hardly cared where they went. When he could, he would steer his friends away from any place he had specifically been with his brother, but otherwise, his friends were dictating the trip. They never stayed in one place for too long, so even when James found himself confronted with more images, he didn't have to tolerate them for long. He was able to disguise that anything was wrong until Sirius started to complain that he was hungry and toted them off to the Three Broomsticks. James knew that was a bad idea to begin with, but he figured he could shrug off the assault of memories as he had been doing all day.

He froze, though, inside the Three Broomsticks. He was more than keenly aware that Peter and Sirius were going towards the table where he had last sat with Jared. His stomach lurched painfully. He just wanted to get away.

Sirius turned when he realized James wasn't behind him.

"Prongs, are you okay?" he asked with concern lacing his voice.

James could see Jared turning in his chair to smile at him. His chest constricted, making it hard for him to breathe. He shook his head–partly to answer Sirius's question and partly to clear his mind of the memory.

"What's wrong?"

"Can we go?" James asked quietly. Sirius was barely able to hear his voice above the noise of the other students.

"Go where?"

"Away from here," he pleaded. "Please."

"James, what's going on?"

James's eyes were still fixed on the back table. "We can go to Hog's Head or something if you want something to eat, Padfoot. Just not here."

Peter glanced back at the table, trying to see what James was seeing but not seeing anything at all. "I don't care if we leave," he said, looking at Sirius instead of James. He found the look in James's eye disconcerting. "Hog's Head is cheaper, anyway."

Sirius nodded and followed after James, who quickly fled the pub."What was with you in there?" he asked as he caught up with his friend.

"Nothing," James answered. Sirius noticed that the haunted and pained look in James's eyes hadn't left. "I'm fine. I just. . . didn't want to be in there."

"Why? You've never minded the Three Broomsticks before?" he asked, determined to get to the bottom of James's strange behavior.

"I just . . .it was too crowded in there, you know?"

"No, I don't know," Sirius snapped. His worry made his temper short. "James, you don't tell me anything. I've been trying to help you–"

"I don't need any help," James cut in.

"Yes, you do," Sirius argued. "Look, you have been there for me after every bloody fight I've had with my parents. Even when you couldn't understand where I was coming from, you were there. And I'm trying to do the same for you, Prongs, but I can't because you don't tell me anything. You don't tell anyone anything!"

"Because there's nothing to tell," James countered.

"Prongs, I can't help you if you won't let me," Sirius said shortly. "I've done this evasive, little 'there-is-no-problem' bit enough times to recognize when someone else is doing it, okay? It's not healthy– and you should know that. You've watched me do it enough times. Honestly, have you looked in a mirror lately? You hardly look like yourself. You look sicker than Moony does. There is something _wrong_ whether you're going to admit to it or not."

James sighed. "Padfoot, listen to me," he said evenly. "There is no problem, and if there was you'd be the first one I'd go to for help. You're my best friend, you know that. I've just been a little off lately, but there's nothing to worry about."

Sirius just stared at him, disbelief evident in his eyes.

"C'mon, it's freezing outside," James. "Lets get to Hog's Head and get something to drink. My treat."

Sirius followed James and Peter (who had seen it best to stay out of his friends' argument) to Hog's Head. He didn't say a word, but he knew that this was hardly the last row he and James would have over this.

**oOoOo**

Luckily for Lily, her day was going far better than either James's or Sirius's. After she and Fabian left Honeydukes–where they had wasted quite a bit of time taste-testing every free sample of candy they could find and arguing over which flavors were better– they attempted to have a romantic stroll through Hogsmeade, which turned out more comical than romantic because neither of them could walk more than three feet without bumping into someone they knew or being knocked over by rambunctious third years. Eventually, they gave up and headed into the nearest building– which happened to be the Post Office. They spent the rest of the morning huddled in the corner and amusing themselves by making up stories about the people who came in to send mail.

"Her name is Collette," Lily said, studying a large witch who had just stepped up to the front counter. "And she is sending a letter to her–"

"Bulgarian lover," Fabian cut in quickly. "Named Ivano."

"Ivano, the Bulgarian lover?" Lily questioned. "And how did a British woman get a Bulgarian lover?"

"Her name is Collette," he answered. "I believe she's French."

"Okay, so how did a French woman acquire a Bulgarian lover?"

"All French women have Bulgarian lovers," he stated.

"And you're an expert on French women, I suppose?"

"And their Bulgarian lovers, yes."

Lily laughed. "Anyway," she said deliberately. "Collette is sending a letter to Ivano, the Bulgarian Lover, to express her undying affection and devotion for him."

"Unfortunately, the owl–named Zeke– is going to be intercepted and her confession of undying love will never reach Ivano, and he will move on to more expressive French women–or even Bulgarian ones," Fabian elaborated and waggled his eyebrows.

"Why is it then whenever I try to tell a nice little love story, you have to sweep right in and make it a tragedy?" she demanded, trying to stifle her giggling.

"Because that is the way this romance business usually turns out, mon cheiri," Fabian declared. "Now, how about we leave this humble abode and grab a bite to eat? It's going on one-thirty, and I'm starting to get hungry."

"Sounds great," Lily said, allowing Fabian to take her hand and lead her out into the cold.

They maintained a daft sort of banter as they meandered through the crowds of students to make their way to the Three Broomsticks. They were discussing the utter pointlessness of foul weather when Lily heard her name called out. She turned around, her hand still encased in Fabian's, and saw Alice, arm-in-arm with Frank Longbottom, hurrying to meet up with her.

"How's it going?" she asked when she and Frank had caught up. The look in her eyes told Lily, though, that she was really enquiring after her date.

"Marvelously," she answered, grinning broadly.

Alice laughed. "I see all your sweater buttons are still intact," she observed.

"Of course, they are. Why wouldn't they be?" Lily retorted. Frank and Fabian exchanged a confused glance.

"I'm not going to ask," Fabian muttered.

"It's probably safest that way," Frank responded.

"Oh, introductions!" Alice exclaimed. "Frank, this is Fabian Prewett. Fabian, this is my boyfriend, Frank Longbottom."

Frank studied Fabian closely before he smiled. "You're Gid's little brother, aren't you?"

He laughed. "That's me," he said with an air suggesting that he got that comment a lot.

"How's he been doing lately?" Frank asked. "We shared a dormitory for seven years, but I haven't heard from him in months."

"He's doing really well. He's working on some experimental magic operations for the Ministry, so he's been busy with that, but he really enjoys it," he answered.

"Here's an idea," Lily said, looking from Frank, to Fabian, to Alice. "Fabian and I were going to swing by the Three Broomsticks for a bite to eat, why don't you two come along?"

"Sounds great to me," Alice answered. She turned to Frank with a question in her eyes.

"I'm game," Frank responded.

"Great. Let's go," Lily said with a broad smile. The two young couples continued their trek through the cold to the pub. As Fabian and Frank discussed the latest quidditch game, Alice and Lily teased each other about how well their dates were getting along. They were nearly at the Three Broomsticks when something caught Frank's eye.

"Isn't that blond girl over there your one friend, Alice?" he asked, pointing to a blond figure that was trudging up High Street back towards the castle.

"That definitely looks like Athena," she said.

Lily turned to look for herself. She shook her head. "It can't be her, though," she said. "She and Remus were supposed to meet up at noon."

"No, it has to be her," Alice argued. "She's wearing those jeans I always borrow from her." She turned to Frank. "Do you mind if we go see what's going on?"

"By all means," Frank said and Fabian nodded in agreement.

Lily and Alice hurried to catch up with Athena and called out her name to get her attention. It wasn't until they were nearly on top of her that she turned around. Her skin was pale, her nose red, and her eyes bloodshot.

"Oh, Athena," Alice started sympathetically. "What's wrong?"

Athena sniffed and shook her head. "Nothing," she muttered.

"Where's Remus?" Lily asked.

Athena winced.

"Did he break up with you?" Alice asked, feeling her blood start to boil at the thought of anyone mistreating her friend.

A bitter laugh escaped Athena's lips. "Well, it would be rather difficult for him to break up with me if he never showed up in the first place," she muttered darkly

Lily's green eyes widened. "Are you serious?"

Athena nodded.

"That little cad!" Alice exclaimed.

"He's not late or anything?" Lily asked.

"No one is two hours late for a date, Lily," she said. "He stood me up."

"That's really not like him."

"Well, maybe that's because he's a cad!" Alice repeated. "I swear, I am going to hex his scrawny little arse into oblivion when I see him next."

Lily shot her a look that suggested she wasn't helping. "Are you going to be okay?"

She shrugged. "I'm just going up to the castle to wallow in chocolate."

"You know, we were on our way to the Three Broomsticks," Lily said. "Why don't you come along to take your mind off of things? I'm sure Fabian and Frank won't mind."

She shook her head. "I just want to be alone for a bit," she said quietly.

"Okay," Lily said, stepping forward and giving her distraught friend a hug. "Try not to dwell on things too much. We'll come up and check on you when we get back, all right?"

"That's fine," she said. "I'll see you later." She turned her back on her friends and continued to trudge down the street.

Both Alice and Lily stared after her. "Lousy, little cad," Alice muttered under her breath before turning back to go back to Frank.

* * *

**Second Author's Note:** I'm taking the time to warn you all now, so LISTEN! From this point on, I will be incoperating information from Deathly Hallows as often as I can. In other words-- THERE WILL BE SPOILERS! So, be kind to yourself, and don't spoil the ending for yourself by reading fanfiction. I mean, as this story is set in the past, a lot of major plot spoilers won't be addressed, but I did discover quite a bit of backstory that I love.

Anyway, I hope to get the next chapter online soon--I've had this chapter planned out for a LONG time and I have some lovely stuff to tie in now!

Delano


	21. Confessions

Author's Warning: In an attempt to get this out before Christmas, this chapter has not been proffread and edited as well as other chapters before. Please make allowances for my (hopefully) occasional typos and glaring gramatical or plot errors

* * *

Remus stepped into the Great Hall and was greeted with usual clamor of students and silverware. It always surprised him how the hospital wing could be so quiet in comparison to _this_. He spotted Sirius and Peter in their usual spot at the Gryffindor table and hurried to meet them.

"Where's James?" he asked as he sat down across from Sirius and helped himself to a plate of scrambled eggs.

"Library," Sirius answered. "He's trying to finish that Transfiguration essay."

"The one due in twenty minutes?"

"The very same," he said, taking a bite of toast. "He woke up about ten minutes ago and realized he hadn't even started it– and McGonagall's been a bit testy about his lack of completed homework lately."

"Funny how she gets like that," Remus muttered sarcastically. He glanced down the table, trying to catch sight of Athena.

"She's not here," Peter said, watching him. "She hasn't been at meals all weekend."

"That's odd," he mused, still looking at the group of fifth year girls at the other end of the table. "I didn't see her in the hospital wing, so she's not sick."

Sirius shrugged. "Maybe she's having girl issues, or something."

"Girls issues?" Remus repeated, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, girls are always taking days off because they're having mood swings and whatnot. That's probably all this is."

"Since when have girls done that?"

"Since always."

"And how exactly do you know?"

Sirius smirked. "Moony," he said, pressing one hand to his chest. "I am an expert on the opposite sex."

"So why can't you keep a girlfriend for more than three weeks?" Remus queried as Peter sniggered into his pumpkin juice.

"Vicious, Moony. Absolutely vicious," Sirius said. He glanced down the table and chuckled to himself. "Speaking of vicious," he muttered.

"What?" Remus asked earnestly.

"Well, if looks could kill, then Alice would be digging your grave right now," Sirius said, still smirking.

Remus and Peter both glanced down the table again. Sure enough, Alice Green was glaring at Remus with a fury that would make weaker men tremble. "Merlin, Moony, what'd you do?" Peter asked.

"I didn't do anything," Remus said, looking away.

"You obviously did something, mate," Sirius said. "Girls don't look at their friend's boyfriend like that for no reason."

"I was in the hospital all weekend. What could I have done?"

Sirius shook his head morosely. "Only time will tell," he said. "Chances are you missed your three and two-third months anniversary."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Maybe your girlfriends are that petty, Sirius, but Athena is not."

"Whatever you say mate," he said. His voice was drowned out by the sound of owls flooding into the Great Hall. "Post is here," he mused absently.

A tawny barn owl soared overhead, before gently descending and dropping a copy of the _Prophet_ in Remus's bowl of oatmeal. Sirius looked at him skeptically. "Since when do you get the newspaper?" he asked.

Remus shrugged. "My dad sends it along whenever there's big news," he answered. He pulled the paper out of his breakfast and scraped off the oatmeal.

"You know," Sirius mused. "Sometimes, I wish my dad would send me things– but then I remember I hate my dad, and suddenly it ceases to matter."

Peter chortled, but Remus was immersed in the newspaper. He swore under his breath.

Sirius's eyes trained on him. "What?"

He handed the paper to Sirius. "That's what," he said darkly.

**Massacre in Diagon Alley Claims Lives of Innocent Wizards**

Sirius swore and quickly scanned the article for details. _At least ten lives claimed . . . Believed to be the work of You-Know-Who and his followers . . .A tragedy reminiscent of the murders during Grindewald's rise . . .Maybe connected to the death of Auror Jared Potter and the disappearances of the Stalwarts and the Abbots. . . Ministry advises caution . . ._ Sirius couldn't believe it. A massacre? In Diagon Alley? It was unthinkable. He looked around the Great Hall. Quite a few of the older students were huddled close to each other and, undoubtedly, discussing the latest news. The younger students were completely oblivious. He snuck a glance at the Slytherin table. The older Slytherins, the ones– he was sure– who were in on the illicit activities, were all wearing smug and proud expressions, as though they had done something to be proud of.

Peter, who had been studying the article over Sirius's shoulder, looked up. "So, do we tell James about this?" he asked timidly.

Sirius rounded on him. "Why wouldn't we tell him?"

"Peter's got a valid point," Remus said. "It might be wise to keep this from him–for the meantime, at least. His temper's been so unstable . . ."

"You're talking like he's gone mental," Sirius snapped.

"I'm just saying that he seems to get upset by things that remind him of Jared," Remus defended. "These attacks are going to be a very real, very painful reminder of what happened to his family."

"Well, if you're so worried about _upsetting_ him," Sirius said derisively. "Then he should hear this from us! This will be all over the school by nightfall. If he doesn't hear it from us, then he'll hear it from someone that he won't mind hexing into next year."

Remus sighed. "I think it would be best," he started, studying Sirius's grim expression. "If we wait until we can get James by himself to clue him in. We can do it tonight, or even this afternoon. But I think that if he's just with us, then he won't–"

"Go loony?" Sirius asked. His voice was hard and cold. "Is that what you were implying, Remus?"

"I was doing no such thing, Sirius," he said. "James is my friend, too. In case you've forgotten. I don't want to see him get in anymore trouble."

"Fine," Sirius said with an air of frustration, but he didn't further push the subject.

They caught up with James later in the afternoon, and in the privacy of the dormitory they casually talked about current events. As predicted, when James heard about the Diagon Alley Massacre, his temper flared. He ranted at his friends for nearly a quarter of the hour, complaining about the lack of government action and the barbaric notions of Death Eaters who saw fit to destroy families. Sirius, Remus, and Peter sat and watched as James raved. None of them knew what else to do but sit and wait for the fit of temper to pass. Eventually, though, it did, and James retreated back into the reserved and irritable shell he had adopted over the past two months.

The next few days passed uneventfully. The news of the massacre had spread with alarming speed in the school, and Sirius noticed that several students were pulled out of school for funerals. James's temper had subsided some after his outburst in the dormitory and only caused minimal trouble and only when it was unavoidable. Meanwhile, Remus, much to his frustration, continued to be ignored by Athena and her friends. Even Lily had given him little more than a passing greeting in the halls when he tried to question her about what was going on. He couldn't think for the life of him what he could have done to upset her so much, and it was beginning to wear his patience down. It wasn't until Thursday during Ancient Runes that he managed to talk some information out of her.

They were working on another translation–which was increasingly difficult as Lily was unwilling to say more than five words to him. Finally, he sighed heavily, set his quill down, closed his book, and looked at Lily. "Look," he said. "I know you're upset with me on Athena's behalf, but this is really frustrating. Would you talk to me, please?"

Lily sighed and looked up at him. "I can't pretend that you didn't bring this upon yourself, Remus," she said. Her tone was weary.

He stared at her, not understanding what she was talking about.

"I mean, really, I was shocked about what you did," she continued. "I thought you were more considerate than that. If you couldn't show, then you should have told her."

_Couldn't show?_ "Lily, I don't know what you're talking about. Would you at least tell me what I did wrong?"

Lily's eyes widened. "You mean you don't remember?" He shook his head. "I told Alice that you must've forgotten, but she seemed pretty keen on believing that you did it on purpose."

"Did _what_?"

"Hogsmeade," Lily answered, as though that one word explained everything.

Remus stared, still not comprehending. "I know there's a Hogsmeade trip this weekend, but what has that got to do with anything?" he said. "Surely she can't be upset with me for something that hasn't even happened yet."

Lily blinked. "Oh," she whispered.

"Oh, what?"

"Remus, the Hogsmeade trip was this past weekend, not this coming weekend," she said gently.

"Oh, bugger."

"You got the dates confused?"

He nodded dismally. "And I was ill all weekend, so I didn't know otherwise."

"Well," Lily suggested, "I think the best course of action now would be to go explain to her. Granted, you might want to be sure Alice isn't around, because she's been planning on hexing you for hurting Athena. And you might want to explain soon, because she's really upset."

After dinner, Remus, Sirius, and Peter had gathered in the common room and Remus explained why Athena was angry at him. Sirius chortled when the situation was explained, saying that it wasn't like Remus to forget things so easily and that he must be losing touch with reality. When Remus said that he wanted to tell Athena the truth behind his absence, though, he was less than amiable. His protective streak kicked in and he rattled off reasons after reasons that Athena should not be told, but Remus wouldn't hear of them.

"My mind is made up," he explained. "I'm sick of lying to her. So, I'm going to tell her whether you like it or not."

Sirius refused to say another word on the matter, which was just as well, because Remus would have refused to hear it. Remus stood as soon as he saw Athena come in through the portrait hole. He was pleased to see that she was alone. Mustering some amount of courage, he called her name across the common rom.

She turned to look at him. "What do you want, Remus?" she asked. Her voice was cold and bitter.

"A chance to explain and apologize," he said, ignoring the many eyes of students that were focused on him and Athena.

"Well, I don't want to hear it," she snapped. "I've had enough of your bloody excuses."

"Athena, please," he said. "Ten minutes, that's all I ask."

"Fine," she said.

He strode to her, grabbed her hand, and led her up to his dormitory. He knew he was going to have to tell her the truth and the idea scared him. He closed the door behind them and leaned on it for support as Athena sat down.

"The clock is ticking, Remus," she said.

He took a deep breath. "Before I say anything," he started, "I need you to swear that you won't breathe a word of this to anyone else–not even Lily."

"Remus, what are you–"

"Please," he added. "You probably won't want to talk to me after I tell you this, but I have to be sure you won't tell anyone. If this gets in the wrong hands, I could get thrown out of school."

"Fine, I swear," she said.

He nodded and looked away. "I really don't know how to say this," he began nervously. "I've never _told_ anyone before. I mean, James, Sirius, and Peter know, but they guessed and told _me _they knew."

"Remus, get on with it," Athena interrupted.

"Right," he said. He took a deep breath. "There's really no way to say this easily– I'm a werewolf. I have been since I was a kid. that's why I'm always missing classes– I have to leave school so I don't hurt anyone during full moons." He paused just long enough to breathe.

"I'll– I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore. I don't blame you. It's perfectly acceptable and, you know, understandable. I've been completely horrid to you. I've lied to you and tricked you into dating a monster, really."

"Remus–" Athena tried.

"I should have never led you on like this. I'm so sorry if I've hurt you in any way. I'm such a coward– I've thought about telling you a hundred times, but I could never do it. It's just being with you has made me feel normal, and that almost never happens. Because I'm not normal, not in the least. It was completely ridiculous for me to think that I could do this. I've been such a cad. If you want to break up, its fine. I understand. You don't have to worry about hurting me– I hurt you first."

"Remus!"

"I probably deserve it, even! What am I talking about– of course I deserve it. I really am sorry, Athena. I never meant to hurt you, honestly. I just– I really like you, and I didn't want you to hate me because of this. And I–"

His tirade was suddenly cut short when Athena's lips pressed against his own. His eyes widened as she deepened the kiss– their first kiss. He was stunned. He never imagined this would happen when he told her the truth. She placed her hands on either side of his face and slowly pulled away. She looked him straight in the eye.

"Remus John Lupin. I do not hate you. I don't think I could _ever_ hate you. You had every right to keep that secret from me, and I apologize that I forced you to tell me."

He blinked. "I don't understand."

"Remus, I know some people might scream and run away, but I'm not one of them," she said. "So, you're a werewolf. From what I can gather, you've been one for at least as long as I've known you, and that hasn't effected the person that you are. You are one of the most gentle and caring and generous people I have ever met– werewolf or not! You're obviously not a crazy, mass-murdering, baby-eating, wild-man, so why should your–werewolf-ish-ness come between us?"

"But– but I lied to you, Athena," he said. "You deserve someone who isn't willing to base your entire relationship on lies!"

"I hardly think the entire relationship has been based on lies."

He was at a loss for words, and had to settle for a mere shake of his head.

She grabbed his wrist and pulled him over to sit on the bed next to her. "I understand why you lied to me," she said. "And I will admit that I'm a little hurt that you didn't trust me enough to tell me, but I understand. Just because you kept this from me doesn't mean our relationship is just a pile of lies." She paused a moment and studied his face. "Look, do you like me?"

"Y-yes, of course I do," he stammered.

"And I like you. Thus the basis of our relationship. Now, was any of that a lie?"

He smirked. "Assuming that you weren't lying to me, than no, it wasn't a lie."

She grinned. "See? Problem solved!"

"I'm glad," he said. He looked down, then looked back into her eyes. "Thank you for understanding."

"I hope you know that I want to understand more," she said.

He raised one eyebrow in question.

"I feel like there's a whole part of you that I never knew before, and I want to know_ all_ of you, Remus."

"Like what? You're making me sound a lot more interesting than I really am."

"Like . . . things! You said you've been a werewolf since you were a kid?" she prompted. "What's that been like for you? How old were you when you were bitten anyway?"

"I was bit a few months after my fourth birthday," he answered. "I don't really remember what it's like to _not _be a werewolf."

"When you were four?" she asked, astonished. "Do you know who it was, who bit you? Did you ever catch him?"

He hesitated for a moment. He had only found out that Greyback had bit him just before his fourth year, and even then, he always thought his parents had accidently let it slip. He hadn't even told his friends about the circumstance of his bite.

"You don't have to answer anything you don't want to, Remus," she said quickly, sensing his apprehension. "I don't want to put you on the spot."

He shook his head. "No, I just prefer not to think about that night when I don't have to," he said. "We never caught who it was. My parents were more concerned with getting me to St. Mungo's than catching whoever it was who bit me," he supplied evasively. It wasn't quite a lie, but it wasn't the truth, either.

She nodded. "Well, what do your parents think about all this?"

"I couldn't ask for better parents, to be honest," he said with a slight smile. "They've been there for me through everything– through every full moon, and every trip to the Ministry or St. Mungo's. I've heard of parents abandoning their children or having them . . . put down like dogs when they were bit."

"That's horrible!"

"Trust me, I know." He shrugged. "When you think about how our world views werewolves, though, it's not that surprising. I mean, if Dumbledore hadn't become headmaster when he did, I wouldn't be here at school at all. We were all a little shocked when he offered me a place in school. As far as I know, I'm the only werewolf to ever attend Hogwarts. Most people don't think I deserve the chance to be here."

"For what it's worth, I think you deserve to be here– far more than some, I can tell you that," Athena said. She took his hand in hers. "And I'm glad you're here. You make my life far more interesting."

Remus ducked his head and tried to fight the blush that was threatening to overcome him.

"So, what's the worst part, if you don't mind me asking," she asked, smiling at him.

"The worst," he started, carefully avoiding her eyes, "would have to be the feeling that I can't tell anyone, that I have to bear this alone, that I can't be normal. I'm always afraid that I'll hurt someone, and I couldn't live with myself after that. It's just. . . hard all around, I guess."

Athena leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder, trying to show him her silent support. "And the best part?"

Remus laughed and turned to look at her. "There's a best part?" he said, smiling. "Please, tell me what it is." Athena laughed hesitantly, not expecting such a sudden change in behavior. "I guess the best part would be the things I've learned from this all. Patience, perseverance, how to trust in my friends. Who I am has been dictated by what I am, and I'd be a different person if I hadn't had to learn to cope with this."

"That was deep," Athena said with a dramatic sniff, trying to suppress a grin.

"I bear my soul to you, and you mock me?" he teased, leaning in close. "What sort of lesson does that teach me?"

She leaned in and kissed him chastely on the lips. "That bearing your soul to me will get you a kiss."

"Hmm," he mused. "Maybe I should do that more often, then."

"I wouldn't complain," she giggled. She pulled back. "Now, as much as I adore your company, I'm supposed to be helping Alice with her Potions essay, so I need to be leaving now, but I'll see you later tonight?"

"Without a doubt."

With one last kiss, she left. She hurried down to the common room, trying to sort through her thoughts. She felt horrible about forcing Remus to tell her such a daunting secret, but at the same time, she was immensely relieved to know what was behind all his disappearances and excuses. Her thoughts were interrupted by Sirius, who was standing at the bottom of the boys staircase, and looking quite intimidating.

"He told you?" he asked coldly.

She nodded.

"Everything?"

"Everything," she confirmed

He stared at her, judging her. "I just want you to be aware, that if you use this information to hurt him, or if you so much as breathe a word of this to anyone, I will not hesitate to retaliate. Remus has enough on his plate without you going and telling the entire school. He wouldn't blame you if you did, but I would, and you don't want that. Don't abuse his trust, you hear me?"

"I don't have any intentions of telling anyone, Sirius," Athena said calmly. "He told me in the strictest confidence, and I'm not going to betray that. You don't have to worry about me."

"Good."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Lily strolled into the library, chewing her lip and trying to organize her thoughts for three different essays. She scanned the room for an empty table, but the place was packed. She should have expected it– they were moving into March, and teachers were starting to crack down on the fifth and seventh to prepare them for their OWLs and NEWTs. Lily, however, really thought they were trying to induce nervous breakdowns. Lily was about to resign herself to sitting on the floor between bookshelves when she saw a familiar head of black hair hunched over several books and a roll of parchment on the far side of the library. Smiling to herself, she hurried to his table.

"Hey, Sev. Mind if I sit?"she asked. He looked up, almost in surprise that someone would address him.

"'Course not," he said, as if the answer should have been obvious.

Lily dumped her books on the table and took a seat. "I was about to sit on the floor before I saw you here," she said. "The place is packed!"

"Who knew the library was such a popular place?"

"I certainly didn't. What are you working on?"

"Three rolls of parchment for Arithmancy."

Lily grimaced in sympathy. "Not pleasant," she said. "And here I was worrying about finishing Slughorn's essay for tomorrow."

"Oh, yes, because Potions is just so challenging."

She gave him a mock-glare, and they lapsed into a comfortable silence. Lily was aware of the strange looks other students in the library were giving them, but she didn't mind. In fact, she had grown used to them. After all, their friendship was undoubtedly the most controversial in the school. Even her friends didn't understand why she still spoke with him, and she knew his friends were probably more confused than hers were. But at times like this, when they were alone, and their other friends were not hovering over their shoulders, watching their every move, and they could just relax and just be friends, reminded Lily why they never severed the relationship.

She looked up when she heard Severus groan and she found a frown tug at her lips. James Potter, looking as forlorn as ever, had just stepped into the library. Lily looked at her friend across from her. "Be civil," she warned. She knew more than to tell him to 'be nice' but she really didn't want Sev to start a fight in the library and get them both kicked out.

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Oh, come on. Civility isn't too much to ask," she said. "Just ignore him. I mean, I'm not expecting you to invite him to tea. Just don't goad him."

"I goad him?" Severus hissed, leaning in across the table to be heard clearer.

"From what I've heard lately, yes, you do," she asserted. "Look, I know you two can't stand each other, but he's obviously going through some hard times right now. He doesn't need you making things worse on him."

He simply stared at Lily with and odd expression on his face. "Do mine ears deceive me, or are you actually sticking up for Potter?"

"You know I think he's an arrogant berk," she reminded Severus. "But he's an arrogant berk that lost his older brother and is naturally upset. I can't condone actions that just make this harder for him."

"Oh, but it's okay for him to make my life miserable?"

Lily sighed and brushed a strand of her hair out of her face. "In case you've forgotten, I have never condoned his actions either. But I've heard the things your friends have said to him lately, telling him that his brother deserved to die. That's really just cruel, and even you can't deny that."

Severus opened his mouth to retort but a resounding crash from the other side of the library stopped him. Caught in the midst of their discussion, neither Lily nor Severus had noticed James and the three seventh year Slytherins who had been conversing with him. Each of the Slytherins wore a similar sneer on their face as they stared after James, who looked livid, as he stormed out of the library, leaving an overturned table in his wake. By the time James had slammed the door to the library with a deafening _thud_ behind him, the library erupted in whispers. Lily looked at Severus with leveled eyes.

"This is exactly what I was talking about," she hissed.

"That fight could have been about anything," Snape retorted.

"But you know it was about his brother."

"You can't prove that. Lucius, Dolohov, and Amycus could have been going on about anything. He's so bloody temperamental that everything sets him off."

Lily pursed her lips in an entirely Petunia-ish way, but didn't push the argument further. Following her lead, Severus turned back to his essay, annoyed that James Potter, of all people, had caused an argument between them.

"Oy, Evans!"

Lily grimaced at the familiar voice and a smirk tugged at Severus's lips. She turned to look over her shoulder and was not surprised to see Sirius coming towards her, making enough noise on his way to disturb the entire library.

"What d'you want, Black?" she asked, eye brows raised.

"What happened to the table?" he asked, nodding Madam Pince who was now setting the table upright with her wand.

Severus cut in before Lily could open her mouth. "Potter did," he sneered. "Knocked it over and stormed out of here."

Sirius's eyes grew cold. "How long ago?"

"No longer than a minute, I suppose," Lily shrugged.

He swore under his breath and sprinted out of the library

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

The icy rain pelted his skin through his robes and numbed his body. James hovered over fifty feet above the pitch, shaking slightly from a mixture of anger and cold. Not for the first time he found the cruel taunts about his brother to be too much and retreated to the one place he was sure no one would follow him. After all, who else was crazy to go flying in this torrential winter storm? He desperately wished that the rain would numb his mind as well as the rest of him. Thinking, remembering was far too painful. He closed his eyes, trying to keep back pain that lanced at his heart. When he opened his eyes, he was surprised to see another shape flying towards him at high speeds. He rubbed at his glasses, trying to clear the rain from them, and looked closer.

Padfoot.

He should have known.

Sirius pulled up alongside him, riding a broom that James recognized as Athena's. He didn't say anything, but merely floated beside him. James could feel Sirius's eyes on him, and slowly he felt the defenses he had built up since Christmas crack under this invisible pressure.

After at least ten minutes, he spoke.

"I can't do this anymore, Padfoot," he whispered, not daring to look at Sirius.

"You can't do what anymore?"

"This," James said gesturing vaguely before him. "I can't keep pretending that I'm okay."

"Prongs, I hate to break it you," Sirius said gently, "but none of us ever thought that you were okay to begin with."

A strangle laugh caught in James's throat. "Have I been that obvious?"

"Well, yeah. You hardly eat anymore, and I don't think you've slept for more than a few hours a night in weeks. I mean, you were always an insomniac, but this has been pushing it. Remus, Peter, and I have been worried about you."

"I didn't want you to worry," James said. "I didn't want anyone to worry. That's what started all this. I had to be strong for my parents. They were both devastated, especially Mum. I mean, losing a brother isn't nearly as bad as losing a son, right? But it just hurt so much that I could hardly function. So, I tried just ignoring it, avoiding it, in hopes that it would get easier. Only it didn't."

Sirius's stomach tightened. The pain in James's voice was almost tangible. "You never had to pretend for us– or your parents, for that matter. Honestly, this . . . charade you've been trying to pull off has made us worry even more. I'm surprised you haven't had a complete breakdown by now."

A twisted smile that resembled a grimace crept across James face. "But I have– several times actually. I just always have made sure that no one was around." Suddenly he turned to face Sirius. "You know, there have been days when I want nothing more than just to sleep for months, but I'm too afraid to."

"Afraid?"

"Every time I close my eyes, Sirius," James said earnestly, suddenly eager to get everything off his mind, "I can see him. And it hurts so much to see him and know that he's not really there. I can't bear the sight of him knowing that he's really gone, that I can never talk to him. It used to e that I just saw him in my dreams, but now I see him everywhere. Flashes of memories I wish I didn't ave, reminding me constantly of what I don't have anymore. And every time I look in the mirror, its his face I see. You have no idea how maddening it is, Sirius. I feel like I'm losing touch with reality. I can't take it anymore! I can't do this on my own."

Sirius paused and chose his words carefully.

"You know, I feel like I've been a fairly lousy friend these last two months. I've wanted to help you more than you can even know, Prongs, I just haven't known how. And it kills me inside to know that you've been in all this pain. But I want you to know, I've always considered you to be my brother. You are, really, in every way except blood. And I would give anything to make this easier for you, but I can't really think of anything to do but be here for you. And I'm sorry you thought you had to do this on your own. I guess I just didn't make myself clear enough."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Sirius. I always knew you were there . . . but you have your own issues. I just didn't feel that it was right for me to put more pressure on you."

"Stop talking."

"What?"

"Stop talking. Honestly, James, when did you develop Moony's martyr complex? I haven't heard such nonsense since he told us that he thought we'd betray his secret to everyone when we found out about him. I thought you would have been sensible enough to realize that this is what friends, what _brothers_, do for each other. I want you to be completely honest with me for a minute. If mine and Jared's places had been switched – if I had died in some freak potions accident– would you have even hesitated to turn to Jared for comfort or companionship or anything?"

"No."

"Well, I want it to be the same way between us. You can count on me for anything, James. Just like I've always been able to depend on you."

"You promise?" James said meekly.

Sirius's lips twitched. "I solemnly swear."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Juliana Potter absently flipped through the morning's post. The numbness that had set in over the holidays had yet to fade. In fact, if anything, the numbness had grown worse. Her eyes set upon a letter addressed from Minerva McGonagall and she sighed. She had requested that Minerva keep her updated on James's behavior, and Minerva had done a stunning job. Juliana received weekly updates documenting James's strange behavior and his numerous fights and detentions. Her worry over her youngest was wearing on her. She was unable to comfort her baby when he was obviously in distress, and it was tearing at her heart. She secretly feared that the loss of her oldest would bring about a loss in her youngest.

Her mind registered vaguely that the letter was early. Normally she received her letters from Minerva on Sundays, but it was only Saturday. She wondered if something had happened to James, and tore the letter open.

_Dear Juliana,_

_I feel obligated to inform you that last night, four hours after curfew, your son was caught in the company of Sirius Black trying to force their way into the Slytherin common room with a bag of dungbombs and two bags of Filibuster's Fireworks. Both James and Sirius are being dealt with accordingly by the rules of the school, but I thought it was important that you be informed of his actions as well, that you may deal with him as you see fit as well._

_Sincerely, as always,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

_Head of Gryffindor_

_P.S. I think we have him back, Juliana. When Mr. Filch brought him to my office, he was happier than I had seen him in months. Rest at ease, he's out of the shadows._

Juliana clutched the letter to her heart and cried.

* * *

Author's Note: So, I really thought that I would have that done a lot sooner than I did. Sorry. Marching Band season is over now, so hopefully I should have more time to write. I won't make any promises, though, because whenever I do, I just end up breaking them. I will try and have the next chapter up in a speedy manner, though.

Much Love,

Delano


End file.
